A/N: Looks around to see if anyone is still here...
I know it's been forever and a day since I updated and I'm super sorry...
I need to thank my beta lexiecullen17 for jumping in & beta'ing as soon as I let her know it was done.
Twilight belongs to SM...I just play with her characters.
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BPOV
I could hear Edward rummaging around my kitchen in his hunt for snack food. Checking myself in the mirror, I could see that my face still held a rosy complexion from the shower's steam and that my tangled hair was not going to be tamed with any quick fix-hence, the small jar of hair bands atop the counter for just this situation.
With my hair pulled back and off my neck, I stepped into the living room , ready for a few hours of semi-pornographic vampire watching. Instead, I was met with a Edward, whose face was contorted into a mask of concentration, all of which was directed at the blank screen on the television.
"What's wrong, Edward?" The hesitancy in my voice sounded too much like a small child questioning an apparently upset adult. Shit, shit, shit...he's changed his mind about me.
His head snapped up, and a lovely smile spread across his face. "Honestly?" I nodded at him to continue. "I don't think I can be alone with you and keep to my earlier idea of getting to really know you."
My inner perv, aka my vagina, screamed out in joy. I knew the lust dance and tassels would work in our favor. Geez, that bitch really needed to get some so she could stop acting all wide-eyed crazy. Sadly, all my brain could commute to my mouth was a pitiful, "Oh, really?"
His smart-assed smirk was back as he looked me up and down. "Yes, really. So I thought I'd go home..."
In his pause I could feel my ego deflate and my whole body turn in on itself in a slump. I was so busy berating myself that I almost didn't hear him finish his sentence.
"...go home and get changed, so that I can take you out on a proper date."
Now it was his turn to look skeptical and unsure. I'm positive that my dying fish routine-of open close mouth-didn't help to soothe him.
"A proper date?" I repeated to no one. "I think I like that idea. Do I get a say in where we're going?"
The smug bastard that had just made a hasty exit stage left was back in the spotlight. "Not a chance. I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up?"
In an effort to make him worry, I hesitated on accepting. Unfortunately his face told me that he knew I was bluffing. "Fine, but at least give me an idea on what I should wear."
"Whatever you want. Nothing too fancy or your pajamas."
"So, a tee shirt and panties would be undressed?"
"Fuck me, Bella," he hissed.
"I've been trying to, but we'll do it your way. I'll be ready when you get back." I smirked and watched as his eyes grew a darker shade of lovely green, then kissed him on the cheek and opened the door for him to go get ready.
Yes, two can play at that game.
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Twenty minutes after the front door had been closed, I was still standing in front of my closet. There wasn't one thing in there that I could decide on, well more like focus on. All I could think about were orgasms and penises that weren't allowed to come out and play.
Huffing out my frustration, I decided that I should probably try and fix my hair while it was still semi-damp from my shower. Even there, I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to style it. It had been so long since I'd gone out on a date where I wanted to really, really impress the guy. Impress, seduce...tomato, to-mat-to...interchangeable, really.
Figuring how I wore my hair up at work, and work is mainly where I lived, I decided that wearing it down was the way to go in my hunt for being sexy. Really? Did you just think that in a weird Steve Irwin voice?
Ugh, sexual frustration could possibly cause me to lose my mind and have internal arguments, thinking my woman parts are about to revolt. Vive le vagina, bitch.
Now who's talking in crappy imitation accents? Shaking my head, I walked into the bathroom, quietly talking to myself. "Yup, I'm losing my mind."
Looking at my sink and the surrounding counter only confirmed that thought. For a brief second, my curling iron looked very much like a long silver cock. My hand shot to the bridge of my nose and then rubbed the image from my eyes.
My lust evidently got the memo to start fucking around because all of a sudden my toothbrush started looking like one of those anal dildos and my lipsticks were varying shades of magic bullets. And the sheer fact that I picked up the shiny silver cock and began curling my hair around it told me I was officially as mad as the hatter.
With "magic bullet chrome red" applied to my lips, I strolled back to my closet. The television caught my attention. I was positive the damned thing just spouted out "Billy's got the beef you need. Come on over for the cock out and shaved party!"
I almost tripped on the corner of the carpet as I snatched the remote off the couch and hit the rewind button. Thank heavens for DVR service. When I had made sure I was far enough back, I hit play.
"Billy's got the beef you need. Come on over for the cook out and gate party." There were dancing footballs and hot dogs on the screen.
"Jesus Christ, Bella, get your shit together," I spat at myself before dropping the remote in favor of the telephone. There was really only one person I could call in this situation who wouldn't think I was balls out crazy. Shit, even my rants were starting to involve male body parts.
The phone had barely rung through once when she picked up. "Tell me everything," Alice said as she picked up. Damned perky pip-squeak acted like she knew I was going to call.
What other choice did I have? She'd probably find out about it anyway...
"Oh, Alice. He's wonderful and he wants to take me on a date, so now I'm running around the house and seeing inappropriate things...everywhere. And I don't even know what I should wear!"
There. Band aid ripped off in one quick pull.
Aaaaand, silence. What the fuck? I had spilled my guts in a very unlike me kind of way, and I got silence?
"Alice?" I questioned the white noise on the other end.
"Hold on. I was trying to not to burst from what you just dropped on me." A quiet high-pitched giggle escaped her. "Are you telling me the guy who owns a pleasure shop - and is essentially a bringer of pleasure - is torturing you by withholding pleasure?"
"Yes. But wait. How did you get all that out of, 'He wants to take me on a date?'"
"Oh, ye of little faith, Bella. I'm wise beyond your years. That and the fact that he specializes in sex and you're not in some sling hanging from your ceiling but trying to get ready for a date can only mean he's withholding."
"How do you know I'm not the one making him wait?"
"Bella, darling, have you seen Edward?" I gasped, thinking of what she just insinuated. "Hey, I'm not saying you're puppy kibble, but I've seen you step into the hospital without so much as a glance at anything with a dick."
"Fine," I huffed as I plopped down on the couch. "Help me, please?"
"Okay. When you say you're seeing inappropriate things all over, what exactly do you mean?"
For a moment, I couldn't bring myself to say it, but then remembered how desperate I was and just who I was speaking to. "I mean, I keep seeing dildos, vibrators and penises whenever I look at things."
"Mhm, just what I thought. Bella, you have Phallus Flu."
"Phallus Flu?"
"Yes, of course. You have sex on the brain so much so that you're seeing it everywhere. There's a cure of course...you need to get off," Alice stated in what I would call a very effective doctorial tone.
"I can't get off the phone! You haven't helped me yet," I spat out, realizing halfway through my sentence what she'd actually meant. "Never mind. I get it."
"After that happens, you'll have a clear enough mind to pick out your clothes. And Bella, the orgasm is a great accessory for a date," Alice added in that same air of authority.
"Huh?" I answered, ever the vigilant student.
"It'll give your face a really pretty glow. Bye, doll. Knock him off his feet." With that, she left me sputtering, unintelligently into the phone.
"Well, hell," I said as I placed the phone in its cradle and eyed my bedroom warily.
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Surprisingly enough, just the thought of Edward's hands on my body was enough to create the ebb tides of orgasms rolling through me. I didn't even get the chance to turn on my purple rascally rabbit.
As my muscles began to relax, I rolled to my side and caught sight of the clock. Edward was going to be back at my apartment soon. Between the indecision, Alice's phone call, and the solo quickie...time was speeding by.
In a hurry, I found a cute knee length skirt-it had a those pleats along the waist so that if I actually went all Sound-Of-Music-twirling it would flutter around me. I paired it with a shirt that showed what little curves I had and some ballet flats.
As I'd glanced between the sparkly black flats and the sexy Jimmy Choos lying in my closet, my mind flashed to my almost falling face first into Edward's crotch and decided to leave the sexy sling backs for another night.
Just as the heel of my foot slid into the shoe, I heard the intercom buzzing, announcing Edward's arrival.
My heart began pumping faster as the thought of him, a date, and romance struggled to run its course through my head. It was such an overwhelming, joyous thought that by the time I reached the door to buzz him in I burst into girlish giggles.
Edward looked like one of those guys in the Old Spice commercials. He had tried to slick his hair back, but there were strands breaking free as if his fingers had danced their way through them.
His light-weight plaid shirt had the sleeves rolled just below the elbow-the top and bottom button both left undone, and the jeans that hung low on his hips gave me mental images that would make a sailor blush, even after a six month stint out at sea.
"Wow, Bella, you look nice." Edward rushed the words out all in one exhale of breath. I could only focus on the movement of muscles under his shirt.
Instead of being a polite hostess, I mentally became a vulgar perv who had ripped every shred of clothing from him in an effort to molest his beautiful body. Those thoughts caused me to slam the door behind myself as I barely stepped into the hallway and ended up brushing myself against said fantasized frame.
"So, where are you taking me?" I asked in an unsteady but hopefully excited voice. In my own ears I sounded frantic and anxious, though, like I'd just run a triathlon.
Edward didn't step away from me when he noticed that every breath either of us took caused my chest to brush against his toned stomach. Instead, he just smiled a cute lopsided grin and wound his arm across my lower back.
"If I told you..." He leaned in close to my face. "What fun would that be?" I could practically feel his words on my lips. My eyes closed involuntarily, and then...nothing.
I peeked one eye open to see a wicked smirk in place and his face pulled back from mine. Damned slick bastard knew I'd been waiting to be kissed. As we started toward the elevator, I wondered if my panties would survive this date or if the heat he was giving off would incinerate them completely.
With a quick rub of my thighs, to ensure said panties had not disappeared, and a prayer to God to make it through the night, I stepped into the elevator and held my breath as the doors closed us in together.
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A/N: So where do you think he's taking her?
I love y'all for sticking through this with me. You can always hit me up on twitter il_bel_mondo