Notes from the drawing table: The following story is 100% silliness and parody. The title just popped into my head (or is it "popped out of my head"?) while I was walking down to the coffee shop yesterday morning. I couldn't stop saying it so I had to attach a story.
I thought I could tell it in 500 words (my goal...write one complete story that is only 500 words!) but it ballooned to way over 2000. It also was no longer silly or at all fun. It was dark and harsh. I edited today and cut it down and tried to make it lighter. Hope it worked.
DISCLAIMER: ******* (!)
'GIBBY' GIBSON: HALL COP!
The varsity jacket wearing jock looked at his two friends and pointed to the boy who was trying to make his get-away.
"Go get him"!
The boys took off running after the fleeing kid.
One was dressed in a black leather jacket and ripped blue jeans while the other was preppy to the max in his sharply creased chinos and sweater vest with powder blue checks.
"You better stop running, you little weirdo or we're gonna make it worse for you," the 'Prep' shouted down the hallway.
"Yeah, dork – time to pay the piper," the leather jacket wearing 'Bully' barked.
It was no use. The chunky, shirtless kid knew there was no way he could outrun them. He crashed wearily into the corner and turned to face the music.
"This is no way to begin the first day of school," he thought.
Each bully grabbed one of the victim's doughy sausage arms and held him against the lockers. The pretty-boy jock arrived and was greeted with high-fives from his two-man posse. They stepped back and let him take over.
A small crowd of gawking students gathered to watch.
"I told you that if you ran - I was going to make your life m i s e r a b l e. But – like all chubby little dorks, you thought you could get away. NOBODY gets away from . . . Chip Walker - Football Captain"!
"But . . . " the boy tried to argue.
"Shut up, geek," leather jacket cut him off.
"You better listen to Binky and shut your monkey face," added the 'Prep'.
"Yeah, pork chop, shut your doughnut hole before me and Chad shut it for -"
"Alright, you two morons - shut it. I can handle this."
Binky, the 'Bully', and Chad, the 'Prep', backed off and looked down at their shoes.
"Now, as I was saying nerd, I'm going to make your life here at Ridgeway a nightmare. If you see me in the hall, you better turn the other way because you don't deserve to look at the AWESOMENESS that is . . . Chip Walker – Football Captain"!
"Now hand over your lunch money d w e e b, before this gets ugly. Right, Bink"?
"Right, Chip"!
Binky inched forward and continued to yell at the trapped younger boy.
"And – you shirtless little wimp - if you try to dodge us - we will find you. If you try to run - we will catch you. Face it - you can't get away you nerdy . . . loser . . . w e i r d o . . . FREA ~ 'grrrk'"!
"E N O U G H"!
Binky felt the vice-like hand squeezing the back of his neck but couldn't pry it loose. He could only turn his head enough to see another enormous paw – a giant, meaty human paw, slam down on his right shoulder.
His next thought would be his last thought for many hours.
"Who . . . ? I'm . . . f l y i n g"?
Theodore Jasper Czerbinkowitz, 'Teddy Bear' to his Mommy, 'Binky' to his troublemaker friends - was Ridgeway's notorious tough guy. Not today. He hit the lockers (the TOP lockers mind you) fifteen feet across the hallway with a loud crash, then fell to the floor with an "oomph" - instantly boarding the train to ~D R E A M Y L A N D ~
["Nite Nite, Mommy." "Nite Nite, TeddyBear."]
Chad Foster Wallingford - preppy and practical - had no nicknames. He was just plain Chad to family and friends alike. Something else Chad did not have and that was a 'spine'. He didn't mind doing a bit of 'bullying' as long as the kid was smaller or unable to fight back. This was shaping up to be – not that.
Mouth agape, he looked over at Binky piled in a messy heap on the floor.
("What kind of a kid can toss a high school senior all the way across a fifteen foot wide hallway – in the air? Does Big Foot go to school here? I'm so out"!)
Chad shouldn't have wondered about anything. He should have just run as fast as his preppy little legs could carry him. Hesitating was a B I G M I S T A K E .
"How you doin'"?
Chad turned to the voice and stared in disbelief at the behemoth who was now looming over him.
("Oh-my-God - this kid is huge. How you doin? I'm scared outa my mind - that's how I'm doin'. Dude - please don't kill me. Pretty please"?)
"W-Who"? Chad croaked meekly.
"I'm GIBBY," was the menacing reply.
The mountain-of-a-boy grabbed the petrified 'Prep' and put him in a 'reverse headlock'. He reached under the back of Chad's chinos, grabbed the waistband of his underwear and yanked. Gibby yanked that waistband until the powder blue underwear reached over Chad's spineless, preppy head.
Some who were there that day swear they saw smoke.
Gibby casually released Chad, who dropped to the floor and curled up into a weeping, moaning ball.
Now all eyes were on Chip – especially the bulging orbs of one Charles Cornelius Gibson.
"You're next," he growled.
"Gibson? G-Gibby, old buddy. Uh… I h-heard you transferred to a d-different school. You're b-back."
"You heard wrong, Chip. I'm here – and you're mine."
Gibby reached out, grabbed a handful of precious varsity jacket, then leaned down in to the jock with all his weight, getting nose-to-nose. Chip's knees buckled, not so much from the enormous weight but from the breath, fetid and foul, emanating from his rival's mouth.
"G-Gibby – please b-bro – "
"Can it, turd."
"You see that," Gibby said pointing to Chad on the floor, "that was just a 'Texas Wedgie'. You don't even want to know what a "Cyclone Wedgie" is."
"Listen to me good, Chip. I am not going to repeat it. Get this through your thick … numb … s k u l l. You will come to school. You will go to class. You will go to practice. Then you will go home. You will NOT lay a finger on anyone. You are gonna be a perfect . . . little . . . a n g e l. The entire year. You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down"?
Chip mumbled a barely audible "uh huh."
"If you don't – I'll know about it," Gibby continued.
"I have 'eyes' that will see – I have 'ears' that will hear - and I have 'mouths' that will talk."
Gibby glanced across the hallway at three senior girls who were leaning on the lockers near Binky's slumbering body. The diminutive blonde seemed more interested in chomping on a piece of beef jerky. The redhead was watching intently, like she was recording every detail for future playback. The slender brunette smiled at Gibby with a look of admiration.
"This is my school and these are my hallways, Chip. Remember that. Remember ME. Remember Them. But most-of-all . . . remember HIM," he said, pointing to the wide-eyed freshman 'victim' who had not budged.
"He . . . is MY PEOPLE."
Gibby stood up straight but did not let go of Chip's jacket.
"Oh yeah, one more thing, Chip – you're gonna have to start remembering - after you wake up."
Gibby jerked Chip completely off his feet by his lapels. He spun once then heaved him along the same flight-path Binky used just four minutes earlier. Carly, Sam and Wendy stepped casually out of the way, allowing the human projectile to crash unimpeded into the top lockers.
It was lights out for Chip. He came to rest half on top of his buddy.
"Sweet dreams - losers," Sam said while discarding her empty beef jerky wrapper on the unconscious bullies.
"You ok kid," Gibby asked the still shaking boy.
"Y-yes. Yeah, I t-think so," he replied, looking up at the biggest person he could ever remember seeing.
"You got a name bud – or a shirt" ?
"Billy. Billy Caplan. All my friends call me 'Capper'. The shirt - I don't know about the shirt - sometimes I want to take it off. It just feels – right."
"Yeah, kid – I get that."
"Uh - G-Gibby? Thanks for helping. That was awesome."
"No problem, shrimp. It was my pleasure."
"Why? You don't even know me. Why would you help a kid – like me"?
"Because, kid- that's what I do. I know what it's like to be – misunderstood. So I try my best to help out when I can. To stand up for the kids who can't stand up for themselves – the smaller kids – the weaker kids – the helpless kids - the weird kids. Especially – the weird kids."
"I do it because I want to – because I have to. I do it because nobody else can."
"I do it because I'm – 'GIBBY' GIBSON – HALL COP"!
Epilogue
"Ladies – come get some sugar from The Gibster."
The three girls crowded around their enormous friend to receive hugs. At six-foot six, Gibby was more than a foot taller than the girls were.
"That was so sweet of you to help that poor kid, Gibby. I can't wait to tell the girls on the field hockey team how cool you were."
"Thanks, Wendy. I'm glad I could help the little dude out."
"Aw Gib – who's the most awesome weird kid at Ridgeway High School"? Carly asked while she gave Gibby another hug, unable to reach all the way around his massive frame.
"G i b b a a a y," he replied with a huge smile, both thumbs pointing back to himself.
"So Gib – how you been? We didn't see much of you this summer. What are you up to now – about three-hundred"? Sam asked, lightly punching him in the stomach.
"Yeah Sam . . . about 300. Or maybe – 3 . . . 02. " He chuckled and gave the little blonde a wink. "Where is Freddy, anyway"?
"Alright ladies, The Gibster has had a busy morning. I will see you in class."
"But first," he continued in a low tone, mouth covered so only the three girls could hear:
"I gotta run to my locker before homeroom. Forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Sure hope no one noticed."
end
under the table: I debated whether or not to add the epilogue. Yes? No? Just wanted to get the jokes in! I hope I succussfully made this little tale kind of fun. Certainly far-fetched.
Trying to describe the giving of a wedgie was difficult. The word "mouths" looks odd after proofing over and over. My grammar check let me down a bit even after I rechecked all the settings. The formatting on FF is also stubborn.
Feedback always much appreciated...see y'all !
DTaC.