oh uh... things are getting a little rough for our Roza! lets cross fingers for her and check out what's going on!!
Later that day I was like a robot. I went to my classes, ate lunch, and went off to practice with Dimitri. All I could think of is what happened with Jesse and how the spirit's effects took over me. During our running session, and combat sessions he didn't say anything. He knew I was thinking about it, but not wanting to even mention it. Although, I noticed how eyed me once in a while, and his face screamed concern for me.
At the end of practice I assured him I was okay, and not to worry about anything. I was positive he knew these words were empty words. And that made him worry even more.
As I walked to my dorm I got a few stares and whispers. Rumors spread around here faster than a strigoi running in a marathon. As usual. But I didn't care, as usual. Lissa looked worried at lunch, and I know she knew that I was looking for her, and couldn't find her last night. Through our bond I could sense her guiltiness, so I had to assure her as well that everything was fine, and not to worry about anything.
When I got to my room I didn't feel like doing anything, so I took a shower, wore my pajamas, and went to bed. I fell asleep pretty quickly, and recognized the unnatural dream.
"Ugh! Adrian! What part of 'leave me alone!' do you NOT understand?? 'cause you obviously need some help!" we were in a garden, which was pretty besides the fact that the sky was completely black.
"I need some help?" I'm not gonna lie… he looked pretty mad. "Because obviously something is wrong with you! Since you don't talk, don't eat, don't drink, or do anything that is Rose-like." He thought for half a second. "Hell with Rose-like! Not even human-like!"
"Human-like?" I am a Dhampir after all. I'm no human.
"Rose. You know exactly what I mean." And I did know what he means. "So either you answer me now, or it will be raining on you, not me, I won't let you go."
"And you are threatening me with rain?" I said. He gave me that face –'Rose stop playing around and trying to change the subject 'cause you know it's not gonna help'.
"Look! I just don't wanna talk about this! I have to put up with this crap in reality and now when I'm dreaming too?! Leave. Me. Alone."
"Sorry little Dhampir. But no. your aura is so freakin' dark!" he pointed towards the sky and said "It's darker than these clouds!"
"Well, I'm not the one who can auras! So how about you tell me what's going on?"
"I can't. I've never seen anything like this before." Obviously Adrian knows something…he might as well help me out. Even though I don't want to talk about this. I'm afraid it might bring that freaky mood again.
"Okay. Fine! But I'm keeping this tight and short because I'm tired of thinking, nonetheless, talking about this."
Adrian raised his hand in the "arrested" gesture "I'm all ears with no mouth." He said with a small grin.
I rolled my eyes. "I've been acting weird lately. Not being able to control myself, and when I'm angry I feel like wanna…" I took a deep breath. "Like I wanna kill somebody. Literally."
"So that's what happened with Jesse…" great. Rumors got to him too. I didn't answer and looked away.
"Keep going" he finally said.
"I have a theory. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm shadow kissed. Lissa is passes the spirit's effects to me through our bond."
"Oh… I've never actually though about this." He pointed to me, probably my extremely dark aura that I can't see. "But it makes perfect sense."
"Yep." Way to cheer me up, Adrian.
"I'm sorry" he abruptly said.
I looked up. "For what?"
"For making you talk about this. I though I could help. But I can't. And I wish I could."
"Yeah… me too." I murmured to myself.
And then I fell into black, relaxing background.
The next morning I felt like shit. This time I wasn't like a robot. I was an emotion machine. Lissa keeps practicing spirit with Adrian, so the effects aren't gonna get any better. Today I was depressed. After my dream with Adrian I apparently cried in my sleep. When I went to brush my teeth and take a shower, I saw my reflection. Crap! I didn't only feel like shit, but looked like shit too! Make up might help. But I have a slight chance of fooling Dimitri. And I greatly doubt it.
After shower I wore my only big training pants, that were gray and a black tank top. Okay, so I didn't feel like wearing bright colors or slutty outfits today. What can I do?
As I walked in the gym Dimitri noticed my clothes and my face and sighed.
"Rose, we have to talk." He said right away. No. there is no way I'm talking about this again. Not even with Dimitri.
"With all due respect, I really don't feel like talking about this. I've had enough from Adrian last night."
"Adrian? Last night?" he looked irritated.
"Yeah. He walked into my dream and didn't let me go back to sleep until I talked about this. So please. Not today."
"Okay." He understood right away.
We started running, and not to my surprise, today I ran unusually slow. Dimitri was nice enough to slow down to my pace. I also got about 30 blows and 20 kicks from him during our combat training. He realized what was going on. He didn't need me to explain it to him. He could see it on my face and sloppy moves. But he stayed loyal to my request and didn't say anything.
Until I broke down. He was about to give me another blow, but I ducked down (unintentionally) and I fell to my knees, my hands on my face. This was the first time I cried in front of Dimitri. I just cried and cried, feeling more alone than ever, even though I was wrapped in the arms of the man I loved. I'm not like this. I'm never this emotional, and if something is wrong, I always do my best to hide it. This time it wasn't me. Something inside of me just forced these feelings out of me.
"Shh… Roza. It's going to be okay. I'm going to figure this out and find a solution. I promise." His voice was soothing.
"I know. I just… just feel so alone, so depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. Nor think about anything. I just want to lie down and think about nothing. About black matter, and empty rooms. Empty words."
He hugged me even tighter, if that was possible and I sobbed into his neck. I really need to stop this. But I can't. I just have to let it all out, one way or another.
Finally Dimitri said I shouldn't go to my classes, and told me he will tell Kirova know that I'm not feeling well, and that he will stay and take care of me. I thanked him for that. I wouldn't be able to stand Lissa's reaction to this whole craziness.
Dimitri left me in my room and headed to Kirova. While I waited for him, I just sat on my bed, my chin on my hands, and my elbows on my knees. I was staring at the TV but seeing nothing. He came back after 20 minutes.
"Headmistress Kirova understands, and she gave me permission to stay with you for a little while." He said as he walked into the room.
"A little?" I asked in a small voice. He chuckled nervously, probably relieved that I still wanted him or something like that.
"If I'm gonna stay longer than the usual mentor is supposed to stay, she might start suspecting." He explained. Even with all this going on, he still kept our relationship free of danger. This is one of the reasons I love him.
The rest of the time we lied on my bed, wrapped around each other, while he whispered something extremely soothing in Russian. Being in his arms relaxed me very much. He was like my anti-dote for all this crap. I quickly fell asleep in his arms. Again.
oohhhhhhh... thats not so good... and its not gonna get any better.. but soon enough everything will be just fine!!
now REVIEW!! :)