A/N:…..I…..am…..horrible….I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A MILLION YEARS! :O I am so so so sorry! Life caught up, and…well fan fiction is really in the VERY back of my mind at the moment. I'm updating now, but I can't promise regular and fast updates. I'm sorry!
But I'm here for the moment so….Warning: I have 18 years to cover, so there will be some time skip-age going on. This chapter takes place two months after the breakup. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Here that? Absolutely nothing!
BPOV
I sighed as I slipped through the door to my dorm, my bag falling onto the floor with a dramatic thump. I had never been one to complain about school; it was just something that someone had to do if they wanted a future. I accepted that. I accepted getting up early, pushing through crowded hallways, enduring a loud cafeteria, and survived the homework with grace.
College sucks.
"That bad?" came Angela's voice as she walked out of the tiny kitchenette and into our living room. I just groaned in response and made my way to the couch. College is something entirely different. High school did nothing to prepare me for this. Angela sat next to me, folding her legs up underneath her. "It was only the first day, Bella."
"Yes, the ultimate first day. You forget, I know nothing about music!" I reminded her, glaring softly at my roommate. It was her fault I was here, majoring in something I had generally shied away from in the beginning. She rolled her eyes, unfazed at my glare, and shrugged.
"You love it." she stated, smiling at me. I sighed, silently wishing that Jessica had not forced us to do karaoke at her eighteenth birthday back in June.
Angela and I were sitting cross legged on her bed, a whole pile of University of Washington information in front of us. I sighed and picked up a flyer. College was a touchy thing at the moment. I didn't want to go right away, it would be so much better if I could wait a year and then just go with Jake. But…no one quite agreed with that.
Charlie had lectured me about how if I were to put it off now, I would keep putting it off until it was too late. Angela had said that she would support whatever I decided to do, but didn't hesitate to lay down a few statistics before me. Even Jake had joked about it, saying that he had always wanted to tell everyone he was dating a college girl. So now I was here, looking through U of W stuff with Angela, while waiting for the confirmation of my late acceptance to come in.
"You want to teach?" Angela asked me for confirmation. I nodded curtly, still slightly peeved at the whole thing. I don't know what drew me to the career, but…for some reason I could see myself as a teacher. "Okay…well what subject?"
That was the thing…I didn't know.
"History?" she asked. I was the youngest major in Texas, Jaspers voice immediately filled my thoughts. History…if I were to go anywhere near that subject, who knew how many times I would slip up. I shook my head.
"We both know you hate math, so that's out." she continued, scanning the list before her. "English? You were always so good at it." It isn't a love story, it's a hate story, Edwards melodic voice came to mind. I immediately shook my head, knowing that this subject would be too sore to even consider pursuing.
Angela pursed her lips. "Science?" she asked, doubt coloring her tone. He was healing at an incredible rate, though his injuries were extensive enough that it will be a few days before he is back to normal, Carlisle's reassuring tone entered my memory. Science would just remind me of him, his love of knowledge, science, and medicine.
"I don't think that's for me." I said, right as Angela's alarm started going off. She quickly reached for her phone and disabled the alarm, before sighing and pulling herself off the bed.
"We'll think of something, but for now…" a small smile spread on her face. "You and I have to get to Jessica's party." I groaned. Yes, I was happy that Jessica and I had been able to mend our friendship enough to where she would invite me to her eighteenth birthday party, but…I was selfish enough to want to spend time with Jake rather than her and Lauren. "I've spoken with Jake, and he says for you to go." Angela continued, triumphant that she had though through everything.
"When did you talk to Jake?" I asked her, shocked not only because she had managed to do this without me knowing, but also because he actually agreed with her!
"While you were in the bathroom earlier." she said, before grabbing my hand and pulling me up. "Come on, it'll be fun!"
…
Fun. Since when was karaoke considered fun? Jessica had dragged us and the rest of her large group of friends to a karaoke bar in Port Angeles, and we have had to listen to eleven people sing off key. In the time we have been here, the bar had begun emptying with one man actually booing Mike while he was on stage. Jessica didn't seem to notice though, I thought looking over at her, clapping excitedly as Lauren sauntered off the stage. As Lauren sat down, an air of haughtiness surrounding her, Jessica looked around her, before jumping and turning to me.
"You have to go Bella!" My eyes widened as I stared at Jessica.
"Umm, no that's okay." I said, shaking my head and taking a sip of my soda. I was not going to get up and make a fool of myself singing karaoke. Jessica pouted.
"For my birthday! Please Bella!" she begged me, clutching onto my arm. I made eye contact with Angela-who had been forced to go earlier-wondering what I should do. She shrugged and nodded toward the stage. Sighing, I nodded my head and pried Jess off of my arm and made my way onto the stage. I quickly looked at the list the DJ had, and chose the only song I knew well enough to sing to, grabbed the microphone, and patiently waited for him to play the CD, ignoring the sounds of Mike, Tyler, and Eric cat calling.
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone
I'm pretty sure I looked like a tomato as the music faded and I shakily placed the microphone back on the stand. I am not meant to go on stage and perform for anyone, and the silence that befell the bar proved that. I ducked my head and almost ran off stage, trying to avoid tripping. No one said anything to me as I quickly made my way out of the bar and outside.
Yeah, so that hadn't been the best idea in the world. I should never have given into Jessica's begging and gotten up and made a fool of myself. I heard the door open and shut, but I didn't turn to see who was exiting behind me. I took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the overwhelming embarrassment that was wracking through my system.
"Bella?" came Angela's voice. I opened my eyes and looked at my friend, hoping that she wasn't about to laugh at me. Instead, I saw something like awe in her face and a wide smile spreading. "I think we have found a subject for you."
Oh, if it hadn't been for that night, I would probably be a little happier in college. I wouldn't be taking a class I knew nothing about, and I certainly wouldn't be in in a class where the professor has already expressed her down right hatred of me. But Angela had to beg,, and plead, and point out that there was nowhere else I could go, and she insisted that I was a good singer. Now…here we are.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, Jake called while you were out." Angela said. I raised my eyebrows and immediately grabbed for my phone. Hmm…three missed calls… "He wanted to know if you were busy tonight…I said no….so, he's going to pick you up at seven." I smiled at my best friend before getting up.
"That gives me five hours to take a nap, unwind, get ready, and then see Jake." I informed, before dragging myself over to my side of the dorm and plopping on the bed. I heard Angela laugh at me.
"Well, Ben just got out of class as well, so we're going out for lunch." she informed before we said goodbye and she was out the door, leaving me to my thoughts.
College had been a bad idea, I knew it from the very beginning. It was too soon after altering my entire life to be sitting in a class full of people who knew for certain where they wanted to go in life. And I was two hours from Jake. I never noticed, while I was with Edward, that two hours away from Jacob would effect me so much. But it did. I found myself slipping into past habits, almost forgetting who it was I loved anymore. I would find myself opening the window before going to bed, before catching myself and closing it with more force than necessary.
But that was natural right?
I mean it's just like the saying 'old habits die hard'. I am the living proof of that, and that's okay. I know that I love Jacob with all of my heart, I know that I can and will be happy with him in my life.
But…being in that music room, in a place where I felt more connected with Edward than I have even been in the past two months… I probably could've been happy with him. If I hadn't been so intolerable about things…if Charlie hadn't even brought up another option… I could've been happy. Maybe not as happy as I am with Jake, but happy enough without hurting Edward.
I found myself leaning over the edge of my bed, and reaching under it, my hand blindly groping for the shoe box I had stowed under it. My fingers tightly grasped at the lid of the box, and I carefully pulled it out, switching into a sitting position. I cradled the black shoe box reverently in my lap, before lifting the lid off.
There was only one thing sitting in the box, pillowed in a blanket of tissues I had carefully folded for it's protection. The timeless ring that had once called my finger home, was now nestled in the middle of the box, its diamonds shining up at me with a sad smile. I wanted to return his mothers ring to him, but…I couldn't part with it. I don't know why I couldn't, some unseen force refused to allow me to part with the ring. So, instead, I made sure it was safe in this shoe box.
I didn't regret my decision. I loved Jacob and I was looking forward to many years with him, but…sometimes I wondered if the reason I couldn't part with the beautiful piece of jewelry was because…I wasn't meant to.
But that was just a silly thought, I realized, shaking my head and hiding the ring from sight again.
A/N: I know…I know…it's disjointed and badly written…but…five pages! After three months of writers block…that's pretty intense! Anywhoo, the song is Alone-Heart, and…I really hope I get some reviews (though I know I don't deserve them)