A/N: Hi everyone. I know that most people who follow my stories are gonna wanna kill me for my atrocious lack of updating... well anything for absolutely ages. And I could bore you all to death with excuses as to why I haven't updated. But I won't. All I will say is that I am so completely sorry, and I feel horrible and I know that I will be lucky if anyone reads, little on reviews any of my work. So as a start I decided to publish this little story that has been half finished on my hard drive for roughly 6 months. This is my second Castle fic. I am hoping dearly that everyone is in character, and that the story is not completely horrible. So please read and if you feel super generous you can review. All reviews, even flames. And feel free to let me know however it is you feel. So a huge thank you to anyone who reads this for taking the time. :) And an even bigger thank you to all the people who follow my works. I can't promise regular updates, but I can promise you that whatever I start I will finish. Even if that means it takes me years. I won't ever leave a story incomplete. So now after all of my ramblings read and (hopefully) enjoy. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters or setting affiliated with the show. I am however a huge fan just trying to do the show and wonderful characters some justice. I also don't own the Blue Day Book, but I recommend it highly to everyone. :)
Kate Beckett was having a horrible day.
The kind of horrible day that everyone has once in a while.
The one where everything seems to go wrong, not matter what you do.
These are known as Blue Days.
And Kate Beckett was definitely having one.
It had started with a three o'clock wake up, her cell phone's ringtone piercing through the relaxing escape that was her dream. After jotting down the address of the murdered body and ending the call she stumbled out of bed, and on her way to the bathroom crashed into her dresser. After muttering several profanities and cursing Dunn for destorying her old apartment she managed to find the bathroom. Kate then quickly undressed and turned on the shower, realising only after she had hopped in that she had forgotten to use the hot water. After several more profanities and adjusting the water temperature she managed to have a decent shower. After drying her hair she dressed quickly – having only a minor breakdown when she found her favourite shirt missing- and made her way back to the bathroom to do her makeup. The application of makeup went without hassel, however when she discovered that she didn't have time to straighten her hair she groaned in frustration, pinning back her curls and rushing back into the bedroom. Then putting on her mother's ring and her father's watch, she holstered her gun and grabbed her badge and purse before rushing out the door.
On the way to the crime scene she called Castle, notifying him of the murder. He promised to meet her there as quickly as possible and ended the call. Kate had allowed herself a smile then, discovering that the early hour must have impaired Castle's ability to make innapropriate gestures and comments. However when she glanced down at the dashboard her smile dissapeared, the Crown Vic was almost out of gas. Kate growled again and made a mental note to fill up the car on the way back to the precinct.
Upon arrival at the crime scene it was clear that this was not going to be an easy case. As Esposito would say this one was definitely "Beckett flavoured". The body was that of Chelsea Grace, a young postulant – "A postulant Castle! A trainee nun not a prostitute!"– who appeared to have been strangled with her own rosary beads. After examining the body and getting a probable COD from Lanie – asphyxiation – she and Castle made their way back to the car and headed to the precinct. However having him in the car proved to be a hazardous as Castle's chipper attitude and unrelenting questions and jokes caused Kate to once again begin fuming, which only encouraged Castle's actions further. Only after several threats to shoot him and allowing him to choose the radio station was she able to get him to shut up, however after twenty minutes of his music choice she was very tempted to go through with her threats and shoot him anyway.
After finally arriving at the precinct she had gotten straight to work and Castle, having noticed her sour mood, had rushed into the break room presumably to get her coffee. However when he came back she was sorely disappointed that no white cup bearing liquid gold was placed before her. When she questioned Castle about the lack of coffee she was met by a meek explanation that the espresso machine was broken. Upon hearing the news she rushed from her desk into the break room only to find that Castle had been telling the truth. After groaning in frustration – she had been doing that a lot today – she made her way back to her desk, before standing up and making a timeline of Chelsea's last hours.
The timeline was haphazard. There was little information to go on, and they hadn't been able to find out where she had been training as a nun. In addition Lanie couldn't give them any extra useful information about how Chelsea had died, and there were no witness reports. All in all the case couldn't be going any worse. The Captain had come out asking for answers when all the team had were questions, and was equally frustrated as them with the results. Just when it seemed that nothing could go right Ryan exclaimed that he had found the convent she was studying at. Beckett got the address off him and ordered him and Esposito to keep looking for her family, while she headed for the elevator, Castle in tow.
They had managed to reach the convent quickly and were immediately sent in to see the Reverand Mother and the Mistress of Postulants. They had told the odd partners about Chelsea's background- orphaned at sixteen she had lived with her alcoholic uncle before running away at the age of eighteen. She had then joined the convent and had been a model postulant, following the teachings of the church and Catholic faith devoutly. Neither nun knew why she had been out in the streets, and both agreed that there couldn't have been any outside relationships, not with how devoted she was to her faith. They offered their prayers before leading Beckett and Castle out of the study.
On the way back to the precinct Kate was feeling considerably better. They had a good idea of Chelsea's movements up until the last hour of her life, and they had an abusive, alcoholic uncle they could look into. Even better was that Castle wasn't being his normal obtrusive self, and he let her pick the radio station. All in all it seemed like the case was taking a turn for the better. Until they got caught in a huge traffic jam, Castle changed the radio station, and ten minutes away from the station the Crown Vic ran out of gas. Needless to say that by the time they arrived back at the precinct Kate was ready to shoot something- "Castle say one more thing and I will shoot you!"- so, in order to protect herself from the masses of paperwork that would be result from her shooting Castle, she headed down to the firing range to release some of the stress.
After half an hour of shooting motionless silhouettes Kate felt ready to return to the case. She was surprised to find Castle missing, but figuring she could get more done with him out, she headed back to work. An hour later and she was still nowhere. Ryan and Esposito hadn't had any luck with finding Chelsea's uncle, and Castle was still missing, with neither of the guys knowing where he had disappeared to. The day got brighter however when the smell of Chinese food wafted into the room, Castle bearing the salivating inducing food with a proud smile on his face. The four sat together and lunch went on without any screw ups. Then the Captain came asking for an update on the case- the only news being that she was only out of the convent for an hour before she died- that was the end of lunch and the hunt for Chelsea's killer was resumed.
Two hours later and they were still nowhere. Ryan and Esposito were back on the scene scouring everywhere for any witnesses who might have heard or seen something about Chelsea or her killer. Beckett was stuck in the precinct with Castle going over all the evidence they had available, but seeing as she was murdered in an alleyway in a desolate part of town, none of the evidence could be specifically linked to the case with any conviction. The lack of coffee was beginning to get to Kate so much so that she stormed into the break room and made herself some of the precinct's foul instant stuff. She sat back at her desk and began going through the evidence for the fifth time since lunch, all the while trying to force down the coffee- she reluctantly admitted to herself that Castle was right, the precinct coffee was revolting. Sometime during the next hour Castle disappeared again, this time returning with two cups of coffee which to Kate was the best thing that had happened all day.
Ryan and Esposito returned before four, with a dismal report. No one had heard or seen anything that was benefitial to the investigation in any way. The rosary beads had come back from CSU with no additional evidence, the only fingerprints on the beads had been Chelsea's. The group turned back to work, Ryan and Esposito once again searching for Chelsea's abusive uncle. It was almost seven when Esposito came forward with some news concerning Chelsea's uncle. He had been living in the same flat for some twenty years, and his place was situated not far from where Chelsea's body was found. As soon as the news was revealed Beckett was grabbing her things in order to head to his place. She was stopped by Esposito speaking again- "He died last month boss. Heart attack." Beckett slumped down upon hearing the news. With their prime suspect dead they were right back at square one, with no leads at all. Another hour of shifting through the same evidence with no results and the group decided to call it a night. They guys left quickly to get some rest for the next day, Beckett slowly packing up her things. Castle offered to take her to Remy's for dinner, but she turned him down, she was too tired to do anything more than go home and sleep, but she promised she would go when they solved the case. He made some joke before getting a cab to his place and leaving her to go home.
By the time Kate got home she was utterly exhausted. She had grabbed some greasy take out and had eaten it on her way home and now all she wanted to do was curl up on the couch and sleep. She had kicked off her shoes and was about to slump into the cushions when there was a knock on the door. Immediately paranoid- courtesy of Dunn- she drew her gun and slowly made her way to the door. Peering through the peep hole she saw a delivery guy and holstered her gun before opening the door. He asked the usual questions- "Kate Beckett? Sign here."- before giving her the package and departing down the hall. Kate slowly made her way to the couch, placing her gun on the coffee table. She unwrapped the package and a small square book fell into her hands.
"The Blue Day Book?" She slowly opened to the first page where a small note in familiar hand writing caught her eye.
KB,
Today looked like it was hard on you and I'm sorry for making it worse.
(Though you have to admit my music choice rocks!)
Anyway I thought you could use a little cheering up.
This book has helped me through some rough times,
and no matter how bad I feel I always come out better.
So I hope you enjoy it and feel better, and remember tomorrow's a new day.
You'll get this one KB- you always do.
Rick
Kate stared at the note for a few moments trying to absorb all the meanings behind Castle's simple message. She read it twice more, rolling her eyes about his music comment, before allowing a small smile to cross her visage. She turned to the first page and began reading.
Everybody has blue days.
The line was accompanied by a picture of a melancholy polar bear. Kate looked at it with sympathy before turning the page.
These are miserable days when you feel lousy,
grumpy,
lonely,
and utterly exhausted.
Each line was accompanied by a picture. A depressed bulldog, a hippo, a lonesome seal pup and a fatigued lion. The lines and their relevant picture were connecting with Kate, she had felt each of those terrible emotions at least once today.
Days when you feel small and insignificant,
when everything seems just out of reach.
You can't rise to the occasion.
Just getting started seems impossible.
Kate looked at the picture of the mouse, stretching as far as it could and she related completely. She was that mouse, reaching for the evidence that would help solve the case, but not getting there. Feeling more depressed about her inability to find more leads she turned the page and continued reading.
On blue days you can become paranoid that everyone is out to get you. (This is not always such a bad thing.)
Kate remebered her own actions mere minutes earlier, her gun lying on the table was testamony to that.
You feel frustrated and anxious,
which can induce a nail-biting frenzy
that can escalate into a triple-chocolate-mud-cake-eating frenzy in the blink of an eye!
Despite seeing the truth in the simple words before her, Kate couldn't help but laugh at the little chipmunk biting its nails in one picture, and then ballooned in the next. Feeling slightly better she turned the page.
On blue days you feel like you're floating in an ocean of sadness.
You're about to burst into tears at any moment and you don't even know why.
Kate's heart ached for the crying polar bear, and she felt the tears welling in her own eyes. She hastily rubbed her eyes turning the next page hoping for something to lift her spirits.
Ultimately, you feel like you're wandering through life without a purpose.
You're not sure how much longer you can hang on,
and you feel like shouting, "Will someone please shoot me!"
Though Kate wasn't feeling any of these things today she could still connect with the animal counterparts. There were times when she had felt that way- the first few years after her mother's death had been particularly difficult. She turned back to the book trying to see the positive outcome that Castle had alluded to.
It doesn't take much to bring on a blue day.
You might wake up not feeling or looking your best,
find some new wrinkles,
put on a little weight,
or get a huge pimple on your nose.
Kate smiled lightly. None of these were the reason for her 'blue day', however she remembered when these issues were life and death to her. A loose curl fell out of a pin, obscuring her vision, and she suddenly felt a connection with the warthog who didn't look its best. She irritably pushed the stray lock away and went back to reading the book.
You could forget your dates name
or have an embarrassing photograph published.
You might get dumped, divorced or fired,
make a fool of yourself in public,
be afflicted with a demeaning nickname,
or just have a plain old bad-hair day.
Kate laughed lightly and noted she now felt much more aligned to the waterlogged dog than the warthog.
Maybe work is a pain in the butt.
You're under major pressure to fill someone else's shoes,
your boss is picking on you,
and everyone in the office is driving you crazy.
Those few pages Kate was able to relate to more. Especially the last one with the insane looking dog. In fact how the dog looked was exactly how she felt after being stuck in the Crown Vic with Castle earlier that day. She giggled at the thought of Castle seeing her look like that, and continued on with the book.
You might have a splitting headache,
or a slipped disk,
bad breath,
a dodgy filling,
chronic gas,
dry lips,
or a nasty ingrown toenail.
None of those today.
Whatever the reason, you're convinced that someone up there doesn't like you.
Oh what to do, what to dooo?
The grumpy, thoughtful oragutan made Kate laugh again. She turned back to the book feeling slightly more positive about the outcome.
Well if you're like most people, you'll hide behind a flimsy belief that everything will sort itself out.
Then you'll spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, waiting for everything to go wrong all over again.
All the while becoming crusty and cynical
or a pathetic and snivelling victim.
Until you get so depressed that you lie down and beg the earth to swallow you up
or, even worse, become addicted to Billy Joel songs.
The crusty and cynical camel struck a chord with Kate. It made her think of all the times that Castle had told her to lighten up and enjoy life more. She growled slightly at this but couldn't help but laugh at the cat playing a minature piano.
This is crazy, because you're only young once
and you're never old twice.
Who knows what fantastic things are in store just around the corner?
After all, the world is full of amazing discoveries,
things you can't even imagine now.
A curious bear cub with it head in a pelicans mouth was to much for Kate to bear. She burst into peals of uncontrollable laughter, tears running down her face. She took a couple of minutes to compose herself before continuing, feeling infinately better.
There are delicious, happy sniffs
and scrumptious snacks to share.
Hey, you might end up fabulously rich
or even become a huge superstar (one day).
Her thoughts were taken back to Castle bringing in lunch for them, grabbing her coffee, and offering her a meal at Remy's. She felt herself smiling from the thought, and turned to the book trying to shake the warm feeling in her chest.
Sounds good, doesn't it?
But wait, there's more!
Kate grinned, turning the page.
There are handstands
and games to play
and yoga
and karaoke
and wild, crazy, bohemian dancing.
Kate laughed as she pictured the guys in the place of the three 'singing' zebras. The picture seemed a perfect comparisson between the two.
But best of all, there's romance.
Which means long dreamy stares,
whispering sweet nothings,
cuddles,
smooches,
more smooches,
and even more smooches,
Kate smiled softly at the images of animals romancing. The picture of the cows 'whispering sweet nothings' made her think of Castle, and his comment months ago about how she smelt of cherries. She automatically reached for a loose curl of hair that was resting against her ear and began twisting it slowly around her finger. When she realised what she was doing she stopped immediately and turned back to the book.
a frisky love bite or two,
and then well anything goes.
The pig and sheep were too much for Kate and she collapsed in a pile of giggles. She was laughing so hard that a small snort escaped her hold, and she didn't even care. After regaining some composure she steeled herself to make her way through the end of the book.
So how can you get that blissful "just sliding into a hot bubble bath" kind of feeling?
Knowing she was by herself Kate gave into her hidden childlike qualities.
"HOW?" She yelled falling into laughter once more.
It's easy.
First stop slinking away from all those nagging issues. It's time to face the music.
"Face the music? I can do that. Next?"
Now, just relax. Take some deep breaths (in through the nose and out through the mouth). Try to meditate if you can.
Or go for a walk to clear your head.
Kate copied the pose if the polar bear in the picture and began what her yoga instructor called 'soul breaths', feeling relaxed she continued with the book.
Accept the fact that you'll have to let go of some emotional baggage.
Try seeing things from a different perspective.
This advice had Kate thinking more about her mother's case and the subsequent emotional baggage. She knew she would have to let go. But she also knew she wasn't strong enough to do that. Not just yet. She fell into routine and kept reading, trying to distance herself from the pain she could feel surfacing.
Maybe you're actually the one at fault. If that's the case, be big enough to say you're sorry (it's never too late to do this).
She smiled as her thoughts were once again drawn back to Castle. Upon seeing the embracing polar bears and reading the inscription she had no doubt that he had needed a push in the right direction when it came to admitting his faults. However, knowing of his delay in apologising told her that it wasn't the influence of this book that caused him to admit his guilt, rather something else. She decided to put aside that mystery and finish the last few pages of the book.
If someone else is doing the wrong thing, stand up tall and say, "That's not right and I won't stand for it!" It's okay to be forceful.
(It's rarely okay to blow raspberries.)
She thought back to Castle's explanation of why he chose her as his inspiration. "Because you're tall. Now go in there and do your job." She smiled. He had been meaning more than just her height. She laughed lightly wondering how it had taken her this long to realise that he wasn't just trying to make her feel better, he really had been complimenting her.
Be proud of who you are,
but don't lose the ability to laugh at yourself.
(This is a lot easier when you associate with positive people.)
She smiled thinking of 'the gang' and all the laughs they'd had. Kate had to admit that with Castle pulling her pigtails she had definitely been laughing more.
Live every day as if it were your last, because one day it will be.
Don't be afraid to bite off more than you can chew.
Take big risks.
Never hang back. Get out there and go for it.
After all, isn't that what life is all about?
Kate smiled as she reread the suggestions from the last few pages, ticking off a checklist in her head. She always lived as if today were her last, she was a cop! Which meant danger and cases, like Chelsea's where she thought she had bitten off more than she could chew. Big risks were practically in her job description and she was always out going for it. But, the more she thought about it, the more she realised that she wasn't as adventurous and brave as her checklist led her to believe. Sure she was always taking risks, but they were work related. She couldn't remember the last time she took a personal risk, doing something absoultely crazy because she felt like it. Kate also knew that she was constantly sidestepping the biggest temptation and consequently biggest risk in her life. Only he would know to send her something like this, and still give her the space to think it over. She reread the pages and smiled to herself, clearing her internal checklist. She would try to check off each thing, without it relating to work. Besides life was all about risks, and Kate thought that she ought to start taking a few more.
She turned to the last page of the book and smiled. She would get through Chelsea's case, she would get through the next one and the one after that, and all the while she would start taking more chances in her personal life. Kate Beckett was tired of quiet. She wanted loud. Loud and spontaneous. She wanted change. She smiled running her hand over the photograph of the smiling frog.
After all isn't that what life is all about?
I think so too.