Turning the Table

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl

Summary: Principal Guiney finally snaps and gives Artemis a little taste of his own medicine

This councilor wasn't like the others. For one thing she was a she and for another she was young and very very attractive. She wore a well tailored Grey woolen suit that sat comfortably on her slim frame a pair of half moon glasses sat daintily half way down her nose and her chocolate brown tresses were tied back into a loose pun held together with a pencil. Not at all what Artemis had been expecting. But he wasn't about to let that put him off he was after all living proof that looks could be deceiving.

Artemis cleared his throat softly from the door way and the woman looked up from from her folder and smiled. Artemis faltered internally just a bit for this was not the 'I'm here to help you and be your friend smile' you would expect to see on the face of a school councilor this was pitying 'You're insane and you don't even know it' smile. And Artemis did not like it one bit.

"Artemis Fowl" The councilor said in a soft yet clipped voice.

"Is what it says on the folder you're holding" Artemis said entering the room and settling himself down on the arm chair opposing his latest victim in one fluid movement.

"Yes it is; that's why I said it" The councilor pushed her glasses up her nose and lowered the folder slightly.

"I am Louise Ingles of course you will refer to me as Doctor Ingles. And I am here because..."

"...my Mother insists I tolerate these useless sessions"

"Exactly. But don't worry you won't have to tolerate them for much longer I've read enough of your file to compile a diagnosis for you already" Doctor Ingles announced breezily Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really and what would that diagnosis be?"

"That you're a smug little prick who has an overinflated sense of self worth and finds the only way he can possibly get others to appreciate his supposed importance is to rub his intelligence in their faces...did I leave anything out?"

"Perhaps the part where I complain of your senseless treatment and coarseness towards me and get you fired" Artemis said cooly. He was truth be told a little bit put out by this woman's bluntness, he was so used to people tip toeing around him. Doctor Ingles calm expression dropped for just a second, she reached out and placed her hands on his wrists her eyes met his pleadingly.

"Oh please..." She said in a worried voice. Artemis allowed himself an internal smirk.

"Do" The doctor finished. The young genius blinked. What.

"I'm sorry?" He said out loud.

"Your remarkable intelligence has obviously left you too emotionally and socially stunted to realize this but I am a very attractive woman. And I don't think I can take much more of the Sexual harassment I've been subjected to day and night since coming here My pigeon hole is constantly bursting with love letters I can't walk down the hall without getting whistled at and the less said about the constant innuendo directed towards me the better. And that's just the teachers!"

"Well I..." Artemis paused whatever he had been about to say dying on his tongue. He tried again

"Are you..." but once again the words fizzled out. He didn't know what to do, obviously he didn't want to keep this woman around but he also wanted to make her miserable as possible, like he always did to the people who cut too close and she would be most miserable here. He needed time to think about this one. There were quite a few options and variables that needed exploring. Artemis glanced at his watch.

"You must excuse me now Doctor Ingles I feel the need to rub my intelligence in someones face." He said rising from his chair not nearly as fluidly as he had sunk into it and making his way to the door. Doctor Ingles made no effort to prevent him from leaving the room and all she called after him was.

"Please complain!"

Artemis frowned out in the hallway feeling ever so slightly put out. He managed to settle his features back into a cool mask of indifference as Principal Guiney passed him though.

Doctor Ingles was shuffling her papers when the Principal entered the room. He spread his arms wide.

"Francesca that was wonderful!" He announced Doctor Ingles beamed a wide toothy grin that looked characteristically out of place on a woman attired such as she.

"You really think so Uncle Mortimer?" She asked stepping into the hug.

"I feel kind of bad..."

"Oh don't worry you've just put the lad's nose a little out of joint he'll get over it this time tomorrow he'll be back to his usual smug self" Francesca nodded.

"Hey are you coming to Sunday Lunch this week Mum's promised to make Vinegar Pudding if you do" She said brightly. Principal Guiney smiled.

"You know how powerless I am to resist your mother's Vinegar pudding, I'll be there"

"Great I'll tell her to break the Silverwear out! Oh and did you hear I got a call back for an Audition! It's just a commercial but still I'm super excited!" Francesca said giving a little twirl.

"Well that's fantastic news tell me all about it" The Principal took a seat across from his neice.

"Well it's for a laundry powder..."

Two months later

Artemis Fowl entered Fowl Manor's informal lounge to retrieve the novel he had left there the previous night. Normally he would have read in the library or his own room but mother insisted the family spend their evenings together in the lounge. Whether or not they actually interacted with each other during this time was however a different story. Juliet was curled up on the sofa, pink polka dot socks sticking out from under her gangly legs and a bowl of roasted cashew nuts Juliet's snack of choice rested on the upholstery next to her.

"Hey Artemis" She called brightly turning her attention away from the B grade midday movie that was playing on the T.V as the commercials began.

"Hello Juliet" Artemis said making his way to the arm chair that had been 'his' chair for as long as he could remember. A cheery jingle began to play on the screen.

"I bought some of that stuff" Juliet said nodding towards the advert.

"It's great, especially for bloodstains and it's a fabric softener too!"

"Hmm?" Artemis spared the flatscreen a glance. On it a brown haired young woman was bemoaning make up stains on her favorite blouse then an animated box of laundry powder with a wide smiling cartoon face jumped down from the shelf above her to solve all her laundry problems.

Artemis frowned, he could swear he had seen that young woman before somewhere.

STORY NOTES

Clever little boy: I realise that Artemis is probably far too intelligent to fall for something like this.

Pigeon holes: I'm not sure if other countries have pigeon holes or if they are called something different there. Pigeon holes are basically cubby holes in the teachers lounge where notices and the like are left.

Vinegar Pudding: Vinegar pudding is one of the nicest things ever! It's taste is hard to describe it's kind of buttersctotchy but not quite. I think it's from South Africa and is named vinegar pudding because the recipe calls for a tablespoon of Vinegar but despite this it is incredibly sweet and rich.

Okay that's all for now I hope you enjoyed this little oneshot please feel free to reveiw I love to hear what people think of my work I accept critism just please be construcive and polite.

Ari Out!