The Parting Glass
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl. This chapter contains some content not suitable for those under the age of thirteen.
Summary: Just because Fairies can't drink Human alcohol doesn't mean Humans can't drink Fairy alcohol. Artemis and Holly don't really deal with their stay in Limbo. At least not as much as they'd have liked too.
"This Captain" Artemis fowl exclaimed holding up a small bottle "is far too sweet and won't do at all!" He placed the bottle back among a group of others on the stone bench he was leaning against.
" 's not too sweet you're tongue's jus' been ruined by too much mud" Holly protested liberating the bottle and taking a swig. Artemis selected another from the collection the elf had bought with her.
"What's this?" He asked. Holly peered at the label.
"You won't like it 's Goblin Fire Water burns like hell...hey tha's kinda funny"
"It is" Artemis agreed before removing the lid from the bottle and taking a large mouthful. He swallowed it quickly and almost immediately began wheezing.
"That's more like it" He said in a pained voice once he felt he could speak again tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. From her position next to him Holly giggled.
"I told you" She sing songed taking another sip from the sweet wine she was holding. Artemis coughed and put the bottle back on the bench blinding grabbing another one.
"Tha's a wine. Made from berries, my parents drank it at their wedding. 's popular at weddings. Traditional" Holly explained putting the sweet wine aside and taking the berry one out of Artemis' hands to take a mouthful.
"You're s'posed to keep it, for your hundred year anniversary. Only there's no anniversary anymore so it doesn't matter" She offered the bottle back to Artemis.
"Bottoms up Mud Boy"
"Mud Man Holly I am Eighteen now, if you want to be technical" Artemis said raising the bottle to his lips.
"Three years gone after all"
"Three years gone after all" Holly echoed toppling to the side to land cheek first into the grass of one of Fowl Manors immaculate lawns.
"World looks kinda funny like this; three years gone" She said Artemis 'Hmm'd' from somewhere beyond her line of vision.
"Foaly's gotten married, Trouble's the Com'nder. Lili Frond's a Princess" Holly giggled then stopped.
"Trouble can't be the Com'nder. Only Root can, 's cause of the cigars. But he's gone now and not jus' for three years" She mumbled into the grass rolling on to her back
" 'sides he's Trouble!"
"And Trouble can't be the Commander" Artemis said
" 'sactly!"
"Captain would I right in assuming that you are completely and totally drunk?" The raven haired youth peered down at Holly who nodded languidly.
"Completely and Totally" She said.
"Good I'd hate to be the odd one out" Artemis collapsed down beside her.
"My father said 'Sorry' you know" He said
"Said Sorry he'd disappeared but I didn't." He raised an arm and began to wave it about as if conducting an orchestra of stars.
"Don't think he minds though because..." Artemis paused.
"...can I tell you a secret Holly?"
The elf nodded
"I told my parents not to worry about where I'd been so I don't need to say sorry because they didn't really mind"
He turned onto his side
"Except that's a lie they really did"
He ran a finger along a blade of grass.
"And now I have brothers, brothers! What am I going to do with brothers!"
"Knowing you 'speriement on them. Trouble has a brother, so does Foaly Root had one too. Everyone has a brother except me" Holly said turning onto her side to face Artemis.
"Hey" She said "I've never seen my eyes when I've been drunk before, they look all shiny"
Artemis laughed and reached for the bottle of berry wine to pass to her taking a mouthful before he did.
"Yours are shiny too" Holly said accepting the bottle.
"Are they? I've never been drunk before, I've sampled alcohol but never consumed enough of it to get myself even close to tipsy. This is an entirely new experience for me. It's rather enjoyable. I'm not the least bit worried about anything! You have no idea how liberating that is" Artemis spread his arms wide on the ground.
"I don't even care that I've ruined this suit! Or that I'm in my garden at midnight being drunk with a Fairy and that's something I would usually care very deeply about. I still care about leaving my parents though" He frowned
"You know what the worst part is?" Holly asked suddenly " 's just us. You and me, we're the odd ones out here. The Demons all got to start anew but we had to come back to what we'd left behind" She took a large gulp of the berry wine.
"And no one gets that. 'cept you and me. You and me Arty it's always you and me"
"You and I and it is isn't it?"
" 's not so bad though. Cause I like you"
"I like you too" Artemis said.
"Sometimes I think I really like you" Holly giggled and Artemis did too. He wasn't really sure why though, he just all of a sudden felt like laughing. Well actually he really felt a little bit like crying but laughter seemed like a better option. Holly Sprung to her feet all of a sudden.
"A drinking song!" She exclaimed holding the bottle skywards. "We need a drinking song! Cause 's your first time being drunk. Do you know the one about the Gnome and the Swear Toad?" She asked Artemis rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbow shaking his head.
"How about 'Three Pixies in a Barrel' tha's a classic"
"Never heard of it"
" 'S easy you'll pick it up" And then Holly yanked him to his feet shakily and began to pull him around in a wonky circle singing at the top of her lungs in gnommish a very crude song about three Pixies who crawled into a wine barrel in a brothel to get a free peek at the girls but were discovered by the Madam. Artemis was only slightly shocked to find himself joining in at the third chorus. He had always known Alcohol would dull his sense of self but not to this extent and he had never even considered that he would be okay with it. He was almost sad when the song ended and he and Holly collapsed together on the grass slightly out of breath.
"Do you know any drinking songs, cause I can't seem to remember any more, there's the one about the Dwarf and his wife but I forget how the middle bit goes, 'cept the tune, remember that" Holly said.
"Well" Artemis said wondering how the stars could seem infinitely brighter and even closer when he was drunk than they did when he was sober and did Holly know she was shining?
"I would probably be called a disgrace to my country and have my citizenship revoked if I didn't know at least one drinking song. Do you know 'The Parting Glass' it's an old traditional one. It was sung at my Grandfather's funeral, it was a favorite of his, he always hummed it in his workshop" Artemis briefly wondered why he had only just remembered that now.
"Course I know it. 'S older than my parents" Holly said. She struggled into a half sitting position.
"Oh all the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I e'er done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all
Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And of all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They'd wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all"
Her voice cut high and clear across the crisp darkness before she toppled back onto the grass sleepily.
" 'S a nice song" She mumbled closing her eyes. Artemis nodded prying the bottle of berry wine from her tiny fingers to take the last few mouthfuls. He placed it back down next to Holly. Artemis felt tired too, a different sort of tired than he usually felt. This was the sort of tired that creeps into your bones and makes you heavy. He lay on his back and turned to the sleeping Holly
"If I had money enough to spend
And leisure time to sit awhile
There is a fair maid in this town
That sorely has my heart beguiled
Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips
She alone has my heart in thrall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all"
He kissed Holly on her cheek and closed his eyes.
Butler stumbled across the pair on his morning rounds. They were curled around each other covered with dew and stank of alcohol. He was instantly glad that Mr and Mrs Fowl were in London with the twins who were having grommets put in their ears. Briefly he wondered how Artemis had managed to sneak out of the manor without his knowing and how Holly had made it onto the grounds without setting off any of the security. Then he wondered how she had been able to do it carrying what seemed to be every alcohol known to fairy kind. Rows of glass bottles filled with interestingly coloured liquids lined the stone bench the pair were passed out in front of and there were even more lying around them. Butler sighed, he was getting far too old for this. Then he wondered if Juliet had left any of her annoyingly catchy pop C.D's at the manor.
Captain Holly Short awoke with a blinding headache that her magic refused to do anything about on a plastic waiting bench in the Tara passenger terminal. She groaned and put a hand to her head. What had happened to her? She remembered she had gone to visit Artemis but that was about it. She must have been some kind of tired, cradling her head Holly stood shakily and made her way to a Sim coffee kiosk. Oh how she needed Sim Coffee.
Artemis' awakening later that same day was not nearly as pleasant as Holly's.
STORY NOTES
Goblin Fire Water: This Fairy alcohol is based on an actual generic name given to any form of Portuguese liquor that is between 29 and 60 percent alcohol.
Eighteen: Eighteen is the legal drinking age in Ireland.
Brothers: While Foaly does have a nephew it is unclear if he his the offspring of a brother or a sister.
Drinking songs: The earliest records of drinking songs dates back to the dark ages but they've been around for a lot longer than that! Every country and culture have their own some carry across from country to country. Most are crude and filled with innuendo's
The Parting Glass: This is a traditional Irish drinking song and until 'Auld lang Syne' was written it was the most popular song in Ireland and Scotland. The Parting glass was generally sung at the end of a gathering of friends. If you want to hear it sung look up 'Cara Dillon the Parting Glass' on youtube. This version varies the lyrics a little but I always pictured Holly sounding like Cara Dillon. The version from 'Waking Ned Divine' is also really good
Anyway Happy New Year all!
Ari out!...and stop throwing rocks at my house or I'll call the police...oh you ARE the police.