FMA Quiz Show
Episode Four: Colonel's Secrets, Revealed
PoX's Note: I'm updating way too late on all my stories now. Sorry! I always completely forget about a story and then suddenly remember it one month later. Well, all these questions are based on the military, and so I thank Mew Phong for the whole ton of questions! So, yes, this whole chapter is based on all of Mew Phong's questions to the Colonel. I'm actually really tired because the holidays in Adelaide and KI were really tiring. Well, enjoy this story, FMA fans! And I hope you laugh your head off! And a note to the Gem Alchemist: Sorry for not asking you to edit a bit of the story. And don't ask me why I didn't ask you to edit it, OK?
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"It's finally the fourth episode of the FMA Quiz Show!" Mei cried to the audience. Xiao Mei took out a ribbon and started dancing around with it to show her excitement.
"According to all the palm cards for this episode," the host continued, "It's going to be hilarious! And the questions are coming from Mew Phong!" The audience cheered some more and Mei Chang shuffled the deck of palm cards. She took one out and read it to the crowd, "This question is from Mew Phong – obviously - and goes to... Colonel Roy Mustang!"
"WHAT?" someone in the backstage shouted. "HIM? Why him? Why the Colonel bastard?" And obviously, you must know that it was Ed who was shouting.
"Shut up, rice grain man!" Mei snapped. "Do you want all your fans to turn into your haters? If no, then keep quiet!"
Meanwhile, the Colonel was coming out of the curtains and into the spotlight in his military uniform. "Umm... hi," he said awkwardly to the audience. He was a bit nervous because he was about to confess his love to Lieutenant Riza when Mei announced that he was to answer questions.
"You have three questions waiting for you," Mei told him. "Are you ready?"
"Well, duh," Colonel Mustang replied, impatient to get this over with so that he could continue his love poem to Riza.
"OK," Mei said. "I'm quoting EXACTLY what Mew Phong said. It reads: 'Why the hufflepuff did you grow a moustache? It looks terrible on you.'" The crowd laughed their heads off as the Colonel flushed with embarrassment.
"First of all," the Colonel snapped, "it doesn't look ugly on me. It makes me look important, OK? And look; I shaved it off once the anime ended! So stop talking about my friggin' moustache, kapeesh?" He could hear Ed laughing backstage and added, "Once I'm finished, I'm going to fry some shrimp, so if you hear sizzling backstage, that's me burning a certain someone into ashes."
"Well, seeing that you looked like you were saying the truth," Mei replied, "then I guess you pass this question. Here's your cookie." She took out a choc-chip cookie from the cookie jar and showed it around to the audience.
"GASPERS!" That was Ed again. "I WANT THE COOKIE! GIVE IT TO ME!" The Fullmetal Alchemist ran onto the stage and pushed the Colonel aside. Mei quickly pulled her hand back before Ed could get his hands on it.
"No cookie for you, beanie!" she snapped.
"I don't care if you call me beanie; just give me the cookie!"
"Since when did you not care whether you were called small?"
"A while ago," Ed replied. "My addiction to cookies is very high right now, and so I wouldn't even notice if you started calling me small."
"Then does this work?" Mei asked. "Edward and Lan Fan sitting in a tree. K-I-S-"
"HOW DARE YOU?" Ed roared. "I HATE Lan Fan! She's like, the ugliest person in the whole wide world!"
"HOW DARE YOU?" That was Ling's voice. "Lan Fan is my bodyguard! No one insults my bodyguard like that! I mean, she might not look as nice –"
"HOW DARE YOU?" Now that was Lan Fan. "I'm pretty looking, OK? How dare you both think of me as ugly looking! I'll get you once this episode –"
"What's with the 'how dare you's', people?" Mei shouted. The Colonel was laughing while he ate his cookie. Ed stared at the cookie hungrily. "And yes, Lan Fan is pretty ugly. And Ling has eye issues, and Ed's got height issues. That's final. Now get off stage before I feed your fingers to Xiao Mei."
The three angry people left the stage, angry.
"Second question!" Mei continued on. "It reads, 'Had Riza not told you not to would you have preformed human transmutation?'"
"Well..." The Colonel hesitated. The truth is, he would have. And if he got the question wrong, then Riza would know and kill him, and then he was done for. But if he answered it truthfully, would she? And he could also laugh at the shrimp for not getting a cookie. Yes, that's what he'd do.
"I would've," Colonel Mustang answered bravely. "Because If Riza didn't look up, then I wouldn't have known that the chimeras and the others were there."
"Nice answer," Mei Chang replied. "I say CORRECT!"
The crowd cheered.
"Now, I'll give you your choc-chip cookie," Mei said, "but before that..." She glanced at the backstage area and asked, "Scar, can you stop Ed from getting onto the stage? Otherwise he'd ruin the show." Scar nodded reluctantly and pushed Ed aside, because the Fullmetal Alchemist was attempting to steal the cookie.
Mei handed the Colonel the cookie. "Here's your final question: 'Would you have killed Envy even though Riza threatened to kill you and herself?'"
"No."
"Hmm... CORRECT!" Mei declared. "Wow, Colonel! You got all three questions correct! Riza must be proud of you. Now go backstage and continue on with your love poem with Riza."
"OK... wait! How did you know that I was saying a love poem to Riza? And why did you announce it in public?" Colonel Mustang demanded.
"I just do," Mei replied. "Now, leave."
"What about my choc-chip cookie?"
"You had two already. Unless you want to get fat."
"Shut up! I'm leaving now." And he ran backstage.
"Now," Mei continued. "That concludes this week's episode. Have a good day!" Xiao Mei waved a Japanese flag and the credits rolled in.
Mei Chang = Awesome host of the FMA Quiz Show
Xiao Mei = Mei Chang's awesome finger-biting cat-panda
Colonel Roy Mustang = The Riza-lover and the answer-question pro
Loser Edward Elric = The Fullmetal bean that ruins the whole show and has height issues
Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye = The Roy-lover and the one who is good at sniping
Ling Yao = The idiot prince with eye issues
Lan Fan = The idiot prince's bodyguard who is extremely ugly
Scar = The awesome one who stops the Fullmetal bean from ruining the show
Thanks for watching this week's hilarious episode. Hope that you don't miss next week's! Goodbye for the week, fellow fans!
And the TV switched off.
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PoX's Note: Wow! I loved the credits, because I thought of that part quite carefully! Enjoyed it? I hope so. Now, I will try to update next week, and if I don't, shout at me through a PM, OK? No, don't do that! If a certain person sees angry fans PMing me, demanding why I'm not updating, then I'm dead. If you do send me a PM, it will either be feedback or a good comment. Not, "Why haven't you updated? If you don't update, I'll haunt you in your dreams! Muahaha!" No, not like that, OK? Well, I've got to go soon, so bye!