"I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright,
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home.
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life.
Go ahead with your own life,
Leave me alone."
-Billy Joel
Once I worked out most of my anger on innocent nature, I phased and ran like I told Nessie I was doing. Luckily, no one else was phasing at the time either. Jacob told me how we could hear each others every thought when we were phasing simultaneously.
I kept running West, far past the Cullen house. My plan was to reach the ocean and maybe float away.
I couldn't stand my mother nagging on me! I couldn't stand that Emmett had killed my real father! I couldn't stand being in a damned house full of horrid vampires! Whoever had put me on Earth, obviously didn't realize that they had made a mistake.
My entire life was a mistake, I said that to myself right before flinging myself off of a cliff and in to the unforgiving waters of the North Pacific. I'd be lying if I said the fall didn't hurt me. I yelped and gasped at the force of myself hitting the water; and I involuntarily phased backed to my human self.
I let the waves pull me underneath the surface. I prayed again and again that these would be my final moments and I would be taken to a place where my parents were.
Finally, my lungs felt like they would explode. I smiled and waited for the rest to happen, it was too late though, I was transformed back into my wolf and was at the surface again. I cried out, Damn! Damn! Why couldn't you just let me have my way for once?
Amber? A quiet voice said, and I recognized Collin's soft tone.
As much as I wanted to scream for him to leave me alone, I responded, Yes?
If you think I'm just going to leave you alone and let you drown, you're insane. I saw from his thoughts that he wasn't far from where I had been. I forced myself to get back on shore. What's wrong, Amber? Why were you trying to kill yourself?
I couldn't help but think of everything again, everything I had been thinking about before.
Oh, and there was almost a sigh in the voice, Amber, you can't listen to the guys. They're stupid, and you're going to be a great leader. As for the whole 'Emmett killing Sam' thing, I don't know what to say. It just brings me back to when it first happened...
In his mind, I saw how it all happened. The pack was celebrating a girl named Claire's fourth birthday. Sam, Emily, and I were on our way and we had somehow gotten in an accident. Jacob noticed that we weren't there, and he went to investigate. He found Emily's body in the car, and could smell Emmett's scent on her and Rosalie's scent in the empty car seat. He had gotten so angry that he ran back to the party and ordered the pack to look everywhere for Sam and myself. Eventually Collin himself had found Sam's body buried in the ground, sucked of his blood. They all decided to attack the Cullen's, then realized that both of my parents had gone, and not told anyone where they went. The search for me went on for an entire year. They hadn't found any clues to where I might be. The local newspaper concluded me dead, along with Sam and Emily.
I tried not to cry around Collin, but he noticed anyways when he saw my tear stained furry face. He quickly phased back, not bothering to be modest, and dressed in front of me. I did the same, figuring this would be typical when I was the only girl among nine men. Collin hugged me as I cried, and I felt guilty for taking his time.
"I'm sorry," I apologized over and over. "Why are you here anyways?"
"Don't be sorry," he muttered and kissed my forehead, causing me to shiver a little. His hands moved to my hips and I felt some weird sensation arise in my stomach. "Sometimes I like going running too, so I thought I'd phase and wander around a little."
"I mean, why did you come and stop me from drowning myself? And why are you here, calming me while I sob?" Perhaps it wasn't best to ask such straight forward questions, but his compassion was odd to me, since we had just formally met.
He looked at me, then the ground. "Being in this pack means that you're always going to have nine others who care for you. We're like siblings... we do everything together," he said quietly, and laughed. "Well, don't credit me for that. Jacob's the one who told us all that," he smiled back up at me.
I nodded. "Thanks Collin," I turned away from him to collect my thoughts and emotions privately.
After a minute or so, Collin's voice was there again. "Hey, are you busy Saturday night?"
I turned around to look at him suspiciously. "Not that I know of..."
"Well, before I have to go patrol, do you want to hang out? I know this great Italian restaurant we could eat at!" he said, rubbing his foot in the sand.
I raised an eyebrow at him. This somehow reminded me of books that I've read, where men take women for dinner and a movie. I giggled to myself. "Sure," I found myself saying, imagining what a girl character in a book would said to flirt a little. "If you're one minute later than seven, don't bother showing up at all." I gave him a huge smile, and took off running again, laughing to myself.
I had a date Saturday night! A real, god-forsaken date! I found myself skipping and dancing the rest of the way home.
When I came upon the house, I tried to sneak in through my window, but it was locked from the inside. I eventually went to the front door and ran in quickly. If my mother were to find me: my clothes soaking wet, my hair chopped off, and bare feet; she'd kill me!
"Amber Cullen," I heard a sharp voice whisper from behind me. I turned around to face my mother's wrath.
"Go ahead! Tell me that it's not proper for a lady to wear wet clothing! Tell me I look like a little boy with my short hair! Tell me I'm nothing better than a wild cat, running around without shoes! I'm listening, mother!" I couldn't even believe that came out of my mouth, but I couldn't back away from it now.
She looked speechless. She walked closer to me and picked up a lock of hair. "If you would've just asked... Alice could have cut it a lot nicer than this," she smirked.
I groaned and stormed up to my room. "I like it this way, mother." I slammed my door.
Just as I was about to take my anger out on my pillows, I saw Edward standing on the far side of my room. I gulped, remembering he could read my thoughts.
"Yes?" I asked, feeling myself shift into the polite, lady-like tone that mother grew me up speaking as.
Edward gave a small, sympathetic smile. "I sympathize with you for having to have been brought up by Rosalie. You don't have to act like that around me, Amber."
I nodded, trying to keep my head thoughtless, but that immediately got me thinking about everything I didn't want to know: the stench of vampires choking me 24/7, trying to kill myself, going on a date with Collin, etc.
"Is there something you need to ask me or talk to me about?" I questioned, folding my hands behind my back and looking at the floor nervously.
He took a few steps closer to me and put his cold hand on my shoulder. "I'm just worried about you trying to hurt yourself, Amber. I've heard about how you threw yourself out of a tree in Africa, and now about the cliff thing... You have to realize that there are many people who care about you and wouldn't want anything to happen to you."
I successfully resisted rolling my eyes. "Like who?" My mind went through the list of people I knew. I immediately concluded my parents that didn't care. Most of the pack obviously didn't care, after they way they talked about me.
"Your parents care about you, believe it or not," he replied, almost angrily.
"And how would you know that?" I could feel the brat side of me almost begin to rise.
He sighed. "I read their minds... not intentionally. But all day they were hoping you had a good time adjusting to school here. And, well, your father was a little worried about you meeting boys," he chuckled. "Which I can see happened. And also, Amber, everyone else here cares about you. Nessie, too, she's so excited to have a female friend. Jacob cares about you too, like a father would. He feels that he owes it to Sam to make sure you are safe. Obviously, Collin cares about you also..." he laughed and his smile formed crookedly onto his face.
I blushed, trying to hide it by lowering my head so my hair would act like a curtain.
Edward flashed over to the bedroom door, his hand already on the handle. I gave him a meek smile, not really feeling too satisfied with everything he told me.
"Just think about it, Amber. Think about how hurting yourself would effect everyone, all right?" he opened the door, but not before saying. "Jacob called while you were gone. He says he wants to come patrolling early tonight: eight o'clock."
I nodded and looked upon my wall clock and Edward exited the room. It was only four.
I felt his hand come onto my shoulder ever so slowly, and I just took a deep breath before giving him another glare, telling him to back off... again.
Maybe Nate was normal, with all this touch-y feel-y stuff. Ever since I had started going to school, he never stopped talking to me and touching me.
"Hey, Amber," he whispered, due to our individual work time in Biology. He then asked me the difference between the two endoplasmic reticulum; which I swear I had answered the exact question for him at least five different times. "Oh," he said, then put his hand down. He still made sure our shoulders were touching though.
Something inside me told me that this was the lady-like thing to do, let Nate touch me whenever. Something told me that he was a man, and that he was superior; so I should allow him the opportunity. When Quil heard me thinking this a couple nights ago while patrolling, he told me it was because of the media that women felt like this. Though, I hadn't been exposed to the media for real long.
The ''bell'' rang and I sprung up from my chair, grabbing my books in a rush.
"Hey, Amber, come sit at our table today!" Nate told me, enthusiastically. He was pulling on my shoulder as I was still gathering my things.
I kept my head down and shook it. "Absolutely not. If you want to sit by me at lunch, you come to my table," I offered him. Even though I rather he didn't sit with our 'group', I figured I better be nice and offer. I started to walk out of the classroom and towards my locker. He followed me on my left, and Takoda came next to me on my right.
As I stopped at my locker, I could see Nate looking over at Takoda, scared. I sighed then glanced up at Takoda to see him making a menacing face. I shook my head and murmured "Be nice".
Takoda and I had sort of formed a silent bond. Whenever we had to work with partners in biology, I claimed him right away so I wasn't with Nate. As rude as that sounded, I wasn't quite ever in the mood to be rational with Nate.
Speaking of Nate, I felt a arm around my shoulder. "Aw, come on! Come sit with us normal people for once!" I glared at him, then shook his arm off.
"Is there a problem here?" Elan's 'big brother' voice boomed down the halls. He always tended to use that when he saw me near some guy... in this case, Nate.
I really couldn't explain the bondage I now had with certain members of the pack. It was only fifth day in Washington, but sharing each others minds every other night kind of made me open up to them.
It was a little emotional to me, because everyone then saw my suicidal tendencies. Jake was furious at me, screaming at me in his head that if "I dare do that again, I will answer to him".
At the moment, I was only working with Jake, Quil, Pat, and Delsin. Once I had proved myself to Jake, I was allowed to start controlling the second night shifts, ordering around Collin, Elan, Takoda, and Embry.
Nate followed me through the lunch line, followed by Elan, Takoda, Nessie, and Pat... in that order.
"Hey, you busy tonight Amber?" Nate asked, pulling on my shirt sleeve while I was reaching out for a bread roll.
"Yup, she is," Elan commented right away. I looked up at him, slightly annoyed. "What? You know you've got to work tonight!"
I grunted. Sometimes Elan went too far with being 'big brother'. I looked up at him evilly, carefully not revealing my facial expression to Nate.
"My shift doesn't start until ten..." I trailed off, pretending to contemplate. Nate's eyes lit up, and Elan looked like he was going to throw his bread roll at Nate's head. Pat took it out of his hand though and ate it, while in line.
"We could go to the fair!" Nate recommended, following me now to our lunch table. He didn't sit down once we got there though. "This is the last weekend it's in town!" He exclaimed. I then proceeded to give him my address and told him to come at six.
Once he left to his own lunch table, I looked smugly over at Elan, chewing on a few baby carrots.
Nessie was giggling beside me, most likely at Elan. He looked like he was about to explode. Takoda went silent, not even picking up anything on his tray. Pat stood up and started tugging on his arm. "Come on! You can't phase here, dude!"
Elan settled down quickly and lunch went on normally. Nessie kept pestering me about Nate, and I assured her that I wasn't going on a date with him... just hanging out. And subconsciously I knew I was only doing it to annoy Elan.
"Aren't you going out with Collin on Saturday?" Pat asked me, loudly so Elan would hear it. I blushed, remembering the half the pack knew about Collin's and mine date.
"What?" Elan looked at me, his eyes burning. "No, no way! He is too old for you!"
"Elan, please," I rolled my eyes. "It's hardly any of your business."
"Don't roll your eyes at me!" He said harshly. "Collin's too old. He's experienced too much with girls, trust me, I hear into his head every other night. You're not about to become one of his toys."
"Don't you think that's a little dramatic?" I whispered, now aware that more people were tuning into our argument. "I've heard inside his head too, and that was about sixteen years ago when he had all those girls. I was just a baby at that time."
"Exactly," he growled, slamming his tray down, then running out. I groaned furiously, then continued eating my food.
No one talked after that. Well, except Pat. Pat always talked. He went on and on about how Elan was overreacting and how I was right. Nessie subtly rested her hand on my lower arm.
Your giving me details next hour, said she. I can't believe you didn't tell me about you dating Collin!
I then spent my entire fourth hour telling Nessie how I wasn't technically dating Collin, but I couldn't really deny that I had no feelings for him either. She responded by saying how happy she was for me.
Truth be told, there were only two things on my mind. One was the fact that Elan was upset with me and could be off doing god-knows-what. The second was more like an epiphany... Once the Volturi had come and we fought them, how could I ever leave Washington, my new home?
The thoughts were erased from my head the instant the bell rang.
After school, Nessie found me and walked out with me to Jacob's car. I refused the ride, promising them that I was going running before I went home.
Jake stiffened up from the driver's seat. "Get in the car, Amber. I'm not letting you go into the woods alone..." his eyes burned me with his fiery glare. Nessie looked at us back and forth, obviously confused. But there was no way I could sit still for any longer after everything with Elan today.
Before I could argue with Jake, I heard a strange vehicle pull up awfully close to the car. It was almost like a bicycle, but louder and bigger. Then I saw Collin get off it and head my way. "Hey Amber," his smile was genuine, and I forgot all about the fight with Elan. Collin's shirt hugged his intense muscles that I noticed for the first time. "Oh, hey Jake..." he said shyly, for once, as he saw that Jacob was present. "I was just here to offer, um, Amber a, um, ride. But I can see you've already got one?" He turned to ask me the second portion of his dialogue.
I sucked in my lips and shoved me hands in my pockets, unaware on why I was acting so weird.
"Sure," Jacob said with a smirk. "Just make sure she goes directly home, all right?" And that was that. Jake drove off, but not before giving Collin the infamous 'Alpha' glare that was made to be obeyed.
Often times I felt that the 'Alpha' glare didn't affect me. I usually just did what Jacob said because it made sense, and it never went against my will.
Collin showed me more about his 'bicycle' which he called a 'motorcycle'. Eventually he showed me how to ride it, and I soon found myself hugging him from behind while he drove fast to the Cullen house. I tried to sniff him a little, hoping he wouldn't notice. He smelled so wonderfully good, I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to smell him.
When we were at the house, Collin reminded me about our date the next day and I told him I was looking forward to it. He kept running his hand through his hair, I noticed. I was trying not to laugh at how awkward our dry conversation was, but that didn't work too well. I finally just told him "Farwell," and ran into the house fast.
I was greeted by a very serious father. His arms were folded over his chest.
"So you have a date tomorrow?"
I pretended to be fascinated with the floor and just vaguely nodded at him.
"With Collin Urshak?"
"Yup," I said, child-like. 'Yup' was a slang word I had picked up from hanging around normal American teenagers all day. It was an odd synonym for 'yes'.
"What time?"
"Seven."
"Where?"
"Some Italian restaurant."
"Is he picking you up here?"
"Yup."
"Good," my father smiled, breaking his series of questions. He uncrossed his arms. "I can't wait to finally use my 'overprotective father' act."
I groaned. "Dad, no!"
He laughed, and pretended he was holding a huge gun in his hand. One like he kept back in Africa, "Just in case," he always said.
He spit on the nice floor and closed one of his eyes, then hunched his back. "So, you've taking quite a liking to my daughter, huh, boy?" He said, using a Southern twang that I had only heard once or twice in my life. "Well, what makes you so special, huh? If she's not home by ten, boy, this gun's barrel will be empty and the bullets will be in your ass."
"Dad!" I squealed, trying not to laugh, but still horrified.
"I hear a distressed teenager nearby!" Esme sing-songed as she walked in the entrance from the kitchen. "I made you some food, sweetie," she smiled at me. I raced in the kitchen at my full speed. On the table was one full plate of just hashbrowns, another with cut up beef, and a third with chicken legs practically rolling down a hill of other chicken parts. I licked my lips.
As I dug into the food, I was thankful that my mother wasn't around. Whenever she saw me eat so much, she's subtly make comments about how fat I was going to get. Not that I cared! The entire pack told me that they ate whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted and only gained muscle. My mom didn't understand that I was just a creature who needed a lot of food for energy.
After I finished eating, I figured I should have probably called Elan. I still felt bad for our argument at the lunch table today.
I went up to my bedroom and shut the door, wishing for once it would keep nosy vampires from eavesdropping.
Nessie had given me a full lesson on the use of a cell phone. I didn't understand how you could get on this thing called 'Internet' or how you could play little games, but I did know how to look some one up through my contact's list. I scrolled down until I found Elan's name. I paused for a moment, not remembering what to do next, then decided to press the green button. It worked. I heard a bunch of ringing noises.
"Hello," Elan's voice sounded, very neutral.
"Elan! Look, can we-"
"This is Elan. I'm not here at the moment, but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible," he said, still with middle emotion.
I heard an odd ding noise. "What do you mean you're not there? I hear you and we need to talk about today. I'm really, honestly sorry. What I did today was inexcusable and I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."
There was silence, he said nothing. At first I thought he may be processing this all, but it took a very long while.
"Well," I said, plopping down on my bed in defeat. "When you feel like talking will you call? Farewell." I hung up and sighed deeply.
I lay on my bed a long while, staring at my cell phone, begging it to ring.
It seemed that recently I did nothing but make everyone mad. Elan was mad. Mother was furious, so furious she wouldn't talk to me. Even Edward was frustrated with me. I felt like my life lay in ruins. There was this aching inside of me that wanted to meet my real mother and father.
It seemed odd that I had met no other relatives other than Elan. Elan was only a toddler when Sam died, so he doesn't remember too much of him. What I hear from the guys I've been patrolling with, Sam would get very bossy. I heard about the entire dilemma about when Nessie was born, and I couldn't believe my father had though such things.
My biological mother was a whole different story. The pack said Emily was a wonderful cook and had a great heart. They told me all about why she had her scars, and that she still loved Sam unconditionally.
Quil was the one who told me about my mother's cousins: Leah and Seth. They both lived in Port Angeles. Seth was married with four kids, and Leah was engaged to a guy named Dylan. Leah never imprinted on Dylan, but everyone could clearly see they were a match "made in heaven", as the guys said.
Then there was Claire, another cousin of mine. She was Quil's imprint, and she was very promiscuous. Quil was constantly ranting about Claire's boyfriend. Apparently the guy had tendencies to yell at her and threaten to hit her. Quil was very protective of her, and often interrupted their kissing sessions.
As my mind set out on my family members, I instantly felt better.
My head started to spin as I heard an unfamiliar car speeding down the driveway. Shit, I though, using the word that the pack used a lot. I had forgotten all about my "date" with Nate!
I flew down the stairs, and out the door. Everyone in the house gave me an odd look, but I ignored them. Nate parked and stepped out of his automobile with brightly colored flowers in his hand. I looked at him strangely.
"What?" He laughed while handing them to me. "Never seen flowers before?"
I sighed. "Um, just let me set these inside." I only meant for me to go inside, but sure enough, Nate pushed himself in too. The house was silent as Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Jasper, and dad practically stared right at Nate. Which was odd, I thought, where were Alice, Bella, and mom?
"Umm, this is Nate," I said nervously. "Nate this is my mom and dad," I gestured towards Esme and Carlisle. "And these are my brothers." Dad stood up in a flash.
"Hey, I know you!" Nate pointed and shouted loudly. "You sat next to me on the plane, remember? Here I thought you were her father, but your her brother. Whoa! How old are you? Do you lift often? You know, I lift weights a lot myself, to help with my wrestling career some day, you know." Nate was off, and there was no stopping him. I gave the Cullen's a sympathetic look and ran to find a vase for the flowers.
When I returned, I almost drug Nate out of the house.
"You probably want a coat, Amber. It's going to get chilly tonight," he said to me, once we were already in the car.
I tried not to groan and went inside to receive a jacket.
"You're going out with that guy?" Said a booming voice behind me as I was retrieve a light leather jacket that was Nessie's.
I jumped up, frightened. I turned around to face him. "No, just 'hanging out', as teenagers say. Just going to the fair."
"So is it a tradition now to bring flowers for some one you're going to 'hang out' with?" It wasn't that he was angry, but more confused.
"Like I should know! These American traditions change everyday!" I pulled on my jacket while using that line that I often heard Alice say when looking at fashion magazines. Which made me wonder. "Where are Alice, Bella, and mother?" I asked him, reaching for the door.
Dad sighed and scratched the back of his neck. He looked sort of upset, but maybe I was just to critical when judging his stance and tone of voice. "Shopping, where else?" He opened the door for me and I went outside. In the pit of my stomach I could feel that something was going on. I was very scared of what that might be.
I didn't get a word in the entire ride to the fair. Nate was going on and on about his wrestling "career". He started then talking about how he thought he would be able to take on my "brother". I tried not to laugh as I pictured scrawny Nate against my vampire father. The boy truly was courageous.
When we got there, he insisted on paying for everything. The way in, the tickets for rides, the games, and such. He took me on very scary rides, and I almost threw up a few times. I had a weak stomach for a wolf, and I knew the boys would be picking on me all night. "Oh, Nate, I do have to be home be ten o'clock, okay?" I let him know, remembering I had patrol tonight.
Something in me wanted to just phase there, right in front of those people, and I knew something was wrong. I tried to get Nate to bring me home, but he kept feeding me such yummy but very greasy food! I think I tried just about a deep-fried everything!
He tried to get me to dance with him, but I claimed I was sick from the food and rides. He was reluctant at first, but got me home ten minutes after eight. I knew I was "screwed", as the boys would say, since Jake hated when people were late.
I ran through the house to dispose of my jacket and purse. I noticed even more people were gone than earlier. It was just Esme and my dad home now. Dad tried to talk to me, but I told him I had to go.
I flew out of the house, towards the back yard. I undressed faster than ever and phased.
Finally! Pat cried out.
What's wrong? I pleaded, realizing that Quil and Embry were absent.
It's Claire, Jake said, and I could tell he was trying not to scream at me for being late.
Claire? I thought, confused. Is she all right?
Her douche of a boyfriend got in a huge fight with her tonight. She's hospitalized, Pat said.
I felt like I was underwater and like I was about to burst. I have to see her, I told them.