Author's Note: Hey y'all! This one's not so happy, though it isn't like any of the chapters have been, really. We're really, really getting there now, though. I REALLY REALLY REALLY promise! So please, enjoy!

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It wasn't as if Remus had carried a flame for Sirius for years, the secret burning low in his heart. He hadn't wistfully stared after Sirius in the halls, or dreamed about him at night. That day in Hogsmeade… it was, in more than one way, a fluke. There had been one thought, looping through his head as he'd descended the stairs in the Shack.

Kiss him. Kiss him.

Maybe it was some sort of strange hero-worship issue. The idea that, when Remus needed him most, Sirius was there; that revelation that Sirius had healed what was now a slightly-raised scar that ran down the back of the his neck.

He would've put it all behind him. It was stupid, childish. Remus was the sort of person who enjoyed being liked by others, and he wouldn't sacrifice one of his very few friends. He'd thought that he'd outgrown this, but it seemed to have been building, unbeknownst to even himself. But Remus could lock it away, like he locked away the wolf. He would put it in a small box, push that box to the edges of his consciousness, and forget it, if only Sirius would look at him again.

Sirius seemed willing to put it all behind him, too. They were both taking the high road, though there was still that lingering memory, those moments where Remus caught Sirius staring at him slantways, as if afraid Remus would suddenly throw it all away and kiss him full on the mouth. That stung, of course. But Remus had no one to blame for himself, so he would grin and bear it.

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Over winter break, Sirius hadn't spent time deliberately thinking about Remus. Still, he did think of him. It was strange. Little, wispy thoughts would crawl through his head unbidden.

The way Remus had looked, at the window in the Shack those weeks ago, cheeks flushed red from the cold, snowflakes clinging to his eyelashes. The way that Remus clung to him when their lips had touched; the way his heart would tighten, even at the mere thought. The memory of Remus running off through the snow, grey scarf billowing behind him.

As he sat in the spare room in the house the Potters had rented, his thoughts would skitter over the last time he'd seen Remus smile. He couldn't remember the last time that warm, welcoming expression had been directed at him.

On the return trip to Hogwarts, Sirius resolved to make it better. He had a feeling, deep in his gut and at the back of his mind, that if he worked things out, it would be better than it had ever been. Even as he committed to that thought, he didn't understand what it meant.

He didn't know what had possessed him to kiss Remus' forehead. Wasn't the plan, at the beginning, to distance himself as much as he could? Where had those feelings of uncomfortable uncertainty gone?

Purebreds, mutt, Half-blood.

He clenched his fists and turned away, staring out over the lake, but also watching Remus from the corner of his eye. Remus, to his benefit, looked gobsmacked. His eyes were wide, mouth hanging slightly agape, though it was too dark to see whether or not he was blushing. Sirius' own face felt hot with embarrassment, though he kept his mouth shut.

xXx

"I can't feel my fingers," Remus murmured. He had no idea how long they'd been standing here; twenty minutes, two hours. Sirius, who had been staring heatedly at the dark lake water, nodded. Remus remembered the warmth of lips against his forehead and ducked his head, leading the way inside.

"Evening, Madame." Sirius purred as they passed through the doors. Ms. Norris seemed rather unimpressed.

"You really shouldn't antagonize her," Remus recommended over the sounds of staircases moving and portraits snoring.

"Remus, she's a bloody cat." Sirius grumbled, before whispering the password to a groggy, irritated Fat Lady.

"Just watch yourself, alright mate?" Remus sighed, too tired to go on. The two trudged up the stairs and into the dorm.

"Pete and Jamesy are out," Sirius whispered. Remus nodded and sat on his bed, pulling off first one boot and then the other, stuffing them under his bed, wiping the melted frozen slush against his robe before stripping out of that as well. Because it was freezing, and the next day was Saturday, Remus didn't even bother to strip down and into pajamas, instead sliding under the covers in his button-down, slacks, and socks.

The dorm was silent, Peter's halfhearted snores and the sounds of cloth as Sirius undressed. Remus was almost asleep when a voice spoke.

"Goodnight Rem."

Remus pushed himself over and up unto his elbows, squinting in the darkness. Sirius was leaning shirtless against one of poles of his four-poster bed, his smile warm but his eyes intense, as if Remus were some sort of puzzle.

"'Night, Sirius." Remus muttered, confused, falling back to his pillow with a monumental yawn before he fell asleep.

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"Lily, do you have a moment?"

Lily wheeled around, eyes darting, searching for who had called to her. Remus smiled, waving his hand once to get the girl's attention. The classroom continued to empty, Lily waiting and Remus finally making his way over.

"I just need about twenty minutes," Remus said softly. While Lily and he didn't talk often, she and he did have a sort of friendship, and occasionally they talked, though at times he knew she questioned his alliance to James.

"Sure," Lily smiled, wide and all teeth. "I don't have another class for an hour, anyway."

"Perfect."

Professor Flitwick had left, so Remus sat in a chair, while Lily perched herself delicately on a desk.

"It's … it's about Sirius," Remus started, pulling his wand from his pocket and twirling it absently between his fingers, not looking Lily in the eye.

"Is everything alright?" Lily asked, and the genuine concern in her question had Remus spilling the entire story.

He had to fudge over some things, because while he and Lily were close, they weren't that close, and he couldn't bring up his Lycanthropy. So, although he'd never been good at it, he invented a story on the fly about a walk in the woods that had resulted in a nasty scratch that Sirius had helped to heal.

He included everything else- the Shack, the kiss, the long silent treatment, and the lake. (Did that count as a second kiss?) Lily remained rapt throughout, never once interrupting. When, at last, Remus had completed his story, she pursed her lips and crossed her legs.

"In all my years here, I've never known Sirius to care for more than his own backside," she started, voice low with awe. "I mean, it was always clear he cared for you lot," she tacked on, wincing at her own gaffe. "But, what I mean is…" here she paused, looking Remus dead in the eye. Remus sat up a bit straighter. "After … after last week, with Snape… I've never seen him lash out like that before. There were some tremendous emotions there, Remus. Oh, listen to me… I've gone all romantic on you." She giggled, blushing fiercely and flicking her hair over her shoulder. "Still, I don't think this is something you can ignore anymore. What Sirius did? That was a big step."

"It's also a mighty big turnaround from completely ignoring me," Remus added, slumping lower in his seat and placing his wand on top of the desk.

"Exactly!"

"…Well, what do I do?" Remus asked. He'd never done this before … whatever this even was, and he'd certainly never thought he'd be doing whatever this was with his closest mate. There was a lot more at stake here than rejection.

"Why are you asking me?" Lily sounded rather exasperated.

"I don't know!" Remus pulled at his hair a bit, then opened his arms in some sort of vague gesture. "You're a girl! Don't girls know these sorts of things?"

"I don't know the first thing about being a poof," she hissed, as if the walls had ears. Now Remus winced. He hadn't truly thought of it that way. "Not there's anything wrong with that, Remus," she assured, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiling softly. To be fair, the girl was taking the whole 'I might be gay' thing extremely well.

"Merlin Lily, I can't do this. What if it's just Sirius being… well, Sirius…" he realized belatedly that she didn't know Sirius very well, but continued anyway. "What if… what if I try and do something and he turns around and calls me a shirt-lifter?" His words began to slur together as he picked up momentum. It would be the best reputation ever – Remus, the shirt-lifting werewolf.

"Remus… Remus!" Lily nearly shouted his name, reaching out a hand and putting it gently on his shoulder. "Don't over-think this. If there's one thing I know, it's that with… things like… this… when you start over-thinking, you start making a giant, blithering idiot out of yourself. So, here's my two-knuts on the whole thing, alright?" She scooted off the desk and smoothed down her robes, clutching her books to her chest. "Just be yourself."

xXx

While it was surprisingly hard to not over-think things – Remus had always been a bit of a wet blanket over-thinker – it was surprisingly easy to be himself.

xXx

It was the second Monday after the lakeside incident, and Sirius sat next to Remus at breakfast. Not only that, he spoke to Remus.

"Morning Moony," he muttered around a yawn, raking a hand back through his hair and disheveling it.

"Good morning Sirius," Remus replied, taking a bite of toast.

That was about the extent of the talking, and Sirius quickly began to fall into some heated conversation with James over pranks. Remus rolled his eyes playfully at Peter, who snickered around a mouthful of chocolate croissant. Things, Remus decided, were good.

About halfway through breakfast, Remus put his hand down on the bench between he and Sirius, waiting for the others to finish so they could leave for class. Not more than a minute later, Sirius brought his hand down, right on top of Remus'.

Though he didn't show it, Remus began to silently fret. He still wasn't sure where he and Sirius stood on the whole 'friends' / 'something more' fence. And while he knew very much about spells, and incantations, and potions, and Muggle history, and Divination and Herbology and Transfiguration, Remus knew very little about dating. He wasn't twelve, for Merlin's sake, but still. Sirius was much more worldly in that sense, and besides, when it came right down to it, Sirius was regal and royal and very beautiful for a boy. Remus was cursed and skinny and poor and very much broken.

But when Sirius didn't remove his hand, and instead quickly squeezed Remus' own, he wondered if, perhaps, things weren't quite as bad as all that.

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"James still isn't back from detention?"

Remus looked up from the book he'd been reading, sitting cross-legged on his own bed.

"No," he said simply, "And if he is, I think he'd be off trying to woo Ms. Evans."

Sirius scowled. "What about ol' Petey?"

"Peter is in the Herbology greenhouse," Remus answered, closing his book and placing it on the bedside table. Sirius came and sat at the foot of Remus' bed, toed off his shoes, and moved to sit cross-legged across from Remus.

"What're you doing?" Remus asked, wary. It was three days after the breakfast incident. He was beginning to read into things, the way Lily had warned him not to.

"I'm spending some quality time with my favorite werewolf," Sirius grinned cheekily, but something was off.

"Where have you been?"

"Me?" Sirius tilted his head, half of his face covered by a wall of sleek black hair.

"No, the invisible grindylow floating behind you." Remus muttered dryly, rolling his eyes.

"I haven't been anywhere!" Sirius insisted. "At least, I haven't been anywhere I shouldn't."

Remus lowered his voice. "Sirius," he intoned, attempting to glower with some amount of force. "I may not be James, but I do know you. What's wrong?"

Sirius blanched slightly, his eyes widening like an animal backed into a corner. After a moment, his expression fell and he produced a neatly folded envelope. Remus immediately felt guilty for giving Sirius such a hard time.

"Oh, Sirius…"

"No, it's okay Remus," Sirius muttered, and Remus was surprised by the use of his real name, not the nickname. Sirius reached up and pushed the wall of hair away from the right side of his face.

"Merlin, Sirius, what the bloody hell happened?"

Sirius managed to look rather ashamed, eyes focused on the floor of the dormitory. Half of his face, once smooth and warmly tanned, was now a faded, dark purple bruise that spread from his eyebrow to the base of his cheeks. Around the edges the skin was a sickly olive green. His right eye was squinted tight, the swollen skin keeping it almost closed.

"Regulus came to give me the letter." Sirius breathed, "But he wasn't alone. Bellatrix, Lucius and Narcissa, and… Snivellus."

Remus bristled, his hand twitching with the ache to run across the puckered, discolored skin.

"Well, you know me, Remus. Can't keep my mouth closed to save my bloody arse… Regulus was a typical wanker. Went off about how this would be the letter where Mother and Father finally removed me from the family." Though it was obvious he was fighting valiantly, Sirius' voice began to quaver. He paused and cleared his throat before continuing. "Of course, Snape got in his wounded boy routine. They all ganged up on me. Snape can throw a dangerous right hook. Lucius is more muscle than he looks."

Remus furrowed his brow. "What else, Sirius? What about Bellatrix and Narcissa?"

Sirius' face fell, his eyes wildly searching around the room until they locked on Remus' own.

"Sirius. What did they do?"

"They… they stunned me.

"Those bastarding bloody arseholes!" Remus swore, loud and angry. It was nowhere near enough of what had to be said. "Don't go anywhere," he hissed at Sirius, before he slid off the bed and went to his trunk, extracting the balm that Peter had given him over Christmas.

"What're you…" Sirius turned his head, watching as Remus came back around.

"Peter made this," Remus explained, unscrewing the lid. A strong aroma began to waft out, heavy and earthy. "It helps with bruising. Is that the worst of it?"

Sirius, looking away again, pulled his robe off and undid the front of his button-down, revealing another nasty bruise in the center of his chest. Remus hissed under his breath.

"Shite, Sirius," his voice was nearly a whimper as he reached out and ghosted his fingertips across the purpling flesh. Sirius inhaled sharply.

"Your hands are freezing," he muttered, and Remus snorted a humorless laugh.

"Get over it. Now c'mere…"

With some maneuvering, Remus convinced Sirius to put his head unto his lap. He couldn't remember the last time they'd been this close. Sirius' black hair splayed out across Remus' gray slacks, his red-and-gold-striped tie still loosely tied around his neck.

Remus dipped his fingers into the opaque green paste, hovering his fingers above Sirius' cheekbone.

"I have to rub this in. I'm going to try and be gentle, but it will probably hurt like hell," he warned softly, and pressed his fingers against the warm skin.

Occasionally, Sirius hissed in discomfort, though he never so much as twitched. By the time Remus had moved on to his chest, leaning awkwardly over Sirius' face, the other boy had closed his eyes. After he had finished, Remus wiped his fingers against his own robe and placed the container on top of his book on the table. When Sirius did not immediately open his eyes and leap away, Remus leaned back unto his elbows and ran his fingertips once through Sirius' long hair. The letter, which had been put aside, still lay on the bed. Feeling slightly bad for it, Remus picked it up, though he did not open it.

"You can read it," Sirius whispered, voice heavy with sleep. Remus started, jostling Sirius in his lap. The other boy was staring up at him, grey eyes blank and tired.

"Ah- I didn't…"

"It's okay," Sirius assured, reaching out and plucking the letter from Remus' hand. His finger slid under the lip of the creamy envelope and pulled out a glossy piece of parchment, folded evenly into thirds.

"She say anything particularly bitchy this time around?" Remus inquired softly, shifting his weight, careful not to disturb the occupant of his lap. Sirius shrugged, his shoulders gently tapping Remus' hipbones. He folded open the letter, and began to read.

"Sirius- Your brother has been informing me of your recent escapades. I understand that you are the true school clown, but now I see you're getting into fights as well. Fitting, I suppose, for the weakling of the Black line. Still, Sirius, please understand, you are our eldest son, and we do wish you to stop this tomfoolery at once and come to your senses. While not a trait usually carried in our bloodline, I know that you may be simply experiencing a 'rebellious streak', as some young men are apt to do. I trust that, in time, you will come to your senses. Do be aware, however, that patience is running thin. Sincerely, Mother and Father."

Remus sat stock still and silent. Sirius' voice had been low and tight, and even now his hands were fists, crunching the creamy parchment on which the looping script had been written.

"I don't understand… how could we be so different? I never went out of my way to be sorted into Gryffindor. But, I suppose, the Hat knows best, eh? I must be the bravest Black who ever lived, to be able to stand up to years of inbreeding and strict rules."

While the words were full of a forced, awkward levity, they sounded dead to Remus' ears. He could see how Sirius' jaw was tight with tension. However, the other boy couldn't hold the expression for long before he winced with pain.

"I think I rather prefer the hate mail." He mused. "The Howlers I can stand. But this?" Sirius shook the note savagely. "This almost makes me think she loves me." He spat the words out, venom and hatred. "But she doesn't. She could never. She loves what I could be. She loves the blood that runs in my veins, the name I was born with. But she doesn't love who I am."

Remus blinked, his stomach tying into anxious knots, his eyes threatening to tip over with tears.

"I don't understand why they don't love me," Sirius whispered, eyes searching the ceiling. "But I don't want them to love me. Not if it means being like them."

Remus choked back a sob, barely containing the sound. He moved an arm around Sirius' neck and bent over until their foreheads touched, feeling the warmth of a tear tracking down his cheek.

"We love you, Sirius." He breathed against Sirius' hair. It wasn't fair. Life, Remus had decided long ago, was never fair. How Sirius' family couldn't love him… How anyone couldn't love him, it was unfathomable. And yet, here it was. "You are the strongest person I know," Remus admitted, smiling stupidly. Sirius was silent. "You're so very, very brave, Sirius. I can't begin to understand how much strength it must take. You will be – you've always been – your own person. I know it isn't easy. Just… don't forget, alright, mate? You aren't alone. We're here if you need us."

"You've got us Remus—You've got me. We'll be here as long as you need us."

Remus stopped, Sirius' voice from all those months ago echoing through his brain unbidden. Without sitting up, he trailed his hand down Sirius' shoulder and arm, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. They stayed that way for many minutes, the silence punctuated by barely-audible sobs. Remus could feel Sirius shaking in his arms. He squeezed tighter, wishing, (not for the first time, he realized) that he never had to let go.