((GLITCH NOTICE: UPLOADER DROPPED SOME TEXT AND AM REPAIRING. NOT MY FAULT, I'M WORKING ON IT!))

Eddie growled under his breath when he brought the timetables for each of them over, including their lists of who they got to share a cabin with. He, Pugsley, Edgar and Harcourt were in Cabin Seven with a few other boys. Jol Glicker, what kind of name was that? Emily, Ellen, and Vendetta were in cabin twelve, with three other girls. Wednesday, however, was all alone, with the Barbie doll wannabes. He felt sorry for the girls in her cabin. As long as they didn't challenge her, though, they might be allowed to live, maybe. Although what kind of condition they'd be in when their parents finally retrieved them was hard to say...

"Here, guys. Sorry, Wednesday, you're in cabin thirteen with Buckman and the rest of those...," Eddie paused, wrinkling his nose as he handed the others their schedules, "What would be a good word for them?" He looked at Harcourt for a suggestion. Eddie was a bit surprised when Wednesday snorted.

Harcourt glanced up from 'The Last Nazis' and said in a bored tone, "Bimbos, idiots, bottle blondes, Barbie doll wannabes, white trash, morons, imbeciles, prats, annoying chits, nitwits, dopes, clueless trust fund brats . . . Need I go on?"

Wednesday waited until her twin finished before putting n her own two cents. "I'm not all alone, Eddie. It seems 13 is lucky after all. Do you remember us telling you about Hermione Granger?"

"The girl that hired Uncle Gomez around Hallowe'en?"

"Correct, Emily," Harcourt praised, as if he were teaching. "She left Hogwarts though, soon after. It should be . . . Interesting to see her again. I wonder if she's as-"

"Why can't I be surprised? Why?"

The Addams cousins turned to look at a small, pale girl with frizzy brown curls and big brown eyes, with her hands crossed over her chest, on hand massaging her temples.

"Whatever could you mean, Miss?" Harcourt asked innocently enough.

The girl snorted. "Oh, stuff it, Addams. Why are you at Becky and Gary's camp? It's the last place I'd expect you to be."

Vendetta huffed. "Ve vould not be here if it vere not for stupid nannies, you stupid girl! Vhy are you here? You belong in Britain," the green girl snarled, her Bulgarian accent becoming more pronounced. They probably should have let her vent before they got to camp . . .

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Figures. I'm here because Gary is my father's little brother, and I've been hauled here every summer since I was four. Happy? Well, at least there are a few semi-intelligent people here this year .. . . "

Wednesday smirked at her, "Only semi-intelligent? Oh, Granger, you wound us."

"Oh please. I wish someone would sue the camp so that we would all get sent home. Have you looked at your timetable yet? I'm bunking with you, Wednesday, and be warned; those bloody blonde twits will keep you up all night telling utterly pathetic ghost stories that are more hilarious than anything resembling frightening. I suggest reading a book. Now, excuse me, I am off to do just that before my aunt and uncle catch me and put me in the Harmony Hut."

When the girl had gone stiffly on her way, Emily turned to her cousins. "Well, isn't she a pleasant one?"

...

Wednesday and Hermione Granger chose to share bunk, Hermione claiming the top, something about better light. Wednesday just sighed and arranged her things on the window sill. Only the things she expected to be ruined, mind. She didn't trust anyone outside her family. Once her various trinkets were set up and the sun was blocked from her bunk, she got herself comfortable and started reading. 'A Brief History of Sanity' was something of a dull read, but the writer was rather good.

She had just started in on the section on 'The Evolution of Common Sense into Democracy' when next thing she knew someone was flashing a light toward her.

"Wednesday, you have to continue the ghost story," Amanda said in her whiny voice. She wore a retainer. That had possibilities.

Nonetheless . . .

"This is dumb," she told them flatly. She had no desire whatsoever to join that stupid story, nor would she contribute to it, Devil save her soul.

"Well, if you can't do it . . . "

A challenge? She could work with that. Wednesday closed her book slowly, remembering the page number, and sat up, turning to the others. "And so, the next night, the ghost returned to the haunted cabin, and he said to the campers, 'None of you really believe in me, so I will have to prove my power.' And so the next morning, when the campers woke up, all of their old noses had grown back."

Cue . . .

" A A A A A A A A A I I I I I I I I I E E E E E E E E E ! "

Too easy.

Wednesday sneered at them and returned to her book. She grinned when she heard a faint snicker from overhead.

...

Wednesday's eyes flashed open in the middle of the night.

Something horrible had happened.

...

"Mail call! Addams!"

Wednesday glared at the letter when Gary handed it to her. "Oh, no . . . this won't be a good thing."

"What is it?" the other Addams asked the morbid girl.

"This is unspeakable," she told them, her voice flat. "This is woke me in the night . . . thrice-damned Seeing sense." At least she was only a minor seer, though, thank the Devil. Though with puberty, such things often opened up to a fully powered Gift. She was most definitely not looking forward to it.

"Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?" Becky asked in a concerned tone.

"This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events," Wednesday told the perky woman blandly, then, turning to her cousins, she told them the horrible news. "Uncle Fester is getting married. To her."

"A wedding?" Gary repeated excitedly. "Why that's great news!"

"To whom?" Amanda asked, sneering.

"The Nanny," Harcourt sneered at her.

"The help?" Yelped one of the girls in horror. "He's marrying a servant?"

"Apparently so." Emily muttered.

"I'm sure she's a very nice lady," Becky interrupted, attempting to act as a diplomat.

"That's disgusting! I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're from a freak show, like those lowlife people that live and work in circuses! They're circus people!"

Pugsley's face went hard. "What'd you say?"

Becky started clapping as she got between them quickly. "Campers! Group hug!"

Are you bloody mental, Becky? Hermione wondered silently, then thought about the possibility and concluded, Probably, but still...insane doesn't have to translate to moron, does it?

Everyone in the cabin, bar the eight Addams children and Hermione, to the Addamses' surprise, were hugging. Gary made a sad face at the group, but addressed his niece first.

"Oh, come on, sweetheart! Don't you want to hug? You love group hugs!"

Hermione glared at him over her book. War and Peace, hmm. "I liked them when I was seven, Uncle Gary. I outgrew them a long time ago, so no, I do not want to join the group hug."

Gary must have decided that the brunette was a lost cause, because he turned to the Addams children instead. "Wednesday, Harcourt, Emily, Edgar, Addams . . . Will a hug hurt us?"

"Yes." Harcourt said the word with finalty.

"We don't hug," Ellen elaborated.

"Oh, they're just shy," Becky said, putting her hands on Vendetta and Wednesday's shoulders.

"We're not shy," Harcourt told the woman, glaring when Gary put his hands on Pugsley and Eddie's shoulders.

"We're contagious," Emily sneered. "The overly familiar behaviour here is atrocious, not to mention disgusting."

Becky and Gary quickly removed their hands from the Addams kids' shoulders.

"I'm sensing some friction here . . . " Gary said sadly. Becky nodded. "Something not quite Chippewa." The blondes nodded like the bobble heads they were, only with the added 'mm-hmm' sound effect. "But hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut." He smiled widely at them. "Hermione, Wednesday, Pugsley, Harry-"

"My name is Harcourt Addams. Either use my name or do not address me at all. I do not recall having given you permission to be familiar, you are a staff member, an upper servant but help, nonetheless. Unlike my uncle I do not encourage familiarities from servants."

"I...see, Harcourt." then he continued, so he didn't have to look at the icy green of Harcourt's eyes. "Emily, Vendetta, Edgar, Ellen, Eddie, follow me, please."

And that is how nine very surly children found themselves in a miniature frilly pink Hell.

"How long do we have to stay here?" Eddie asked, his eyes wide. Emily covered them with a hind and led him over to the over-stuffed, off white, frilly couch, and sat gingerly on the edge.

"Until we crack." Hermione and Wednesday looked at each other, surprised to have said the same thing at once.

A few moments later, the boy that had reminded Wednesday of Neville at the start of camp was shoved into their stuffed animal themed Hell, clutching a book for dear life. "Have fun!" They heard Gary snicker, before he shut the door.

"What are you in for?" Emily asked the boy.

He pushed up his glasses before answering. "I wouldn't go horseback riding."

"Is that all?" Hermione asked.

"And I wouldn't make a birdhouse."

Emily frowned. "Why not?"

"I wanted to read."

The second the boy finished saying that, the door swung open enough for Gary to stick his head and arm in and grab the book.

"Not on my watch, four eyes!"

Hermione told them, in a slightly embarrassed voice after the door closed again, "Uncle Gary is somewhat fond of eavesdropping . . . "

"Am not!" Gary yelled through the door.

…......

Severus scratched the inside of his elbow. Thrice damned Muggle garments . . .

"You're Severus Snape?"

Severus looked up to see a woman with loose, wavy dark brown hair, a heart-shaped face, and clear blue eyes. She had a hand on her hip, and was apparently waiting for him to answer her.

"I am. Carnation John, I assume?"

"To assume makes an ass out of u and me."

Severus rolled his eyes at the word play. "You are Carnation John?"

"No, I'm Queen Elizabeth the I of England."

Stupid, irritating, vile Muggle chit . . .

"Listen, if you're going to be an irritant, we can both leave right now. Now what for the love of all that is Light do you want?"

"I like you, you're fun to annoy. You have something of an I-Hate-The-World attitude, though. Have to work on that. Now chop, chop! There's an ice cream place a block or so down, really old fashioned, and they put liquorice and blue M&M's in this funny white mint ice cream, but they only serve it in July. You'll like it."

Then the brunette snatched his wrist and dragged him to the ice cream shop. He was bigger than her! She shouldn't be able to drag him! His belief that all Blacks were evil creatures gained even more credence, in his mind.