Confessions with Doctor Sweets

Brenan's Confusion

If I believed in psychology I would say "I think I'm going crazy" but seeing as I do not believe in such soft sciences I will not jump to any conclusions. Although Booth would point out the current flaw in my reasoning; that I am willingly going to a session with Sweets, one that was not mandated by the FBI mind you. Why was I going? I have been asking myself that all day. It might have something to do with my recurring feelings or it might have to do with the fact that one of the squint-terns, Mister Murray, corrected me today. Did I just think squint-tern? Booth is really starting to affect my logical thought process.

As I stood in front of his door I tried to reason things out one last time but I kept getting caught on one little fact. Even my dreams are being affected by my emotions. She keeps popping into my head like I have caught some sort of disease that I cannot just get rid of. And unfortunately I cannot keep ignoring this issue because, as much as I hate to admit it to myself, it's becoming detrimental to my work process. Thankfully though, Booth hasn't noticed.

As my hand rose to knock the door opened and Sweets nearly collided with me. He had a stack of file in one hand and his briefcase in the other. Quickly I blurted "I can come back later if you're busy" but he just smiled and shook his head; motioning for me to enter his office with his full hands. I smiled back as he told me to wait here, that he just had to run the files down the hall and then he would be back, so I found myself analyzing his possessions while he was gone.

All of his important certificates were hanging on one wall, and although they were displayed it wasn't a display of an alpha male; it lacked the flare that alpha males establish by displaying such certificates. On the opposite wall there was a window with two motivational posters framing it on either side. I assume they were supposed to be comical but I could not make sense of their humor.

Slowly I wandered over towards his desk. He had an Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda screen saver and the desktop itself was covered in different papers and note books. I even spotted a few case files piled neatly near his computer yet it seemed that he preferred paper work to computer work. I was just about to look through the books on the shelves behind his desk when he came back into the office; a smile plastered on his face as per normal.

"Dr. Brenan what a surprise. You don't have a scheduled appointment today so I assume you're here to see me about personal business?"

I nodded; still not sure as to why I was here but I knew I didn't want to talk about it in front of Booth. Deciding that explaining my confusion would be the best option I chewed on my bottom lip. Finally I told him about the dream I've been having since I've been back from the Island. The one that's filled with passion and lust and a lot of other emotions that I couldn't really identify; ones that I think I'm scared to identify. Throughout my entire explanation I watched as he wrote things down. Nodding every so often and once in awhile asking a question.

Suddenly I needed to see what he was writing. What conclusions he was drawing from what I was saying. I needed to see if what he saw was what I thought I saw in myself. Instead of following that urge I decided to ask him what he thought about the situation. What he thought I should do about being in love with my best friend. His answer surprised me; left me breathless.

"I think you should tell her."

I sat there, deep in thought as he continued to write things down in his notebook. I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. How could I just tell her? I'm not good with inter-personal relationships. Add in the fact that she was married and had a baby on the way; how could I just drop this in her lap like that? Sweets must have seen frustration cloud my face because he spoke up.

"I honestly think it would be best if you talked to her. You know that she's at least open to the idea… because of Roxy. So you know she won't exclude you because you want to try a relationship with her."

Even I had to admit he had a point there. But that still didn't reason in how I could do this to Hodgins. I have known Jack almost as long as I've known Angela and that's a long time all things considered. I mean; I introduced her to Jack. How can I just go and tell her it's me she should be with when he's her husband, the father of her child. How could I do that to either of them? Once again Sweets comment cut through the haze in my head.

"Just talk to her and go from there. You can do this Brenan."

I sighed in response and he smiled at me. I knew that smile. It was his "I'm right so you need to listen to me" smile that he shot Booth with every time he correctly read a suspect which Booth doubted. So finally I decided to listen to the psychologist. I decided that I needed to talk to her; or else I might emotionally implode.