Short little update for you guys! How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was alright, i was rather ill though so i couldn't get you a Christmas update. sorry about that. Yesterday was Hayley Williams birthday! She's 22 now. :)

If you guys haven't read Josh Farro's blog, you have to. It has the entire story of Paramore in his eyes. It's rather depressing, bu if your a parawhore like me you're gonna have to know the truth. it still makes me sad how different the band is now and how even MORE different the band's gonna be without Josh and Zac. Ohh-kayy. Enough ranting for me.

This is the next to last chapter.

Hayley's POV

I lay in my bed, wide awake. My light was on, but then Taylor came into my room and demanded I turn it off for the light was shining straight under the crack of his door and he couldn't get to sleep. I'm leaving tomorrow. My bags are packed, my clothing are in boxes as are all my possessions and valuables. My toiletries are in plastic shopping bags my shoes in old shoe boxes. The furniture I want to bring with me (like this AMAZING mattress) is being shipped the day after. This is it. Tomorrow will be the day I go back home. To Nashville. To family. Yet I can't sleep at all. It's nearly four in the morning and in a couple of hours the sun will be up and it will be time for me to go. Drive eight hours by myself.

I rubbed my fingers over my face, slapped myself in the face and told myself to go to sleep. Only that didn't work at all. I only became more restless with myself for not falling asleep.

I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. After all of these years I never would have thought Josh, of all people, would still have feelings for me. I remember the day we broke up. I remember Josh telling me about how annoying it was the fans cared more for their relationship than their music. I remember how I suggested we end it just so we could focus more on the band. I remember his hurt look and then his hesitant agreement.

That was it. He'd never stopped loving me. After all of these years we'd been apart. How many times I thought it'd been better for us, just staying friends. Josh is in love with me. What do I tell him now?

I sat up in bed and threw the covers back. In the dark, I made my way to the door and in my P.J's made my way down the stairs to the kitchen. I needed some brain food to think this through.

As I twirled around the column at the end of the stairwell with thoughts of Cinnabon filling my mouth I came face to face with Zac.

"Hey Hayley." He said. I couldn't understand why he was just standing there at the bottom of the stairs. His shoes on, jeans, and overcoat. He was fully dressed and it was nearly four o'clock in the morning.

"Goin somewhere?" I joked and walked past him to the kitchen.

Zac sighed. "You caught me. There's nothing good to eat here. I was gonna head to the Wal-Mart to get something."

I stuck my head in the freezer and bristly cold hit my pale face. Zac was right, nothing in the freezer. Nothing I wanted to be eating anyway.

We'd eaten so much cereal while on tours—it was almost inedible now.

Stuck my head in the pantry—nothing but stale bagels and a bag of pretzels.

"Let's go get some Cinnabon, Zac. You and me. Right now." I proposed.

"That sounds awesome. But the malls are closed now. Where on earth are we gonna get Cinnabon at four in the morning?"

"Hmmm. Plan B. C'mon Zac, we're going to Taco Bell."

Zac nodded. "That's more like it."

Zac and I drove five miles to the nearest Taco Bell only to find out they'd closed three hours ago. It was the biggest let down of the night. So we sat in the parking lot of Taco Bell in the dark. The city of Chicago was less crazy at this time. You would think it'd still be bustling. It was, but with a whole different crowd of people. During the day mothers of children and fathers with hard paying jobs did what they had to do in the city. Now, it was the rebellious teenagers and the newly twenty-one year olds, drinking, smoking, doing whatever until the sun came up.

I slouched in the passenger's seat and buried myself in my large coat. I wiggled my cold toes inside my boots and closed my eyes.

"Goin to sleep, Hayles?" Zac asked as he sat in the driver's seat of his car.

"I want some food Zac!"

So Zac used plan C and drove us to the place he was initially going to. Wal-Mart came into view within the next seven minutes.

"The bakery in there is still open. We could get cinnamon rolls and pretend we're eating Cinnabon."

I sat up in my seat, zipped up my jacket and braced myself for the cold that would come rushing in at us when we opened the car doors. "Deal."

I was almost expecting some sort of paparazzi to spot us and snap a picture of us as we stepped inside the Wal-Mart, but it was four in the morning. I'm sure that's the last place they'd expect us to be.

Inside, however, one fan led to another. Before we knew it we had a mini crowd of teenagers, probably about sixteen or seventeen asking for autographs and photos with us. All the while, our tummies growling. After a while we led the fans over the bakery area and we paid for some two dozen cinnamon rolls and ate them together in the corner of Wal-Mart. Because that's just how we roll.

Zac and I piled back into the car at around five thirty in the morning. Zac began to drive us home. We sat in silence, those Cinnamon rolls not digesting but sitting on our stomachs. Then Zac asked me a very unexpected question.

"Why are you leaving us, Hayley?" he asked.

"What?"

"Why are you going back to Nashville?"

I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to think about him. Josh. I didn't want to think about the kiss, our argument, what he told me. I didn't want to think about the morning we woke up next to each other or that stupid pregnancy scare. None of it. I wanted it out of my mind forever.

"I already told you. I want to see my family."

"Lie." Zac said promptly.

"No," I insisted, "It's true. I want to see my family."

"You are a big fat, juicy, liar." Zac pressed. "You're leaving because you're afraid of what's gonna happen with Josh. You're running away from the situation."

What Zac was saying actually made a lot of sense. As much as a wanted to see my family, me leaving was just another way to get Josh off my mind.

"I'm leaving because I don't want to choose. If I leave I don't have to." I admitted.

"Liar, again. If you leave you're choosing not to be with Josh. You'll just make him more depressed."

"How did you know about all this?" I asked Zac.

"Josh told me."

I sighed and pressed my face to the window. It was crisp and cold and all I could see was the road whizzing by and the Chicago lights looking like fireworks. My eyes welled up from the cold and this conversation put together. My nose froze off.

"Should I talk to him?" I asked Zac.

"Absolutely."

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