The journey wasn't really that long, though it certainly felt that way. The tension between the Fire Lord and Water Tribe bride was so thick you could almost see it, but neither Sokka, Suki nor the crew said a word. After about a week at sea, and only a third of the way to Haru's village, where there would be an airship waiting for them, Zuko heard a knock on his door. He put away the map he had been reading and told whoever was on the other side to come in. Sokka opened the door and went to where Zuko sat at his desk.
"Katara wants to speak to you," he told him skipping the pleasantries.
"And why couldn't she say so herself? I've tried talking to her for the past week and she keeps shrugging me off," Zuko retorted hoping he didn't sound like the sullen teenager he used to be.
"Don't ask me to explain my sister's craziness," Sokka snapped back. "And consider yourself lucky I'm keeping this quiet. You two need to end this, before the wedding, you'll only end up hurting yourselves. I'll be up on deck with Suki if you need me," Sokka told him as he left. Zuko watched him go and remained where he was for a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally, after arguing with himself long enough, he went down the corridor to Katara's room. Taking a deep breath he rapped lightly on the door. He waited for an answer but heard nothing slowly he opened the door and let himself in.
"Katara?" He asked quietly as he stepped into the room, it hardly looked Fire Nation with the blue blankets and Water Tribe emblem on the wall. She was sitting on the bed wearing different clothes than he remembered. She no longer wore the long dress, now she wore a long shirt and pants with more fur decorating it. He wasn't sure if it was for her status or personality but it suited her, looked more mature or perhaps it was just Zuko reading how Katara had changed.
"You risked your life to give me to another. Why did you do that?" She asked finally looking at him.
"We both know my life was never in danger," Zuko snorted as he closed the door behind him. "And I didn't know. No one told me what I was fighting for. I assumed it was just a festival or something. I never thought about what it could be or why Aang wanted me to compete for him so badly." He wanted to go sit next to her, touch her and hold her like he never fully had the chance to, but he kept himself back. It was too late for them now. "And might I remind you that you never told me what was happening either. I sent a lot of letters over the years but you never even once seemed as though you still wanted me. Part of my reason for accepting was to finally prove to myself that how I remembered you was only a wishful illusion so I could finally move on to real things in my life!" He hated yelling at her, lying, but it was better to fuel his pain into rage.
"Sokka doesn't think this is real," she said quietly, her eyes pleading. "He says you're just toying. But I know he's lying."
"He's got it right I'm afraid," He said coldly. All I have to do is say the exact opposite of what I feel. "You see, I figured you'd be really easy spending all your time with only your brother and a twelve year old. Even after that there weren't that many men in your village. You became a challenge when you wouldn't give in like I thought. It's taking every ounce of strength I have to treat you like this. I have to be as vulgar and arrogant as possible. I have to end this.
"Zuko, please-" she begged, hearing him voice all the doubts she had in her mind was more than she could bear.
"Why else did you think I kept writing letters? Did you really think I actually cared? Of course there were also your political connections to think of. Keeping on good terms with you meant good terms with your father and Sokka." I need to be merciless, break her heart. "Come on, just because I gave you a few kisses you thought I loved you? You're so full of yourself." As he turned to leave he looked back at her and watched her cry. "You now, you really are dumb. And I hate stupid women." He kept up his angry façade until he got to his room, the door closed behind him. He slid to the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks.
There. It was that simple, tearing us apart. So difficult to attain and yet so easy to lose. It was wrong, from the beginning we knew it. The moment we give in it will be the end, the world would be broken to pieces again. She would be broken, and I can't hurt her like that. Better to end it like this.
Katara wiped away her tears after he left. What Zuko had said had hurt but she knew he was lying. And she knew why he did it. Sometimes you want to let people know how you feel, she reasoned but you can't. Because the moment you do it's over. And no matter how close you are, you have to keep the lies up. She knew that well, it was the same reason she had refused to acknowledge his love in the letters and why she had told him so long ago that they couldn't be. She had tried to be the strong one then, pushing him away when she wanted him close. But now it seemed the tables had turned. She had thought long and hard about them, he had never married even though as Fire Lord he should have by now. And she had taken Aang's absence as a sign that the spirits wanted her and Zuko to be together when he had came but Aang had not. Finally letting her feelings run free she found she couldn't stop them now. It was like destroying a dam and then trying to rebuild it while the water continued to rush past. It was too hard, almost impossible.
Katara kept her distance from Zuko over the next week and a half, keeping a watch on Suki instead. Still in the early stages of her pregnancy but it was still something to distract herself with. The tension had eased slightly, both she and Zuko trying to pretend nothing was wrong for the sake of the others.
The night before they were due to arrive in Katara lay in bed awake, though she kept her distance her thoughts kept trailing after Zuko's shadow. Finally, after tossing and turning she fell into yet another night of troubled sleep.
She was running through the swamp looking for something important. Aang? They had gotten separated and she needed to find everyone. As she ran, searching she realized it wasn't Aang she was looking for. She knew where he was, she was going to him, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to. She stopped, looking around the forest, seeing a flash of red she turned away from the path she was headed. Following the red she called out, begging them to wait.
"Zuko!" she cried running faster but finding that he seemed to only be further away. "Zuko! I've looked everywhere, I'm so glad I found you," she sobbed as she grabbed his arm.
"Don't touch me, Katara," he said pulling his arm away from her. "You know I'm ever going to care for you, so don't think you're special." He pulled Mai into an embrace, Katara hadn't even seen her. "This is the woman I love. You're nothing to me."
She woke up with a start and her cheeks were wet. It was no mystery what the dream meant and as much as the dream hurt her she kept telling herself it wasn't real. She knew in her heart that she loved Zuko and wanted to be with him but she had a duty. To her family, to Aang and to the world. Not only would her leaving Aang have a huge impact on all of the nations she'd have hurt Aang, and he'd had more than his fair share of suffering. Could she really do that to him again? And yet, she had lost so much in the war too. Friends, family, true she didn't have her entire nation wiped out in a genocide but she deserved happiness just like everyone else after the war. She had worked just as hard to set the world to rights. She curled up on her side, she was so confused. She had two choices as she saw it. She could either live for the good of everyone else, as she usually did, and marry Aang or she could live for herself and choose Zuko. She knew Aang was a good man and she could be happy with him and love him, but not in the same way.
Her heart ached and she truly wondered if they were really the reincarnations of Oma and Shu, it certainly seemed that way. Poor Oma and Shu, doomed to have their souls twined but to never have each other. Katara sat up suddenly, no, she wasn't going to let her and Zuko be like that. She didn't care. She had to try and get him to reconsider. She got out of bed quietly and peered out into the hallway. No sign of Sokka, he was probably sound asleep with Suki, she reasoned and crept out into the hall.
She made her way to Zuko's room and, without knocking, slowly opened the door, closing it softly again after she was inside. His back was to her so she slid silently to his bed and sat on the edge wanting to wake him so they could talk but not wanting to disturb his peace.
"Katara," he muttered as he rolled onto his back, she froze for a moment but realized he was dreaming. Gently she kissed him. It took a moment but Zuko kissed back, still half asleep, he pulled her close. Then, waking up fully he sat up and pulled away from her.
"I'm sorry!" Katara blurted, but she didn't leave. Zuko rubbed his eyes trying to rid himself of the last bits of sleep as he took in what had happened. Katara had come to his room in the dead of night, wearing only her underwear he noticed wryly, and kissed him.
"Don't you understand? This has got to stop. I lied before, I love you and want you more than anything but I can't do this to Aang."
"I've lied to myself for so long, can I please just give in once, while I still can? As good bye?" The good bye part was an excuse, though she didn't consciously admit it she still knew what a lie felt like. She leaned forward and kissed Zuko again. Softly at first and then with more passion as he responded warmly, pulling her down with him.
The boarded the airship, it would be a short ride, only 4 straight days of flying until they reached the outer wall where Aang would meet them. Zuko and Katara's one night remained a secret, one it seemed even Sokka didn't know. The air between everyone eased after that night. Zuko, though he still loved Katara believed that she had truly meant that night as a good bye to them and so tried his best to move on, while Katara found herself feeling as though she was kicking and screaming on the inside, wanting to turn back because every moment brought her closer to her destiny of marrying a powerful bender. She had realized with bitterness that Aunt Wu never said if she would marry the man she loved, only that he would be a powerful bender, and while she loved Aang it wasn't the same and it never would be.
The morning they were due to arrive Katara let herself into Zuko's room again. He looked up from his papers surprised and was about to say something but was cut off.
"Oh what have I done? Stop this thing, please we can't do this." She cried pacing back and forth.
"I can't. I won you in the Avatar's name, I may be a lot of things Katara but I won't turn my back on him. I've betrayed enough people in my life, I don't need to add more to the list."
"But I'm yours. We had each other, I love you and you me. I've worn the bracelet you gave me everyday-"
"It doesn't matter."
"Love should be the only thing that matters. My Gran Gran ran across the world to escape an arranged marriage. Leave with me, I will go anywhere!" She tried to remain pleading but her temper was getting in the way, her voice rose and her pleading turned to arguing.
"This wedding will give the Avatar everything he ever wanted. Your marriage will keep the world at peace," Zuko yelled back. He refused to think of him as Aang, it was easier to give her up to the Avatar, the messiah of their world than it was to give her to the goofy little kid who was his friend.
"My marriage to another man! Is that what you want?" As she yelled the tea in the cup on Zuko's table began to ripple and he felt momentarily glad there wasn't a lot of water on board or she probably would've water bended the crap out of him already.
"Katara!" The flames in the candles grew brighter and unsteady and Zuko took a deep breath trying to calm himself before continuing. "You will live with this. We must."
"Don't you dare do this to me," she threatened seeming as though she was about to hit him, he hoped she wouldn't water bend the tea, it was still hot and he hardly needed more burn scars.
There was a knock at the door and they both froze.
"Come in," Zuko called.
"My Lord, we'll be landing shortly." A guard reported, his eyes glanced between the two of them but he said nothing.
"Alright, have one of the men get the bags ready, I don't want to keep the Avatar waiting too long," Zuko replied with a nod all business. He gave Katara one last sad look before following his guard and leaving.
They left the ship together, first Zuko then Sokka and Suki and finally Katara at the end. She didn't want to leave because she knew them moment she did fate would be decided.
Aang smiled his same big smile as he saw everyone. Sokka and Zuko loaded the few bags onto Appa while Suki settled herself in the saddle leaving Aang and Katara alone. As usual they hugged and kissed in greeting but Katara felt nothing. On the outside however she smiled and pretended she was overjoyed.
Fate had been decided.