When did I become Tom Quinn

Still own nothing…rating still a modest M

As they made it to Harry's bedroom, he pulls her against the doorframe of the room and leans in and kisses her. After a long moment, they pull apart and step into the room.

Slowly they start to undress each other. She finishes removing his shirt, he her blouse and bra. They hesitate a moment as they start to remove the rest of each other's garments. Both inhale deeply. Both hearts are pumping at a dangerously fast rate. They look at each other and continue to kiss again as the ritual begins and all physical and emotional barriers have come down.

Harry gently lays Ruth onto the bed and then lies beside her. The passion is growing. She wants him. He wants her. They want to merge as one.

More than an hour later they collapse into the pillows of the bed both gasping for air. Neither wants to break the spell of the moment. Harry knows his timing with words is lousy and says nothing. Ruth thinks she must say something.

"I always knew it would be fantastic." She's still panting from the exertion. She can't yet catch her breath. She reaches for Harry's hand that is at his side. Their fingers entwine. "We really should have done this sooner," she jokes.

"As I recall there is this issue of timing," quips Harry, regretting the words as soon as he utters them. "I mean. I'm just joking. What we have isn't a joke. I want you in my life always."

"Harry, timing is no longer an issue, and just try getting rid of me now. You think you are Tom Quinn, I think I might turn into Vicky Westbrook."

"Who?" Harry's confused.

"The doctor who almost ruined Tom's career just as Christine came along."

"Oh yes, I remember her. Christine is much better suited to Tom. I think you may be more a Christine than a Vicky."

"I think I will just be Ruth."

"Ruth, what did you mean you had become me last night when we started talking on the sofa?"

Ruth smiled at the memory of the sofa conversation. Then she stopped to ponder how to answer Harry's question. "I meant I had become like you. You once said intimacy leads to trust and trust leads to betrayal. I fear your betrayal. I've blocked my conscience. I've learned to ignore it. You once said in talking about Tom that an officer who discovers one becomes like a loose cannon."

"I also recall you Ruth saying that when one's conscience implodes, it can take down others."

"True enough. I emptied a clip from a semi-automatic pistol into an assassin and felt nothing. John leaps to his death and I'm relieved you are alive," says Ruth chancing a glance at Harry. She leaves the death of George unsaid.

"Well , I was rather glad I survived it," quipped Harry who knows he can just as easily be the one who is dead, and now experiencing heaven in Ruth's arms. "My conscience did explode when I knew John kidnapped you because of me. I would not survive your death. Like Tom, I found love and now my life is not the same. I did make a decision to give up a useless weapon in exchange for your life. It was not your turn." The conversation was getting serious and both were now on their sides facing each other.

"Harry when you said those words to me as you left to meet John I was so furious with you and so afraid. Yet my conscience was not letting me stop you. The officer in me said it was your choice, as it should have been my choice."

Fearing a fight brewing, Harry decided to try and conclude the conversation. "Tom went off the reservation. He didn't go down without a fight, and perhaps he was right when he tried to protect the sleeper agent…still I'm not looking backward. I just knew, as Tom did that I had to protect you."

"Does that mean you need to be decommissioned?"

"No, because I did have a plan to get the useless weapon back unfortunately everything went pear shape. Where you are concern I will always try to save you, as Adam tried to save Fiona. As Danny saved Fiona. As Adam saved so many by choosing to sacrifice himself. As Malcolm saved Nico." There, he'd said it. "Malcolm went against orders in entering that safe house."

Ruth said nothing.

"Ruth is George always going to be between us, a barrier?"

"George is dead. It is not your fault nor do I blame you. You were always between me and George."

Harry is now silent.

"Harry you know I loved you that day on the dock when I had to leave, and I still loved you the day I came back. Still I had made a happy life for myself and resented so much being dragged back into this dark world we inhabit."

"Do you still resent it?"

"No. It is part of me and I think that somewhere I knew I would find a way to return. It is unfortunate the circumstances, but I think fate plays a role in our lives. There's free will, but once a choice is made, events unfold we cannot control."

Harry raises his eyebrows as he looks at her, "This from a Classist?"

For the first time since the start of the conversation Ruth and Harry both smile.

"Ruth do we need to discuss this anymore or can we finally let the dead rest and live our lives as it is meant to be?"

"I believe we can be happy without forgetting the sacrifices of others," said Ruth as she pulls Harry to her. "Let's not talk of the past again. Let's think only of the future."

Before Harry succumbed to another round of lovemaking with Ruth, he had one more question. "I have to talk about one more thing and then I promise we go forward."

Ruth nodded. "You've listened to me. It is only fair."
"I'd failed to save you almost five years ago. I couldn't fail again. How did you know to show up right at the end of the conversation with the home secretary? Has he been confiding in you again?" Harry was feeling a bit jealous, although it was ridicules giving what has been transpiring and what is about to transpire again.

"No Harry, I had Tariq tap into your cellphone. I alone listened in on the conversation as I made my way to you." Harry was shocked that his once mild timid Ruth had turned into such a true spy. "I heard the words of the home secretary and only wanted to be there for you."

"Ruth you have been here for me but given the inquiry that is upcoming, I'm not sure how long I'll be here for you."

"That night after the call, I made my decision to come home with you Harry. There was and is no way I will leave your side. You did what you did to save me. If you go down for this, then we go down together."

"Ruth I can't let you sacrifice yourself. Never again will I let that."

"You can't stop me Harry."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember when I left to pick up a few things before coming here?"

Harry nodded.

"I made a call to the Home Secretary and then a few others. I made it clear should you be sacrificed in anyway; I would leave the services immediately. Over the years I've published articles under aliases and have several standing offers from various universities around the world to lecture or teach. I made it clear I would also not go quietly about your treatment. There would be no officer X to discuss in the media."

Harry was now stunned into silence.

"I have an understanding that you won't be going anywhere until you make that decision. That includes the lifting of the mandatory retirement age. You are free to stay as Section D head as long as you desire and believe yourself capable of performing the job."

Harry was quiet. "I once told you I don't need you to fight my battles for me." He was a bit angry. His male pride somewhat bruised having a woman come to his rescue. "It seems you do for me what I never am able to do for you."

"Harry, you saved my life. You risked everything."

Because of his caveman ego, Harry's temper was starting to reach its critical stage. He pulled away from her. "So all this is your way of thanking me? You just want to take pity on the old man?" Harry was now out of bed with a sheet draped around him pacing around his bedroom. "Maybe you should leave now Ruth." He said it quick and abrupt and made his way toward the bathroom.

"Harry! Harry stop!" Her words were useless. His male pride was wounded. Ruth made her mind up. This wasn't ending here.

Ruth went to the door and banged on it. He had locked it and started the shower. "Go away," he ordered. She wasn't leaving this time. This time Ruth plans to see this through to the finish even if it finally finishes whatever it is she and Harry have. She returned to the bed to await his return. She crawled under the covers and pulled her knees to her chest. She would wait him out. The famous Harry Pearce temper is not going to get the best of Ruth Evershed.

More to follow