The complaint about Mr. Garrosh Hellscream

*I can't leave the Horde out of this, now can I. Well, Caleb plans to rip Garrosh Hellscream apart, bit by bit…*

Trudging through Horde territory, Caleb made his way towards a hideout in Red Cloud Mesa, where he was to give a speech to a group of Horde adventurers on the verge of rebelling. They heard of Caleb's ordeals and decided to lend him their ears. Caleb, with a wicked smirk entered the hideout, and proceeded towards the podium. Noticing the rather rowdy crowd that murmured and shifted in their seats, he raised his right arm to signal silence. Glaring at his audience, he decided that he would have to make this speech a little shorter than his previous. He didn't feel comfortable among so many barbarians. Clearing his throat, he began.

"I have something that I need to tell you. Through this speech, I intend to serve as a facilitator who will help you draw your own conclusions about Mr. Garrosh Hellscream. That is, I'll be your "guide on the side", not a "sage on the stage". With my assistance, you'll soon gain a deep understanding of how talking about Mr. Hellscream in the highly charged vortex of adventurism is always burdened with agitation and diversion. For those of you who like to eat dessert before soup, my conclusion at the end of this speech is going to be that we must solve our problems over a negotiating table instead of resorting to the battlefield. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time. While he's out forcing me to undergo "treatment" to cure my "problem", the general public is shouldering the bill. Sadly, this is a bill of shattered minds, broken hearts and homes, depression and all its attendant miseries, and a despondency about Mr. Hellscream's attempts to show a clear lack of respect not just for those who were brutally murdered in his name, but for his fellow Horde member sitting before me now."

There were murmurs of approval among some members of the audience. Caleb, taking this as a good sign, continued.

"I was once asked, "Is Mr. Hellscream's incessant burbling about the wonders of sesquipedalianism supposed to convince us that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable?" I'm not quite sure how to answer such a question. The problem is that every time Mr. Hellscream tells his secret police, who are legion, that he is an orc of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and that which truly matters, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. He says that he has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring himself to help disseminate the True Faith of misoneism. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely indecent and obstinate lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Mr. Hellscream's torchbearers.

Mr. Hellscream is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore! You may make the comment, "What does this have to do with daffy, loopy peddlers of snake-oil remedies?" Well, once you begin to see the light you'll realize that the law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior.

You may be picking up on something here in all of my responses to Mr. Hellscream's flippant shenanigans. All of my responses presume that there is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Mr. Hellscream's personal attacks. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must show pluck and optimism when presented with threats and terror.

I have a scholar's respect for objective truth. That's why I'm telling you that Mr. Hellscream claims that the Horde should "create" news rather than report it. That story is full of more holes than a cheap whore with a piercing fetish and a drug habit. He rewards those who show scrupulous adherence to his worldview and punishes those who make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and independence, at least insofar as this speech is concerned. I am sick of our illustrious "leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Mr. Hellscream. Here's what I have to say to them: If anything will free us from the shackles of Mr. Hellscream's complacent paroxysms, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that implying that merit is adequately measured by his methods and qualifications is no different from implying that the rules don't apply to him. Both statements are ludicrous."

Sipping at his ale from his pouch, he continued to play on his audience.

"I'm at loggerheads with Mr. Hellscream on at least one important issue. Namely, he argues that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to turn over our country to foaming schizophrenics. I take the opposite position, that if you can make any sense out of Mr. Hellscream's intemperate, feces-stained musings then you must have gotten better grades in school than I did. If I could ask him one thing, I'd ask him why he thinks he can convince criminals to fill out a contract before committing a crime. The problem is that Mr. Hellscream shrinks from such questions like a vampire shrinks from the Light. You'd be more likely to get Mr. Hellscream to admit that I want to make this clear so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you know who I'm referring to—can process my point.

Call me intrusive if you'd like; I will still do everything in my power to bring meaning, direction, and purpose into our lives. Then, I will announce to the world that Mr. Hellscream's plan is to galvanize a drugged-out hysteria, a large-scale version of the pretentious mentality that can create a beachhead for organized interdenominationalism. Mr. Hellscream's disciples are moving at a frightening pace toward the total implementation of that agenda, which includes throwing away our freedom, our honor, and our future.

Mr. Hellscream is good at stirring his jackals into a frenzied lunacy of hatred and vengeance. Doing so blinds those to the fact that we cannot afford to waste our time, resources, and energy by dwelling upon inequities of the past. Instead, we must follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of sentient thought. Doing so would be significantly easier if more people were to understand that if I were to compile a list of Mr. Hellscream's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Mr. Hellscream's fantasy is to condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of collectivism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of Mr. Hellscream's viperine perversions. They are not a cause; they are an effect."

More of the audience began to murmur and nod in approval. Caleb had clearly struck a chord. Therefore, he continued.

"Mr. Hellscream has, at times, called me "disgusting" or "hypocritical". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to lure the truculent into Mr. Hellscream's little empire. According to him, violence and prejudice are funny. He might as well be reading tea leaves or tossing chicken bones on the floor for divination about what's true and what isn't. Maybe then Mr. Hellscream would realize that to get even the simplest message into the consciousness of stiff-necked jabberers it has to be repeated at least fifty times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following fifty times, but if I chose to do so I could write exclusively about his postmodernist, irritable master plan and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend some time discussing how by refusing to act, by refusing to build a true community of spirit and purpose based on mutual respect and caring, we are giving Mr. Hellscream the power to gag free speech."

Caleb eyed the audience one more time before coming to his conclusion.

"With an enormous expenditure of words, unclear in content and incomprehensible as to meaning, Mr. Hellscream frequently stammers an endless hodgepodge of phrases purportedly as witty as in reality they are biggety. Only blasphemous nefarious-types can feel at home in this maze of reasoning and cull an "inner experience" from this dung heap of namby-pamby pessimism. In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness he is mongering. We need to address the real issues faced by the people of Azeroth. Now that this speech has come to an end, let me remind you that it was intended to provide an accurate, even-handed, and balanced discussion of Mr. Garrosh Hellscream and his ramblings. Please do not contact me with insults, death threats, or the like because I will ignore them. If you disagree with my arguments or can provide further information about Mr. Hellscream, please contact me and I will endeavor to make any necessary corrections to this speech."

Once he finished, he noticed a figure entering the hideout. Once the figure entered, Caleb immediately knew who it was. It was Garrosh Hellscream himself. Chanting a quick incantation, Caleb teleported out of the hideout, leaving a cursing Garrosh to deal with the audience. Needless to say, he wasn't happy. Not in the least.

*Well, that's another complaint. Reviews are appreciated.*