*Time to rip on the Banshee Queen. Enjoy…*
The Complaint about Ms. Sylvanas Windrunner
The Plaguelands were something of a mystery to Caleb. How could such a great empire, such a jewel of sentient achievement fall so fast? This question bothered Caleb for an extended period of time, but he decided to ignore it as he made his way to an open graveyard to deliver his speech to a multitude of Forsaken adventurers. It seemed to him that id even these undead heathens were to be interested in his speech, things must be going well. He climbed the stage and was now on the podium, awaiting the silence of his audience. Never in his life would Caleb have imagined that he would be giving a lecture to a bunch of corpses. First time for everything. He gave an 'ahem' to gather his audience's attention before starting his complaint.
"In this speech I plan to cite some of Ms. Sylvanas Windrunner's more topical crimes and let you, the audience, decide for yourselves how to react. Let me begin by saying that Ms. Windrunner has warned us that as soon as our backs are turned, foolish boeotians will redefine unbridled self-indulgence as a virtue, as the ultimate test of personal freedom. If you think about it, you'll realize that Ms. Windrunner's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that Ms. Windrunner has been snuggling up to irritating junkies for quite some time. Alas, I usually get a lot of blank stares from people when I say something like that. What I mean is that Ms. Windrunner plans to tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of moral elevation when you least expect it. I'd like to see her try to get away with such a plan; that should be good for a laugh. You see, most people have already observed that Ms. Windrunner's impractical attempt to construct a creative response to my previous speech was absolutely pitiful. Really, Ms. Windrunner, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that many people lie. However, Ms. Windrunner lies with such ease it's troubling.
What I just spoke is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that Ms. Windrunner has for a long time been arguing that contumelious bums are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes. Had she instead been arguing that she deserves exemplary punishment, I might cede her this point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in Ms. Windrunner's arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how in a recent tell-all, a former member of her crime syndicate writes that "splenetic resistentialism is not new". Those are some pretty harsh words even when one considers that Ms. Windrunner managed to convince a bunch of bilious hermits to help her feed blind hatred. What was the gist of that remark? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? In case you don't, you should note that it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. She distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain her current opinions."
Caleb paused for some ale and a smoke from his pipe. Keeping his eyes on the walking corpses, he continued his inevitable crusade against the Banshee Queen.
"It has been said that Ms. Windrunner's foul arguments offer only false hopes. I believe that to be true. I also believe that she insists that she has no choice but to offer hatred with an intellectual gloss. Her reasoning is that the Universe belongs to her by right. Yes, I realize that that argument makes no sense, but Ms. Windrunner likes to imply that everything she says is entirely and totally true. This is what her obloquies amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of viperine drivel devised by her "special people" and mindlessly multiplied by the most conceited swindlers you'll ever see. I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that I can't count the number of times I've wanted to introduce an important but underrepresented angle on Ms. Windrunner's sullen beliefs. What I mean is that perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of untrustworthy profiteers. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that if you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, Ms. Windrunner's animadversions, which are constructions of dubious stability in their own right, are built on highly questionable foundations. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, I have begged Ms. Windrunner's worshippers to step forth and counteract the subtle but pervasive social message that says that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Ms. Windrunner might retaliate? I would venture the answer has something to do with fetishism. To elaborate, if we let Ms. Windrunner hammer a few more nails into the coffin of freedom, civilization itself will fall. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Ms. Windrunner would have us believe that mage towers are in fact covert mind-control devices that use scalar waves to beam images into people's brains while they sleep. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject.
By now, the listener has discerned that Ms. Windrunner is unable to support her assertions with documentation of any sort. So let me just add that I want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Ms. Windrunner still has the ability to persuade many of her foes to enter into a one-way "dialogue" with her.
Here's the heart of the matter: Ms. Windrunner's off-the-cuff comments are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, there is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of debauched, obstreperous backbiters but the hope that makes you eager to balkanize her sententious posse into an etiolated and sapless agglomeration. Everybody loves a good game of hide-and-seek: find the person, find the hidden item, or, in Ms. Windrunner's case, find the hidden agenda. If Ms. Windrunner opened her eyes, she'd realize that her love of adversarialism and boosterism gives a new, perverse dimension to the old adage, "there is no disputing about tastes.""
Caleb was quite pleased to see the Forsaken pay attention to him so fervently. They looked as if they had finally found a power that is actually on their side. Smiling his wicked smile, he hence continued.
"I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to mention a bit about dotty knuckleheads such as Ms. Windrunner because doing so clearly demonstrates how many of us do not wish to live within her walls of metagrobolism. So what's the connection between that and her writings? The connection is that my long-term goal is to advance freedom in nations strangled by tyranny. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, Ms. Windrunner spouts the same bile in everything she writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue she's notorious for is "assimilation", which says to me that when Ms. Windrunner was first found hamstringing our efforts to keep the faith, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Ms. Windrunner is planning to teach unambitious concepts to children, I'm downright terrified.
Ms. Windrunner has nothing but contempt for you, and you don't even know it. That's why I feel obligated to inform you that her scornful rantings stand as our generation's most prominent monument to anti-intellectualism. The logical consequences of that are clear: Ms. Windrunner always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to her; nothing else matters—except maybe to take us all back to the Stone Age. I tell you this because if I said that Ms. Windrunner can be trusted to judge the rest of the world from a unique perch of pure wisdom, I'd be a liar. But I'd be being thoroughly honest if I said that if there's one thing that she's good at, it's spreading the germs of hatred, of discord and jealously, of dissolution and decomposition.
Given a choice of having Ms. Windrunner poison the relationship between teacher and student or having my bicuspids extracted with no herbs to ease the pain, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. Statements like, "The depth of her disdain for the public and the height of her hubris are evident in her attempts to toss quaint concepts like decency, fairness, and rational debate out the window" accurately express the feelings of most of us here. I was, however, going to forget about the whole thing when it suddenly occurred to me that I realize that the tone of this speech may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you're somewhat uncomfortable listening to Ms. Windrunner's inarticulate threats please don't blame me for them. I'm not the one making us too confused, demoralized, and disunited to put up an effective opposition to her pronouncements. I'm not the one causing (or at least contributing to) a variety of social ills. And I'm not the one slandering those who are most systematically undervalued, underpaid, underemployed, underfinanced, underinsured, underrated, and otherwise underserved and undermined as undeserving and underclass."
Cracking his knuckles and chewing on his pipe some more, Caleb paused to contemplate what he would say next. After a moment, he thus spoke.
"I, hardheaded cynic that I am, feel no more personal hatred for Ms. Windrunner than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, she and her protégés are on a recruiting campaign, trying to convince everyone they meet to participate in remaking the map of the world into a Ms. Windrunner-friendly chessboard of puppet regimes and occupation governments. Don't join that band; instead, remember the scriptures of the Holy Text of the Light: "Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil." She's completely inconsistent in her views. On one hand, she insists that attacking the very fabric of this nation is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. But on the other hand, she favors imposing a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. How much clearer do I have to explain things before you can see her hypocrisy?
Ms. Windrunner truly believes that her mistakes are always someone else's fault. What kind of wishful world is she living in? This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly because she wants to wreck our country, derail our civilization, and threaten the people of Azeroth with extinction. Faugh. Her sympathizers, who are many and far in between, believe that she has the authority to issue licenses for practicing sophism. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that Ms. Windrunner is cunctipotent can believe anything, especially if it's false. In conclusion, let me just say that the elasticity of Ms. Sylvanas Windrunner's interpretation of the Holy Text of the Light shields Ms. Windrunner from having to take a stand for anything morally correct yet politically (spiritually?) unpopular."
Caleb didn't even have time to react when the arrow hit his shoulder. Another whizzed by, while a third hit him in his thigh. Falling off the stage, he could only see the approach of a cloaked figure along with several Forsaken guard. Feeling the poison in his veins, he could only hear a small laugh amongst the chaos of his audience. Before, he blacked out, he recognized the assailant.
It was Sylvanas Windrunner.
*So, the second interludes coming up after this. Feedback is always welcome.*