This has a lot of dialog that doesn't belong to me. All belongs to rightful owners. I would like to give thanks to ZabuLover25 from for giving me this idea through a video they made. Thanks to all for reading and hope you find it as funny as I did.
After the meeting I requested that everyone meet us back here in about two hours. Aizen had stated that all Espada, including myself, would have the next couple of day to do as we pleased. At his mention of that my evil grin grew even bigger. Everyone gave me questioning looks at my request but all agreed to do so. Still smiling evilly I asked if Grimmjow and Szayel would come with me for a while.
We walked off towards Szayel's lab so I could set my plan into action. Grimmjow was arguing with Szayel about something while I was thinking about what exactly I was going to do. Many ideas had come to mind but there were only two that I couldn't determine which would be better. Smiling I sighed and told the two lower class Espada to stay in the lab until I returned. They both nodded and I departed to gather a few items from the human world.
When I returned Grimmjow was tied up and gagged in the corner of the room. I let out a light laugh at the sight of my poor panther bound and gagged. Sadly though it slightly turned me on to see him bound. Dirty thoughts crept into my mind and I found myself blushing a light shade of pink. Szayel turned around and looked at me with a questioned look. Grimmjow was attempting to talk but was too muffled to understand.
"What's the meaning of this?" the pink haired Espada snapped.
"I need you to take Grimmjow and stand outside the door for like fifteen minutes." I ordered ignoring his question.
With a heavy sigh he obeyed and drug my panther out the door. Smiling happily I set up the room to my liking. Before I let the two men in I whipped up a little "drink" for them. Smiling evilly again I opened the door and handed Szayel his drink. Untying Grimmjow, I handed him his.
"Drink this and then come in side." I smiled and walked back in.
Five minutes later the two walked in.
"Now on Szayel stand here," I smiled as I put said man behind a table. "And Grimmjow you stand here." I smiled putting him on the other side of the same table.
We all returned to the meeting room. I was standing in front of my chair with a triumphant grin. Grimmjow and Szayel both looked drugged which had everyone slightly worried.
"What's the meaning of this Ame-chan?" Aizen questioned as he took his seat at the head of the table.
"Well we all get to lay back for a few days so I thought I would start this wonderful break with something to put everyone in an upbeat mood…well almost everyone." I winked.
I pressed a couple of buttons and the lights went out as a screen showed my handy work.
*The following is property of whoever created Foamy the Squirrel. The link to the video with Grimmjow is on my profile for all who wish to watch.*
"Hello. Welcome to Starchmucks Coffee. May-" A Helium high Szayel stated.
"Coffee. Black coffee. Just black. With darkness." An also Helium high Grimmjow interrupted.
"Ok, that will be $17.25. Um…may I have your zip code, please?"
"Zip code?"
"Um…yeah."
"Um…why?"
"Well we get people's zip codes and phone numbers so that we can send them money saving coupons in the mail. It's very helpful."
"My zip code is 0000."
"Um…that's not a valid zip code sir."
"Nah, nah it is. I, I live in space. Above the Earth. It was the first zip code.
Szayel sighed and then asked, "Um…would you like to use your Starchmucks Credit Card for this purchase?"
"Credit card? For a coffee shop? Are you fucking kidding me?"
"If you don't have one then you can open an account here, like right now. Would you like to sign up for our Starchmucks Credit Card today?"
"Dude, I'm just buying coffee! I don't need to open up a credit card with you people."
"Ok. Will you be using your Coffee Drinkers Rewards Card today?"
"Dude, all I want is my fucking coffee! I don't want to go through a whole thing of opening accounts and giving out social security numbers! Just give me my fucking coffee!"
"But if your reward card you can save 10% on this purchase."
"Dude, I just wasted 10% of my life waiting for this thing! Just give me my fucking coffee! Alright give it to me! Give me the coffee!"
"Would you like to donate a dollar to the-"
"I will fucking kill you. Do you hear me? I will tear off your fucking balls and staple them to your fucking forehead. Stop fucking around and get me my fucking coffee!"
"I'm just trying to do my job sir."
"Then get my fucking coffee!"
"There's no need to be rude sir."
"Yeah there is. When I get a cup of coffee I should not be approached paperwork in order to complete the transaction! And seriously, offering a credit card to every shmuck who comes in here looking for caffeine is just ridiculous! It's ridiculous! Stupid!"
"All businesses do it sir."
"Yeah exactly and that's why the economy is doing so well."
"Um…the economy is not doing well…sir."
"I know that you fucking moron. I'm being fucking sarcastic."
"Ooooh. Ok, now what size did you want? Uh, grande, tall, or vente?"
"Mother fucker!"
As the clip ended I couldn't see due to being on the ground laughing my fucking ass off. Tears were falling from my eyes as well as everyone else's. It was priceless. Even Ulquiorra was laughing to where he couldn't breathe. This was going to go into my book as the most evil thing I've ever done. No wait the most evil would be to upload it to the human world's thing named "Internet". I finally was able to breathe again and sat back in my chair.
"I'm so, so, so sorry my dear Grimmjow but I just had to show you just how evil I could be." I smiled evilly as I tried to suppress another fit of laughter.
"If that's all Ame-chan then-"
"Actually, if you all wouldn't mind watching one more. This one is just of Grimmjow…well you can hear Szayel's voice but that's it. Fair warning, this has music to it." I smiled evilly as I pressed play.
*The following is property of Dennis Leary.*
"Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know
I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I'm your average white, suburbanite slop
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat"
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in the handicap spaces
While handicapped people make handicap faces
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
Nah
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
You know what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And make brown baby sea lions for head lights (yeah)
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greeseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we've got the bombs, that's why
2 words, nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tinian Square and it won't make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15million times
That's how pissed off the duke's gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Castive Eddies,
and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckenthorp, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas...
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it" Grimmjow sang with Szayel as back up. *Back up is everything in parenthesis*
Again everyone was laughing their asses off. Now I truly was evil and was hoping that my point had gotten across. Fuck with me and I'll make a fucking idiot out of you. Smiling I got up and headed towards the door. My job was done and now I needed a nice hot shower to properly relax.
As I got out of the shower I found a very pissed off Grimmjow sitting at the foot of his bed glaring at me. If looks could kill I would have died the moment the bathroom door opened. Smiling I walked over to my bed and just as I was about to lay down I felt his eyes on me.
"Grimmjow it was funny as hell. It was for entertainment." I stated.
"You are such a fucking bitch. First you drug us and then you do this. You fucking bitch."
I couldn't help but laugh at the tone of his voice. This just pissed him off even more. The next thing I knew I was on my back pinned down with Grimmjow on top of me.