A/N: I have the impression that some people wanted me to continue this… Unfortunately, I had killer writer's block for IZ which miraculously cleared to reveal… THIS!
I, Invader Gilly, present to you:
MARY SUE, WE HATE YOU! PART TWO! (Complete with OOCness!)
Disclaimer: Zim ain't mine. Sigh…
It had been a week since the brutal slaughter of Gip. Such a sad incident. Gip had been beautiful, sexy, beauticious, shmexy, smexy, lovely, and all of the above. The most horrible thing was that it had been on the day of her wedding to Zim, the ONE TWUE WUV OF HER LIFE!1111!
"GIR! I can't control myself!" shouted Zim to his servant one day. "There are… RAGING HORMONES in my body!"
GIR giggled. "I like hormones!"
Zim stroked his chin pensively. "I still can't believe that Gip was the mother of the Dib-stink! My mortal enemy!" And just because he was feeling spontaneous, Zim decided, "I will ruthlessly slaughter Dib, sprinkle his mortal remains on the grave of my beloved, therefore bringing her back to life!"
Yes, readers. The unthinkable has happened. Irkens have discovered voodoo.
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Across town, in a dark room, Dib was sitting on his bed, bawling his eyes out.
"Noooooo! Mooooooom!" He wailed, suddenly turning emo and slashing his wrists. "Why did you have to leave as soon as I found you! You're all I have to live for!"
"Shut up, Dib!" yelled Gaz from downstairs. "That little weirdo wasn't Mom!"
Dib's eyes welled up with tears again. "Gaz! Don't say that! I know you are just a wounded soul who acts tough just to protect your fragile self-esteem."
BANG!
The door to Dib's room flew open, revealing Gaz on the other side, looking pissed and really scary.
"What was that you said, Dib?"
Dib sniffed and wiped his nose with the corner of his trench coat. It suddenly dawned on him that calling Gaz 'fragile' wasn't the best idea.
"Wait, Gaz!" Dib choked, as Gaz hoisted him up by the throat. "I have another way to satisfy your blood lust!"
Gaz slowly let him down. "I'm listening."
"We can kill Zim!"
Gaz blinked. That was… impulsive. "Umm…"
"I'll give you my allowance until I'm eighteen."
"Deal."
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Zim and GIR walked through a park, deadly weapons in hand. Suddenly, a BEAUTIFUL girl with flowing honey colored hair and mysterious deep blue eyes that held the secret to life on earth walked by, swinging her hips. Zim stopped in his tracks, all thoughts of resurrecting Gip gone from his mind. Rushing up to the beauty, he knelt on one knee and grabbed her hand, kissing it.
"Mademoiselle" Zim said, in a sexy, husky French accent that appeared out of nowhere. "Please, what is your name?"
The girl didn't seem surprised in the slightest that a complete stranger had come up to her and grabbed her hand. "Hello, sweetheart" she mused in an adorable southern accent. "My name's Jacqueline Anna Catheryne Kiwi Amazing Stunning Sue. Are you Invader Zim?"
"Huh?" Zim asked, French accent vanishing in a flash. "How do you know that?"
J.A.C.K.A.S.S. (for those were her initials) winked at Zim, her eyes now turning purple. "I have my ways."
Zim glomped her waist. "No! Don't leave! Let's be together forever! In fact, let's get married!"
J.A.C.K.A.S.S. gasped. "I'd love to! But, I have a deep, dark secret that shouldn't be shared. However, in the mere five minutes that I've known you, I feel like I can trust you."
J.A.C.K.A.S.S. lifted up her pant leg, revealing shapely smooth legs. Zim was confused.
"Your secret is that you have hot legs?"
"No, silly-willy" said J.A.C.K.A.S.S. with a tinkling laugh that would make Tinkerbell jealous. She pushed an obvious button on a not so obvious anklet and her image flickered like a hologram. Suddenly Zim realized that she was an Irken!
"Oh, Zim" sighed the strange, skimpily dressed Irken. "I am Tallest Red's daughter" she blinked her teal eyes sadly. "He exiled me because I totally defied Irken law!"
Zim waited a few seconds before asking, "Uh, what did you do?"
J.A.C.K.A.S.S. laughed again. "Oh, too bad! You got the lazy-ass author who doesn't bother to go into detail on my back-story. It is tragic though, I can tell you that!"
Zim grinned. "Okie-dokie! Wanna go get married?"
"SQUEE!" squeed J.A.C.K.A.S.S., deafening several people nearby. "Let's go!" Suddenly her anklet beeped (yea, this girl is 2 cool 4 a wrist watch! LOLOLOLOLOL!111!)
"Oh! It's my sister! She has also found a boyfriend! Do you mind if we have a double wedding?"
"Not at all me petite chou" said Zim in French. He would do anything for his sugar muffin!
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Meanwhile…
Dib and Gaz were walking through the park towards Zim's house, WMDs in hand. Suddenly, OMIGOSH! A beautiful girl walked by, her black hair swishing back and forth. She had grass green eyes and she had a wonderful hourglass figure that made Dib drool. Gaz face palmed and walked back home.
Meh she thought. You've seen one Sue, you've seen 'em all.
Dib promptly fainted and the girl, being the Incredibly Awesome Person ™ that she was, rushed over to help him up, splashing his face with a bottle of water that she kept in her Emergency Purse ™.
Dib woke up looking into the beautiful orange eyes of the golden haired girl.
"Wait a second" he croaked. "Didn't you used to have black hair and green eyes?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Heh. You're pretty."
"I know."
Indeed she was. Unfortunately, the afore mentioned lazy-ass author does not want to trudge through meaningless dialogue and descriptive dialogue that would make these 2D characters 3D, so we'll just skip to the part you've all been waiting for…
"PrettyGurl, will you marry me?"
"LOL!" squealed PrettyGurl, waving her arms in excitement and accidently knocking out a helpless old lady that was taking her evening stroll through the park.
"Wait! Lemme call my sister so she can come!"
"But I just proposed!"
"I know! Let's have the wedding tonight!"
Suddenly, rainbows appeared behind Dib as his eyes went all anime. "You would do that? I can't wait! I need to escape the raging horror of my life! My daddy beats me, you know."
PrettyGurl gasped. "What a cowinkidink! My daddy beats me too! We were MEANT 2 B!"
So, of course, PrettyGurl called J.A.C.K.A.S.S. and of course Zim and Dib didn't care that they were having a double wedding with their mortal enemy because they were with their TWO WUVS!
Gip turned in her grave. Wherever Cutie was, she was laughing her butt off.
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In the space of a mere three minutes, J.A.C.K.A.S.S. and PrettyGurl were able to do their hair, makeup, and find dresses that hugged their perfect figures.
(Of course, the fact that they're blatant Mary-Sues might contribute to that.)
So J.A.C.K.A.S.S., Zim, PrettyGurl, and Dib stood in a small Chapel in front of an old priest.
The priest cleared his throat. "If anyone has any reason why these couples should not be joined in marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Silence.
"Then I pronounce you –"
"WAIT!"
The five turned to the doorway to face –
"Like, OMG!" J.A.C.K.A.S.S. said. "It's Jhonen Vasquez!"
The King of Awesomeness himself stormed in, looking awesome. Ignoring the happy couples entirely, he threateningly pointed a finger at the sky.
"What the hell is this!" he bellowed.
I paused in my typing to confront the King, immediately wilting under his icy glare.
"Um, well" I swallowed. "It's a humor fic, see."
Uh-huh."
" Aw, come on, Mr. V! It's a parody! Just look at the title!"
"Change them back. Now."
"Spoilsport" I muttered.
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Dib and Zim awoke on Zim's floor, groaning.
"Ugh, what happened?" asked Dib, adjusting his glasses.
"Hm" Zim thought. "I think I was destroying the Earth."
"Yeah" said Dib. "Yeah, that was it. Anyway. YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT ALIEN SCUM!"
"TRY AND STOP ME EARTH FILTH!"
Across town, Gaz Membrane paused her game and sighed happily.
"The rightful order has been restored."
THE END!
A/N: Gah! Jhonen hates me! T_T
Oh, well. :P Review, everyone!
~Gilly