THANK YOU for all of your reviews! Woohoo! (This chapter's a longer one…)

Oh yeah… I don't own anything. I'm neither making any money off of this, nor do I intend to ever try to. It's all just for good old fashioned fun.

Tuesday, July 19

10:15 AM

I had believed, until recently, that the worst smell in the world was my brother Ronald's feet. Now, I have become accustomed to a far more potent stench—far worse than Ron's feet or anything that Humphrey could produce from his bum.

Percy has been gallivanting around our home all day whilst drenched in what he has mistaken for "cologne". He's over the moon about it, though, and won't tolerate any nasty comments about it. His reason for liking the vile substance is because (and I quote) "Everyone who's anyone is wearing it! The minister himself suggested it to me…" After that, we all stopped listening to him. We're all sick and tired of hearing about the Minister of Magic.

Well, the cologne, in my opinion, reeks of conformity—which is by far the worst stench in the world. I'm embarrassed to be in the same room as my strange older brother—which isn't any different than how I've always felt when around him. It's just… you know things are bad when you have to resort to grabbing your nasty brother's foot and inhaling its stench deeply whenever your poofter of an older brother prances by. I have had to take four baths today because of Percy. Curse him and his conforming ideals.

11:49 AM

Mum caught me making my way to the bathroom for my fifth shower and threw a hissy fit. Honestly, no matter how I tried to explain myself to her, she just wouldn't listen. It's just something that a girl can only understand if she had grown up with 6 older brothers.

"Concerned about conserving finite resources" my arse. That's what magic is for, dear Mum.

Let's see how she'd feel after having Ron's foot rubbing all over her face and arms as he tries to wrench his limb from her grasp. She'd most certainly lost that calm composure of hers, I have no doubt about that.

2:30 PM

There's that blasted number once again. Why does it haunt me so?

Anyways, Fred and George have received their comeuppance. They had left an experiment of theirs that they were trying to test on me hanging above my door so that, when I'd enter my room, it would've fallen onto my head. What they weren't expecting was for Mum to be on her daily 'room checking rampage'. Now, although they are grown men, the two of them have been magically trapped in a room for the rest of the week. And not just ANY room. Percy's old room.

I can still hear them crying out in despair. Sweet, beautiful karma—thou art mine friend.

3:19 PM

Mum still hasn't regained her normal head size yet, nor has she gotten all of the red out of her hair. It's really quite an awful sight to behold, with the vibrant RED mixed in with her carrot-colored hair, all on top of a tiny head. It just makes it that much harder for me to respect her.

7:49 PM

Oh. Dear. Lord.

I just spent most of what could've been a beautiful day trapped in the kitchen. While my brothers were out playing a lovely game of Quidditch, I was subjected to the torture of going over wedding themes, decorations, caterers…etc.

Not only was I practically bored to tears from reading catalog after catalog and being lectured about the difference between "custard" and "yellow", but I was also exposed to the absolute horror of hearing more about my brother and father than I've ever even wanted to know. I can sort of handle hearing about whatever Bill gets up to in the bedroom without vomiting, but I could've lived my whole life happily believing that my siblings and I were the surprising miracle products of some immaculate conception. I even could've gone on blissfully believing that my parents didn't know what sex is and that they'd stolen us all from carefully-chosen couples with features similar to their own.

Maybe… just maybe, that last theory IS true. If Mum could've lied about being our true birth parent all this time, she could surely pull off lying about "how we all were conceived" to Fleur. Yeah. I like that theory.

I can now live my life with the beautiful knowledge that my parents have never seen each other naked. Phew. That's a relief…

8:17 PM

Dad tried to push the chastity belt on me again. I, being the articulate young lady that I am, ended up slamming my book down on my desk and then yelling out: "I refuse to follow into your footsteps and join the family's criminal business, Dad! I want to have kids of my own someday!" And then I ran out of my own room.

I don't believe that my father has ever looked at me quite that way before. I believe that it is because I have figured out their life-long secret. He probably just never expected to have such a genius for a daughter.

10:47 PM

Mum walked into my room and sat on my bed earlier with unreadable eyes. I just stared back, unwavering with my angry glare. After a few minutes of our silent battle, she shook her head and stood up to walk out of my room. As she left, she muttered loudly enough for me to hear: "I just don't know what to do with you, Ginevra…"

I wouldn't know what to do with me either. I must admit that I am a strange 'child' for someone to have to raise.

11:23 PM

I hate clocks…

Anyhoo, Humphrey seems to have gone missing. I'm not really worried, though.

If he was kidnapped, I'm more concerned about his captor than him, and if he wandered off, he wouldn't be able to survive without Mum's cooking for too long. He'll show up eventually.

Wednesday, July 20

9:45 AM

I'm so proud of my new-found information!

I just learned some new American Muggle slang! According to Ron, American Muggles have certain ways of saying things that they find 'cool'. These words are apparently mainly said by skinny, lanky Muggle boys with giant shirts and pants that they wear under their bums. These strange Muggles can't even wear hats the proper way! They wear them backwards. Hahahahahahaha.

Anyways, Rons says a 'home skillet biscuit' is what they call their Mums over there. Also, when one 'breaks out a nine and busts a cap', they're hugging someone. They even call their best friends their 'baby daddies' and they refer to a certain pastime of theirs as 'screwing'.

I dunno which pastime that it is because nobody would tell me. My brothers always do enjoy leaving me in the dark. Even with strange American-Muggle slang.

Nevertheless, I've decided to start to expand my vocabulary with these bizarre words.

11:17 AM

Percy is such a poof. I walked downstairs in my favorite torn-up, lime green sweatpants with a neon pink zebra shirt, and he just about went ballistic. His exact words were: "My eyes! Oh, the horror! However could parents of mine allow for a fruit of their loins to dress like a Muggle circus clown! I must leave forthwith before I damage my corneas from beholding such atrociousness!" Then he disapparated on the spot.

To be quite honest, I half expected for sparkly glitter to be left behind and for the pop of apparation to sound more like a dainty 'ting'.

2:35 PM

Oh sod it all.

Mum has officially joined the 'Ginny-is-sixteen-now-so-that-must-mean-that-she'll-become-a-common-tart' campaign.

I was cleaning up my room and gathering all of my laundry together when Mum found a pair of bright red, lacy knickers with 'bite me' written on the bum part. She threw a fit right there in my room. I tried to explain to her that the knickers had been a joke gift given to me by Collin… but that just made things even worse.

Now, Mum won't stop bombarding me with Muggle pamphlets about safe sex, or trying to teach me all sorts of 'tricks' that I should know to prevent pregnancy. Seriously. I haven't ever even kissed a boy for crying out loud!

My family is full of absolute nutters.

3:54 PM

Hahahahaha. I got absolutely bored and decided to read one of those Muggle pamphlets that Mum had shoved into my room. There was this funny little still cartoon under the section about 'The Danger of Abortions and the Possible Horrific Outcomes'. The picture was of a fetus inside of the womb crying "Get away from me!" and scrambling to get away from an evil-looking healer's face and hands. Honestly… what was all of him doing down there?

Muggles are so strange.

4:56 PM

We found Humphrey in Ron's room; when Ron found out about this, he almost fainted. Especially when he saw the thing that Humphrey was curled up in.

Humphrey had chewed up Ron's favorite Chuddley Cannons blanket had and made it into a sort of nest-thing. I thought that it was absolutely adorable. Ron, however, cried until his eyes looked about as large as a couple of quaffles. THEN, when he was finally finished being a baby girl, he did the stupidest thing in the world; he tried to grab the remaining pieces of his 'blankie' from under Humphrey. When Humphrey tried to protect his nest, Ron then screamed like a little girl and ran out of the room.

He deserved it. I would try to bite someone also if they woke me up just because they were trying to take something I was currently napping on.

5:14 PM

I have been invited to join my fattie of a cousin on a "good ol' fashioned camping trip" in two days. To be completely honest, I'm not looking forward to this at all. Alas, Mum hates me and told the chubby family members of mine that I "would enjoy nothing more than to bask in the presence of normal people for a week".

It is to be a week of living like a common Muggle. Truthfully, I don't mind Muggles in the least bit, and, having been raised by a father like mine, I actually find them rather interesting. However, that does not mean that I will enjoy not being able to be around any kind of magic.

I hate my family sometimes.

11:32 PM

Mum found out about Ron's destroyed 'blankie' and threw a fit just like him. She then forced me to sit down in the living room and hand-knit him a brand new Chuddley Cannons blanket.

I don't have any knitting skills whatsoever; Mum just didn't pass that marvelous talent of hers onto her beloved daughter. So, the blanket had some sort of sleeve-looking thing popping out of it and one or two giant blobs of yarn stuck on it. It also read 'Chunky Onions' and had what looked like a fat bearded lady riding on a toothbrush sewed onto it.

Mum, being the lovely woman that she is, told me that it was wonderful and forced Ron to use it at once. His face scrunched up like he wanted to cry again as he stuck his right arm into the 'sleeve' and then forced a smile on his miserable face.

I have never wanted a camera more than I did at that moment in time.

Thursday, July 21

2:30 AM

…

6:15 AM

Harry-bloody-Potter and Hermione-'I know everything'-Granger showed up this morning. I dunno who they were trying to fool by Apparating in at different times. It was obvious, to me at least, from Hermione's even messier hair/lack of lipstick and Harry's crookedly-buttoned shirt/flustered face that they'd come from the same place. I got some fun out of it, though. When Harry passed by me and tousled my hair as if I was five years old, I grabbed his arm and innocently stated "You applied that lipstick all wrong, Harry dear; it's supposed to go on your mouth, not your shirt collar" right where everyone could hear it. I love upsetting them all. It's what they deserve for being so bloody annoying.

7:18 AM

Mum has helped me pack my bags for the "Trip to Hell", as I've so lovingly dubbed it.

She won't listen to my pleas for mercy. She honestly believes that hanging around my fattie-relatives for a week whilst living like a Muggle will be good for me.

Why does she keep saying that? It's going to be the exact opposite of "living like a muggle". My family is full of Pureblood wizards. They may be related to my father (and therefore own the Muggle-obsession gene) but they honestly know next to nothing about Muggles.

9:25 AM

The 'Golden Trio' is so annoying. I'm not the complete idiot that they've convinced themselves I am; I'm well aware of the fact that they are all trying to find a way to destroy Voldemort once and for all.

The three of them like to think that they live in this alternate universe where the story revolves around them and that they're solely destined to be the ones to stop the psycho Half-blood with an inferiority complex from taking over the world. They just can't accept the fact that somebody else other than them could have any ideas on how to help them out. 'Dumbledore left them with a mission' my arse.

They're taking orders from a dead man and I'm the strange one? I've said it once and I will say it again: I live amongst such blatant hypocrites.

11:20 AM

I was trying to eavesdrop on the Golden Trio, but instead ended up knocking into the cabinet in the hallway. Ouch…

In my opinion, getting hurt in the breasts is the female equivalent to guys getting hit in their genital region.

12:34 PM

I was hungry for something meaty, so I grabbed some leftover meat from the night before and set it on a plate. While I was in the kitchen, however, I noticed some chocolate frogs sitting on the counter and wanted those, too. It seemed perfectly normal to me at the time to not waste my time eating one and then the other (my laziness knows no bounds), so I used a simple illegal—because I'm not 17—heating charm to melt the chocolate over my chicken.

Mum walked into the kitchen while I was eating my concoction and almost had an aneurism. Immediately, she freaked out and asked me all of these random questions about when my last period was and if my breasts had been sore at all lately. I told her that I hadn't really been keeping track of my periods so I wasn't sure, and then I rubbed my breast and said that it was hurting not too long ago, but the pain had passed. Then I pointed to my chocolate-covered chicken and sheepishly smiled at her, admitting that I had just had a strange craving for it and apologizing for its nasty appearance.

She fainted right there in the kitchen, but I paid her no mind. She's quieter when she's unconscious, and I saw no fault in leaving her there for a little while longer.

1:24 PM

I was reading another one of those funny Muggle pregnancy pamphlets to pass the time when Mum walked into my room with an icepack floating above her head. Upon seeing my reading material, she gasped and then promptly fled my room, looking as if she were about to cry.

I dunno what's gotten into her lately… but at least whatever it is has bought me some peace of mind.

5:17 PM

My entire family has been acting very strange around me today. I saw Dad outside, burning a levitating chastity belt. I didn't hear all of what he said, but I heard him cry out something that sounded like: "What a wasted effort!"

Ron and Bill both tend to get really red when in my presence and constantly clench their fists as if they're about to hit someone. Percy shakes his head when he sees me and mutters under his breath things about me that I probably don't want to hear—that doesn't really bother me, though, considering the fact that I do the same thing to him. Even Fleur hasn't tried to make me her best friend at all today. She just looks at me as if I'm some common Muggle street walker. Then there's Mum, who just cries a lot lately, especially when I walk near her.

Fred and George are the only ones who don't seem to hate me, and that's only because they're still trapped in Percy's old room. The only time they're seen or heard is when Mum brings their food up to them, or when their making their routine potty breaks.

It's like they're in jail…

8:34 PM

My entire family is insane! I was forced to hole myself up in my own room just to escape their strange behavior.

Humphrey seems to be the only sane one in the household at the moment… and he's a chinchilla.

10:12 PM

I got a random package today. The person sent me a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates—for once, though, this person captured and held my attention with them before I threw them out in disgust at the clichéd nature of the gifts. This wasn't the first time that I'd received flowers and chocolates from a secret admirer. This was something that, for some reason, happened to me a few times—I usually just didn't put up with the vile things because the concept is just so dried up.

This time, though, it wasn't a bouquet of expensive roses or another beautiful, pricey flower… it was a vase charmed to not spill over that was full of dandelions—my favorite type of 'flower'. There was even a note charmed to the front of it that read:

'Nature's most misunderstood plant for Nature's most misunderstood girl'

Curse this person for being so cheesy!

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing over after reading the note. I was just so unused to having someone understand my strangeness. I didn't even know this person and they had already made me cry. Sod it all.

Oh, and the chocolate box hadn't been full of chocolate at all; it was simply filled with Muggle safety pins. I had been confused, until I read the note that was in the heart-shaped box. This note was not nearly as adorable as the flower note, but was far more informative. It read:

'These are to ensure the lack of future incidents like the one at dinner that night. Sorry that I couldn't make it to your house for the second dinner. No matter how much I wanted to see your lovely green bra again, I simply could not forgo my previous engagement. Enjoy the flowers, Ginevra. I hope to meet with you soon.

-D'

After reading that, I almost had a heart attack. Sexy friend of Mr. Obvious-combover's greasy son (that's certainly a mouthful) had written me… and had sent me "FLOWERS". I know that I should be more worried about figuring out what the bloody hell this 'D' was talking about when he said: 'I hope to meet with you soon'…but I'm too far-gone into lala land right now to be worrying about such pointless things. I'm so happy that it feels as if I'm floating off of my bed as I'm writing this—which has happened before…

Anyways, I've decided that, no matter how strange my family has been acting towards me, this summer has officially become the best summer of my short life!

I just hate how Karma, my so-called friend, likes to ruin things for me just when everything looks to be perfect.

I just hope that my good fortune lasts until school starts. Nobody cares about you when you're miserable at school—it's to be expected. Being miserable during the summer, however, should be illegal.

THANKS FOR READING! Please review again… and thanks once again for all that did review the last chapter.

By the way, I actually have eaten chocolate-covered chicken before. It's quite disgusting and was only done on a dare, but I will admit to doing it. Now… ranch and icecream… that's not too bad. :P

*random*

_-Ketchupdtoytle-_