These were written whilst I suffered from a severe allergic reaction to something. So, while I COULD'VE BEEN scratching and wallowing in self-pity, I instead occupied my time with typing up the fics that I've been neglecting. Heh heh.

Please leave a review; I'm down on my blotchy, rash-covered knees here. It's quite embarrassing.

Wednesday, September 1

2:23 AM

Just had the weirdest dream ever. In it, I got slipped a potion, which tricked me into marrying one of Hagrid's newest pets. I had refused to wear anything other than a purple veil, and Harry Potter had been the priest.

Hmmm… no more studying before bedtime. Or at all, really. I can just tell Mum that she was wrong and that studying has ceased to be useful. It's only caused me subconscious misery.

Yeah. That'll go over well, I think.

2:40 AM

I can't tell if I actually fell asleep or if I've just been lying in bed for about 20 minutes.

I can't stay up all night, though. I have something important to do it the morning.

I just can't remember what that 'something' is, exactly…

2:41 AM

This is driving me absolutely mad! I can't remember what's supposed to be happening today.

2:45 AM

I'm going to make a list and figure it out from there.

Possible Important Events

-Fred and George are taking me along with them to Brazil?

-Humphrey's birthday?

-Mum's 6th 39th birthday?

-Fred's Birthday?

-Last-minute shopping for a birthday?

-Percy's getting the stick in his arse surgically removed?

-The-boy-who-lived is going to propose to Ron?

Okay this is just getting silly.

I've narrowed down the list and have decided that tomorrow is most likely someone's birthday. I'll just be as calm as possible, and use my sneaky detective skills to figure this out.

For now, I should probably go to sleep.

3:01 AM

As I was crawling back into my bed, I rolled over onto a not-so-little present that Humphrey left behind for me.

Great. He must've mistaken me for Ron.

He loves me too much to do this to me on purpose.

3:46 AM

I'm such a hard worker and good pet owner.

I got all fresh and clean in the shower and then realized that I couldn't exactly go back to sleep on my soiled bed.

So, I did the right thing and lured a sleepwalking Ron into the bed using chocolate frogs.

Humphrey immediately abandoned his little make-shift nest in the corner and made a mad-dash for an unconscious Ronald.

I left the room with Humphrey gnawing on Ron's hair with a very content look upon his face.

9:33 AM

My back hurts. I had slept on Ron's floor because I refused to sleep on Ron's bed.

I mean, who knows how much gas and stink has sunken into that bed over the past few days?

There are just some things that one can't un-smell.

9:40 AM

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha… Ron looks as if he just got the snot beaten out of him. He's in a very rotten mood also.

I mean, he's missing quite a bit of his hair and still smells faintly like Humphrey pee, but I still think that I did him a favor. Mum has been bothering him for months to cut his "girlish hair", but he just hasn't listened. Now he doesn't have to worry about that anymore.

9:43 AM

Ron keeps shooting me these death glares whenever he happens to look my way.

What's up his arse? It's not my fault that everyone finds his misery hilarious, nor is it my fault that my pet chinchilla isn't excluded from that group.

9:55 AM

I sneakily walked up to Percy and casually asked what he thinks "the perfect gift would be for a day such as today".

My logic was that, if it had been his birthday, he would've told me what he wants, and if it had been someone else's he would've told me what he got for them. My plan was fool-proof.

What I didn't expect was for him to raise his perfectly-plucked eyebrow at me and tell me, with the snootiest voice ever: "Stop being a bother and get ready for school, Ginevra. You wouldn't want to embarrass the family—namely me—by showing up at the platform wearing those ratty pajamas."

9:56 AM

You can hear the agonizing cries of despair and pain echoing throughout all of Europe.

And, all of Europe just heard mine.

Yes, that is right. Today is the first day of school.

I don't exactly know what to do with myself.

10:16 AM

Dad is rushing all over the place, muttering to himself about markers or something.

I dunno what it is about the first day of school that turns parents into bumbling, blubbering buffoons.

But I'm too lazy to figure that out.

10:20 AM

I'm almost afraid to go downstairs and face my parents.

Mum gets overly emotional at the start of every school year. She goes on and on about how her "precious babies aren't going to be in [her] arms for many long months".

I have two objections to this statement.

We never would be "in her arms", even if we didn't have school. I dunno what someone slips into her morning tea at the start of every year that makes her think differently.

…and

The fact that we're leaving should be a good thing.

If I were a mum, "school time" would be my very favorite time of the year, especially if my children were anything like Ron.

10:22 AM

Ugh. I just imagined myself surrounded by a horde of Rons calling me 'Mum'.

If that would ever happen, I just wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Maybe jumping off of a cliff would be nice … but how would I get all of them to do it without arousing suspicion?

10:24 AM

Bloody hell, I think I've finally gone completely mad.

10:28 AM

Oh great. Mum has covered the entire kitchen with plate after plate of "Her Ronnie and Gin-Gin's favorite foods".

I must run away before any of this is forced down my throat. There's no way that I'm filling up on Mum's cooking today. It's usually filled with tears and possibly snot on the first day of school.

No thanks, Mum. I don't like my eggs that salty.

10:44 AM

I made it onto the train and into a compartment without having to face the embarrassing display of "family-time" that my parents seem to love so much. I was feeling quite proud of myself …

That is—until I looked out of the window to find that my parents were holding up signs for Ron and me.

Not just boring, normal signs either.

They were glowing, sparkling, AND making noise.

Mum's sign read: "I love you, Ronnie and Gin-Gin! Make lots of new friends at school and always remember that nobody likes filth! Keep those rooms spotless!"

Now, this probably wouldn't be so embarrassing if she hadn't attached large, unfortunate pictures of our own rooms to the sign, demonstrating "acceptable and unacceptable states of cleanliness".

As much as Mum's sign embarrassed me, it was nothing in comparison to Dad's. His was mortifying.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and pretend that I was never kidnapped as a baby and forced into this family. (Because, of course, that is how I came to be a Weasley. My parents haven't ever been … intimate.)

Dad's sign simply read: "To any and all straight teenage boys that will be attending school with my daughter, Ginny Weasley, just know I will be watching. I have my ways. No funny business. I will track you down and personally impair your ability to father children if you hurt my baby girl. This is not a joke. Sincerely, Arthur Weasley."

I'm officially disowning my parents…

11:01 AM

Ah, the train has left the station.

mmm… now it's sleep-time. Hopefully nobody disturbs my rest. I'm purposefully avoiding Luna right now. She has done the unacceptably disgusting. She has gone and done something so vile, so disturbing, and so incredibly mortifying, that I can barely face her at the moment.

…she has developed a crush on … Ron.

I just can't believe how right people have been about her all along. She really is messed up in the head.

I may just have to disown her as well as my parents.

11:02 AM

Ugg. I'm bored. Time to locate Luna.

11:18 AM

The train is full of odd people.

After walking through the train to find Luna (who was sitting in the Golden Trio's compartment… Shocker), I have come to the conclusion that I am relatively normal in comparison to everyone that I attend school with.

Beeeehind door number 1 resided a girl that we all know and love to hate: Pansy Parkinson. Pansy Parkinson was shaving her arm hair with a Muggle appliance as some nerdy guy cheered her on.

Beeeehind door number 2 was good ol' Phil Hoggins. He was hiding underneath one of the seats. His friends were proclaiming that, depending on if he saw his own shadow or not, Phil would decide whether there would be 6 more weeks of peace-time, or if the Final Battle would finally commence.

Beeeehind door number 3 was a random lad who was wearing socks on his ears. As I passed by, he loudly yelled out that "if [I took my] feet off, [my] shoes [wouldn't] get wet".

I could list off many, many more things that happened to me in such a short amount of time, but my hand is cramping.

And I'm lazy.

And nothing else really did happen after that.

11:52 AM

So, I finally got Luna's attention after glaring at her for 30 minutes straight. To say that it shocked or scared her when she finally noticed me would be a lie. Nothing fazes that girl, even though it was my patented Epic Death Glare of Epic Death-y And Glare-y Proportions.

The Boy-Who-I-Unfortunately-Shared-Blood-With, the Boy-Who-Was-Saved-by-His-Mum-When-He-Was-a-Baby-and-Got-All-of-the-Credit, and the Pile-of-Living-Bushy-Brown-Hair didn't even notice me. They were too wrapped up in each other and some piles of paper.

This didn't bother me, though. I was too busy trying to get Luna's attention.

I was entertained by a portion of the glaring episode, though. Neville and Dean had waltzed into the compartment with smiles on their faces, looking as if they had just discovered what the real difference between boys and girls is. Of course, by that time, I was absolutely seething in the corner of the seat, and they both just happened to be the first recipients of my EDGEDAGP.

They both just backed right back out of the compartment as if they had walked into the wrong one.

I should really start my own class. It would be entitled: How to Make Grown Men Piss Their Trousers.

I would be filthy rich.

12:25 PM

Luna and I have tied up any and all loose ends in The Big Prak.

And yes, "Prak".

We had been unsure of what to name the amazing prank of ours, so at the top of the official plotting paper, we had just written down what we thought had said "The Big Prank" … as a temporary name. Unfortunately for Luna, she can't spell to save her life.

If one were to ask Luna who misspelled "prank", she'd tell you that it was me; however, this is false.

She's just in denial.

She'll get over it.

7:26 PM

It seems as if the Great Hall gets 'less great' as the years go by. Is it really possible for a school of magic to lose some of its . . . magic?

Ugh now I'm rambling.

7:28 PM

I snuck Humphrey into the Great Hall with me because I felt as if he would want to see it in all its glory.

Also, I didn't want him to be left alone with everyone's personal belongings for an extended period of time.

I wonder if I can get special permission to take Humphrey to my classes with me.

Or… I could just bring him without actually telling anyone.

Hmmm…

7:32 PM

What? Why is...

Snape is Headmaster? You've got to be kidding me.

Maybe this shouldn't be a shock to me... but I have a knack for never paying attention to "political matters" (if this even constitutes as such).

7:34 PM

Dang, Snape has a giant schnoz.

From this angle, we can almost see up into his brain.

No! Don't turn too quickly, Snape! You'll knock over a floating candle!

7:35 PM

Or maybe he should. That'd be bloody hilarious.

7:38 PM

Ugh. It takes Snape about 8 years to state his point. He does this thing where he likes to elongate every word that escapes through his thin little lips. Every word.

This was maddening enough in Potions class... but at least I'm well-fed by the time Potions rolls around.

I'm hungry and yet we're stuck slowly starving to death because it's taken Snape 10 minutes to say the word "Welcome".

7:40

I didn't listen to Dumbledore's 'state of the union' addresses when he was Headmaster. If there were to be a quiz over what Dumbledore said in his speeches over the years, I wouldn't be able to answer even one of the questions.

BUT, now that I'm suffering through a droning Snape-speech, I miss the old coot.

Except… I'm pretty sure Dumbledore did use the word "thou" at one point. Or maybe a lot in his speeches. I dunno what it was in context with, though. I was always too busy doing important things—like staring at my plate and imagining food on it (like I'm doing right now).

…Aaand right now I'm making up an Ode to the food in my head, using Dumbledore's vocabulary.

7:43 PM

Mmmm… dinner.

Thou art so delicious.

Alas, thou art also not in my stomach.

But thou will be.

Oh yes.

Thou will be.

Once this greasy man shuts his trap.

8:40 PM

I'm not talking to any of my so-called friends at the moment.

I had awoken a few minutes ago to find that everyone was neatly shoving their way out of the Great Hall.

I had apparently fallen asleep at the dinner table and nobody thought to wake me up.

I don't really care that I had been drooling all over the table for the entire school to see, and I don't care about the fact that people probably all now know that I talk in my sleep.

I'm absolutely livid about the fact that I hadn't been able to eat anything.

8:50 PM

Bloody hell… I do believe that my stomach is trying to eat its way out of my body.

Wait. Where's Humphrey?

Oh well. He's probably found Ron's things and is having his merry way with them.

He'll show up eventually.

8:56 PM

Soooo hungry.

But I can survive one night without eating something. People in those poor countries all over the world do it all of the time.

I'm strong enough to handle hunger just this once.

Yeah.

I'm Ginevra Weasley, and I control my body—not the other way around.

8:57 PM

Oh sod it all. I give up.

I'm going in search of any kind of food.

Good Lord, at this point, I'd even settle for eating a piece of moldy cheese that's been festering in Ron's sweaty socks for weeks.

8:58 PM

Ugh. Never mind. I wouldn't ever even look at Ron's socks, much less put something in my mouth that's been inside of them.

Some things are just too repulsive to imagine.

9:01 PM

I had succeeded in stealthily sneaking out of the girl's dormitories in order to begin my search for food.

Unfortunately, everyone was still awake and had all witnessed my embarrassing display of pretending to be an undercover Auror.

I'll just have to try again later.

11:17 PM

I think that it's late enough to sneak out of the common room now.

11:25 PM

Girl-Whose-Name-Slips-My-Mind just had a conversation with me. I thought for sure that I had been caught.

It had taken me a few minutes to calm my heart down before I realized that she hadn't been awake the entire time.

Now I'm going to head out to find that food, hopefully without anymore distractions.

11:34 PM

I had made it out of the 6th year girl's dormitories, through the common room, and just out of the portrait before I realized that I had no clue where the kitchens were.

I'll just have a rather large breakfast tomorrow morning.

Hopefully by then, Luna and I will have put The Big Prak into motion.

I probably won't be able to sleep, I'm so excited.

… and because I'm hungry. I mustn't forget that.

I hope that was up to par, or whatever. I'm kind of distracted at the moment with my itchiness…

Then again, this story is crazy already, so I don't think it matters too much.

Anyways...

[Humphrey will have his merry way with your beloved things if you don't review.]

_-Ketchupdtoytle-_