For a while there, I was deathly afraid that I'd be stuck with 23 reviews. O.o

Nevertheless, thank you all so much for the reviews! I can't sleep at all, so I decided: why not type up my story?

I hope that you all enjoy this!

Thursday, September 2

7:34 AM

It's only been 4 minutes since breakfast started, and I've eaten more food than Ron could ever hope to stomach.

I sure gave a few stray house-elves a fright when I stormed into the Great Hall at exactly 7:29. I imagine I did have a frightening expression on my face at the time, but up until this moment, this morning has been rather fuzzy.

I think I may've growled at Neville because he was in my way.

Oh well.

7:40 AM

I feel terrible, but, like the French, I mean terrible in both the good and bad ways.

I feel great because I no longer feel the need to eat my own hand, but then I feel awful because I ate enough food to sustain a small village.

7:55 AM

Luna just looked at me and scratched her nose. Then she winked.

What on earth is her problem?

7:57 AM

Oh! Time to initiate The Big Prak!

I would do a happy wiggle, but considering the fact that I feel like a baby hippo at the moment, that may not be the best idea.

8:23 AM

It took a while to perform the complex incantation we created, but eventually we got it right.

The Prak isn't due to start working until tomorrow, that way it's harder to link it to Luna and me, if someone were to see us out here.

Thank God Luna's a Ravenclaw. I would've never thought of that.

We make a good team, me and her.

8:31 AM

Oh no. Class schedules. I hate getting these. It just makes the fact that I'm back at school that much more real.

8:32 AM

Ugh. NEWTS will be the death of me, I swear. If I didn't want to graduate on time, and if I didn't care so much about my grades, I probably would've taken better advantage of the whole "6th year free-period"-thing.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that my 6th year schedule looks almost more strenuous than Hermione's was.

Bloody hell.

8:48 AM

I better run off to my first class, Ancient Runes (insert painful groan). It's practically on the opposite side of the building.

9:13 AM

Professor … I forget her name. Balding? Babing? Badding? … oh well.

Anyways, she has the largest glasses that I've ever seen in my life.

I do believe that she has some literal magnifying glasses to study her precious Runes with.

Hahahahaha. I crack myself up.

9:17 AM

Professor Blind assigned us seats and stuck me behind this boy with the shiniest hair I've ever seen. Hmmm… maybe I should ask him for styling tips.

9:19 AM

What on earth is that terrible smell?

It smells like what I imagine a grown man's soiled diaper would smell.

No. It smells like something that crawled into a grown man's soiled diaper… and died.

I don't think that I can handle much more of this.

9:22 AM

Shiny-haired guy shifted and so did the smell, ever-so-slightly.

Oh my. He has quite a bit of dandruff also.

Oh bloody hell. That's grease on his head that's making his hair so shiny!

I'm going to keep you right near me, diary, so that his crusty little head flakes won't land on you.

9:30 AM

Professor Blind just commented on how diligently I've been taking notes and stated to the class that "they could all learn some good habits from Ginevra Weasley".

Heh heh. Teachers always assume that I'm a marvelous note-taker. If only they knew what I was really doing whilst they droned on and on…

9:45 AM

Ugh. Homework on the first day back?

If said homework weren't so easy, I'd probably send in a formal complaint.

9:50 AM

Defense Against the Dark Arts time!

Unfortunately, from what I saw of the new DADA teacher, he's kind of boring-looking.

I don't think that I'll enjoy this class too much this year.

10:02 AM

He looks about ready to soil himself.

Oh sod it all. If he doesn't show a bit of backbone any time soon, he's going to be in big trouble.

10:05 AM

"This is my first time teaching, so please go easy on me for a little while. I'm not a firm believer in being strict, so this class will be as fun as I can possibly make it. Do you guys know why? Because learning is fun."

He just signed and dated a death wish.

Not his own.

He just murdered any possibility of us respecting him.

10:20 AM

He just announced that he knows "a sure-fire way to get to know us all". Strange American man.

10:30 AM

He's been staring at us for ten minutes. I'm starting to get scared.

10:37 AM

Stiiiill staring. I don't think that I've ever seen a class be this quiet or immobile before in my entire life.

Nobody seems to want to look away from him. Fortunately for me, I just find him to be creepy as hell, so his unsettling little gaze hasn't affected me quite the same way. I've also been doodling for most of the class period… so maybe I missed something.

10:45 AM

He finally stopped staring, but now we all seem too confused and creeped-out to talk or do much of anything else.

He announced that we didn't have homework, but then said: "If you all want to succeed in my class, you may want to begin reading that thing called a DADA textbook.".

I do NOT like this teacher.

11:01 AM

I've never been happier to rush off to Transfiguration…

11:45 AM

One little, insignificant mistake, and suddenly I'm a felon!

I mean… if a student steps on a teacher's tail when she's a bloody cat on ACCIDENT, that teacher shouldn't automatically assume that it was done with malicious intent.

Now I've got detention. And now I'm going to be on McGonagall's hit list until I graduate.

I mean, bloody hell! It's not my fault that McGonagall feels the need to transform into something with a protrusion from her arse, and then decides, during the middle of class to go prancing through the aisles!

I was getting up to get a tissue and I didn't see the one-foot-tall, same-color-as-the-floor feline that was silently making its way by my desk!

It's not as if I had sat there, eyeing her and waiting for the exact moment that she passed by to spring onto her like a mad woman! If anything, she should have her animagus license revoked.

She has no business whatsoever doing such a thing during class.

11:47 AM

I mean, really! What educational purpose does it serve for her to, whilst all of us are diligently working on our class work, suddenly spring off of her desk and turn into a furry little animal?

If anything, the only purpose it serves is to give all of us nightmares.

I mean… nobody wants to see a wrinkly, ancient woman suddenly have a little cat seemingly burst out of her body.

That's enough to scar someone mentally for the rest of their lives.

12:06 PM

To Lunch or not to Lunch? That is the question...

Meh. I'm still full from gorging at breakfast. And I'm in a foul mood because of McGonagall.

I think that I'm just going to go to the library and work on my Ancient Runes homework.

5:00 PM

I haven't really been in the mood to write all afternoon. Receiving that detention thing really set me off.

Speaking of which, I must report for detention at 7:00.

I should really finish up my homework before then.

Once again, I must ask: Why give out homework on the first day back to school? That's just evil.

6:50 PM

I arrived at detention early, surprising McGonagall more than she'd ever admit.

She just told me to put my notebook away. Darn it. She's probably going to make me actually work.

8:10 PM

Bloody. Hell. I had to clean almost every inch of that room. Without magic.

I don't think that I've ever been this tired before.

8:15 PM

I do believe that my heart is trying to break out of my ribcage.

I wish it would quiet down. He might hear it and find me in this hiding spot.

Which would defeat the purpose of hiding from him in the first place...

...

I was sluggishly dragging myself back towards the Gryffindor tower when I ran into a very strong, very delicious-smelling, very male chest.

Before I fell on my arse like the klutz that I am, his strong arms had steadied me.

With the risk of sounding like one of Mum's dirty novels, I wanted more than anything for him to pull me close to his chest and ravish me with his lips.

Instead he had let go of me as if I had actually burned him or something.

When I had actually looked at his face, I had been so surprised to discover that it was, in fact, 'D'.

I want to say that I had flirtatiously smiled or batted my lashes or something else to that extent, but all that I had done was mumble that I was sorry and sprint in the total opposite direction of the Gryffindor tower.

Now I'm stuck hiding in this nook until I know that he's gone and won't realize that I had gone the wrong way.

9:50 PM

Ah… nice, safe and warm in my glorious bed.

Strangely, I'm afraid to go to sleep now.

For some reason, I keep thinking that McGonagall is going to pop out from under my bed and step on me.

Friday, September 3

12:13 AM

What was that noise?

12:15 AM

It was probably just what's-her-face making weird gurgly noises in her sleep.

She's so annoying to be around.

I hate not falling asleep before she does. She makes awkward moaning sounds when she's asleep, and it really annoys me.

Bloody hell. Is she constantly dying in her dreams or something?

Whether it's because of sleep deprivation or simply because I'm an irritable person, I honestly want to AK her at times.

... I feel bad for writing that.

12:17 AM

She just did it again.

I actually DON'T feel bad at all.

12:19 AM

I swear I just heard a "meow".

12:25 AM

I'm just imagining things, I bet.

Nevertheless, my wand is going to sleep with me in my bed tonight (this morning, actually), rather than the bedside table.

12:30 AM

Did my bed just shake?

12:37 AM

My bed definitely shook just then.

Maybe I should check underneath my bed?

12:43 AM

I can't do it. Why, oh why was I put in Gryffindor? I think that my parents and brothers bribed the stupid Sorting Hat to put me in Gryffindor.

That would explain SO much.

12:46 AM

Alright. I can't take it any longer. I'm going in—er, under.

12:48 AM

It was just Humphrey. Silly little bugger.

I told him that he scared his mummy. I swear he smirked at me.

12:50 AM

WHOA. Humphrey just farted out blue stuff.

Is something wrong with him?

1:48 AM

I still haven't been able to sleep. I keep thinking that something's wrong with Humphrey. Maybe he's sick.

Would Madame Pomfrey treat a pet in the infirmary?

What do people do at Hogwarts whenever their pets get sick or hurt? Do they take them to Hagrid?

I've never actually liked Hagrid. I dunno if I want to entrust him with Humphrey.

Actually, I don't really know who I would be more worried about in a situation like that.

5:54 AM

I can't seem to sleep at all. I think that I'll just go take a nice, long bubble bath.

Maybe Humphrey should come with me. He's starting to smell quite ripe.

6:01 AM

Ah… I really love taking bubble baths illegally in the Prefect's bathroom.

So does Humphrey. At first, he openly opposed being anywhere near the water, but once he saw the bubbles, he got really excited.

I should probably be worried about him eating the bubbles, but he's eaten worse things. If it means that he'll be clean, I won't complain.

6:45 AM

I must have dozed off for a bit in the perpetually warm water.

Most of the bubbles have disappeared. Maybe it's time to get out.

6:47 AM

What's that sound? It sounds like what's-her-face, moaning in her sleep still.

Bloody hell, I can't escape her.

Wait… the Gryffindor tower isn't anywhere near the Prefect's bathroom.

What on earth is that noise then? There's even a thumping coming from somewhere.

6:53 AM

I'm starting to get a little freaked out. I think it's time to head back to my dorm.

7:10 AM

Humphrey smells so clean and looks so fuzzy I can't help but want to hug him every chance that I get. He looks really content at the moment, though, so I won't annoy him.

He keeps farting out blue stuff, though.

I'm starting to worry that either something's wrong with Humphrey or something's wrong with my eyes.

I hope that it's neither.

7:37 AM

I feel oddly wide awake, despite my lack of actual sleep last night.

7:46 AM

Luna's down at the end of the hallway, trying signal something to me. I think that I should put you away for now. Whatever it is seems important.

8:01 AM

Best. Day. Ever.

I had completely forgotten about The Big Prak!

Luna had been waving her arms frantically, trying to tell me to be quiet, but I hadn't understood.

Being the complete genius that I am, I loudly yelled out: "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

Immediately, all of the suits of armor in the hallway began swarming around me.

I guess if I hadn't created the prak, this probably would have scared me.

But, that's not what the Big Prak was created to do.

They had all began to do a synchronized dance, loudly singing in harmony "What the bloody hell are you doing" in a show tunes kind of way.

I even joined in on the dancing a bit, I was so proud.

8:11 AM

After the initial shock of what had happened tided over, people began to really appreciate The Big Prak for what it was.

Some more than others… but, hey, you can't please everyone.

10:13 AM

We all sat in the empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, wondering where our weirdo teacher could possibly be.

It wasn't until the frazzled-looking man sprinted into the classroom, flocked by a hoard of dancing suits of armor, that we realized what had been holding him up.

I can't repeat what the suits of armor had been singing because it wasn't very appropriate.

I would've never guessed that Mr. I'm-afraid-of-my-own-shadow had such a colorful vocabulary.

6:43 PM

Today was quite eventful.

Apparently, even though none of the teachers were very fond of my beloved Prak, none of them had been able to put an end to it.

Let it be known that Ginevra Weasley and Luna Lovegood managed to create their very own charm that not even the prestigious teachers of Hogwarts could put an end to.

I'm so happy right now that nothing can faze me.

6:50 PM

I just ran into 'D' again and I was still so happy that I did a jig right in front of him, along with a stray suit of armor.

Usually, this would embarrass me to no end… but I'm sooooo happy right now!

6:54 PM

What? Silly Pansy Parkinson knows 'D' and called him Draco. Hahaha… she's so funny…

6:55 PM

. . . Pansy Parkinson called 'D' Draco…

6:56 PM

. . .

6:57 PM

'D' has white-blond hair. 'D' has gray eyes. 'D' has regal, beautiful bone structure. 'D' has an air of superiority. 'D' hangs out with Slytherins. 'D' is wearing Slytherin robes. 'D's name begins with 'D'.

… no. It couldn't possibly be.

There's no way that … he… uh …

'D' was nice to me. 'D' sent me flowers. 'D' isn't a lanky, ferrety git!

There's no possible way that 'D' is Malfoy!

7:03 PM

'D' is Draco Malfoy.

Well… there goes my happy mood.

Longer than usual… and it may be really crazy because I just spent a sleepless night typing it all up.

I hope that you all enjoyed it, though.

[Humphrey is under each of your beds right now, waiting to pounce on those who don't review.]

_-ketchupdtoytle-_