Author's Note: I'm going to be really honest, after the last chapter, my will to write diminished quite a lot. I don't know why, it was just kind of like, that was the point in the story I had been working to with a clear image in my mind of what it might look like. The rest was sort of vague. On the other hand, though, I feel like once I move past that point, the rest can all become clearer.
I don't want to beg and plead, but if you have ever written a fanfiction, you know how encouraging it is to get reviews. So I'm just going to ask, that if you've been reading this without reviewing... It would really make me smile if you would review :) It brightens my world a little with each review.
I mean, I don't want to be like, whiny about it. But looking at the story stats if everyone who had this on their story alert reviewed... I would have lots of reviews! :) I've sort of decided with myself that when I read a story I enjoy, I'll review it, because I know how great it is to get reviews and how sad it is not to get them. Besides, it only takes five minutes.
But okay, I'm done begging now.
But, I want to thank ruby890 for being a constant reviewer! It means so much to me!
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. Probably best that way, the show would be way more dramatic if I did.
Chapter Eight, Working
Merlin was up early the next morning. He hadn't slept very well the night before, because all of the thoughts spinning round and round in his head had kept him awake.
He hadn't left his room once after his conversation with Verona, and wasn't sure how he was going to face her the next day, because he wasn't really ready to have a conversation with her yet. He was still angry. Still sure he couldn't trust her.
But he didn't have to face her that day.
When he came out in the morning for breakfast, Gaius was the only one in the room. He looked over at Merlin and said, "Have a seat, I'll get you some breakfast."
"Thanks, Gaius," Merlin mumbled, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Gaius meant a lot to Merlin, he had always been like a father to him, so it was just a little uncomfortable being furious at Verona when Gaius was there. Because Merlin wasn't sure whose side he would take.
When he sat down at the table, a small envelope caught his eye. The word Merlin had been quickly scribbled across the front of it, and he reached over and slowly opened it. Pulling the note out, he began to read,
'Dear Merlin,
My father and I have together decided that it would probably be best for us all if I returned to the very kind family of bakers I lived with before I came to Camelot. You did not deserve to have to deal with the constant discomfort of my presence here. Besides, I believe, even if he won't say so, my father is a little irritated with me. You are like a son to him, Merlin, and the fact that I hurt you hurts him for both of our sakes.
But I owe you some explanations, and you will receive them. I returned to Camelot because I knew that I was ill. I had no idea what my sickness was, just that it was incurable. I had visited a physician in a town nearby where I had been living, and he had simply told me that it was deadly and that there was no cure and that he was sorry. I believe he was afraid of magic. I did not want to be away from my father in my final days, and I had heard that the reason I had left Camelot in the first place was no longer a concern. So I came.
Then I met you. And, you asked me so many times why it hadn't been safe for me to stay in the first place, that I feel I should now tell you, even if the memory shames me, and I hate to have you think less of me then you already do.
Magic was involved in my decision to leave Camelot the first time, but it had nothing to do with me having it. You see, I was going through a rebellious phase, and would have done anything to frustrate my father. Which was absolutely silly of me, considering he has never been anything but good, but that is besides the point. I wanted to upset my father, and conveniently, at the same time I met a man named Gregorin. Gregorin was rather older then me, and I learned right away that he was a sorcerer. Just the type to anger my father, I thought. But I did to Gregorin just as I did to you, I became who I knew he would want me to be to impress him, and soon we decided to elope. Thankfully, before we had the chance to wed, I began to notice a change in Gregorin's behavior. He was violent and cruel. I was frightened of him. He was not like you, Merlin, he was not the good sort. You know how to use your magic to help people, Gregorin knew only how to cause harm. And so I left him, thankfully we had not had the chance to elope or I would have been married to the fool! Only think! But Gregorin was angry that I had left him, and so he vowed he would kill me unless I returned to him. I did not believe him, but one day he almost succeeded in taking my life, and my father and I decided that it was best if I left Camelot, for the sake of my own safety. A few months ago, I learned that Gregorin's sorcery had been discovered, and that he had been executed by the king. It was finally safe for me to return to Camelot.
Merlin, all my life all I have ever done was pretend to be someone else to please people. But you were different. I truly loved you, and I know you won't believe me, I know you will still be angry, but you deserved to know that you were not just another person on my list of those to fool. I only ever wanted to impress you, to make you happy.
I am not foolish enough to think you can ever love me now, but I pray that you could at least find it in your heart to forgive me, someday, if not now.
I hope I will see you again one day,
Love,
Verona.
Merlin stared at the letter for a time, before folding it up and placing it back into the envelope. Then he put it into his pocket. He realized that while he had been reading, Gaius had already set his food in front of him.
"Thanks for breakfast, Gaius." Merlin said, quietly. "Is it true?"
"About Gregorin?" Gaius asked, glancing at Merlin, "Yes. It's true."
Merlin sighed, "I'm really sorry Gaius. You shouldn't have to say goodbye to your daughter because of me."
"I think it's for the best, Merlin. I had hoped she had learned her lesson before, but perhaps this time she really will." Gaius said, shaking his head, "If it counts for anything, however, I believe Verona really cared for you Merlin. She's just never known what it's felt like to be really cared for in return."
"What? I really-"
"I'm not blaming you for her actions." Gaius told him quickly.
He nodded, "I know, Gaius." He took his empty bowl and put it in a bucket of soapy water. He cleaned out quickly before saying, "I better get to work before Arthur gets angry."
00000
Merlin tried very hard to go the day without thinking of Verona, but everything he did reminded him of her somehow. He found he could best forget, however, when he was working. So he set to work. He cleaned everything in sight, until the room was spotless, and then he went to polishing Arthur's shoes or his armor. Anything to keep his mind off of the girl that was long gone by now.
Late in the evening, Arthur came in and spotted Merlin scrubbing away at a boot that was already perfectly clean, "The world must be ending!" He said, cheerfully as he glanced at his servant, "If you are actually working. Don't you have a girlfriend you want to go on a date with or something? It looks like you've cleaned the whole room twice."
At one point, that might have seemed like a nice thing for Arthur to say, but now it only made things worse for Merlin.
He started scrubbing a little more violently at the shoe.
"Ohhh, you're avoiding her, are you?" Arthur asked, eyebrows raised, "What did she do? Call you an idiot? Cause I hate to break it to you Merlin-"
"I'm not avoiding her!" He said, without looking up as he continued his work. "There's no one to avoid." He muttered.
"Oh." Arthur was at a loss for words for once. "Look, I'm sorry Merlin, but it's not worth getting all upset over. Honestly, she's just a girl."
Merlin tossed the shoe to the side and picked up the next one, "Oh yeah, you've never worried about 'just a girl' before."
"But, you barely knew the girl." Arthur said, he was trying to comfort his servant, but he could tell it wasn't really helping.
"Isn't that the truth." Merlin sighed, setting the clean shoe next to the others. "Is there anything else you need done, sire?"
He really must be depressed, Arthur thought, though he wasn't really sure what to do about it. Working seemed to help Merlin though, so Arthur began his list.
"Have you cleaned my armor?"
"Yes."
"Scrubbed the floor?"
"Done."
"Washed my clothes?"
"Yeah."
"Polished the silver?"
"Three times."
"Okay, Merlin, what haven't you done?" He asked, surprised. If Merlin wasn't so upset, Arthur might have almost considered this a miracle!
"Absolutely nothing. Need me to scrub the floor again? You trailed some dirt in, I think." Merlin offered, half-heartedly.
"What is wrong with you?" Arthur shook his head, "This is unhealthy."
"You sure you want to insult me after I did all that?" Merlin asked Arthur, eyebrows raised.
"Merlin. Sit down."
Merlin did as he was told, and Arthur began a very long speech about how a girl wasn't worth getting all upset about. How Merlin didn't need to be all depressed because Verona had left. How he hadn't even known her all that long. How a depressed Merlin was just depressing to everyone else, and how he was even more annoying when he was upset then when he talked endlessly like normal.
It was a rather insulting speech. But Arthur meant well.
"Gee, thanks." Merlin shook his head, "But I get a feeling if I gave you this speech about Gwen you would completely disagree with me."
"Well, that's different..." Arthur said, not sure what other argument to give to prove his point, but what Merlin said surprised him.
"Yeah, it actually is different. You're right. I had to say it though."
Arthur sighed, "Just go get some food and sleep, you're so depressing."
Author's Note: I know that was a super short chapter, and I'm sorry. But I hope you liked it anyway. I also know it was a bit OOC, but I didn't know how else to write a super depressed Merlin. So I hope you didn't hate it. Please review!