Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Author's Note: How much do y'all hate me for that last chapter? hehe. I hope you liked it even though I've gotten into the horrible habit of cliffhangers lately. I don't believe this chapter will end on a cliffhanger, though, if that makes you feel any better? Can I just say that I think you guys are really cool for reading this story?
Happy Valentines Day, by the way :)
Warning: This chapter might be a bit violent.
Chapter Twelve, The Fight of the Angry
"No!" Merlin shouted, rage filling him as he watched Verona collapse and fall to the ground, she was bleeding and the knife was in her stomach.
"You will regret this." He said, his voice low and angry as he glared at Morgana and Morgause.
"If you help us, no one else will have to die." Morgause said, as if Merlin should join them because they would all be just great friends if they worked together. But he wasn't about to fall for that.
"No!" His voice was loud and filled the room and he shot out both his hands in front of him, using magic to cause Morgana to fly into the stone wall behind her.
Morgause, distracted for the moment, dropped Gwen and ran to her sister.
Merlin waved his hand, causing Arthur's restraints to loosen, allowing him to free himself from the ropes. Then Merlin ran across the room to where Verona lay on the floor.
She was still alive, he could see, but she appeared to be growing weaker by the second. "You have to stay strong, Verona." He begged, "You can't die."
"Leave me, Merlin..." She whispered, "Run away."
"Never." He said, with a determination he hadn't known he could feel. He lifted Verona from the ground and approached Arthur, "You can yell at me for not telling you about my magic later. But right now, get Verona to Gaius. She can't be punished for what I did, just like you said earlier."
Arthur seemed to be having an inward argument, but after a moment he gave a stiff nod and took Verona from Merlin's arms.
"I deserve an explanation, so you best live through this!" Arthur said, annoyance filling his voice. But Merlin thought there was some concern there too.
"Take Gwen and Verona and go." Merlin told his friend, before turning and seeing that Morgana was getting to her feet and Morgause was looking furiously at Merlin, ready to attack.
"Run!" He told his friends, and they went for the door as Merlin stood firm in his place.
Morgana and Morgause stared back at Merlin with amusement in their eyes. "Do you really think you can fight the both of us alone?" Morgana asked him.
"I intend to, for Verona." He said, glaring at the two of them. He extended a hand and shouted a loud spell, causing flames to erupt around the two women.
Suddenly though, Arthur returned to the room, sword in hand.
"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked furiously, not taking his eyes from Morgana and Morgause, who had not yet extinguished the fire.
"I intend to fight them. Guinevere is taking Verona to Gaius." Arthur replied, staring ahead at the two women.
Merlin knew Arthur was trying to help, but he figured he would actually be more of a hindrance than a help. Merlin had the feeling Morgana and Morgause were not about to have a sword fight.
The fire was extinguished, and the two women looked like they had been burned, but were mostly unharmed.
Morgause waved her hand, anger in her eyes, and Merlin was thrown to the ground as if a great force had knocked him there.
But anger stilled burned inside of him at the thought that Verona could be dying. He forced himself to his feet, ignoring the pain as he extended both arms into the air and caused the wood railing on the stairway to literally rip from it's place and every piece was sent flying in Morgana and Morgause's direction.
Dust swirled in the air and made it difficult to see, Merlin coughed and strained his eyes to see through the dust filled air. Finally, when the dust cleared, he could see Morgana and Morgause both still on their feet but looking more angry than ever.
Arthur looked furious, and he charged towards Morgause, sword lifted high in the air prepared to attack. But Morgana caused the table on the other side of the room to fly towards him and knock him to the side before his sword could make contact with the witch.
Merlin was beginning to think that this was all completely hopeless, and that there was no way to stop them, and that the two of them would probably die here and now. And he would never know if Verona became well or not. But then an idea occurred to him. He remembered a spell he had read about months before. It was extremely difficult but it had caught Merlin's attention and he had been curious about if for months, though he'd never thought he'd need to use it.
"Arthur! I need you to keep them busy." He told Arthur in an undertone.
The prince nodded and stared gravely across the room at the two witches.
"And don't die!" Merlin warned.
"Thank you, Merlin. That helps!" Arthur's voice was filled with sarcasm, and he lifted his sword once more to prepare for an attack they both knew would be futile.
Merlin reached out and cast a spell that he hoped would keep Morgana and Morgause from killing Arthur too quickly while he prepared for the more powerful spell he was about to do.
He ran across the room and behind a wall in the corner so he would be out of the way of most of the fighting for a time. He knew that this spell could go disastrously wrong if he wasn't careful.
He sat down on the floor and closed his eyes, trying to block out the noises from the fighting nearby. He tried hard not to think of Verona and Gwen riding away, and everything else that was currently happening. And then he slowly murmured the words of the spell over and over again, though he couldn't feel a change. He put the names of Morgana and Morgause in the appropriate places in the spell and repeated it again and again, growing more anxious as time went on that it wasn't working.
Frustrated, he opened his eyes and drew in a deep breath, trying with difficulty to stay calm and keep his mind empty of everything except what he was doing. He knew if he got too anxious about the spell not working it would only end up worse. So he forced himself to remain calm and continued to murmur the enchantment quietly.
Slowly, the sounds of fighting nearby seemed to drown out, and he felt his mind becoming a little clearer. He was pleased with himself that he was clearing his mind and that now surely the spell had to work because he was keeping his calm.
Then he realized that he was not blocking anything out anymore then he had been before. The noises were drowning because the fighting had slowed down, not because Merlin was ignoring them, and his mind was becoming clearer because his strength was returning to him and he no longer felt the pain that had been filling him before. He looked down at his hand where a cut had been a moment before, and found it slowly healing itself.
He closed his eyes again and continued saying the words quietly until the sounds of fighting nearby had ceased almost completely. He jumped to his feet and ran back towards where they had been fighting a moment before, to see Morgana and Morgause lying on the ground and Arthur standing and looking confused.
"They just fell over! My sword never even touched them! What did you do?" Arthur asked, looking at Merlin suspiciously.
Merlin didn't answer, instead he went over and knelt besides the two women, and felt their pulses. "They're both still alive." He concluded, getting to his feet and looking at Arthur, "But I don't think either of them will be doing any magic for quite some time."
He couldn't help but feel the guilt settle in his heart at what he had done. He knew it had been the only choice, that both he and Arthur would have been killed had he not done what he did. He knew that Morgana and Morgause would live, even if it was without magic. But what he had done still made him feel like a monster. Because it seemed the kind of spell no one should be able to do to anyone. Besides, his guilt was made worse because he knew most of what he had done had been because he was angry about Verona. He knew it had been the only option, and he knew Morgana and Morgause had brought it upon themselves, but he still felt guilty.
So when Arthur asked again, "What did you do?" Merlin did not answer immediately.
After a hesitant moment he said, "I did a spell that I didn't think I was capable of doing, to be honest. It's supposed to be extremely difficult, and is an extremely rare accomplishment, and I did it." But there was no triumph in his voice, "I drained their powers. Their power was pulled from them and given to me instead. It's horrifying, really." He muttered, "Now let's go."
Arthur didn't say anything, and he followed Merlin out the door of the building. They didn't harm Morgause or Morgana before they left, neither of them wanted to kill in cold blood. So they just left the two sisters there.
Merlin told Arthur to take the remaining horse (Because Verona and Gwen had taken one of them) and said that he could walk, because he had all that extra strength.
"You can't make a horse appear out of nowhere?" Arthur asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I can't create life, sire." He said, sighing, not in the mood to joke.
Arthur didn't seem to want to talk, as they walked along. He seemed deep in thought, which suited Merlin just fine. He couldn't help but be worried about everything that had happened. Would Verona be alright? Would Arthur turn him in to Uther for having magic? Had he gone past the line with that spell? He hated the idea that he might have crossed some point where he had gone too far with his magic. He felt like he had passed some invisible line from being the good kind of sorcerer to the bad kind of sorcerer.
He felt like he was going to be sick.
What would Gaius think when he told him? Would he be disappointed? Would he be angry? He hoped that he had done the right thing. But nothing felt right about the situation. He had saved Arthur, hadn't he? That was his destiny, to save Arthur. And yet, he felt like the spell had been cast in his anger about Verona, rather than to protect his friends, or even to protect the future king.
He had been angry, and he had stolen their powers from them. It shouldn't have even been possible! The idea that he had done it, the idea that it could be done at all was horrifying. He was scared. If he could do it, than almost anyone probably could.
The whole thing felt like one huge mess.
"I'm torn, Merlin." Arthur said, breaking what had been quite a long silence. "Half of me says the right thing is to tell my father. But he would kill you, and you saved me, so that wouldn't quite be fair. The other half of me says I should just let you leave Camelot peacefully."
Merlin hadn't felt like it was possible to feel worse than he already did, but his heart seemed to drop into his stomach at the idea that he would have to leave Camelot. "Can I have time to pack up, check on Verona, and say goodbye to my friends?" He asked, his voice pleading.
Arthur glared down at him and rolled his eyes, "No." He said, as if it were obvious.
Merlin seemed to be feeling more ill by the second. "Oh."
"Because, I'm not going to do either thing. Who else will be my servant if you're killed or banished? I need someone to polish my armor!"
"Really?" Merlin said, relief filling him and he grinned. He had doubted his friendship with Arthur slightly before, but now, even if the prince wouldn't admit it, he knew they really were friends. He knew he wasn't going to have to leave Camelot. It was a relief.
"But I'm angry that I didn't know about this for three years, Merlin, you idiot." Arthur muttered, but he seemed to be hiding a smile.
Merlin, who was still feeling upset about Verona and about using the spell he had used, was feeling defensive. "Do you know how many times I have saved your life? More times than you have called me an idiot. Yeah. That many."
"And I might have thanked you a few more times if you had told me." Arthur countered.
"No, you wouldn't have." Merlin argued.
"No, I wouldn't have." Arthur laughed.
Merlin smiled slightly, but his other worries kept him from laughter.
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As soon as they arrived back in Camelot the next day, Arthur rushed off to find Gwen and then to deliver the sad news about Morgana to his father. Merlin headed straight to Gaius's chambers, praying that Verona was still alive.
He burst into the room and was met by his mother at the door. He had almost forgotten about his mother being in Camelot, and he hugged her. For a moment, he wished he could be a child again. Just then, he felt so full of guilt and so full of fear that he wished he could just get rid of it all and be a small child in his mother's arms again.
His face was pale white as he looked into the grave eyes of his mother and asked quietly, "How is Verona? Is she...?" The rest of the question didn't need asking. It was clear what he meant.
"She's alive." His mother told him, frowning, "But not for very long, I'm afraid, Merlin." Her eyes were sad as she delivered the news to her son.
His eyes filled with tears that he fought back. "No!" He rushed past his mother to where Gaius was sitting beside his daughter, holding tightly to her hand.
Verona was pale white and unconscious, and Gaius' eyes were red as if he had been crying.
Merlin sat down on her other side and took her other hand in his.
"It's my fault, Gaius." He said, quietly.
"It's not your fault, Merlin." Gaius sighed, looking down at his dying daughter.
"Yes it is! I didn't save her! I told them I wouldn't help them and now..." He broke off, staring at the still, almost lifeless Verona.
Gaius and Hunith looked at each other in confusion, since neither of them had yet been told the whole story, but instead of asking, Gaius said quietly, "I do not blame you, Merlin."
Merlin felt his mother's hand on his shoulder, but he did not feel comforted.
"No. I will not accept this!" Merlin jumped to his feet and went for his spell book.
"Merlin, no spell is powerful enough-"
"Maybe it wasn't before. But I have a new advantage." Merlin said, his voice grave. He still was upset about how he had come about this new power. But if he could save Verona, he certainly would.
"Merlin, it could be dangerous. If someone comes in, or if something goes wrong..." Gaius warned, halfheartedly, he wanted Verona healed more than anyone. But Merlin was like a son to him too, and he didn't want to lose two children.
"Arthur and Gwen know about my magic as it is-"
"What?"
"I'll explain later. But Verona can't die." He said, determination in his voice.
Gaius and Hunith just nodded.
Merlin opened his spellbook and found the spell he was looking for. Taking a deep breath, he lifted a hand above Verona and began to firmly speak in a clear voice.
Slowly, healthy color returned to Verona's face, and Merlin knew the spell had been successful. He sighed in relief, glad she would be okay.
And then, without waiting for anyone to say anything, Merlin retreated into his own room to be alone.
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Arthur found Guinevere standing outside staring at the evening sky with a thoughtful expression on her face, but when she saw Arthur walking towards her, she ran to him. "Oh, Arthur! I've been thinking about it! And we've got to keep Merlin's secret! We know him, and he's good! He'd never harm anyone and, Arthur, he's our friend-"
"Guinevere!" Arthur interrupted, catching her hand in his and smiling gently at her, "I know."
She sighed in relief, but then a frown appeared on her face, "I do wish he had told us..." She said, thoughtfully.
Arthur nodded, "I know. But besides that, how do you feel?"
She hesitated, and then said, "I'm alright. But Verona is quite ill. And I was so frightened you wouldn't return and- Oh, sire, I can't..." She broke off, her eyes downcast.
"It's alright, Guinevere, it will be alright." He said, his eyes soft as he looked at her.
"Poor Verona may not be alright..." She said sadly, "Oh, Merlin must be terribly upset."
"Perhaps he can help her." Arthur said, trying to be optimistic.
"Oh, I hope so." She said, quietly.
"Are you hurt, Guinevere?" He asked, looking down at her and feeling relieved that she was still here in front of him.
"I am well, if you are well." She said, quietly, eyes falling to the ground.
"And I am well if you are well." He said, with a smile. He took both her hands in his, and brought them to his lips to kiss them gently.
"I have to go deliver horrible news to my father, my lady." He gave a exaggerated bow, and though he seemed to be trying to smile, Gwen could see the pain in his eyes.
She gave a small curtsy, "Sire,"
He turned to leave, but then stopped and looked at her again, "Guinevere." His voice was urgent.
"Yes, my lord?" She asked, looking up at him.
He seemed to be struggling for the right words. "After what happened... I want to be sure that you know...I care very much...I have feelings for you that..." He sighed, and then continued, "I love you."
Guinevere's eyes seemed to light up, and it cheered his heart considerably, "My heart is yours completely, sire, and it always will be." She said quietly.
Arthur gave her a very quick kiss, before turning to go and speak to his father, feeling a little braver than he had before.
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Merlin was laying on his bed staring at the wall. A frown was etched on his face, and his eyes were clouded with a sad look. His mother had come in a little while before and brought him something to eat, but he hadn't touched it even though he hadn't eaten all day.
An hour or so later, Gaius entered the room, pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. "Merlin, what's wrong?"
At first, Merlin wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it. But he was beginning to feel if someone didn't understand how he was feeling, he might explode. So he told Gaius the entire story, including the spell about taking Morgana and Morgause's powers.
"But...That is supposed to be nearly impossible! How did you do it?" Gaius asked, surprised.
Merlin shrugged, "It should be impossible Gaius. It isn't right. I know Morgana and Morgause are evil but... I shouldn't be able to just take people's powers from them...What if I..." He hesitated, "What if I'm not using my magic for good anymore? What if all I do is selfish things. To save my friends."
"Think of this, Merlin." Gaius said, his voice calm and reassuring, "You use your powers to help your friends, yes, but I do not believe that is selfish. Morgana betrayed her friends with her magic, and thus she used her skills for bad. You used your magic to help your friends."
Despite Gaius's reassuring words, Merlin wasn't convinced.
"I have more power than anyone should, Gaius. I shouldn't have it. I'm just a kid, and besides, it's just wrong. It shouldn't be possible." Merlin confided his feelings to the old man who had been like a father to him all this time.
"Personally, I am glad you did. You've saved Verona."
Merlin smiled just a little, "Is she awake?"
"Not yet, I will tell you when she is." He got up from his chair, gave Merlin a pat on the shoulder, and turned to go.
"Gaius!" Merlin called suddenly, and the man turned to look at him.
Merlin hesitated and then decided to voice the decision he had made in his time sitting there alone. "I'm not using magic anymore."
Gaius's jaw dropped, literally. "What?" He seemed absolutely shocked.
"It's gone to far."
"But what about your destiny? You have to protect Arthur!" Gaius objected, his disapproval of Merlin's choice was evident.
"Then I'll have to find some other way to protect him."
"If you hadn't used magic Verona would be dead." Gaius reminded him, "and so would a lot of others in this castle! Me, as well, for one! And your mother! And everyone here. We'd all have died ten times over."
"And I'm happy you are all alive! But no one should have that power, Gaius! And I don't intend to use the magic I stole!" Merlin's voice was becoming louder, and Gaius knew there would be no sense in discussing the matter while Merlin was upset, so he left the room, and paused only to say,
"I will tell you when Verona awakes, I'm sure she will want to speak with you."
Merlin nodded, eager to see Verona, but still his heart felt full of guilt for everything that was happening.
He felt guilty for stealing others' magic, even if they were evil people. He felt guilty for possessing those powers, and using them for personal gain. He felt guilty for risking Verona's life in the first place. He felt guilty that he had literally stolen magic from someone, and he felt guilty at the idea of using it. He even felt guilty at the idea that someone might be hurt because he didn't feel like he should use them.
He sighed. All I ever do is make a big mess of things. He thought, covering his face with his hands as if to block out the painful thoughts.
Author's Note: Okay. I have a lot of explaining to do, I think. First of all, that little moment between Gwen and Arthur I added in there because it's Valentine's Day! But I felt like I utterly failed at writing that scene. It felt awkward and out of character and just not right. But I decided to leave it anyway. Also, I hope you don't feel like Merlin is too out of character. He's just overwhelmed by everything that had happened. It was all kind of a big deal! Also, I'm sorry that I'm completely horrible at writing fighting scenes! Anyway, please review and tell me what you think!