"We've never made love in here before," Stefen commented absently, looking at the plain oak walls of his cramped room in Bardic. His head lay pillowed on Vanyel's chest, the Herald absently tracing his fingers through the Bard's red locks.

"Mmm." Vanyel stretched. "Well, I've always been discreet. My quarters are a bit more private."

Toying with a corner of blanket, Stefen asked, "Afraid to broadcast being shaych? Lord knows I had my share of scuffles—"

"Stef, you knew what I was. Anyone in Court who wants to know knows. No, more afraid of idle gossip—of revealing something potentially damaging about anyone I might be with—I am quite talked about, or so I hear."

Stefen laughed, remembering his idolizing of Vanyel before their meeting. "Ah yes, well, not just by those who dislike shaych men. You're quite discussed in the shaych community as well."
Vanyel turned a surprised, mildly curious look on him. "Really?"

"Van, you are so oblivious. Virtually every shaych male on these grounds dreams of somehow catching the Beautiful Vanyel's attention. If they could, they'd post a picture of your face on their walls."

Turning a bit red, Vanyel replied, "That's absurd. They don't even know me."

"They certainly wish they did," Stef laughed.

"So are you saying me being here is a status upgrade for you?" Vanyel teased.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Ever been used so cruelly before, Lord Herald-Mage?" Stefen joked, pressing his warm body against Vanyel's.

Closing his eyes, Vanyel replied softly, "Yes."

With a concerned frown, Stefen drew back. "I was only joking, Van-"

"I know. You just… hit a nerve. It was a while ago—"

Memory. Vanyel had been alone for—three years?—since the whole Tashir affair. Seeing someone who looked so much like 'Lendel had wrought so much confusion in his mind and he'd finally worked out a confidence in his own identity—sexually and morally—along with his place in the world. He hadn't wanted his peace disturbed; plus, after his years on the Karsite border and taking out the entire Mavelan family, he didn't want to expose any weakness to his potential enemies.

Alexei was new at court; a minor noble's son there to speak in his Father's name for additional Guard protection. His holdings were near the Karsite border and in constant risk of "bandit" raids by men who were actually Karsite regulars. Vanyel first saw him at a minor Court audience—Randale wasn't required to attend—

"Milords Herald Vanyel, Herald Tantras, Herald Joshe, Sir Lord Marshall," the man began, a bit nervously. "I am here on behalf of Lord Anatoli, my honored father."

He wrung his hands a bit and spoke shakily, clear signs he was unused to public speaking. That weakness had won Vanyel over, a bit, along with the man's stunning blue eyes—which quickly met his in a stare that seemed to promise something.

Later, when they had heard his story and promised to consider his plight, and they were packing up their papers, he found out what.

"Milord Vanyel?" the man said.

"Yes?" Vanyel had looked up. At close proximity, the man was quite handsome, about his age, with blondish-brown hair, a trim figure, and firm, masculine features. Something about his square jaw reminded Vanyel of Moondance. Stay focused on business, Van, he had scolded himself mentally. He knew he'd been alone too long; he'd been feeling increasing twinges of sexual desire the past few months. Gods, that time Tantras applied salve to my burned hand I almost propositioned him. I'm starved for contact.

"I was wondering if you could find someone to show me around a bit—I've never been to Haven before—always stuck on the Holding as first son, you know."

Surprised that the man, such a nervous speaker, could be so bold as to ask the normally-intimidating Vanyel for help, he responded without thinking, "I know what you mean. I had the same problem when I first showed up—I'm free for the afternoon, our session ended early, I could give you a tour."

Alexei smiled. "I'd like that."
Vanyel had sensed something about Alexei from the beginning—an otherness, the same type he himself had—and had been weak. In all honesty, he'd known from the second he accepted to show Alexei around that they'd wind up exactly where they did, a fortnight later.

They'd spent much time discussing Alexei's plight, amongst other things—such as their similar upbringings and other commonalities—and had become fast friends. After both having drunk a bit too much at a State dinner—wine had been virtually obligatory with each course— Alexei had invited Vanyel back for a last glass of wine.

I shouldn't, Vanyel thought. I'm too attracted to him; I know he's shaych. And he's a petitioner, there's no way I should get involved emotionally. But his body had other ideas as Alexei placed a warm hand on Vanyel's shoulder.

"Oh come, Herald Vanyel. It's just a bit of wine between friends."

A candlemark later they were embracing heatedly. When Alexei's hands began to wander, Vanyel felt any logic he had fly out the window.

What the hell, he thought. It's just one night—and I'm so tired of sleeping alone.

Waking up had been a nightmare. Jolted into awareness by Yfandes' less-than-gentle mindvoice:

:Van. Wake up. Council meeting. And gods know they would have no sympathy for the position you're currently in.: He sensed the utterly justifiable anger in her Mindvoice and cringed. His head throbbed from the wine and he had clearly just made love to a man he did not love. Ugh.

While they'd both certainly enjoyed themselves—Somewhat, Vanyel corrected mentally; he'd been half-drunk and it had been purely physical needs—it wasn't worth the repercussions. I can't judge his case. I'll have to hand it totally over to Tran. And after spending this much time with Alexei, Tran will certainly want an explanation.

So Van had gone to Tantras, who was bent over his a stack of letters on his desk.

"I can't be objective about Alexei anymore," Vanyel had said, flushing a bit. "I can't help you."

Tantras had looked at him quizzically. "But you've spent all this time getting to know him—I thought you had a great sense of the situation—you've always been able to befriend, yet keep your distance."

Vanyel rubbed his forehead. "Well, Tran, this time it went a bit further than befriending."

"What do you mean?" Tantras replied. Then, comprehension dawning, he dropped his quill. "Van—did you bed him?"

"Yes," Vanyel whispered. "I know it was foolish, Tran… I'm only human, you know."

A bit of his good humor returning, the other Herald smiled. "And it's good to know you are, sometimes. Don't worry, I can take care of it. Just—watch out. I've had petitioners' wives and daughters try to seduce me before, and it wasn't just for the charm of my big brown eyes."

After leaving Tran's office, Vanyel listened to a thorough talking-to from Yfandes.

:Van, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times. Pick someone safe! You're only human, you have needs. When you let them go too long, you make mistakes.:

:How do you know Alexei was such a mistake? I pulled myself off the case.:

Yfandes snorted mentally. :I don't trust him, Van. I think he wanted something from you.:

Sure enough, Alexei had wanted troops. And when Tantras granted him a smaller company than he expected, Alexei had found Vanyel.

"I thought you cared about me!" he had raged. "I thought we were friends—nay, more than friends…"

And Vanyel had had to coldly, bluntly put him in his place. Which had led to Alexei losing his temper and claiming that Vanyel certainly hadn't been worth the trouble. It had hurt—not much, since Vanyel certainly didn't have strong feelings— but a bit. Enough to keep Vanyel from taking another lover until—

Vanyel finished recounting his memory with a sigh. "So you see, Stefen, I never had much opportunity or desire for casual liaisons. And I loathe being used."

Stefen shook his dark red curls. "Unbelievable. How someone could have a taste of this—" he gestured broadly to Vanyel's naked body—"and claim it wasn't worth the trouble, I will never comprehend."

Vanyel smiled faintly. "Thank you, Stef."
"For what?"
"For being you," Vanyel replied, then leaned over to kiss him.