Dear Dare,
I wouldn't bother, Buck's already got a regular thing going with a certain Detective Beckett.
Sincerely,
That's the thing about crazy people.
Dear Allied Hunters,
You'd come in real handy right about now.
Sincerely,
That's a truckload of Flood.
Dear JFO Helmet,
Still having trouble reading your name without hearing swear words...
Sincerely,
Just F- Off
Dear Emile,
Emo Spartans, whatever will they think of next?
Sincerely,
Lucy-B091's already done that trick.
Dear Commander Shepard,
I-Oh wait, wrong game.
Sincerely,
You've received a new message at your private terminal.
Dear Winter Contingency on Legendary Difficulty,
Look I know you're the intro level and all but could you at least try to be challenging?
Sincerely,
Be begging for you when I hit Nightfall...
Dear Armour Lock,
I think we might finally be getting somewhere in this relationship.
Sincerely,
Just killed my first Ghost by crouching.
Dear Recon,
How does it feel to be stuck on our level you elitist BLEEP?
Sincerely,
The other armour permeations.
Dear John,
She chose me first.
Sincerely,
I have it, do you?
Dear Enemy Team,
Where the heck are you?
Sincerely,
BTB on Spire.
Dear UNSC Frigates,
Why does everything you do seem to be a one way trip?
Sincerely,
I've been in Mongeese with better longevity than that!
Dear Emile,
Smile, the world's not gonna end...oh, wait.
Sincerely,
Don't worry, be happy...
Dear Banshee,
Would you kindly learn the meaning of balance?
Sincerely,
DMR Starts PLOX!
Dear Kat,
Never. Drive. Again.
Sincerely,
Driven off the cliff at ONI.
(Courtesy of Namae no Nai Shoujo on Fan Fiction)
Dear Jack,
You're a HO.
Sincerely,
Geoff.
Dear Halo 3 Jackal Snipers on Legendary,
GO BACK TO COD YOU FREAKIN' NO SCOPING JERKS!
Sincerely,
How about playing a game that doesn't require a twitch in your trigger finger?
Dear 343 Guilty Spark,
If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to come on to me with all this "oh mighty reclaimer!" business.
Sincerely,
Going to enjoy melting your face off you little perv...
Dear Dr. Halsey,
Mummy it's so nice to see you again!
Sincerely,
Jorge.
Dear Wraith,
Oh please.
Sincerely,
The Scorpion.
Dear Focus Rifle,
Nothing like giving away my hard won sniper position with a nice glowy beam huh?
Sincerely,
Have you people not heard of projectile weapons?
Dear Miranda Keyes,
Killed by a cripple...
Sincerely,
FAIL.
Dear Warthog Rush,
Bigger, better, more badass cousin says hi.
Sincerely,
Scarab Rush.
Dear Jun,
Bet you thought you were the lucky one huh?
Sincerely,
Guess who the Covenant is going to be gunning for now homie?
Dear UNSC High Command,
Just for future reference, flamethrowers do not stand up as an effective alternative to sniper fire.
Sincerely,
Scoped & Dropped.
Dear Scarab Rush,
Oh yeah? Why don't you find out what happens if all three of us go Warthogs?
Sincerely,
You'd be amazed how effective it is.
Dear Serina,
Really? The burning building and decimated assault force didn't give it away at all.
Sincerely,
The enemy may be planning to attack here.