I was restless the next morning while Dr. Davidoff was attending to me. We went through a routine where he would ask me a question and I would try my best to guess what answer he wanted. "Now, miss Saunders, since you seem to be doing so much better I'm just going to ask you a few more questions". I perked up and choked back a grimace while I tried to plaster a look of contented ignorance on my face. "About those things you saw the other day" he asked, "you don't suppose they were real do you?". "NO, no', I shook my head childishly. " I was probably just stressed out or having, uh…woman problems". This trick worked all of the time. Mention anything about the mysteries of a woman's body and men would make their own concussions. Dr. Davidoff looked satisfied with the answer, but added his own two cents "that any woman would crack in that type of environment". My attention was drawn away from trying to maintain my expression by the sight of my father's letter poking out from his pocket. "Is that a letter for me", I asked with genuine cheerfulness. Dr. Davidoff hesitated, then nodded his head slowly as if to say yes. "I'll give it to you after you've gotten ready for this evenings event". "Event?" I beamed. "What kind of event?". I wasn't usually so excited to be around large groups of people, but obviously if he thought that I was stable enough to attend a party, then I was being released. We finished up our session with a few more questions, which I answered as agreeably as I could. I bathed myself like the Dr. had instructed and waited eagerly in my slip for him to bring me some clothes.
Derek was the one who came in carrying my gown for the evening. I flashed him a bright smile and wished him a good morning. His jaw was set and he wouldn't meet my eyes, but I chalked it up to the fact that I was un-decently dressed. As he laid out the gown I was going to be wearing, I noticed that it wasn't one of my own. Before I could say anything he interjected that it was something Dr. Davidoff had picked up for me. The dress was definitely something of man's taste. It was soft pink with low exposed shoulders and covered in lace from the bust to the train. Derek commented that he would be outside the door if I needed him. As I started putting on the under layers, of the gown it became apparent to me that I might actually need to take him up on that offer. The dress had a corset which needed to be fastened in the back….
I fastened as many of its hooks as I could so that I would be modestly covered and called Derek back in. last night excluded, this was the most naked I had ever been in front of a man. Derek didn't seem too comfortable with it either. His large fingers struggled to grasp the cords. "Now what exactly is it that I'm supposed to do?", he asked after successfully capturing all the cords in the back of the corset. "You need to pull the strings tight, so that you are able to knot them over the hooks. It's kind of difficult to pull the chords so you should do one side at a time". He gave one test pull using both hands, which nearly pulled me backwards. "You might want to brace yourself" he smirked. I pretended to be offended, but it was nice to see him be playful. His face relaxed as if he were remembering something and then his features sunk back into a solemn expression.
As the day went on, I began feeling more and more anxious for my father's letter. I was more dressed up then I had ever been in my entire life. My father would have been proud. He had tried for the last few years to get me to dress this way to attract a husband, but I had always been so stubborn, always insisting on something modest. From the hallway I could hear a girl's voice making demands. Outside of the men from last night, Dr. Davidoff and Derek, I hadn't heard of anyone else staying on this side of the hospital. I pressed my ear up to the door and was able to hear at least two or three more girls talking with her. Their voices passed me, but a single pair of shoes that I recognized to be Dr. Davidoff's, stopped at my door.
I ran back to my mat and sat down before he had gotten the door open. It is so amazing what desperation will do to us. I had been disobeying my house keeper for years, but all this man had do was wave a letter in front of my face and I was completely compliant. It is good that you are sitting, he started off. "I'm sorry, but I must be the bearer of bad news". He outstretched my father's letter towards me and I took it gingerly. I had been waiting all day to read it, but now I didn't need to. The first words written were, "To the daughter and house hold of Alexander Saunders, I regret to inform you of your loved ones untimely death". It was as if a switch had been flipped in my head and the letter floated from my hands to the floor. I couldn't hear or feel. All that was real was the green piece of parchment lying at my feet. A hand waved in front of my face and I realized that it was Dr. Davidoff salvaging what was left of my eye makeup from tears. I could see his mouth moving, but all I heard was distant incoherent mumbling. Bits and pieces of his words were coming through the fog in my mind. "We'll be taking care of you now" and "you won't have to worry about being alone after tonight", were all I could get out of what he was saying. He pushed me to my feet but I couldn't feel my legs and my knee's fold under me. I did however, feel the floor.
After my spill Dr. Davidoff half carried half dragged me down the hall. When we breached the door to the outside there were two carriages waiting. Peeking out from one carriage was a girl with long blonde hair, who was quickly pulled back by another dark haired girl. As Dr. Davidoff directed me to the carriage it suddenly dawned on me that he still expected me to go to the party. Snapping back to reality, I dug my heals hard into the mud. "I don't want to go", I yelled. "Just let me be alone!". Dr. Davidoff grabbed me roughly by the wrist and pulled me into the empty carriage. "Haven't you been listening to a thing I've said you dumb girl?" he snarled. He yelled behind him for Derek to come along and then climbed into the carriage. When Derek finally arrived , his eyes dropped down when he saw me. Dr. Davidoff threw a handkerchief at him and instructed him to clean my shoes. "She's one our best items and she's nearly destroyed her outfit with dramatics. I thought I could expect more from a girl of a good family", he scoffed.
It was dawning on me that something more sinister then a party was going on tonight. "Due, to the death of your father, the hospital will be selling off your custody", Dr. Davidoff said coolly. "Girls with your condition do better when they are functioning in a house hold and can be looked after". "Firstly" I said "you can't sell off my custody. I'm sure that my father made arrangements for me and seconded what does any of this have to do with the party?". The Dr.'s eyes dipped down my low riding collar with a smirk and I understood what he was planning. I was going to be sold off to someone as a bride, or worse. I had heard of parties like this, but I always thought it was foreign mistresses who were being sold. The parties were rumored to happen in a secret location every few years, so that wealthy bachelors and even married men could have their pick of new woman without having to go through the trouble of courtship. "Your fathers death was fortunate timing" Davidoff commented. "If you had come to us a few days later, we might have had to keep you locked up until the next event".
I kicked at Derek who was wiping the last bit of dirt from my shoes. He shuffled to the open seat next to me without a word. I had thought Derek was trying to help me. I trusted him, but he was just preparing me to be sold. That was the worst betrayal of all. Noticing my hands Dr. Davidoff produced a pair of white gloves from his coat pocket. "You should put these on" he called. "We want you to look your best". I looked up at him skeptically, but he assured me that if I was not bought tonight that I would have to be committed to isolation in the sanitarium. "The thing is Miss Saunders, is that your fathers will can't be found". Your uncle has already taken possession of your father's assets but has refused to take you in as a ward. You have nowhere to go, but where we tell you to". I had toured the sanitarium once with a mental illness class. It was nothing but a small cement box with enough room for a water basin and a man to lay down. I recalled the chains which hung from the wall...
I put on the gloves carefully and tried hard to blink back my tears so that they wouldn't ruin what was left of my makeup.