I discovered the Hetaloid. Was inspired to make one myself. But then I found out it's illegal according to the UTAU Rule Book. Unless Inoue Go gives me permission to do so, which I highly doubt he will. Goodbye Spainloid T_T
Oh and because I was so excited about the Hetaloids, this chapter might be kinda...compromised. Sorry about that and I promise to make the next one better!
It didn't surprise the other countries one bit when Romano and Mexico took seats as far away as possible from each other at the world summit. It still didn't surprise them to see Mexico with a gash on his forehead and Romano making strange whistling sounds every time he tried to use the S sound. Clearly they'd had an… encounter before the meeting. It did strike them as odd, however, that all aggression seemed to have ended the moment they stepped into the meeting room. Romano and Mexico merely sat there quietly and avoided each other's eyes.
They turned to Spain for answers, and that was when the second surprise hit them; the host country's seat was empty.
"Ve, where's Spain-niichan?" Italy asked.
Mexico gasped and dropped his documents. Romano leaned back in his chair with a sigh. The other countries exchanged glances.
Finally, Romano spoke. "Spain is… not feeling well. Yeah." He folded his arms and frowned, but his mean look wasn't working, questions were still being asked, a restless murmur had risen and it was getting more and more annoying as he watched those damn nations whisper among each other and sending him weird looks. Something must've happened between Spain and the Italian. A dispute? A full-out battle? Some ugly accident while doing kinky things at night? Everyone turned to Romano for answers. But Romano wasn't giving any. Unfortunately for him, his blabbermouth of a younger brother was about to…
"Ve," Italy mused, "I hope Spain-niichan's okay, I mean, he is pregnant…"
A murmur rippled through the crowd. Spain was what?
Mexico slumped against the table and clasped his hands over his face. Peru, unfazed by the whole thing, continued organizing his papers, not even sparing a single glance at the nations who were now staring at Romano in wide-eyed shock.
Romano blinked. Had Veneziano just—he had! Dio! He facepalmed as he realized the others hadn't known about it until Italy blurted it out just now. Shit, he could've stopped them from finding out! "Veneziano, we'll talk later," he growled through gritted teeth. Damn it, damn it, damn it! If only he could go back to just a few moments before and shut his brother's trap before those horrible words leaked out! He shuffled uncomfortably under the piercing gaze of two hundred other nations. He felt like a deer caught in headlights—no, that was an understatement. He felt like a deer caught in industrial-strength lasers on full blast. In fact, he could almost smell his flesh sizzling. Trying to act calm and dignified, he cleared his throat and sat up straight. "Wh-wh-what the hell a-are y-y-you look-k-king at?" he stammered.
Damn it! His voice had just given everything away!
Finally, England spoke. "Er, c-congratulations?"
This was apparently the signal for several other countries to mumble their felicitations. France beamed and flashed him a thumbs-up. Romano replied with the middle finger. Germany looked like he'd been hit by one of his own Five-Nines, sitting there muttering shakily as though in a trance. There was a soft thud as Bolivia fainted. The only ones who weren't smiling meaningfully or staring at him shell-shocked were Mexico and Peru, and they didn't count because they'd found out beforehand. Romano fiddled nervously with his tie. He was feeling a bit like a zoo animal. An ugly one that happened to be taking a crap in front of the stunned spectators, judging by the looks on their faces. Great; why couldn't he have been a koala, or a bunny? Did they even have bunnies at the zoo?
"Hahahaha!" Portugal pounded the table in mirth. "The little bugger finally got what was coming to him! Well done, kiddo!"
Romano blushed and sank lower in his seat, until only the top of his head was visible. Beside him, Austria patted his shoulder sympathetically.
"U-um, anyways," said Germany, who'd regained some of his composure, "let's s-start the meeting…"
"Cake!" cried America, suddenly standing up. "We must celebrate this momentous occasion with cake! A great big green one with the Spanish flag painted on it in icing! Hahahahahaha!" He clapped his hands like a happy seal.
Japan looked like he was about to throw up. The radiation leak at his place was bad enough as it was; he didn't need the American's fluorescent confections to add to it. "A-America-san, please don't—"
Romano finally snapped. "Screw you all!" he screamed, jumping out of his chair. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" And he spun on his heel and stormed out of the conference room.
The countries looked at one another guiltily. Perhaps they'd pushed him a little too far.
America's face fell. "No cake…?"
Cake, Romano decided as he splashed water on his face to clear his mind, was for the weak.
Or, in his case, it was what he would use to conceal the bomb he would mail to Veneziano later. And, knowing his idiot brother, that clueless ditz would probably share it with the potato bastard—a beautiful double whammy, in Romano's opinion. Killing two birds with one stone—or rather, two useless nuisances with one bomb. He reminded himself to procure some C4 over the weekend.
Hmm. Guncotton would be better—they could throw it under the faucet and it would still keep burning.
He was still thinking murderous thoughts when the bathroom door opened slightly and Italy poked his head in. Ah. Speak of the devil. Romano shot him a murderous glare as the latter went up to him, a look of confusion and utter stupidity on his stupid, ugly face. "Ve, Nii-chan, are you okay?" he said.
Romano chuckled darkly. "Well," he said, and Italy shuddered at his forced angry smile, "I was… until YOU opened that big mouth of yours!" He slammed his fist against the sink. Italy flinched. "Damn it! You just had to tell them, huh?"
"N-N-Nii-chan! I'm sorry! I-I thought they already knew…" Italy backed against the wall, trembling. "P-please don't hurt me! I'll do anything, I swear! J-just… spare me…"
"Like hell I will! I'll shove your tie down your throat 'til it comes out your ass!" Romano grabbed him by the collar. Italy shrieked and started burbling hysterically. Suddenly Germany arrived on the scene and pulled them apart.
"I knew it," he muttered, as Italy cowered behind him, "letting Feli go by himself was like sending the sheep after the lion."
"B-bastard, get your filthy wurst-hands off him! You're the lion!"
"Romano! Just calm down! Gott, what's gotten into you?"
"Veeeeeeee!"
"Sh-shut up! Both of you—" Suddenly Romano's cell phone rang. "What do you want?" he snapped.
"Oh, Lovi!" said Spain. "You sound so angry! Am I calling at a bad time?"
"Uh—! It's… it's none of your business!" Romano's breath hitched in his throat. "B-but anyways, how are you feeling? Any better? Y-you're okay now, right?"
"Ve, it's Spain-niichan! Nii-chan, Nii-chan, lemme talk to him!" said Italy, stretching his arms out. Romano dodged out of the way and listened anxiously as Spain replied:
"Of course I'm not feeling better! I have this awful headache and I keep feeling really tired and my stomach is throwing temper tantrums, but Dr. Lorca says it's a good sign because my pregnancy symptoms are coming back! So the baby's okay! Isn't that great? Oh, by the way, can you get me some cheesecake on your way here later?"
Romano turned his back on Germany and Italy so they couldn't see him smiling. "That's—good," he said, as calmly as possible. "Um, I'll drop by the store when—DAMN IT VENEZIANO GET OFF ME!" Italy had jumped him from behind in his attempt to get at the phone. Thrown off-balance, Romano stumbled forward, crashing into the wall.
"Lovi! What's going on! Are you okay?"
"Ve! Ve! Spain-niichan!" cried Italy, seizing the phone. "Ve~~~! How are you?"
Romano swore and shoved Italy. The latter squealed as he fell backwards. The phone slipped from his grasp and flew towards Germany, who tried to catch it but missed. It bounced off his wrist and landed in the toilet with a plop.
"Goddammit!" Romano snarled, throttling Italy. "This is all your fault!"
"Veeeee!" Italy quickly scrambled away from him, but tripped over his shoelaces.
Germany bent over the toilet, his hand hovering tentatively over the water, wondering if he should reach in and retrieve it. He was just about to when Italy slammed into him and knocked him down. As he fell, Germany's chin hit the flush button. Romano cried out in indignation as he watched his cell phone disappear in a swirl of water.
There was a long silence. Italy looked at Romano apologetically. Germany slowly picked himself up and rubbed his bruised chin. Romano stood there for a full minute before he finally spoke.
"That was… almost too convenient… somehow…"
"It was!" said Italy, suddenly forgetting his remorse. "I wonder if we've finally broken the fourth wall, ve!"
Ire suddenly flared up in Romano's chest. He seized Italy's throat and began strangling him. "Fuck you! Damn klutz! You'd better get me a replacement, or I'll—"
That was when Italy's cell phone went off.
There was another pause as the three assessed the situation. "Well," said Romano through gritted teeth, as the ring sounded a third time, "why don't you pick up?"
Italy fearfully complied. "P-p-pront-t-to…"
Romano raised an eyebrow as his brother's eyes widened. "Oh, he's right here actually," Italy said, glancing at him. "Nii-chan, it's for you." He held out the phone.
Romano took it. "Who is this?"
His blood ran cold when he heard the voice on the other end: "Lovino Vargas! What is the meaning of this blasphemy?"
Almost instinctively he snapped the phone closed. "Oh crap!" he squeaked, his hands trembling. It was Vatican City. And it sounded like he'd heard the news too.
Oh dear, poor Romano...
Review! :D
Still haven't gotten over Spainloid. You know, just for the sake of it, I might try... It's not like I'm the only one who'll have broken the rules anyway. Youtube "aph double lariat mmd hetaloid", click on the first one, and you'll see what I mean.