Death is peaceful- easy. Life is harder.

Two: Serena

I keep repeating those final moments over in my head. It's like a video stuck on replay. It breaks my heart, but there's no way to stop it. I'm dead. I can barely go running to my Mother telling her I'm going crazy, can I? No, I'm alone now. All alone in this big white room, stuck watching the video of my death repeatedly.

I leap off the cliff, and for a moment, I feel like I'm flying. The wind blows my blonde hair out behind me and makes my bright eyes water. I squeeze my eyes shut and listen to the sound of the water below me. For the first time in what seems like forever, I'm happy. I feel weightless- and not just physically. All my troubles and problems are gone, evaporated into the air.

But my happiness is short lived- as always.

Suddenly I realise I'm not flying- I'm falling. Fear strike me like a white hot iron, and I panic.

I can't focus on anything, but brain feels as though it's going to explode. I feel pain, burning hot starting in my chest and moving it's way up into my throat.

All of a sudden, I'm numb.

I can't feel a single thing.

I can't hear anything.

I cant see anything.

I'm going to die.

But it's not fast, not like the stories I've read say. They all say it's entirely painless- that's true, but only physically. Emotionally, it's the worst pain possible.

I had so many regrets; so many hopes; so many dreams. I would never get to marry Nate. I would never get to have cute babies that become best friends with Blair and Chuck's children. I would never grow old.

If I could, I would cry. But my brain seems to have cut itself off from the rest of my body. That scares me. I could be in the water by now, but I have no idea.

I'm going to drown.

I always thought I would die naturally. I had hoped I would drift away in my sleep one night, surrounded by my loved ones.

By drowning? That had never entered my thoughts.

For some reason, I remember going to a fortune teller with Blair once at a charity gala. She had told Blair she would lead a happy life, but needed to stop being so negative. She also said Blair would marry her one true love and lead a perfect life. That had satisfied Blair- all she ever wanted was to be loved.

But the fortune teller told me some quite different things. She said I would die in a tragic accident, and nobody would know the true cause except myself. She stated I would make many mistakes and regret every single one. I had been furious about her comments. Nobody likes being told their future is going to be miserable, do they?

But she is right.

I'm dying. And it is a tragic accident, one nobody will ever truly understand.

I wish I could go to see Blair and tell her I'm sorry for everything I've ever done, for every argument we've ever had. I wish I could see Chuck, and tell him he's the best stepbrother I could have wished for, and that I regret hating him in the first place.

But most of all, I wish I could tell Nate, one last time, how much I love him. How I always will love him, no matter what. If I could speak to him, I would tell him to move on but to always remember me. Because no matter what, I'll always be with him. He just won't know it.

But most of all, I wish I could go back in time. I wish I had never jumped off that stupid cliff.

But overall, death was strangely peaceful, easy.

Life is much harder.

A/N: Part three will be about Nate and how he struggles with the loss of his girlfriend. Enjoy!