Sorry for the very long delay on this story! It's almost to the end. Enjoy.
Need a Miracle
Eight
Calleigh sighs as she lets the nurse check her blood pressure and blood sugar levels. It is late in the afternoon, almost three o'clock, and she is just ready to go home and spend the rest of this miserable Christmas alone. She woke up in the ambulance, and she felt more exhausted. She ate a bit, and that helped with the dizziness and it certainly helped to calm her nerves. Eric came by to see her when he arrived, and it was awkward at best, cold at least. They barely spoke, she could barely look at him, and she knew deep within her that she needed to take the first step of trying to salvage their friendship, but her pride got in the way; and she felt more indignant and justified than ever.
They survived, but she feels bruised, she feels pain, she feels empty and out of options. She's always known the destructive power of words when spoken with bitterness and anger. Those formulated in her heart out of a place of utter confusion and fury about things that she's held deep within her. She didn't realize just how potent her anger was until she and Eric allowed themselves to devolve into the type of relationship her own parents had. Calleigh remembers her father's frustration at her mother's flightiness and inability to adjust to motherhood, and her mother's frustration over her father's increasingly problematic drinking which led to loud arguments and things being thrown, doors being slammed and sometimes...
Calleigh closes her eyes.
She heard the slaps, saw the shoves...she and her sister would cuddle up together, each with their rosary beads and pray fervently, profusely for hours, even after silence settled.
She loves her father deeply still, a just as she did as a child, and that always confused her, and her mother and sister. Calleigh worshipped the very ground her father walked on, she sat with him in his study and read books about the law, learned about the various offenses her own father had committed behind closed doors. Her love for him did not change, even after the night he laid hands on her.
She feels numb to it all now.
She just wants to go home.
Calleigh decides that she has more pressing matters to think about, like the fact that her car is a crime scene. Natalia has offered to drive her home, so that had been a quick solution, but the job offer is still hanging out there, the plane ticket is still resting on her bedside table.
"Alright Ms. Duquesne," the nurse says with a smile. "You're doing well, and once the doctor comes in to see you, you should be on your way."
"Thanks," Calleigh says.
After a few minutes, Natalia comes in.
"Hey, how are you holding up?" Natalia asks.
"I'm fine."
Natalia sees the fatigue in Calleigh's face, and more than that, she looks completely drained physically and emotionally. Eric had been in the same state, and Natalia wonders just what happened between the two of them because neither has asked about the other, and they both have the same look of resignation on their faces.
Something went wrong in that vault.
Natalia crosses her arms over her chest. "Can you give me a real answer?"
"Nat, I said I'm fine," Calleigh insists with a slight smile. "I'm just ready to go home."
The doctor comes in, and he explains things that Calleigh doesn't pay attention to, then she signs the paperwork and then she and Natalia begin to head out.
"By the way, I don't know if H told you but..."
"My car's a crime scene," Calleigh sighs. "I know. The cherry to top this perfect Christmas."
They get into Natalia's car, and Calleigh crosses her arms over her chest.
"I'm so sorry about what happened," Natalia says. "I mean...leave it to you and Eric to land yourselves in a situation like that."
"Well, it's over now," Calleigh grins. "And I'm happy that things weren't as bad as they could have been. Anyway, how was your Christmas party?"
Natalia smiles. "It was so much fun! The gift exchange went well."
"Hmm, I don't doubt that," Calleigh smirks.
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Natalia asks with a grin.
"Every year you and Ryan rig that damn thing," Calleigh chuckles a bit. "And poor Eric only ever gets gift cards for restaurants he doesn't even like."
"It's not rigged," Natalia says indignantly. "I don't cheat. I'm not a cheater."
"In the words of Alexx: 'Mmmhmm, okay baby,'" Calleigh says with some attitude like Alexx used to.
Natalia laughs. "God, I miss her."
"Me too."
Natalia sighs. "Cal...I know that you and Eric are...going through a thing right now."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You haven't even asked about him."
"Okay, how's he doing?"
Natalia shakes her head. "Forget it, Calleigh."
"Nat, just tell me-"
"No," Natalia says. "You are so damn stubborn, you know that?"
"I didn't ask for a running commentary about what happened."
"Everybody loves you," Natalia says. "And everybody cares about you. I-I get that you've been hurt more times than you deserve, but...you don't think it hurts me, and Ryan, and especially H and everyone else we're close to to see you becoming like a hermit and not talking to any of us? We don't deserve that."
Calleigh looks at her friend. "Natalia...I-I wasn't trying to make you feel that way...oh sweetie...I love you too. You know I do. You're like a sister to me. Y'all are family to me."
"I know, I just wish that you'd...open up," Natalia says. "You can't...keep it all inside, you know? I mean, when I was going through everything with Nick...you remember how hard I tried to hide it, and that was difficult for me because I'm an emotional person. I don't have a poker face, though hanging around H has certainly helped me improve...to the better."
Calleigh grins.
"You're like a sister to me," Natalia says. "And you can talk to me."
"I know," Calleigh says. "You can talk to me..."
"Of course I can," Natalia smiles.
They arrive at Calleigh's home, and Natalia pulls into the driveway.
"You're home."
"Thanks, sweetie."
"No problem," Natalia says, hugging her friend. "Call me if you need anything."
"I will," Calleigh says.
"Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Calleigh says, then she gets out of the car. She waves to Natalia then she walks up to her door and goes inside.
Once inside, she sighs, leaning up against the door.
She doesn't know what to do to make up for what is left of Christmas Day.
She hasn't even decorated this year, and it makes her even more depressed and angry.
Why did she say what she did to him?
Why did she ruin her own happiness?
Stubborn pride.
Hopelessness.
Fear.
Anger.
Rage...
Her chest is tight and she stalks over to her kitchen and she opens up a cabinet. It contains coffee mugs and she grabs one and hurls it across the kitchen against the back door. She throws one after another until she can't reach any more to grab.
She is sobbing and she rubs her hands over her face then she drops them to her sides, sobbing uncontrollably.
She is shaking with fury and her hands form fists as she releases a scream.
/\/\/\/\
Eric had Horatio drop him at his parents' house, and as soon as they pulled up, Eric's mother came rushing out, in tears and she knocked the wind out of him as she hugged him and kissed his cheeks.
"Mijo," she repeated over and over. "Mijo."
Horatio stayed for a few minutes, shook Pavel's hand, hugged Clorinda before going on his way.
Eric was then greeted by his sisters, who were also in tears.
Turns out, they all knew something was wrong, they felt it, and when they saw that both he and Calleigh were missing, they all waited with bated breath to hear that he was okay. He was okay, and that's all he could manage for a while. Everyone was asking him questions and he could barely get a word in edgewise.
His mother fed him to his heart's content, though.
He'd been much hungrier than he anticipated.
Once he finished eating, the tiredness and the utter sadness he felt consumed him and he retreated upstairs and first showered and changed into a fresh shirt before going into his father's study.
He is still in here, trying to make sense of all that's happened, all that was said.
Eric is completely crushed, discouraged, and hurt. His heart is clenching and twisting with pain.
He rubs his hands over his face, then he sighs.
She is going to Chicago.
He knows that Calleigh will take the position out of spite, but he knows how unhappy she will be up there. She doesn't like change, that's the problem, even a welcome one. She doesn't like the cold, she doesn't like unpredictability. She has a routine here, friends, family...she's just using it as an excuse to run away from everything and everyone because of things that she hasn't yet found the courage to let go of yet. It doesn't surprise him that her father abused her physically at times, that's what happens in a family with an alcoholic. Eric bets that Duke doesn't even know he hurt her like that. And her sister...she made Calleigh responsible for their father, made her take the strikes for his sins and kept her from her life.
That makes sense because Calleigh never talks about or to her sister, Savannah, who lives in Georgia.
Eric has lost a sister, and to not be able to see or talk to Mari face to face ever again hurts him deeply. So for two sisters to voluntarily avoid that relationship, he now is beginning to understand Calleigh's pain, and it fucking. Hurts. The more he thinks about her tears, her anger, her bitterness, the more he identifies with her pain.
He wonders if she can relate to his.
"Eric."
Eric looks up and sees his father.
"How are you, my son?" He asks as he sits in the chair across from Eric.
The chess table is between them.
"You want match?"
"Sure," Eric says with a slight grin.
Eric makes the first move.
"Hm, good," Pavel comments. "So...how is Calleigh?"
Eric always chuckles a bit at the way his father says Calleigh's name. He splits the syllables in her name apart, so it sounds like two names: Cal-Leigh. Sometimes, it sounds like Cuh-Leigh.
"She's okay," Eric explains, waiting for Pavel to make a move. "She had a couple panic attacks, but overall, she's fine."
"Why you not invite her here?" Pavel asks as he moves.
"She wanted to go home."
Eric moves.
"Hm," Pavel says shortly. "Too quick, my boy."
"Papi, I've had that move in my head for the last ten minutes," Eric chuckles. "You're taking longer than usual. Вы становитесь ржавыми, Папа."
"Я только имею вашу мать, чтобы обвинить."
"Why are you blaming mom?"
"She won't play with me," Pavel explains. "Your sisters never want to learn. I-I been playing so much by myself, I start to cheat."
Eric laughs. "That's pretty sad, Papi."
"Calleigh is good," Pavel says. "Why she not around much?"
"Work," Eric shrugs.
"Не лгите мне, сыну," Pavel says firmly.
Eric looks at his father. "Я не лежу."
"Да Вы, Вы говорите мне правду прямо сейчас, Eric."
"Calleigh and I broke up," he says. "I mean...now we're broken up. Before it was just a break, but now it's officially a breakup. Things went wrong, Papi, and I don't know how to fix it...I...I'm in love with her."
"Have you told her?"
"Yes, but...she doesn't want anything to do with me," Eric explains. "She...when we were in the vault, she told me that she hated me."
"She was probably just angry, hijo."
"No, it was different," Eric says. "She was...there was something different in her eyes when she said it."
Pavel makes his move.
"That is too bad. I really liked her. She make you very happy, I can see it in your eyes, how happy she make you."
"She does make me happy," Eric sighs. "But the things we said to each other inside that vault. I've hurt her, she's hurt me. Everything went bad because she thought she was pregnant."
Pavel looks at his son.
"Is she?"
"No," Eric says, the disappointment etching in his face. "She didn't even tell me. She found out the result by herself. Calleigh's been through a lot, and that's what did it. I didn't realize how angry she is at everything, not just me."
Pavel watches as his son makes another move, and Pavel quickly captures his piece.
Eric rubs a hand over his face.
"I love her so much. And now she's going to Chicago for a job offer, that I know she's gonna take..."
"You must stop her," Pavel says with a sound of urgency in his voice. "You cannot let her go when things are like this."
"I need to," Eric says, frowning at getting captured again. "I have to. Calleigh is so unhappy...she needs a change of scenery. New people. New life."
Pavel raises an eyebrow at his son. "I did not raise you to be a coward."
"Dad-"
"Listen. You spent over seventeen hours in that vault with Calleigh and I know you said some things to her and she said some things to you. The time is now to make things right, to settle once and for all what you both want to do. I-I cannot stand to see you like this, Eric. Every time you come over you mope around and I know how much your heart hurts."
Eric looks away.
"You say you are in love, then don't let her get away again, Eric. Do right by her and by yourself."
Eric nods and makes his next move.
/\/\/\/\
Natalia pours two cups of tea, then she takes them over to the living room where Calleigh is resting.
"Here you go," Natalia says, handing a mug to Calleigh.
"Thanks."
"I'm glad you had some mugs left," Natalia teases, referring to the mess she found when she came back.
Natalia was halfway down the street when she saw that Calleigh left her jacket in the car. She turned around and went back to the house. When she walked up to the door, she heard crying within, and she pounded on the door, begging entry, but Calleigh would not come, so she took out the spare key Calleigh had told her was hidden under one of her plants, and opened the door.
The state she found Calleigh in was saddening and scary.
Calleigh was sitting on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, and there was broken ceramic all over the floor. Calleigh refused to get up, she was too distraught and angry to do anything, so for two hours, Natalia just sat with her, letting Calleigh cry herself out. Once she did, Natalia helped her up, and she told Calleigh to take a shower, change and get some sleep.
Calleigh did everything else except sleep, she felt too worried and sick to sleep.
Natalia being with her right now is a comfort because she's never felt more lonely in her life. After what she's been through in the last seventeen hours, spending Christmas alone would have just made things worse for her, made things more real.
Natalia is a good friend to her; she cleaned up the mess of mugs, ordered some dinner, and made her some tea.
"Nat, I'm fine now," Calleigh says. "You really should be with your family."
"You are my family," Natalia says before sipping at her tea.
Calleigh is touched by that, and her bruised, raw emotions cause her heart to clench and tears come springing from her eyes again.
"Calleigh..."
"I'm sorry," Calleigh apologizes, sniffling.
"Don't be," Natalia says, rubbing her friends back. "What happened in that vault, Calleigh?"
"Everything, and nothing!" Calleigh sobs, shaking. "God...I messed up! I messed everything up! And I'm stupid, I'm so stupid!"
"Don't say that."
"I am!" Calleigh yells, standing up. "I-I screwed everything up and I don't know how to fix it!"
"You can start by talking to someone," Natalia says. "Start by talking to me. Stop trying to be brave all the time, Cal. Sometimes you need some help. I just want to help you because I don't want to see you in pain."
"I deserve this," Calleigh cries. "After what I've said, I deserve this."
Natalia is scared for her friend, who is trembling, pacing, crying and saying that she deserves this. Calleigh has held everything inside her for so long that whatever happened when she and Eric were trapped in that vault, forced it out. She is on the verge of a breakdown, and Natalia doesn't want to see that happen.
"You don't deserve this," Natalia says. "C'mon, sit down and just talk it out."
Calleigh sits down and she sniffles.
"I ruined everything," she says in a shaky voice. "Eric and I argued about everything in that damn vault, and...he didn't hurt me nearly as much as I hurt him. I told Eric that I h-hated him, and that's not true. I was just so angry because he wouldn't listen to me. We wouldn't listen to each other."
She begins to cry again.
"He's never going to forgive me," she frets. "I pushed him too far...he's never going to forgive me."
"That's not true," Natalia says. "Just talk to Eric, honey. You two need to really talk now because whatever happened in there, it's going to truly ruin things if you don't talk about it. I've never seen two people who are so in love test fate the way you two have."
Calleigh shakes her head. "It's not fate...it's me. You don't know what it's been like lately..."
"You feel hopeless?"
Calleigh nods.
"And...some days you're just too tired to get out of bed?"
Again, Calleigh nods, then she looks at Natalia. "There's something wrong with me, isn't there?"
"No honey, there's nothing wrong with you," Natalia says, smoothing over Calleigh's hair. "Everyone goes through this sometimes, Cal. You feel sometimes the world is going to collapse on you, and then there are some days when...when you just can't stop crying?"
"Yeah."
"I've been there," Natalia says. "And I got some help. You need to get some help Calleigh, okay? I'm not saying this to be mean, but...I've been watching you, and you haven't been yourself. You're not good right now. This isn't good for you. You threw over half your coffee mugs against the back door. You need to get some help. Professional help."
Calleigh nods. "Okay."
The women hug, and Calleigh is grateful to have somebody right now.
"Everything's going to be okay, Cal," Natalia promises. "Things will get better."
Calleigh nods and holds on.