Need A Miracle
Nine
The house is crowded again for New Year's Eve. Eric is glad to be surrounded by his family again because the last week has been extremely difficult for him because he's been trying to call Calleigh to see if she made it to Chicago alright, to see how she was doing, but she hasn't answered her phone, and he thinks he may have left a dozen or so messages.
He doesn't even know if she got back alright, now that he thinks about it because she was supposed to be back yesterday. Today is Friday, and he has no idea if she's even back in town. Almost every night this week since the incident in the vault, he's had nightmares of her, just crying, of her retreating from him, of her dying in his arms. He is tired because those images haven't allowed him to rest at all. He has been so worried about Calleigh he doesn't know what to do, but being with his family is taking her off his mind.
He knows he's getting old because he can't run after his nieces and nephew like he used to.
"You know what, I think I need a break you guys," Eric says, getting up off of the grass. "Tio Eric needs some rest."
"Aww!" His nephew, Benjamin groans.
The kid just tackled him, and he expects Eric to go another round of flag football?
"You guys keep playing," Eric says as he goes inside the house.
He sees his mother and sisters cooking.
"I told you they're a handful," Nina says.
"Yeah, when did Benny get so strong?"
"Uh since his dad started him in wrestling," Nina explains.
"He almost took out my shoulder," Eric complains.
"That's mi hijo," Nina says proudly.
Eric flexes his shoulder.
"You big baby," Teresa says.
"Actually, he's getting old," Nina giggles.
"Yeah my bones are aching," he jokes.
"Ugh, mijo you smell like a wet puppy dog," Clorinda says, pushing him out of the kitchen. "Go upstairs and freshen up, dinner's almost ready, hijo."
Eric finds his father and brothers in law in the living room, chatting.
"You wanna go outside and play with your kids, Benny? Paul?"
"Did BJ tackle you?" Nina's husband, Benjamin Sr. asks.
"Yeah, the kid's a freight train," Eric says.
"That's my boy," Benny grins. "He'll be a champion yet."
"Come and sit with us," Pavel invites his son, waving him over.
"I will, but Ma wants me to freshen up," Eric sighs. "Dinner's almost ready by the way."
"When you come down, join us," Pavel encourages his son.
Eric nods then goes upstairs.
Pavel has been worried about Eric for some time now. He sees the heartache in Eric's eyes, and he doesn't know how to remedy that. As a father, he doesn't like to see any of his children hurting for any reason. After losing Marisol, their family wasn't the same, and it nearly broke him inside to see his remaining children in the deepest pain. Eric took Marisol's death the hardest he thinks, mainly because they were so close growing up. They were three years apart, but they had a bond that ran deep. They were thick as thieves as children, while Nina and Teresa bossed them around. Eric and Teresa always got into it, even today as adults, they still bicker like children.
As a family, they've been through so many ups and downs, and Pavel thinks it has made them stronger. All he wants is for his children to be happy, especially Eric.
He's been through so much in the last few years because of his job, and Pavel has twice watched his son almost die. But Eric is healthy and strong again, and he deserves happiness. For a while, the only bright spot in his life was Calleigh. Pavel could tell that Eric couldn't stop thinking about her a few months after he was shot the first time. Calleigh helped him tremendously a work, and Eric never took her for granted. For months, all Eric talked about was Calleigh.
When they began their relationship, and Eric introduced Calleigh as his girlfriend, Pavel was thrilled. Calleigh is beautiful, so generous, and loving. He thinks her Southern roots have much to do with that. She made Eric happy, and Pavel thought that they would make it.
Perhaps it was too intense for them to handle, as his wife hinted at one point. She was worried that Eric's feelings were deeper than Calleigh's, and Pavel didn't want to hear of it. But with all the ups and downs, their job, and other things, Pavel thinks that it might just be true. He knows that his son is in love, has been in love with Calleigh for a long time, longer than he previously believed.
Pavel knew something went wrong again when Calleigh stopped coming over with Eric. There was always some excuse, either work, or she wasn't feeling well, or some other nonsense to cover up the fact that they'd broken up again.
Does he feel any bitterness toward Calleigh?
No.
He is not one to hold a grudge.
But he can't say the same for his wife and two daughters. They see Calleigh as the woman who broke Eric's heart.
Oh, they know too.
Eric is, and always has been, a horrible liar. The boy couldn't tell a lie if it meant life or death. Eric is honest to a fault so they knew the first time that he was lying about his relationship.
Pavel doesn't know how to take away the pain Eric is obviously feeling, and that angers him. He can't fix everything, but he wishes that he can, for Eric's sake.
The doorbell rings and Pavel gets up to answer the door.
Upstairs, Eric washes his face off then he grabs a paper towel and dries his face.
He grabs the fresh shirt he got from the closet in one of the guest rooms. His father had more shirts than what he knew what to do with them, so his mother put their older clothes in other closets. Eric and his father are about the same size, so he grabbed a plain black shirt.
He pulls it on and buttons it up before he opens the door and heads downstairs.
He stops two steps from the landing, his heart pounding in his chest.
"Calleigh," Eric says.
She is sitting on the couch next to Benny, and she grins slightly, waving.
"Hi," she greets him quietly.
He comes down the steps and he looks at his father before looking back at Calleigh.
"W-what are you doing here?"
She stands up.
"I um...I got your messages," she smiles softly. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I was going to call ahead of time, but, I just drove here. I-I came to talk-"
"Calleigh!" Clorinda exclaims excitedly as she bum rushes Calleigh and gives her a tight hug. "Oh we've missed you!"
"I've missed y'all too," she smiles as she pulls away.
"Oh, just as beautiful as ever," Clorinda marvels. "You're just in time for dinner."
"That sounds great, but I don't want to impose," Calleigh says. "I actually came to talk to Eric-"
"After you've had some dinner," Clorinda insists. "You look in need of a good meal. Come."
Clorinda hooks her arm in Calleigh's and the women go into the kitchen.
Pavel stands up, clapping his hand on his son's back. "Looks like you won't be getting her back for a while."
Eric sighs and goes into the dining room with his father.
Calleigh helped with the rest of the cooking as much as Eric's sisters would allow, and then she set the table with Eric, and she could only manage a small grin every time their eyes met. He was holding back, she could tell, and for the first time ever, she could not read him. She felt lost, still feels lost as they all sit down to dinner at the large dining room table.
Everyone bows their heads and Pavel says a quick prayer over the food before everyone begins to eat.
"I'm so glad you're here, Calleigh," Clorinda says. "I was just thinking about you. I was so worried when you and Eric were missing. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Calleigh says. "I've been through worse."
"Well, I am just so happy to see you," Clorinda smiles.
They all eat dinner and there is chatter going on among them and the children sitting at the kitchen table. Calleigh just listens, just soaks it all in, and Eric meets her eyes again before he diverts his eyes to his sister when she asks him something. Calleigh has no idea what he must be thinking right now, and she feels like she's intruded on them. She feels as though she's intruded upon him and that makes her feel so low.
She was on a drive, just driving around to clear her thoughts, and she subconsciously made it to the Delkos' house. She came because there is so much she needs to talk about, there are things she needs to tell Eric before it's too late, before the damage becomes irreparable.
To distract herself from Eric, she stuffs herself with brisket and tortillas, drinks the sweet wine, allows her senses to just take over as she fills her stomach with spicy mac and cheese, corn, and vegetables. Everything is good, and for the first time in months, she feels full, whole. It is warm, her body is warm, and she sits back in her chair, savoring the coziness. And to think, she was ready to leave this behind. She'd forgotten everything, every feeling, every savory flavor of a Delko family dinner.
Clorinda tries to feed her more, but Calleigh is so full, almost miserably so.
"I'm stuffed," Calleigh insists. "That was delicious. Thank you."
Eric finishes the last of his plate, then he sighs.
"That was great, Ma," he says.
Everyone else agrees.
Eric looks at Calleigh again, and she looks beautiful, as always, but she also looks different. She looks as though she's come to some sort of closure about things, she looks rather content, more content than he's seen in a long while.
After a decadent dessert of chocolate cake, Calleigh gets up and helps to clear the table.
Eric gets up and leaves the dining room, suddenly angry, and he goes upstairs.
Calleigh sighs as she goes into the kitchen.
Clorinda can see how lovelorn the two of them have been all night, and her heart goes out to them. She loves Calleigh, of course she does, but she can't help but feel a tad bit angry at her. Eric has been so sad lately, and she knew that it was because something happened between him and Calleigh. She's known from the start that Calleigh wasn't as committed as Eric. She just knew, and she doesn't know if it's because of something in her past or if she's just afraid, but she knows that she's hurt Eric deeply.
Whatever happened in that vault seemed to make things worse.
Calleigh had a look of both resolve and guilt on her face, in her countenance, and it's about time that they talked.
"Calleigh," Clorinda says, gently taking the plates from Calleigh. "Go talk to Eric."
"I-I don't know," Calleigh hesitates. "He looked pretty angry...maybe I should just go..."
"No!" Nina interjects angrily. "You're not going anywhere, Calleigh."
Calleigh is taken aback by Nina's tone.
"Do you have any idea how much pain my brother has been in because of you?"
"Nina!" Teresa hisses.
"No, I need to say this," Nina says. "Now, I'll admit that I don't like you much, but out of respect for Eric, I've learned to live with you. But you know what pisses me off about you?"
Calleigh braces herself.
"What pisses me off about you is the fact that you act like the relationship is a game," Nina says. "You leave then come back, then you leave again and come back...this isn't a game, Calleigh, this is my brother's heart. This is Eric's life, and you're playing with it so cavalierly. I'm not saying that Eric is perfect, but at least he has the decency to try. He took a big risk with you, and now he's not even sure if it was worth it."
Calleigh feels the tears welling in her eyes.
Does Eric regret taking a chance on her? Does he regret her?
"And then you have the nerve to show up here and pretend like everything's like it used to be only to want to leave? No...that's not going to happen. Whatever is wrong between you two, you need to work it out. You said you came over to talk, so go up there and talk to him. Don't be such a coward, Calleigh."
Calleigh can only respond with a nod.
She's known from the start that Nina and Teresa didn't like her, but Nina telling her off doesn't feel good at all. Being called a coward hurts because she likes to think that she's brave, but maybe her bravery was cowardice in disguise when it comes to relationships.
She goes out of the kitchen and heads upstairs, escaping Nina's sharp words.
"Eric?" She calls as she walks down the hallway.
She sees him in what used to be his old bedroom, but is now one of many guest rooms.
He is sitting on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees, his head down.
She knocks softly on the half open door.
Eric looks up at her, and he stands up, coming over to the door.
"Calleigh, I can't talk to you right now," he says.
"Please," she almost begs. "Please...I really need to talk to you. Please."
He steps aside and gestures for her to come in.
She comes in and closes the door softly behind her.
Eric looks at her expectantly. "So?"
"I um..." She begins in a shaky voice. "I..."
Calleigh feels the pain bubbling up inside her and her face falls as the tears come. She sniffles and covers her face as she begins to sob.
Eric feels his heart clench with sadness at her tears and he steps closer to her.
"Calleigh..."
She wipes her tears and looks at him.
"I'm so sorry," she cries. "I am so, so sorry."
Calleigh gets down on her knees. "Please...forgive me for the things that I said and did to you. I don't hate you. In fact, I love you. I love you deeply, and I'm sorry for making you think that it was just you. It was me, too. Please, forgive me because I'm in love with you. I need your forgiveness because I need you. Just please...forgive me."
He comes over to her and he helps her up and brings her into his arms.
/\/\/\/\
"How was Chicago?" He asks, gently pushing a lock of hair from her face.
After she cried herself out, they laid down together on the bed, facing each other.
She sighs and scoots closer to him.
"I didn't go," she admits, and he looks at her incredulously.
"You didn't go?" He asks. "Why not?"
She sighs. "I didn't want to go. I couldn't go because I knew that I'd stay."
"You would have stayed?"
"Mmhm," she answers. "I couldn't leave, not with everything that happened between us. And more than that, I was...I am a mess."
"No you're not," he says.
"Yes I am," she insists, a tear escaping. "Eric...I hate that you weren't there with me when I found out I wasn't pregnant. I've been thinking a lot about us and...I've been terribly selfish."
"We've both been selfish," he admits.
"No, it's me," she says. "Being stuck in that vault made me face things I didn't want to face. I said those awful things because I was angry about other things."
"I'm sorry that I said what I did," he apologizes. "I-I didn't mean to hurt you so badly. I hate that I hurt you so much when I should have been there for you."
"You're always there for me," she reminds him. "Always. I just don't see that sometimes."
They rest quietly for a few moments, just listening to the murmur of conversations downstairs and the kids playing.
Calleigh feels so much warmth inside her, and she feels a comfort that she's been in desperate need of. Being in Eric's arms again feels so good, and she doesn't ever want to leave his embrace. He makes her feel safe.
"What have you been angry about?" He asks.
"Different things," she explains. "My dad, my sister...being alone."
"But that's the thing," he begins. "You don't have to be alone, babe. I'm here and I love you. I love you Calleigh, you've got to start believing that."
She does believe it, she always has believed it. Calleigh knows how much Eric loves her, but she's taken it all for granted, and that's what led to her the place she's been in the last few months. Her heart has been aching, she's been in as much pain as Eric, and she decided on the way here that she didn't want to feel that pain anymore. She wants nothing more now than to stay wrapped up in Eric's arms forever because he is her protection from the things that are pulling her away from him.
"I wanted to be pregnant so badly," Calleigh whispers tearfully. "I was so happy, Eric. I was so happy with you and...I ruined it."
Eric holds her closer. "Stop blaming yourself, Calleigh."
"But I do," she cries. "I blame myself for everything because all you did was love me. I hate that I made you feel guilty about that. Nina was right, I have been so cavalier with your heart and for that I'm sorry."
Eric gently wipes her tears then he kisses her forehead.
He is glad that she is talking to him, really talking to him for the first time in months. He wants to know how he can help her overcome the anger and guilt she feels, he wants to be there for her when she digs deeper into her past. He knows that her father has abused her, he's known that for a long time, but she still loves her daddy and respects him despite the mistakes he made with her when she was a little girl. Calleigh had to be the adult, and Eric thinks that it's unfair of her sister to make her choose. Of course she's going to choose her father because she loves him, and of course she's going to want to choose her sister because she loves her too. But her sister obviously wants nothing to do with Calleigh, and that hurts.
"I blame myself for so many things," Calleigh sobs. "I've just...I lost the ability to think about the positives. God, I wanted the baby to be. But that damn test...it brought back everything."
"What is it?" He asks insistently. "What happened to you?"
She sniffles. "I...I was molested."
"Oh Cal..."
"It went on for three years," she says, closing her eyes.
"Y-your dad?"
"No, no," she shakes her head. "Daddy wouldn't do that to me or Savannah. No...it was a family friend that came to live with us. Uncle Hollis and his wife Nell. Lost their house in a fire. Daddy wanted them to move in because we had the space. They never did get back on their feet after the fire, so they officially lived with us for a while. It started when I was twelve."
Eric doesn't know what to do or say suddenly, and he just holds her tighter.
"Did you tell anyone?"
She shakes her head.
"Baby..."
"I couldn't," she cries. "I was twelve...I was growin' up and developing-"
"Don't you dare blame yourself," he says. "Babe...he was a predator. You had nothing to do with his perversion."
Eric kisses her softly, then he hugs her and she cries onto his shoulder.
"H-He touched me everywhere, and he made me do things to him," she sobs. "I felt so dirty and alone!"
He can't imagine the hell she lived in for three years of her young life.
Between her father's alcoholism and her uncle victimizing her, Calleigh had nowhere to turn. Add the fact that her mother left her early on, and the combination isn't good. She's carried this into adulthood, and one little test drew it all out of her darkest memory.
"When I looked at that test, I thought that I was getting what I deserve," she cries. "How can I possibly bring a child into this world knowing what I went through? My own mother left us, what's to say I won't do the same? What if something like what happened to me happens to our child?"
"Carina all these what ifs will drive you crazy..."
"I don't care," she sobs. "It could happen, and I know firsthand that you can't ever take it back! I have to live with what happened to me!"
"I love you," he says softly. "I'm gonna help you get through this, okay?"
"No amount of love can make it go away," she cries.
"Maybe not go away, but at least I can help you heal," he says. "You've got to trust me, Calleigh."
"I trust you," she says.
"We're going to get you some help," he says, caressing her cheek. "I know a good therapist. We can go together. I'm going to learn how to help you, and we're going to get you better, okay?"
Calleigh nods.
"You know he's still living," she says bitterly. "He and my dad are still best friends. Before I left for college, he would come around. And you know what's crazy? I would bring him drinks, I once served him breakfast, just the way he liked it...how stupid was that?"
"It's not stupid," he says. "You were afraid of him."
"To this day, he still scares me," she says in a trembling voice. "And there are times when I'm dreaming and it's so real. I can...feel his breath, I can feel his hands...taste him...he terrifies me."
"I'll protect you," Eric assures.
Calleigh cries into his shoulder as he holds her.