AN: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read the prologue and for your lovely reviews. I am staggered by the number of story alerts and/or listed as a favourite story. As I mentioned before, it is your incredible support that is the driving force behind my motivation to continue to write. So you have more than a big hand in whatever the muse decides to put to paper. ;D :-*

I dedicate this fic to you amazing and wonderful readers. You guys are just incredible.

Please go and check out Linda's (superlc529) Connection. It is a wonderful wonderful piece of fiction.

Oh and I have a feeling you'll probably have a fair idea as to who was REALLY shot by the end of this chapter... hope you all enjoy the twist I have coming your way. ;D

Chapter One

*C&B*

Richard Castle was dead. Richard Castle was dead. Richard Castle was dead.

That was all Katherine Beckett could think about. Her shadow, her best friend, her partner had died. And the thing that ate at her the most was the fact that he died because of her. He had taken the bullet meant for her. Castle, I hate you... why?

"He's never going to know just how much he meant to me even before he became my partner."

This was the man who had saved her from herself and the unforgiving darkness that was mere inches away from destroying her soul when her mother was murdered. And the irony of the whole freaking mess was that it was my mother's case that killed him.

She wasn't sure how the hell she would escape its dark clutches this time; the source of her happiness had been cruelly taken from her. Who's gonna save me this time?

She didn't care that she was sitting in the dark. It was the perfect parallel to her ugly mood. She wanted nothing more than to join two of her favourite people in the entire world at this very moment.

So many people dead. Because of me...

"This has to stop." She vowed, throwing her coffee mug with a force she didn't know she possessed. It shattered as it hit the wall, landing on the tiled floor, shards of ceramic scattering everywhere. She stared at the broken pieces for several moments, feeling some relief at having broken something. Something other than her shattered heart.

"I am going to get these sons of b****s for this. First my mother, then Roy and now Castle. Someone is going to pay. No one takes my Castle away from me. No one."

*C&B*

In complete contrast to a few days prior, the sun was nowhere to be seen. Threatening clouds were obscuring the blue skies hiding behind them.

For the second time in a week she was donned in her full police attire. It didn't matter that he wasn't actually a cop, he was her partner and he was just a good a cop as any trained detective. He deserved the trimmings that every befallen member before him had received. This time though, she wore her hair down, allowing her cascading curls to sit naturally around her face. She knew Castle liked her hair down the best.

Life just isn't fair. I should not be doing this... I shouldn't have to put my best friend in the ground. I don't want to do this.

Tears had become her closest friend. Each time she cried, she thought she couldn't possibly cry anymore than she already had. But every time she was wrong. Damn it Rick, you have turned me into a freaking girl. I've become a blubbering mess.

"Get yourself together Kate. You've got a eul-" She could not finish that thought. That would mean that she would have to admit to herself that she was giving the eulogy of the one and only Richard Castle. Her writer, the man who pulled her pigtails and allowed her to just be Kate as opposed to straight-laced, no-nonsense Detective Beckett. Her one and done.

She was vaguely aware of her friends and family around her. But it was like she was in her own little world where no one could get through to her. She didn't want anyone to see her break; the only one who she would trust to catch her when she fell was not there. So she kept herself hidden.

A small part of her realised how selfish she was being. If there was anyone who should be ripping apart at the seams it was Alexis. She had lost her father. And by god, she knew what that felt like. It was something you would never recover from - sure you could put the pieces back together with a rally of support around you but you would never be the same. Losing a parent was something she would not wish on her worst enemy. Except maybe the person who was ultimately responsible for all of this.

Again she stepped up to a microphone. It did not surprise her at the sheer number of people attending his funeral. He was a well-known and much loved writer who was admired by many. Her instinct when in need was to search for the face of her partner, but stopped in her tracks when she realised that she couldn't do that now. He's not there, he's not there...

With a shaky breath and a pounding heart she began.

"When I first met Richard Castle I thought he was an annoying child on a sugar-rush who grated on my nerves. He thought he could charm his way out of anything, and if I'm brutally honest, he probably could. He just had that vibrant personality with a smile that would warm even the coldest heart.

He was liitle more than a nuisance when he first started shadowing me. He would not listen to me when I told him to stay in the car; he just had to be part of the action. And he always had these crazy theories... but more often than not those theories would be on the money.

As time went on, he became more than just my shadow. And I know I was more than just his muse. He became a real asset to us at the 12th. He helped us solve so many cases. He may not have had a badge, but he was my partner. He always had my back, and I will never forget the times he saved my life... and that he paid the ultimate price on my behalf.

He created some fine heroes in his books. But to me, Richard Castle is a real hero. And my biggest regret is that I didn't tell him how much he truly meant to me. That he is my best friend and that I love him. He forced down my walls that I had put up around me; and somewhere along the line stole my heart.

Until we meet again Rick. I'll always love you..."

There she had admitted it out loud. She loved him. If only she had had the guts to say it to his face while he was alive...

I wish this was some horrible nightmare that I could wake up from...

*C&B*

She awoke to the smell of coffee. Proper coffee, not that "monkey-acid-pee" coffee that they had had at the 12th before Castle took matters into his own hands and got a real coffee machine. And he was right, it was ghastly compared to the real thing.

Oddly, the aroma she loved so much made her feel nauseated. She didn't give this another thought as she became aware of her surroundings. She sat up, unable to do anything but look around the familiar room. This is not my couch, that is definitely not my tv...

I should not be here...

"So I was thinking..."

That voice. I should not be hearing that voice.

She slowly turned to the direction the voice was coming from. Before her very eyes was her partner. No freaking way. "Castle?" She whispered, her jaw slackened in shock.

"We back to Castle are we?" He teased. "Okay, what have I done wrong?"

Her green eyes went even wider in her astonishment. She could not process what was going on. Castle did die taking the bullet meant for her. Didn't he? Why was she here in his loft? How was he standing here in front of her, obviously alive and well? None of it made sense.

Castle had become more concerned as she became more and more engrossed in her thoughts. His first reaction was to make sure she was okay; make her feel better. He slowly walked over to her, sitting down beside her. He took her hand and drew circles on it, hoping this gesture would soothe her. Usually a gentle touch from him when she needed comfort was enough. But he sensed that this was different.

"Hey, you okay?"

He's holding my hand.. I can feel his touch.

He was really worried now. "Kate? What's wrong baby?"

Baby?

She finally found her voice, somehow stumbling upon the words she needed to ask. "You.. you... you're alive?" She managed to stutter. Why was it that she was crying again?

With his free hand, he tenderly cupped her cheek, brushing away her tears. "Course I'm alive. I'm right here."

"Really?" Her voice had taken on a childlike quality.

He nodded. "I'm here baby."

He pulled her into his arms, and she fell into his warm embrace; breathing him in. She cried freely, her tears soaking his shirt. He mumbled sweet nothings into her hair.

She finally looked up into his blue eyes. The blue eyes she'd never thought she'd see again and answered the question that he wasn't asking very loudly.

"You were dead. You died before I got the chance to tell you, to tell you that I'm in love with you."

"Oh Kate, it's okay, it's okay."

TBC...

AN: So... how about that huh guys? I think it's pretty obvious as to what's going on but hey, I hope you'll come along for the ride anyway. ;) ;D I was hoping to keep you guessing a bit longer but the muse takes me in unexpected directions... it's still where I wanted to go, just not necessarily in the way I thought when I sat down to write it. ;)

Thanks for reading. ;D Thoughts? Hope it lived up to your expectations. :)