Haddock

Evie heard cries of "Cuuuuute!" shortly followed by shrieks of pain, and hastened to find a room. Partly because she wanted living quarters… partly because she feared for her life. Finally spying her name embossed on a plate hanging by a door, Evie ducked inside, narrowly avoiding a whoosh of pink that went flying past.

She slammed the door and leant against it, breathing heavily. Reaching for the lock, she briefly wondered if she should lock it yet, as she wasn't sure her roommate had arrived.

"SO! Aragorn or Legolas?" a chipper voice chimed from the closet.

Evie shrieked, and the door creaked open to reveal a short, mousy little girl with a mop of brown hair. Or was that a real mop? In the half light, Evie couldn't tell. "Um… who?" she asked.

The creature emerged from the closet and Evie saw that it was in fact a mop on her head. Evie went to pull the mop off of the girl's head but she recoiled, hissing and whispering, "My preciousssss!"

Evie stared.

"What? This is my precious. Everyone has a precious. Aragorn has Arwen. Everyone else has the ring. I have Legolas-Mop. But soon, I will have Legolas. The elf. Prince of Mirkwood. Hottest of the hotties." Indeed, scrawled in green sharpie on the mop's truncated pole was the word "LEGOLAS" surrounded by a series of red hearts.

"Ooookay?" Evie stuttered. The girl beamed.

"SO! Aragorn? Or are you after my Legsies?" she said menacingly. "Or after that Potter chap? The scar was hawt."

"Umm… No. My man is," Evie paused, swooning for good measure, "is Mr. Edward Cullen," le sighhhhh.

The Legolas-Mop went flying through the air and smacked Evie in the face. It smelled like musty… something… and she quickly swatted it away.

"PRECIOUSSSS!" said the girl, diving to the floor to recover the precious.

"I'll just be going now…" Evie headed towards the door.

"Wait, are you Evie?" the girl asked, "because if you are, we're roomies!" she squeed and clutched at Legolas-Mop. Evie briefly entertained (or really not so briefly) lying and taking her chances in the hallway, but a sudden screech of pain and a scream of "OH GOD! IT'S SO FLUFFY! I'M GOING TO DIE!" made her nod dumbly.

"I'm Nicole! Nicole Moore! Also, we will break you of this Edward thing. There are so may better options for you. Haddock, if you want ancient and cold, go for Gandalf."

"Who are these people?" Evie queried.

Nicole, who had been trying to hoist herself and the Legolas-Mop up to her bunk, fell. "Y-you don't even know who… oh, I have a LOT of work to do," she said, petting Legolas-Mop creepily.

"You at least know about Edward, right?" Evie asked, slightly terrified.

"That sparkly creep? Oh, I know all about him," Nicole grimaced.

"Edward is not a creep! He is a GENTLEMAN," Evie defended.

"He's a muffin-humpin' stalker!" Nicole shouted in reply.

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

"Is NOT!"

"Is SO!"

This 'argument' would have continued indefinitely, had a plunny not come tumbling into the room.

"I thought you locked the door!" Nicole shouted, brandishing Legolas-Mop and scrambling back towards the bed.

"I would have if you hadn't scared the crap out of me!" Evie shrieked. The plunny snarled, revealing fangs. Dripping with… was that blood?

"Holy SNOODLE!" Nicole shouted. "It's all PINK and stuff!"

"Sparkles! I shall name you fluffy and you shall be mine, and you shall be my fluffy!" Evie said, clearly under the plunny's sparkly, pink and rather fluffy spell. She reached toward it…

"No! Don't touch it!" warned Nicole.

But Evie could not resist. It was too late.