Respect: I Won't Be There
Chapter 2: The End...?
"It's extremely hot in here, Tezuka."
In this hot summer day, I was in Tokyo, shopping for pretty little summer dresses. I'm not planning on impressing some other guy. I just want to buy a dress for myself. I miss shopping in Tokyo! I guess, my dearest Tezuka Kunimitsu misses it too. Not the shopping, I mean Tokyo itself.
"The weather here seems bearable." He told me. "Not hot, not cold." Tezuka, on the other hand, was busy reading something in his room. Saturdays for him was a day meant to be for tennis practice, but since he wanted to talk to me, he chose to use some of his tennis time for me. Now, that's real love. I think.
"Lucky you. I'm sweating on my clothes." I said while looking at the gray baggy shirt I was wearing. "I guess gray doesn't help in making me feel cooler. It's lighter than black."
"Yes, but it's still dark enough to absorb heat." He was back to tutorial mode. He was always like this. "Why don't you just stay at home if you're complaining this much?"
"You always tell me to exercise since I'm so lazy and busy sitting down in front of the computer. Here I am losing calories, and now you're telling me to go back home." I retorted.
"It's just that you're complaining too much, Amai. It's starting to get to my nerves." He confessed.
"Well, I'm sorry, Tezuka. I just never realized how much of my complaints annoy you." I replied sarcastically. He always told me how much my complaints annoy him. I don't do it purposely it's just part of me. I say them naturally even if I don't really mean it sometimes.
I heard him sigh.
"Isn't your bill getting more and more expensive every time you call me?" I asked him out of the blue. I was inside this store for males. The polos here looked really nice and I suddenly had the urge to go in.
"This is already part of my monthly payment. Apparently, because I call you at a certain length that's good enough for me to pay, I find no problem in it."
I grabbed a blue polo that was hanging and placed it in front of me to view properly. "Ah, alright."
There was a long pause in our conversation. I think we both lost things to talk about. I guess having conversations on the phone gets harder and harder the more and more you guys talk.
I started another talk. "I know your birthday is far but what do you want me to give you?"
"Anything is fine."
Oh, I loved that answer. It was the perfect solution to my problem. NOT!
"So, you'd be fine if I gave you a hello kitty wallet?" I giggled at the back of my head.
"Seriously?"
I started chuckling. I had a light blue checkered polo in hand. The sales lady was helping me with the size and all. She stared at me, wondering what was so funny. I waved a hand at her signaling that it wasn't about her.
"C'mon, Tezuka, it's not like I would seriously buy a hello kitty wallet for you."
He sighed again. "By the way, did you receive the gift I sent you earlier this year?"
I nodded. I spotted another checkered polo that looked a lot more suitable for my taste. "Yep, he sits on my lap whenever I write a story. He likes my stories a lot."
"You actually gave it a gender?"
"Let me remind you that all stuff toys have genders. They just don't like showing the proof because it might take away the innocence of young children."
"That must be a weird experience for children, Amai." I felt him grin. I just didn't know how I knew, but I could feel it.
"All I know, is that the bear misses you." I told him while smiling.
He didn't answer for a long time. "Does the owner of the bear miss me, too?" It must have been awkward for him actually ask that. He never uses animals or things in his sentences. He doesn't even like metaphoric stuff. He's just too down to earth, it's impossible for anyone to hear him say such a thing.
But I replied honestly. "Of course she misses him. She misses him like crazy. I miss you like mad."
"I guess that's hard to beat."
"What is?"
"That reply."
"You can just tell me you miss me too. We're not going to compete over who misses who more, Tezuka."
"Fine then. Amai?"
"Yeah?"
"I miss you and…"
I waited for him to continue. The sales girl had already placed the shirts I chose on the counter. She was just waiting for me to hand in the cash.
"And?"
"I love you. Like mad…"
I laughed. I couldn't help it. He just never usually tells me such things. He always waits for me to say it first. That was the protocol – I say I love you and he would reply back. But today was different. He was in a very good mood. I liked that.
Until, I heard something that I didn't like at all.
"Kunimitsu, are you done? Let's go play." It was a girl's voice. And since I understood every single word that she mentioned, that meant she was speaking in Japanese. Her voice wasn't muffled as if it was on the other side of the door. It was like she right beside him.
"I'll be done in a moment." He replied. I didn't like how he answered to her. He didn't sound cold. Or maybe he did. But it didn't sound like the usual way he replied to the fan girls around him. Or maybe, because this girl wasn't a fan but she was a… friend? No! He can't possible have a friend that's a girl. I always though that that was impossible.
"Who are you talking to anyway?"
"You don't need to know."
"Oh, shut up." I heard a slap. She must have hit his arm. "Just tell me. I won't get jealous."
Jealous? Is this girl kidding me? She actually has the guts to say this while the girlfriend is on the other line. No, wait. Apparently, Tezuka hasn't told anyone he has a girlfriend in Japan. He's keeping it to himself. Why would he do that? If he doesn't tell anyone, that would mean that people would think he's available. People would chase after him. I don't want that.
"A friend from Japan."
Just a friend. What an idiot!
"Amai." He was talking to me again. "I'll call you later. I have to do something now."
"So, it is a girl!" I heard the voice say.
"Yeah, sure." I held on tight to the paper bag filled with the clothes that I bought from the shop. "Bye."
He said an unfinished bye before he placed the phone down.
"Idiot!"
"Don't you get it, Sadaharu, Renji?" I said while sipping my drink. "He can actually be seeing some other girl."
"Amai, are you thinking properly?" Haru asked. "Tezuka would never do such a weird thing."
"In the first place, he wouldn't even go out with a girl." Ren added. "That's what makes you special."
"Think about it. It took him a long time to make him realize he liked you, it would take him longer to make him realize he likes someone else." He stared into my eyes. I can't see through his glasses, but I was so sure he was staring me down. "Besides, he's kind of stupid when it comes to stuff like that."
"But haven't you guys also realized that he fell in love with me. Thus, he knows what love feels. He can when he is feeling love and if it's real or not." I replied. "Besides, he fell in love with me in less than a year. It's already been a year since the time he left. It's his second year there!"
They were both silent. "You guys have been in a long distance relationship for two years. It's amazing you guys lasted." Sadaharu remarked.
"And its getting harder." I complained.
There was another long pause in the conversation.
"Well, putting love aside, did you even get to ask Tezuka who this girl was?" Renji asked.
I shook my head. "He didn't get to call again after that time. We talked on a Saturday, he usually calls on Sundays but he didn't get to yesterday. I'm betting he won't be calling me tonight since Monday is a busy school day. I'll have to wait for quite some time."
"And the longer you wait, the faster it is the relationship between Tezuka and his German friends are going to build up."
We all sighed.
"Your boyfriend is just too complicated for your own good." Haru commented.
"I know."
Monday night: he didn't call.
Tuesday: my phone died while I was out in Eiji's house. I charged my cellphone later that night and found no message in my phone.
Wednesday: No replies to my calls. I emailed him but still no reply.
Thursday: Shopping with my friends. I had no time to look at my phone. But still, no calls or messages.
Friday: Nothing from Tezuka.
Saturday: Another Tezuka-less day
Sunday: I can just stare at my phone all day and it would never give me a message from Tezuka. My emails were filled with updates from that social networking site but nothing came from Tezuka.
I must say. This was the only week when Tezuka never said a thing. He always found time to drop me a message- through mail or by phone.
Another week passed and the same thing happened. I returned to Osaka, and still found nothing from Tezuka. Was Germany on some sort of hiatus from messaging people from foreign countries? Or did Tezuka really not want to call me anymore. It was almost a month. I sent him tons and tons of touching emails, wanting to receive a reply. Nothing. Nothing came back to me. My roommate, Sakurai Ayano, felt sad that she couldn't do anything to help. She would just comfort me and rise up my spirits whenever I don't receive a message from him.
But even if she did that, my desire to hear from him was too great. Too strong.
Two months passed. He still didn't answer my calls, my mails, my letters. (I had somehow resorted to snail mail but he still never replied.
I was extremely depressed. It was tiring waiting for him. I finally lost hope and sent him another letter. I thought about it deeply. I never really wanted to send a letter of this kind but getting no reply for two months made me do this.
Tezuka Kunimitsu,
I don't want to make this a long letter. I don't even want to waste a single second just typing down what I want to say. But just for my happiness, I guess this is the best I could do. I'm writing this letter because I want to tell you that I couldn't hold on this relationship any longer than I thought I could.
Two months, Tezuka. Two long months of hearing nothing from you. I cried for a week just knowing that I didn't receive a single message from for one month. And when the second month started, I lost hope. I couldn't take it.
I'm having a hard time, here. And it pains me to know that you're not sending anything back to me.
Tezuka, we're done.
I'm sorry.
-Amasawa Amai
The message was supposed to reach him a week ago. I don't know if he got it, but I guess, I would never know if he received anything I sent him.
A month passed since I receive the message, and here I am on a date with Jirou. He's a classmate of mine who's always had a liking for me. But he gave way since he knew that I was dating someone. I owe a lot to him. He was there when I was sad. He was there when I needed Tezuka. He was always there. And that's how he ended up on a date with me. I haven't officially given him a yes. But, I guess, I'll be answering him sometime soon.
Amasawa Amai,
Has it been four months since I last called you? It must hurt a lot. I hope you've recovered. I hope you're back to being the same Amai that I once knew. I hope….
Amai, I don't want to confess everything through a piece of paper but I do think that since we broke up through a letter, this should be the appropriate way for me to explain everything.
I stopped answering you not because I hated you. It wasn't because I wanted you away from my life. It's actually contrary, I wanted you near me. I wanted you to be with me all the time. But I couldn't endure the hurt I was going through. I just had to stop the relationship. I just had to stop longing to hear from you. I had to cut all the ties we had for my own happiness and for me to concentrate on tennis.
I know you hate me now more than you've already hated.
But to tell you the truth… Four months wasn't enough for me to stop loving you. The long gap we had without talking or messaging made me desire you more. The last letter you sent me made me want to hold you more. Amai, I'm not going to stop now. Not ever. No.
Inui tells me you're seeing someone. I should have seen that coming. I caused this to myself, and thus, I must receive punishment for it.
I know we can't get back together now. I'm terribly sorry for hurting you.
Don't call me. I might hurt you again.
-Tezuka Kunimitsu
I dropped the piece of paper on the table and cried. The paper was wet from tears, and the table, too. I couldn't stop crying.
I grabbed my phone and speed dialed to his number. He told me not to call but it was only a signal for me to call.
"Hello, this is Kunimitsu speaking." He said in German. I had already heard this before and I missed it. I really really really missed it.
I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was hyperventilating. "I love you! I still really do love you. And I don't know what to do without you, Kunimitsu." Everything came rolling down my mouth as if it were recorded.
There was a long silence.
"Amai" was all he could say.
"I'm not going out with Jirou." I continued. "I rejected him. I was so close to saying yes until I realized that I had to get someone better than you. And in this world there is no one better than you."
"So, you waited for a reply?" he asked.
"I didn't wait for a reply." I answered. "I didn't need to wait for it."
"What do you mean?" He was puzzled.
"You think I never notice that you monthly update your status in that social networking site?" I was smiling. I recalled that status he made a month ago.
"Which status?"
"'I still love her even if she tells me she doesn't love me anymore' I remember every single word. You posted it the day before I planned on saying yes to Jirou. That status saved our relationship, Tezuka." I was overjoyed.
"You read it?"
"Of course, I did. If that was the only way for both of us to connect so be it. And the site was a life saver."
"Thank goodness." He sighed.
"Huh?"
"I was hoping you would read it."
I grinned, "So you had it all planned?"
"No, I was just hoping."
"I guess, we both lost hope." I replied.
"Amai?"
"Yeah?
"I miss you and…"
"And?"
This reminded me of exactly four months ago when he last called me up. This was exactly what happened. I just feel so happy he actually got to finish his sentence.
"I love you. Like some sort of lunatic going crazy."
"That's genius."
A/n: The events were pretty fast paced. And yes, they are only in the second year of their long distance relationship. I guess its pretty hard to cope with such a relationship, huh? Thank Goodness, they didn't break up!
Thanks to those who took their time to read the story. Continue to await more chapters of this story, and... review? Give me suggestions. I'm just writing this story because I miss Tezuka and I don't like pairing him up with anyone else.
-Lynx