RESPECT: I WON'T BE THERE

Chapter 4: Sentimental Value

I covered my ear with the headphones that played a sweet and soulful song. I shut my eyes and felt the beat of the music bumping in my ears. The hand that brushed my hand smoothly sent tingles up my arm. I could feel the smoothness of Kunimitsu's skin rub onto mine, massaging my palm nicely. I silently laid my head on his shoulder, fitting it perfectly on him. I felt a surging gripping strength as his hand held on to mine. I knew for sure he was excited. He was clearly excited for a trip of his lifetime. And he wasn't going to be alone. I was going to be with him in every single endeavor that he had to experience for the next five days.

The plane took off smoothly. I silently wished for a safe ride and fell asleep on his shoulder.

Tezuka Kunimitsu:

What I loved about this plane ride was knowing that I wasn't alone anymore. I wasn't seeing tears form in Amai's eyes as she saw me off. Nor did I see the sadness in her face as she tried to form a longing smile. I had seen none of that. I had not felt the tinge of pain whenever I was walking away from her. I wished that this ride would last forever. Because, I didn't want to see her fly away from me.

We arrived Berlin safely. It was the same. No changes at all. Amai, on the other hand, was simply amazed at the architecture of the city. She would stick her hand on the cab that took us to her hotel. She stared into the buildings of the city and asked me the name of the places. She was curious as she normally was. I had told her that I would leave all the questions for later, since I, myself, would be the one in charge of touring.

As she got out of the cab, she gripped her jacket tight. It was colder than Japan. She looked like she was going to freeze.

"Do you feel cold?" I asked her, while removing Amai's and my luggage from the cab.

She nodded her head while shivering slightly. "I think I was expecting a temperature lesser than this."

I looked up at the sky and found the sun greet us shyly. "It's actually warmer than it usually is. During winter we reach up to colder temperatures than this."

"Eh?" I watched her yell in shock. The cab driver seemed surprised by it. I gave him the payment for the ride and thanked him. She grabbed the hem of my jacket, "You're saying it gets colder than this?"

I nodded. "You don't have enough garments?"

She shook her head. "That isn't it."

I inquired about the reservation I made with the receptionist. "Then, what is it?"

"I was just surprised by the coldness of the place. Can't you see? I'm already shivering." She explained. I took her to the elevator while I carried my luggage. I clicked on the number ten.

"Should I lend you some more clothes?" I offered.

She waved her hand, "No thanks. I'm sure what I brought is enough to ease the coolness."

Within seconds, we were in her floor. I brought her to her room which was a little far from the main hallway. I unlocked the door and opened it for her.

"Wow, this place is nice." She commented. "How'd you get to find a place like this?"

"This is the hotel that I told you about. The one my friend owns." I replied, recalling the first time I told her about this certain friend. I dropped my bags by the side of the door, while she placed hers on top of the bed.

"So, I'm staying here for a free?" she asked. She sat on the bed and lied down on it

"It's a belated birthday gift he gave me." I sat on the bed where she lied.

"Wait a second." She said. "There's something wrong."

"Hm?"

She pointed to the object beside her. "Why are there two beds in this room?"

I looked at the other bed and sighed mentally. This was the first thing I noticed when I entered the room. I was quite surprised, too, but I had realized that it was part of the bet that my friend had given me. "He wanted me to sleep with you for the whole time you'll be staying here. It's a bet. But I don't plan to play along with this bet. If I get the chance to, I can change your room to single bed room. I plan to stay in my dorm for the rest of the vacation."

"A bet?" She nodded her head. "OK. I understand. It's alright. You don't have to go through the hassle of moving me to another room. This one is fine already."

I liked this part of her. The part where she considers the needs of the others. She doesn't complain too much and thinks about the people around her as equal as she values herself.

"But wait, you'll be alone in the dorm. You said that everyone has already gone back to their families for the vacation." She suddenly uttered.

"It's fine." I reassured her. "I'm already used to it. I was alone last year."

"Ah…" she looked down at the bed and felt the bed sheets. "Last year, why didn't you go to Japan?"

I hated questions that had to do with my private life. I didn't like that curious part of her too much. She asks too much questions that sometimes it starts irritating me. But I had to answer. "Last year, I was busy with my physical exercises. I stayed in the rehabilitation center just to make sure my arm gets better."

She still didn't look at me. I wondered what had gone inside of her head. I never really knew that reminiscing part of a person. That's the part I was weak in. I never understood the part of a person where they start thinking of the past. Why can't they just look forward into a better future? It's just a waste of time to sulk in the memories of the past.

I suddenly felt a hand on my cheek. It was a cold hand but it felt soothing for a reason. "You know, Kunimitsu, I don't really know what goes inside your head. But sometimes, I just don't mind anymore. I don't know why. Maybe it's because your eyes say it all."

Amai always spoke in a metaphoric manner that sometimes it was too hard understand. Even if I was someone who had such a great knowledge, I didn't understand her words sometimes. I grew onto it, somehow, but whenever she says something about me, I never seem to decipher it.

"I know you hate it when I nose around your private life. You don't tell me but I can tell. And sometimes, you hate it whenever I go crazy and do absurd things. You find it stupid and useless sometimes. And most of the time, you hate it whenever you leave me in the airport. I can tell your about to cry. But just as stoic as you are, I don't think I'll ever see water form in your eyes." She pushed my glasses up.

I didn't exactly know why she was telling me this, but for sure, she was going to lead to another sentimental comment. I didn't exactly understand how she could understand my expression through this poker face that I carry. It amazes me sometimes.

"Someday, I want to see the different faces that Tezuka Kunimitsu has." She smiled and held onto my hand. "That's something I told myself way back when I was in the first year of middle school. Way back when I thought of you as a respected one and as my rival. And here I am, having all the privilege to see it, but I can't find anything. Dearest Kunimitsu, you're so hard to decipher but sometimes so easy to read."

I held her hand in return. I didn't know when she was going to stop being sentimental but for some reason, I was starting to like it.

"Ne, what are you thinking of right now?" She asked me out of the blue. "I know I just threw you with words that seemed out of place, so here I am wondering what you're thinking."

She was back to being the curious child that she was. "I'm thinking that you've thought of the past too much. You're being too sentimental."

"But did I sound stupid?"

I shook my head. "No."

Stupid wasn't the word to describe what she sounded like. She sounded a lot like someone I respected back when I was in first of middle school.

Before she was going to speak, I stopped her. "When I was in the first year of middle school, you never spoke to me. Why was that?"

I had asked her something that I dug up from the past. It was something I never do but I was infected by her curiousness.

She stayed silent for a few moments. "I think I was scared. I respected you so much that I was afraid you would see me as a stupid girl who was in the same class as you. I watched every move I made just to make sure I looked perfect. I knew that if I was going to talk to you, stupid things might spill out of my mouth. If I said something wrong, you might see me as someone I was not. You would look at me differently. I wouldn't be the perfect girl anymore. I was afraid you wouldn't notice me anymore."

I listened to every single word that came out of her mouth. I had then realized that she went through so much just to be who she is now. She was a perfectionist and expected so much from herself. She was afraid I would see her as an idiot. I mentally giggled. If it wasn't for my own stupidity, I wouldn't have fallen for her.

"But you yourself never spoke to me." She giggled.

I sat silently in front of her. Was I suppose to reply to that?

"That was a joke!" She slapped my arm hard. "I liked you the way you are. I respected you no matter what you did. You were amazing back then."

"You, too, were amazing." I said in reply. "You went through so much back in your middle school days."

"Both of us went through so much in our middle school days." She corrected.

Before we noticed it, the sun had set and we were still busy talking. We ate dinner in one of the restaurants in the hotel. We talked about how crazy middle school was. I explained to her how my rehabilitation went and she explained to me how school went for her. She reminded me of the days when Fuji was making a move on her. She told me about that kiss he forced on her and even reminded me about the rumors that were flying about us. I talked about the English essay I made about her and told her the story about how it ended up on Sensei's table.

We were reminiscing.

I had realized that it was actually a fun experience especially when it was Amai who was storytelling. She never stopped adding her creative and imaginative style to it. And besides, she had wonderful memory and she seemed to have given the story like it had just happened yesterday.

I had to admit that I loved it. I loved every moment of it.

In the end, I slept in the same room as she did. There were no arguments. We were both exhausted from the long day that we had. We were tired from talking. Besides, we had a long day the next day and she was clearly excited to tour Germany.

Like I said, Germany was already a normal sight to see. Berlin looked normal for me. But watching Amai's expression was something new. I told her the history of each historical statue or building we passed by. I bought her lunch from this famous restaurant and made her also try one of Germany's dishes. She seemed to have enjoyed every single moment of it and I enjoyed watching her. Everything seemed so new to me. Her expressions, her joy and her nonstop curiosity. Sometimes, I couldn't help but smirk at her stupid comments.

Three days passed by quickly and I had realized that we had already gone through a lot of monuments and historical places that make this place famous. We took most of our time in the parks, finding books in the library, and eating food in places Amai found interesting. She also took her time to shop around and by things for her friends and herself. She was running out of money fast but she never frowned while looking at her wallet. It was a smile that always came out of her face.

I didn't know how her jaw couldn't be strained with such huge smile for a long time without hurting. But sometimes that smile would also bring a smirk to my face. It took away all my struggles away.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked me while walking around the cold place.

"We should return to the hotel, it's getting late." I replied.

She just nodded at me while shivering to the cold breeze that passed by us. Indeed, I stayed with her for the past three and slept in the same hotel room as she did. I had almost completed the bet that my friend had asked me to do without noticing it. I walked beside her quietly. She, too, walked quietly. It was different from the usual curious self that she was. But the silence made things better for me.

The hotel wasn't far when she asked me something.

"Where's your dorm room?"

I watched her smile at me while waiting for me to answer. I wanted to ignore the question and head back to the hotel. But I never really got the courage to ignore any of her questions. I couldn't understand why.

"It's close to my school." I knew that she would tell me to take her there, so I added. "It's way past curfew hours so I don't think we could visit."

"Oh, really?" She said a little disappointed. "Then we should check it out tomorrow."

I nodded.

"I just wanted to know how you're place looked like. It might give me a vision of what your life is like whenever you call me. The sky that you see whenever you talk to me or the computer that you type on whenever you chat with me. I just want to know all the views that you see while you're here in Berlin." She mumbled. "In reality, I just want to see all the sides of you. See what you see."

I didn't give a reply. She was being sentimental again.

"Did you count the days?" she asked another random question again. However, this question was a question that I didn't want to answer. It's almost the same question she asked me last Christmas in Japan. She was just reminding me the day we're going to part ways.

I didn't answer.

"I've been here for exactly four days." She sighed, "I'm leaving tomorrow, Kunimitsu."

"Amai" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I looked at the huge building right in front of us. It was the hotel we were staying in.

"I don't want to leave." She whispered while holding on to my hand. "I really don't"

I held on to her hand, tight. I don't want you to leave, either, came my mental reply.

And then I saw the tears. I grabbed her head and pushed it to my chest. She didn't stop. She sobbed louder and cried more. I pulled her in the hotel while she tried to stop the tears from falling. Everyone was watching as we entered elevator. I tried to cover her face under my jacket, but I do think it was impossible.

When we reached her room, her tears started to subside. She sat on her bed while I sat beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. It was the only way I could comfort her. No words could come out and tell her to stop crying. I never really knew how to put those things into words.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and started sobbing again. "I hate repeating that line." She continued crying. "The 'I don't want to leave line.'"

I just listened to her because that's all that I ever learned to do. Listen.

"You know what I like repeating more?" I heard her murmur in between her tears.

I shook my head but I knew that she didn't see that. Her eyes were most likely closed.

"I like to repeat the line, 'see you tomorrow.'" She said. "I want to schedule a date with you on Sundays and I want to go shopping with you. I want to see you practice for tennis and I want to watch you go through physical therapy."

I wanted to do the same, in reality. I wanted to see her study in the library, I wanted to see her write her story on her laptop, and I want to see her laugh with the classmates she tells me about. I want to see her in school uniform.

"I want to support you through all the things that you do. I want to cheer you on in a tennis match. I've never done that for you. Kunimitsu, please don't let me leave tomorrow Please don't."

Her crying seemed to have stopped but unfortunately she didn't stop talking. "Four days was short."

I didn't like that comment. It was short, true. I wanted it longer, true. But there was nothing I can do. Her ticket was only for a five day trip. I couldn't do anything about it.

"Hold me tonight."

Those were her last words before she dozed off to sleep on my arm. Hold me tonight. Was that an order? Would she know if I wasn't holding her?

I removed her jacket and scarf from her body. She fell to the bed when I let her go. I took off her shoes and arranged them at the side of the room, beside mine. I carried her to the middle of the bed and tucked her under her sheets. I walked to my bed and readied myself to sleep. I wrote on my journal about the crying moments that Amai had gone through and the words that she said. I added a note to myself: Find a way to comfort someone through words.

I lied down on the bed, closed my eyes, and covered myself under the sheets. Thirty minutes passed. I opened my eyes. I couldn't sleep.

I stood up from the bed and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I got out and saw the sleeping form of Amai. Hold me tonight. Those were the last words she said. I didn't know if it was a way for me to sleep, but I knew that she would be happy. I walked to the side of her bed and looked at her sleeping face. I brushed her hair; it was more of an instinct.

I'll miss you. I told myself.

I walked to the other side of the bed, the part she wasn't facing. I opened the blanket and I slowly got inside. I didn't know what I was doing but I knew I was just following the order she asked me to perform. It wasn't something I usually do. But I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it for her.

I tucked myself under the blanket and found myself centimeters away from Amai. Her hair was covering my face. I smelled her nice lavender scent. My arms, on instinct, found itself crawling on her belly. I hugged her tight and felt her warmth take me over. I knew at that instant that that warmth was what would bring me to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with Amai facing me. Her eyes were open and her hand was touching my hair. She was surprised when she saw my eyes open but she smiled immediately.

"You're awake." She said.

"Ah"

"And you held me tight." She pointed at the arm that was covering her tiny belly. "I swear, your arm is heavy."

I let go right away after hearing the comment but she just giggled.

"I didn't really want you to let go, you know."

I just nodded and returned the arm.

"You look so much better without your glasses." She complimented. I've heard her say this more than once.

When I suddenly noticed the date, I watched her smile in shock. I uttered words, I never knew I would say, "You're leaving today."

She frowned. "I know."

We were both silent for a moment. I stared into her sad eyes.

"It's my first time leaving you. It's always been you." She reminded me. "But this time, I can't promise that I won't cry."

We got out of the bed after two long minutes.

We checked out of the hotel by lunch time and were in the airport in no less than an hour. But the two hours wait for the plane departure was too silent and long. We just sat there in silence while holding hands.

"I'm almost leaving." She said while looking at her watch.

I just nodded my head.

"Tell me one more time how long I'll have to wait until you get back to living in Japan."

I hated answering this question. Counting the days when she stayed in Germany was agonizing, how much more for the years when we'll stay apart?

"Was that five years?" She asked.

I just nodded my head.

She sighed. "Just promise me one thing." She smiled at me and pulled my hand to her lap.

I looked back at her wondering what it was. The boarding call was playing. We both stood up.

"I'll be there when you make that professional debut. I'll be there in every French open, US open or whatever tennis open there is in this world. Promise me that I'll be there in each rise and fall, victory and defeat that you'll encounter. Promise me that I'll be watching every single that you play in."

I smirked. It was another by instinct thing. "I promise."

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I need to go." She took her bag and let go of my hand. I nodded and watched her walk away from me.

There was indeed something wrong. She didn't cry. She was nearing the gate when I realize something else wrong. I was the one tearing up. My eyes were starting to get blurry. I finally knew what she felt like watching me leave.

"Amai!" I yelled while running to her. She turned around and I saw tears in her eyes. I hugged her tight. I didn't mind the people watching us.

"Kunimitsu. It hurts doesn't it?" She managed to say.

I nodded. I let her go.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I have to go."

She walked away from me once more and gave me a huge wave. She was gone in a few seconds. I hated it. I hated watching her go. It was painful. I wiped the falling tears off my face and sat back down.

A few minutes passed when I noticed that the plane had already left.

I realized that she didn't get to see my dorm room, but I realized something else.

"I forgot to kiss her."

A/n: It sounds a lot worse when its Tezuka is the one who narrates it, huh? I had a hard time because I never went to Germany and I got too tired to do my research. This was also the first time I made a chapter reach almost 4,000 words (3, 987words). I didn't see this coming but writing as Tezuka makes that happen…

I hope you enjoyed it and felt every single surging pain that went through the two of them. I don't know if you also got bored since it's Tezuka's POV and so it's a lot more serious. Don't forget to Review! And yes, thank you to those who reviewed last time… This was fun. The next chapter will be the last chapter.