Confessions of an Idiot
EPOV for Too Young For Me
a Twilight fanfic one-shot for Fandoms Fight the Floods
by Fairusa
o~O~o
Disclaimer: I own copies of the Twilight books and DVDs, lots of fun, quirky clothing and shoes, an overstuffed bookcase of art history books and travel guides and an embarrassingly large collection of RobP0rn.
Stephenie Meyer and Summit own Twilight and the franchise. I just play.
Rated M for language and lemons. If you're not old enough to buy alcohol and have sex, don't say I didn't warn you in advance.
A/N So, this o/s was basically begging to be written after I finished Too Young For Me for the Pick a Pic challenge (http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/ 6628924/1/ Too_young_for_me). Edward kept asking me to tell his side of the story, and some of my reviewers wanted to know more, too. So when the opportunity presented itself, I figured I'd let him have his say.
Also, I'm travelling to Australia this July and will be in the area that has been affected by the floods and cyclone. It's only natural to me to want to contribute to this cause.
Thanks to all the girls I've WC'ed with while writing this, I've had a great time and you've been an amazing motivational force as well as helping me edit and polish this, especially miss_rebecca12. Also thanks to my RL friend Marly for being my own personal fic-cheerleader and always being willing to pre-read for me.
Two lovely ladies, candykizzes24 and maxipoo1024, have made banners for this fic. Links to their websites/profiles as well as the banners are on my profile.
o~O~o
I'm an idiot. Let's get that clear right from the start. Sure, I have the high IQ and all the academic skills that had made me breeze through school. But in other areas, I was completely clueless. Well, one area in particular.
Bella.
How had I missed it all these years? Even Emmett was more aware of the situation than I was, and had been, apparently, for several years now. How had I missed it?
Also, how had I missed Bella's bag in our kitchen? I had been talking to Emmett, deciding on what kind of pizza to order, and had completely overlooked her brown leather messenger bag on the breakfast bar. The only reason I noticed it was because she came stumbling back into the kitchen and picked it up. I was too tense to offer more than a nod in greeting. Emmett invited her for dinner and I froze, not sure I could handle spending time with her in a private setting at this point. Of course, Emmett was either oblivious to the awkwardness between us, or deliberately trying to force a reaction, because he tried to persuade her to stay, at which I snapped.
'I think I'll just go now,' she said and left.
As soon as she was out of sight, Emmett rounded on me.
'What the hell is wrong with you, man? Why are you being an asshole to Bella?'
'I'm not being an asshole,' I countered meekly. 'It's just… there's no other way right now.'
'That's preposterous! I should smack you over the head, little brother! You're making absolutely no sense at all!'
Even though he was only a minute and a half older than me, he kept referring to himself as the oldest sibling. And even though he had more foolish behavior in his past, he also thought himself the wise one out of the three of us. Which only fueled the aggravation I was already feeling because of the situation with Bella.
'Em, you don't get it. I can't! She's like a little sister to me! It would be too weird. She's too young for me!'
'She wasn't too young for you two weeks ago,' he muttered.
'I know!' I yelled, running my hands through my hair.
This was so damn frustrating. It seemed like whatever I did, I would somehow mess things up even more.
'Just make up your damn mind, bro. 'cause you're driving us all crazy like this and it's totally unfair to her. She deserves better.'
If only I could work up the courage…
o~O~o
True, I had noticed the way she would look at me at times, but I didn't think much of it. At the risk of sounding cocky, I was rather used to being looked at that way. I knew what I looked like and the effect I had on girls. Besides, Bella was like a little sister to me. And she hung out at our house; it was only a matter of time before she would start to notice guys and look at me a little differently, too. Like I said, I didn't think too much of it, because I was sure I was also like a brother to her.
James' words from last year rang painfully loud in my ear.
'She's like a sister to me,' I had said.
'Yeah, only that she's not actually your sister. What's stopping you? Break her in!' he had countered.
As crude as James was – and I had told him to stay away from Bella and Alice – he was also right in this respect. I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
Because secretly, I had been noticing Bella. How could I not? I had witnessed her growing up and becoming the woman she was today.
How had I ended up in this mess?
o~O~o
I remembered the first weekend Emmett and I had come home from college. Bella was just a sophomore then, but already she was ravishingly beautiful. There was no denying it. Of course I already knew how smart, loyal and sweet she was, and I loved to tease her about her clumsiness, like any big brother would do, but seeing her back then, after a two-month separation, really opened my eyes. She would break hearts, I was sure of it. I just never thought mine would be in danger, too.
We had hung out at our parents' house all weekend, including Bella and Jasper, Alice's new boyfriend. He was a nice enough kid and had proven to be devoted to our sister, so after some initial threatening, as we were entitled to, Emmett and I had accepted him with the warning not to hurt her, or else. Anyway, during that weekend, Jasper hadn't spent the night, as he lived pretty close by, but Bella had stayed with Alice. It wasn't uncommon for us to have breakfast in our nightwear before getting dressed, so I was expecting both girls to join us in the kitchen in some sort of cute and fluffy and especially covered set of pajamas.
Imagine my surprise when they showed up in the skimpiest outfits possible. Okay, alright, skimpiest possible in the opinion of a brother. But come on, compared to the kids' pajamas we were used to, we felt entirely justified in bristling at the sight of Alice in a frilly, pink nightie. Thankfully, it wasn't see-through and came with shorts, but still. Bella, on the other hand, nearly took my breath away in the skintight, dark blue tank and matching boy shorts she was wearing. You could tell she was really growing into her curves. Emmett succeeded in embarrassing both girls within seconds of entering the kitchen by asking if our parents were aware of their attire. Alice retaliated with a witty comment about his ever present muscle shirts, but Bella blushed furiously at the attention.
I was glad I was about finished with my breakfast, and quickly excused myself to my room for a much needed cold shower. To no avail, because the moment I closed my eyes under the freezing spray, I was assaulted by images of Bella. They soon took on a life of their own and I felt myself losing the fight with my fantasies…
Afterwards I was so ashamed of what I had done, I could barely face her. The entire weekend was awkward after that and I wondered if anyone else had noticed.
Back at school and away from Bella, I decided to not let my physical reaction to her ruin the lifelong friendship we had. I accompanied Emmett to the frat parties he got invited to after he had pledged with Theta Delta Chi, and I busied myself with a variation of college/sorority girls. I was careful not to run into them whenever Alice and Bella would visit, though, but couldn't keep them from finding out about at least some of them, anyway.
Over the years I had been able to maintain my friendship with Bella, but secretly wondered what it would be like with her. I never confided in anyone about it, though, and never took any action, because honestly, I was scared.
Scared I would ruin our friendship.
Scared of my family's reaction. My parents would probably be worried about my intentions. Emmett would either tease me relentlessly, or go into protective overdrive. And Alice would hate me and accuse me of stealing her best friend. Tiny as she was, she packed a surprisingly nasty punch. Would it be worth all of that?
You know it would…
Scared of her family's reaction. Well, Charlie in particular. I had never given him a reason to dislike or distrust me, generally being considered a good kid, but 'preying' on his little girl would be a sure way to anger Chief Swan. And not only did he carry a government-issued gun, but the guy also owned several shotguns and an extensive knife collection as part of his fishing gear. Dude was intimidating.
But putting all of those reasons aside, I was scared most of Bella. What if she wouldn't want me? What if, by some miracle, she actually did want me, and I messed it up?
Like you're doing right now?, the voice in my head reminded me…
This entire situation felt beyond my control. I didn't know what to expect, so I took the cowardly route and avoided having to face the outcome if I took a chance.
o~O~o
Freshman English was my favorite class.
When I first found out I, a senior, would have to re-take it due to an administrative error, I was annoyed, to say the least. That was, until I learned I would be sharing the class with Bella, who had just started at UW. We were both glad at the familiar face and decided to study together. It really contributed to our friendship, too, because over the course of just a few months, we had developed a form of silent communication. It was like we could read each other's minds, knowing what the other was thinking or feeling without needing words to express those thoughts and feelings. Of course, only so much could be conveyed in looks, smiles – oh, those smiles… - and gestures, so we also kept a separate notebook, to write short notes to each other.
As Professor Banner explained our next assignment, I looked at her, gauging her mood.
Just before class, I had run into her being cornered by some of the Greeks I unfortunately knew on a first name basis. One of them, Mike, had been trying to get her to agree to a date, while the other, Emmett's vice-president Tyler, tried to change his mind, insulting Bella – however unintentionally – in the process. And don't even get me started on his girlfriend, Lauren, who thought she was so much better than anyone else.
She shrugged. I frowned.
What's wrong?
She discretely pulled out our notebook and scribbled something down, then moved it over to my desk.
You're asking me to the Valentine's formal?
I nodded.
Emmett had been bugging me to make an appearance, saying it was important to have everyone (meaning myself and Alice) there for the occasion. It was also the event Mike had been trying to get Bella as a date for, thinking she would happily accept, as he figured no one else would ask her. I had jumped in, stating I would be taking her to the formal, and after a few snide comments we had made our exit.
Why? she wrote.
Why not? I answered.
She shot me a disapproving look. I knew that look. She didn't want me to mess with her and just give her a straight answer.
Come on, you're my sister's best friend. Why shouldn't we go together?
Don't you already have a date?
I looked at her, not knowing what she was talking about.
Tanya?
What had that girl been saying about me this time? I had met her all of once, when Emmett and I had run into Rosalie and her cousin Vicky on campus before Christmas. Said cousin was a sophomore at UW and Tanya apparently hung out with the girl.
I made a show of mock-vomiting, then mock-dying.
Hell no!
Bella stifled a giggle. Oh how I loved to hear her giggle…
In the meantime, Banner was giving extensive instructions as to our assignment, and, seeing as Bella was preoccupied, I quickly jotted them down for the both of us, while also writing a note to her.
I'm not kidding, Bells. Em will kill me if I don't go. And you know Alice, she'd love it if you came too. Have the entire family together. Dress you up. :p Besides, I'd rather go with you than with anyone else. Please?
I watched her as she read my entry, a slow smile spreading across her face. Taking the notebook back, I quickly wrote down a follow-up question.
Does that smile mean you'll go with me?
She nodded.
Elated, I reached for my phone and typed out a quick message to Alice. She had been bugging me to get Bella to go to the formal, too, so she would be happy to get a positive answer.
She said YES! – E
Not even five minutes later, Bella's phone started buzzing. She took it out, read whatever message she had received, then chuckled and let me read it with her.
OMG E just told me u're going too! So excited! :D Lots of ideas. It's gonna be so much fun! Need to go shopping soon to make sure u look abso-fab! And of course mani-pedi-facial. Should ask Rose to join us. So little time, so much to do… Clear ur schedule, bb ;) Oh, and how opposed r u to full-body waxing? xo Al
Wait… what? Full-body waxing? Did that mean what I think it did? Next to me, Bella groaned and started to blush, and I felt heat creaping up my face a little, too.
For the remainder of the class, we were both a little embarrassed and didn't look at each other, but I was that much more aware of her sitting right next to me. When Professor Banner dismissed us, I followed Bella to the door and just before our ways parted for the rest of the day, I whispered in her ear.
'By the way, I love your blush, Swan.'
Because during the rest of that tedious class, I had decided. If I was taking Bella to a Valentine's Day formal as my date, I might as well make it as much a date as I could. And a little flirting couldn't hurt.
o~O~o
During the cab ride to my apartment Bella had fallen asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. As we pulled up to the curb, I gently nudged her. After having paid, I went to open her door for her, but she seemed to be having some trouble getting to her feet.
'I think I need some help,' she admitted sheepishly.
I helped her to her feet, but she held on to me tightly and I wondered if she would be able to walk at all. Turns out she couldn't. I quickly picked her up to carry her upstairs, but couldn't contain my humor at the situation. She had, after all, brought it upon herself, with her choice of shoes. I mean, who wears five-inch heals and expects being able to skip and dance through an entire night? Only Alice was capable of that, as far as I knew, and I was still wondering what her secret was. No matter how amazing the sparkling silver shoes looked at Bella's feet, they must have been killing her by now. I carried her into the apartment, deciding on the way up to forego the couch for her, taking her to my bedroom instead.
'Why did you bring me in here?' she asked.
I removed my jacket and shoes while thinking of the best way to answer.
'Well… you're uncomfortable. You're feet hurt. I wouldn't want you straining you back in addition to that. So I figured you'd sleep here, instead of on the couch.'
'But… where will you sleep?'
'I thought I'd take the couch.'
'Not Em's room?'
'Not likely. Who knows what he does in there with Rose?'
We both laughed at that. To be honest, I had a pretty good idea what went on in that room, and I sure as hell wasn't going to sleep in that bed, even if he had changed his sheets.
I continued to free myself of the constricting tuxedo I had been wearing. Sure, it looked nice, but I preferred to breathe and move a little more freely in my clothes. Both Emmett and I had been wearing our family cufflinks, given to us for our senior Prom, as Alice had gotten a necklace with the crest pendant for her Prom. When I was left in my tuxedo pants, I knelt down in front of Bella, who was still sitting on my bed, completely silent. I gingerly removed her shoes and rubbed her feet. The balls of her feet were slightly red and I noticed a small blister forming on one of her heels. What was she thinking, wearing those shoes all night? She should have brought a pair of flats with her. But I knew Alice would never let her. Fashion over comfort, and all that. Suddenly, she moaned, and that caught me a little off guard. I knew it was just a reaction to the relief in her feet, but still, I couldn't help the way my body reacted to the sound.
'I'll, uhm… go get your bag for you,' I said, using that as an excuse to get some distance and clear my head a little.
The night had gone pretty good, so far, and I didn't want to mess things up now. She would still be spending the following day and night here, too, so timing was crucial.
A couple of days earlier, Jasper, Emmett and I had gone to order the corsages for our dates. Emmett had settled on a combination to represent both his fraternity and Rosalie's sorority, Alfa Gamma Delta, as they were the formal's hosts, being presidents of their respective chapters. Alice had given Jasper and me specific instructions; we were to buy white flowers, with a hint of pink for Alice's corsage and the option of blue for Bella's. I decided on a calla lily and some freesia, because they looked delicate, sweet and feminine, all adjectives suited for Bella, too.
When we picked up the girls at their dorm for the formal, I was more nervous than I had expected. Jasper picked up on that and clapped me on the back.
'Relax, Eddie, it's gonna be fine. I know Bells is excited about tonight.'
I smiled at him appreciatively, but couldn't seem to get rid of the slightly queasy feeling in my gut. Didn't girls usually refer to this as butterflies?
Seeing Bella in her blue, short, strapless dress with the amazing shoes that made her legs look like they went on for miles, nearly took my breath away. I was reduced to a teenager, picking up his date for Prom. As I should have done, either for mine or hers.
I kissed her on the cheek in greeting, just as I had done my sister, but with Bella, it felt more intimate somehow. She blushed as I slid the flowers around her wrist and tied the ribbon to keep them in place. A spark of electricity passed between us as I touched her skin. Did she feel it too?
The formal itself was pretty straightforward: we were greeted by the presidents and vice-presidents of the hosting chapters, then escorted to our table. I noticed some of the sorority girls giving Bella and Alice the stink eye, but they seemed oblivious to those stares so I didn't feel the need to alert them to it. Why ruin a perfectly good night out?
After the opening speeches and dance, Alice dragged us to the photographer to have our pictures taken. Emmett joined us for some quick family shots, then hurried to excuse himself. He had been a nervous wreck for weeks on end and tonight was even worse. I wasn't the only one to notice this, but after voicing our concerns, Alice changed the subject back to the task at hand and pulled Bella onto the set with her. I couldn't help but admire her as she posed for the pictures with my sister. She looked positively radiant and I was extremely proud to have her by my side, if only for the night. When it was our turn to get the couple's shots in, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close. It was Valentine's Day, after all, and I had planned to make the most of it.
I stayed close to Bella most of the night, making sure she had a drink when she wanted one and in general just seeing to it that she had a good time. After a while, though, I wanted to show her off just a little and take the opportunity to hold her in my arms. She was a little hesitant in dancing, though, but I promised her I'd keep her safe and she finally accepted.
'I love this song,' she whispered.
It was Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.
'You, too?' I replied. 'The lyrics are just… perfect.'
I couldn't help myself, having found out we both loved the song, and softly started singing along to it. The words were so true, it was almost painful.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
We were pulled from our bubble by Emmett calling the room to attention. When he got down on one knee in front of a stunned Rosalie, his previous weird and anxious behavior made perfect sense. Of course, he was ever so eloquent in voicing his proposal.
'Rosie, you know I'm not really good with words, so I'll just come out and say it. Baby, you're the only one who really gets me for who I am. I love you so damn much. Will you marry me?'
It suited them, though, and I was extremely happy for him when Rosalie accepted. They were perfect for one another.
After that, the formal slowly but surely drew to a close and we all parted ways. It was agreed that Bella would spend the rest of the weekend at Emmett's and my apartment, to give Alice and Jasper some privacy in their dorm room, while Emmett had booked a hotel room for the weekend. So after exchanging goodbyes, I hailed a cab and we went on our way home.
Alice had dropped off a bag for Bella earlier that day. Retrieving it from its spot near the living room couch, I cringed a little at the prospect of sleeping there for the next two nights. It wasn't necessarily an uncomfortable couch, I mean, we had bought it for a reason, but I wasn't sure it would accommodate my tall frame.
Maybe Emmett's room isn't that bad after all…
I quickly cleared my head of that thought, though, because even if he had changed his sheets, I didn't want to intrude on his privacy. Giving Bella my room for the weekend was the chivalrous thing to do and I would try to hide my discomfort.
I stopped in my tracks upon re-entering my room. In the few minutes I had been gone, Bella had replaced her dress with my tuxedo shirt. It was much too big on her; she was practically drowning in it. But mostly, she looked even hotter wearing my shirt – and not much else, by the look of it – than she did when she was all dolled up earlier. She shrugged at my surprised expression and said my shirt had seemed comfy to her. Who was I to object to that?
When I made to leave, she grabbed my hand and softly, barely audible, she whispered. 'Stay?'
I couldn't deny her reasoning at me staying in my own room, so after some consideration I quickly discarded my pants and got into bed. Bella had said she got cold easily, so I pulled her close and rubbed her back soothingly, while she rested her head on my chest. My heart felt like it could burst right out, it was beating so fast.
You're holding the girl of your dreams! She's right there! Let her know how you feel!, the voice in the back of my mind kept urging me.
You've had just about the perfect date. She's asked you to stay…
Yes, as a friend. Why would I take advantage of that?
But look at her, all snuggled into your side… this is the perfect opportunity to take the next step… Just don't take it too far, don't pressure her…
As I was mulling this over, the movement of my arm around her gradually slowed down and eventually I slipped my hand just a little underneath her shirt.
My shirt onher. So freaking hot!
She stilled and held her breath.
'Edward,' she whispered. 'What are you doing?'
'Following my instincts for once,' I said, then kissed her.
I reveled in the feel of her plump, soft lips against mine. That is, until I realized she wasn't kissing me back. Hastily, I pulled back, trying to mend what I could after this indiscretion.
'Shit, Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't…,' but I was cut off by her hand pulling me back down to her lips.
She kissed me in earnest this time and I didn't hesitate in tangling my hand in her hair and deepening the kiss. She shivered when our tongues connected, and I felt goose bumps break out as well. She tasted so incredibly sweet!
I was kissing Bella! She was kissing me! This night couldn't get any better after this…
Or so I thought. She caressed my face and brushed against my ear, her touch sending tingles right down to my groin, and I moaned. She caught on pretty quickly and touched me there again. I hadn't even known that was one of my sensitive spots. Most girls just went straight for the goods, bypassing any other body parts.
Stop thinking about other girls – you're with Bella now!
Right. Her touch was a little more determined now and I answered by rolling us over so I was hovering above her. I wasn't necessarily a heavy guy by any means, not at all, but I didn't want to crush her with my weight. Also, I wanted some room to move and to touch her, because even if nothing more would happen tonight, I wanted – no, needed – to touch her. I moved to savor her neck, nipping at the skin there, then licking and kissing over my bites, while I unbuttoned her shirt – my shirt – to reveal her soft, creamy skin. Having released all of the buttons, I slowly pushed the now offending fabric aside, trailing my fingers over her body, then gently cupping her left breast in the palm of my hand. Her breathing hitched at my touch and I looked up to catch her looking at me wide-eyed.
'Is this okay?' I asked.
She nodded, giving me permission to keep touching her. I continued my exploration of her body, lavishing attention on her breasts first, before slowly moving my hand further down. When I reached the top of her panties – blue lace, which appeared near black in the dim lighting, starkly contrasting her skin – I paused for a moment, unsure whether she was comfortable, but then figuring she would stop me if I would go too far, and she had just consented to my touch a few minutes earlier. When I slipped my hand inside, I was surprised coming into contact with soft, smooth skin… and nothing else. I couldn't believe Alice had really made her go through with the wax! Luckily, I had never experienced that torture, but from what I had heard, it was exactly that: torture.
'Did it hurt?' I asked her.
'A little at first,' she shrugged. 'But it's not so bad after a while.'
She tried downplaying it, but I happened to have seen a former fling just a few hours after she had gotten waxed and remembered how red her skin had looked. I am nothing if not thorough and I was intent on making her feel good, so I gently stroked her thighs and hips, trying to reassure her, before kissing my way down from her belly button.
'Let me make it better…'
It was amazing, watching, hearing, seeing Bella respond to my touch and succumbing to the sensations I was causing. When I noticed she was becoming a little too sensitive, I moved back up her body. She kissed me like her life depended on it. As we were kissing, I couldn't help but press myself closer to her. She wrapped her legs around me and moved against me while reaching her hands down. My cock twitched when she touched me for the first time and I couldn't keep back the moan that her touch caused. She used her hands and feet to push my boxer briefs down and I took the opportunity to take off her shirt completely. We then settled back into our embrace, moving against each other, desperate for friction and relief.
'Fuck, Bella,' I said when I couldn't take it any longer. 'I need you… now!'
She kissed me deeply again, communicating her need for me, too. I quickly retrieved a condom from my nightstand, put it on and asked her if she was sure. This was a major step in our relationship and I wanted her to want this as much as I did.
When I got her reassurance, I kissed her again and slowly pushed forward, sheathing myself inside of her.
The feeling was… indescribable. She gasped and looked at me wide-eyed and for an immeasurable moment we didn't move, just looking at each other and reveling in the feel of our connected bodies. In that moment I just knew she felt the same as I; this utter sense of rightness. This was how it was supposed to happen. No pretenses, no complications, just her and me, Bella and Edward.
When I finally started to move, I knew I wouldn't last long. She was so soft, so warm, so tight, so… absolutely perfect. I buried my face in her neck, breathing her in and kissing wherever I could reach. It wasn't long until I felt the telltale signs of my impending orgasm; the tightening of muscles, the accelerated heartbeat, the heat, my senses heightened, overly aware of her body wrapped around mine in every possible way… I tensed and then released on a shudder, uttering her name on a shaky exhale, before collapsing on top of her.
I breathed heavily for a while, then softly kissed her in the neck once more, moving to her lips and whispering her name reverently.
This had been so intense.
o~O~o
Coming down from our morning high, Bella soon fell asleep again – well, it was still pretty early – and snuggled back into me. I stayed inside her a little longer, relishing in the warmth surrounding me. When I felt myself go limp inside of her, I reluctantly pulled back, gripping the base of my cock to prevent the condom from slipping off.
I came up empty-handed.
What the hell? Immediately, I was shocked fully awake.
Think, Edward, think! What happened when you woke up earlier?
Hmm… waking up with Bella in my arms… feeling her soft skin under my fingertips… her head on my left arm… my right hand cupping her perfect breast, subconsciously teasing her nipple… her scent all around me, overwhelming me… brushing my lips over her skin, trailing kisses from her shoulder up to her ear… feeling her shift in my arms, under my touch… needing her desperately…
Shit! I had completely forgotten to use a condom!
Could you be any more stupid and irresponsible?
I tensed up, mentally berating myself for my lack of control, but then I was reminded of the beautiful girl sleeping in my arms, whose life I quite possibly might have ruined just then. She was still blissfully unaware of my inner turmoil and sighed happily. I decided there wasn't much I could do at that point; I couldn't wake her up and stress her out like that, now could I? Best to let her sleep and discuss the situation when she woke up. I resigned myself to watching her sleep, caressing her body and planting gentle kisses on her skin. She would certainly want nothing more to do with me when I had confessed my screw up, so if this was all I would have with her, I would take what I could get.
I don't know how long I spent just holding her, watching her, savoring her, but after a while, she woke up again.
'Hey.'
'Morning.'
I leaned over and kissed her, but couldn't keep a worried frown off my face. She obviously noticed, because she reached up and brushed her fingers over my brow.
'What's wrong?'
Might as well cut to the chase…
'We uhm… forgot something… earlier…,' I trailed off.
She blinked at me, trying to think of what I was referring to.
'Oh. That.'
I relaxed a little. She wasn't freaking out. Yet.
'Should we… you know… take precautions?'
'You mean, can I get pregnant?'
I nodded sheepishly.
'No. I've been on birth control since I was sixteen.'
I wasn't sure I liked that. Not the birth control part, because I wasn't sure how I'd deal with a pregnancy at this point. But the part where she had been taking that precaution at all.
Don't dwell on that. It's not like she's your first, either. Stick to the situation at hand.
'Good. So… just to be sure… I've been tested last month and I haven't had sex since Halloween, so I'm clean.'
On the one hand, I was a little embarrassed at admitting to my dry spell, but on the other hand, it made what had happened between us that more special.
Are we a girl now?
'Yeah, me too.'
I felt myself relax at her affirmation and decided to not waste what was left of our weekend together.
Kissing her, I said. 'I'm gonna go take a shower. You coming?'
o~O~o
I had been avoiding Bella as much as I could after that fateful Valentine's Day weekend. Not very successfully, actually, since I still shared that English class with her. I had, however, put an end to our study sessions.
It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with her. In fact, I craved her company. But once again, I found myself scared shitless and taking the easy way out by ignoring the situation and her.
The fear had come back to me Sunday night. Bella had once again fallen asleep in my arms, exhausted and spent after countless rounds of the most amazing sex I'd had thus far, and for some reason, I was still wide awake hours later. Mulling over everything that had transpired and what it meant. Not knowing how to act, or rather, reverting back to my cowardly attitude, I had gotten out of bed before my alarm went off Monday morning and busied myself while Bella went through her morning routine. The drive to campus was quiet and tense and after dropping her off for her first class, I had gone to the gym to blow off steam. And skip our joint class that day.
Keeping secrets had proven futile within our group, though, and within days I found myself dealing with a furious Alice. She had burst into my apartment one night, yelling at me to stop being a jerk, then left as suddenly as she had arrived. She proceeded to give me the silent treatment after that. I figured it had something to do with what had happened with Bella. I mean, girls talk, right? Especially best friends.
o~O~o
Alice had continued giving me the silent treatment, only speaking of me instead of to me, and only making snide comments and covert blows, meant to provoke me, while Emmett kept insisting I sort out my 'issues' regarding Bella. Even Rosalie and Jasper offered their two cents. I felt like everyone was ganging up on me, while Bella maintained her distance, as did I, and the awkwardness between us became more pronounced and noticeable with every passing day.
I still saw her three times a week during our English class, of course, but we barely interacted then. If she happened to come over with Alice, I hid in my room. Yes, I hid, like the coward I am. I was terribly ashamed of my behavior, but too scared to think of a solution.
It wasn't until Emmett threatened to not only involve our own parents, but Bella's as well, that I finally worked up the courage. The prospect of having to explain to Chief Swan how I had thoroughly ravished his only child, his little girl, then proceeded to ignore her and treat her like crap, wasn't all that appealing after all. Like I said, the guy was intimidating at best.
So, after much internal debate, I finally found myself driving over to her dorm building on a cold Friday night, still not entirely sure what to say. I was fumbling with my car keys as I knocked on her door, prepared to leave in case she refused to talk to me, which she had every right to, and I was more than halfway expecting. There wasn't an answer at first, but before I could knock again – or leave – the door swung open.
Bella was looking rather distraught, like she had been crying. I was about to ask what was wrong, but then realized I had no right to as her that. Also, I noticed there was a book in her hand – Tolstoy, judging by the familiar cover – and I remembered how she could get sucked into her reading. It was one of the things I liked so much about her; her ability to lose herself in what she was doing or reading, almost becoming a part of it. It must have been the book that had caused her teary eyes.
Yes, definitely not your inconsiderate, asshole behavior…
She appeared surprised at my presence and it took me a moment to gather my wits. This girl was capable of stripping me of all the cocky confidence I had relied on in the past.
'Can I come in?' I asked.
She let me in and we both sat down on the couch. I was lost in thought again, trying to think of the best way to broach the subject. My silence seemed to be getting on Bella's nerves and she cleared her throat. I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye; I was still too ashamed of how I had been acting. She wouldn't cut me any slack, thought, too, instead challenging me to cut to the chase and face my fears. She actually accused me of chickening out on her!
Well, you did…
'Yes! You did! If you think I'm too young for you, I've got news for you: the age difference has been the same my entire life.'
Too young for me? Oh, shit, had she overheard my conversation with Emmett the week before?
She laughed at me bitterly and confirmed my suspicion, before continuing her rant.
'And remember when I met James last year? Yeah, you told him to stay away from me because I was too young and…'
'I said that to protect you!' I yelled, exasperated. 'James is a predator. He's fun to hang out with and have a drink, but when it comes to girls… he's ruthless and he would've used you. I was trying to be a good friend.'
'So I'm just a friend to you?'
'Bella, you know I love you…'
'Yeah,' she scoffed. 'As a little sister.'
This was becoming ridiculous. She wouldn't hear me out, turned my words around and interpreted them all wrong. I was getting aggravated at the lack of progress the conversation was showing.
'No,' I sighed. 'That's what I've been trying to tell you…'
'I know I'm inexperienced and that may freak you out, but you should've thought of that before you took my clothes off and started kissing me.'
Inexperienced? Excuse me, what? She had been a virgin?
'You were a virgin? Shit!'
'Wait, you didn't know?'
Of course I didn't know! How should I have known?
'Does this look like the face of someone in the know?'
'Come on, Edward, did you ever see me with a guy?'
Okay, that was true, but I wasn't around all the time, either. She could have been dating without me knowing about it. Plus, I remembered she had a date for Prom the year before.
'But you went to Prom with Yorkie last year, I thought you…'
'Ew! No! Eric's a nice guy and all, but just…no! We went as friends.'
Well, that was good to hear. She was right, he was a nice enough kid, but the thought of Bella with anyone else…
Aren't we being a little hypocritical now? It's not like you never dated.
I knew that, obviously, but still, I liked knowing that what had happened between us was special. Even more special than it already was, I mean, because I had been her first. Still, I should have made it memorable for her. Not a random, sex-filled weekend…
'Shit, Bells, if I had known…'
'What? Do you regret it now?'
'No!' I exclaimed.
I definitely did not regret what had happened. Not one bit.
'But… I don't know... I'd have made it more special. It should have been special. With someone you love…,' I trailed off, not really knowing how to explain it.
'Edward, it was. I mean, I didn't plan it like that, but I didn't stop it either. We both wanted to. And it was special. To me at least…'
She averted her eyes and picked nervously at the hem of her dress. I was stunned silent for a moment, trying to process it all.
It had been that special to her, as it should have been? With someone she loved? Wait… did that mean she felt the same way, reciprocating my feelings?
I noticed she was biting her lip, a nervous habit I had learned to recognize. She was doubting herself. I needed to prove to her once and for all that we were finally on the same page and she shouldn't hide or worry anymore.
Cupping her face in my hand, turning it back to me, I coaxed her to look me in the eyes while also pulling her lip from between her teeth. Gazing into her eyes, trying to convey wordlessly the depth of my feelings for her, I finally spoke the words I had been longing to say.
'For me, too.'
She blinked at me and her eyes were starting to brim with moisture.
'Really?' she squeaked.
I nodded.
'Do you mean that?' a whisper, now.
I took her face in both my hands and gently caressed her cheeks with my thumbs.
'I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Bella,' I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. 'I… I love you.'
Her sharp intake of breath was the only sound I heard for a few moments and only when her eyes started to get a little unfocused did I realize she had stopped breathing altogether.
'Bella, breathe,' I urged her.
She exhaled shakily and a single tear escaped her eye. I quickly brushed it away.
'You… love me?' she whispered.
'Why is that so hard to believe?' I asked.
She shrugged. 'I don't know. You never showed anything other than friendship towards me…'
I would never live that down, would I?
'I know, and I'm sorry for that. It's just, I didn't know how to handle this. But I promise you, I won't keep anything from you from now on. Bella, I mean what I said. Please, give me a chance?' I pleaded.
I knew we would have to talk about things, get it all out in the open. She definitely deserved an apology for the way I had been treating her, especially the last couple of weeks. But that wasn't what was most important at this point. All I wanted now was to show her I was sincere and prove worthy of her affection.
I was so caught up in my inner ramblings, I nearly missed her slight nod as she started to cry softly.
'Bella…?' I asked.
She nodded, more forcefully this time. She then looked up at me, the most amazing smile shining through her tears. I felt myself choking up, relief and happiness flooding through me, combined with an overwhelming urge to kiss her. It had been so long since I'd had her exquisite taste on my lips – three weeks, four days, twenty-one hours and about eighteen minutes, not that I was counting – and it had been on my mind ever since that first kiss after the formal.
I put my hand on her neck and gently pulled her toward me. Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into me, grabbing hold of my jacket. The moment our lips touched, I felt instantly calmer, like all my worries were taken away by her soft lips. I traced them with my tongue, but instead of opening her mouth to me, she answered by pushing her tongue into my mouth, talking charge. She pushed me back against the couch and climbed onto my lap, straddling me, while pushing my jacket off my shoulders. Taking it off, I tossed it to the side and wrapped my arms around her, one hand resting at her waist, the other moving up to find purchase in her hair.
She shifted on my lap, trying to get closer, causing her dress to ride up a little. I didn't want this to be just about sex – well, obviously, I wanted her – but the way she was moving on top of me was threatening my resolve. Bella made up my mind for me when she started unbuttoning my shirt while grinding down on me. I moved my hands to her legs, pushing up her dress, only to encounter more fabric. While her outfit was soft and fluffy and looked adorable on her – by the feel of it undoubtedly something Alice had picked out – I really wanted to feel her skin. I moved my hands further up her thighs, taking the dress with me, until I reached the top of her tights. I didn't stop there, though, and while she managed to open up my shirt and raked her fingers through my chest hair, eliciting a groan from me, I finally reached the bare skin of her back and realized it was actually completely bare.
No bra.
Perfect.
I made quick work of taking the dress off entirely, my hungry eyes impatient for the glorious sight of Bella's breasts. They were without a doubt the most amazing breasts I had ever laid eyes on. Soft, perfectly round and perky, not too large for her frame, but just big enough to fit comfortably in the palms of my hands, with small, round, pink nipples that were already hardened due to our making out.
She looked down at me in a heated stare, biting her bottom lip again, but this time not out of worry. We locked eyes for an immeasurable moment, until I pulled her to me again and lavished attention on her nipples with both my mouth and my hands. Sighing my name, she threw her head back, and continued rotating her hips on my lap. Suddenly she whipped her head back up, cupped my face in her hands and looked at me intently. I fought to keep a frown off my face, being deprived of her breasts, because she seemed to want to communicate something important.
'I love you, too,' she said slowly and deliberately, enunciating each word, then leaned down and lightly brushed her lips against mine.
Although we were both half naked and mere moments ago had been making out frantically, this kiss was so sweet and so loving, it momentarily took my mind off our previous activities. When we broke apart I could feel my smile taking over my face. Bella softly traced my lips with her fingers.
'I love that smile, you know,' she whispered. 'It's the one you only give me.'
She kissed me again, more passionately this time, and before long we were both panting heavily. I stood up from the couch, picking her up in the process, and made my way over to her bed. She and Alice both had twin beds, since the freshman dorms didn't accommodate anything larger than that. I hadn't slept in a bed that small since Emmett and I had moved out of the dorms and into our apartment by the end of our freshman year, and I hadn't had a twin bed at home since I was fifteen, but I didn't even care about the lack of space and the noise level of the dorms. I needed Bella. And, judging by the way she was rubbing herself on me, licking and nipping at my neck, she felt exactly the same way.
I plopped her down unceremoniously on her bed and she immediately scrambled into a sitting position, reaching for the button fly on my jeans, while I used my feet to take off my shoes and socks. When she had successfully released all of the buttons, I quickly took off my jeans, before kneeling down in front of her, pushing her down onto the bed and peeling off her tights and socks, leaving both of us in our underwear.
Having finished this task, I crawled up the bed, being careful not to put my full weight on her, but lining up my body with hers nonetheless, kissing every inch of skin within my reach. She was writhing under my touch, groaning impatiently at my slow progression upwards.
'Edward, please,' she begged. 'Don't tease me…'
This wouldn't do. I didn't want her to beg. I wanted her to know just exactly how desired she was.
'Sorry, love, I don't mean to,' I mumbled against her skin. 'But this body deserves to be worshipped.'
Then, in between kisses, licks and soft nips, I added. 'So beautiful… so soft… so perfect… so…'
'Yours,' she finished my sentence and pulled me up to her face, crashing her lips against mine.
Bella wasted no time in removing both my boxer briefs and her panties, then gripped my already achingly hard cock in her hand, pumping me firmly a few times.
'Are you really gonna deny me what I want?' she asked, looking up at me through her lashes.
My mind was at this point completely being overruled by my body – one appendage in particular – and incapable of forming a coherent thought, let alone a verbal response, so I answered her in the only way I could, by wrapping her leg around me and letting her guide me home.
o~O~o
I had convinced Bella to spend the rest of the weekend at my place. Persuading her wasn't really necessary, as she agreed that not only was her small bed not suited for fitting both of us all weekend – and we weren't planning on spending any significant amount of time apart – but also that the communal bathrooms of her building didn't offer much privacy. Seeing as Emmett had plans to be with Rosalie all weekend for some preliminary wedding planning, we wouldn't be disturbed or interrupted at my apartment.
When we were getting dressed, Bella received a text from Alice, informing her that she and Jasper were on their way back from their date. Instead of answering the message, I told Bella I'd leave a note for her before we'd leave. I could already picture my sister's reaction to the post-it I stuck to her mirror.
Bella is with me - Edward
The End