Believe it or not, Iggy was not always a pyromaniac. There was a time when he knew nothing about explosives, and spent most of his time cooking rather than seeing how fast random objects could explode. The first time he experienced a fire was when he was eleven, and Gasman, who was five at the time, had stolen his favorite spatula.
It was such a lovely spatula, made out of a beautiful and shiny silver stainless steel. The handle was wooden and painted black, accenting the shiny silver surface of the spatula itself.
She was named Karen.
Iggy was attempting to make lunch when Gazzy thought it would be downright hilarious to take the supposedly female utensil right out of the blind boy's hand and run away with it, cackling like a wild baboon on a sugar high.
Now, of course, this caught Iggy off guard, causing him to jump and spill the container of oil he was holding in his other hand into the pan, causing it to make a sizzling sound. Needless to say, Iggy was not amused.
"Gasman, get back here with Karen! I'm hungry!" He demanded, glaring in the direction he thought the little troublemaker ran.
The spilled oil and running fire on the stove momentarily forgotten, Iggy ran after Gasman in an attempt to grab back his beloved Karen. Who knew where Gasman's hands had been? Karen was very picky about those who held her, you see. If she got sticky, she had an attitude problem and refused to flip pancakes properly.
And Iggy did not want to deal with an agitated Karen again. One time he dropped her on the floor by accident, and the next time he used her, Karen tossed a grilled cheese sandwich onto to the ceiling where it stuck for a good week or two. Iggy still didn't know how that happened.
"You won't catch me, Iggy!" Gazzy giggled madly, running off and dodging various pieces of furniture in his escape. For such a young and tiny kid, he sure was agile.
Unfortunately, Iggy was faster than him, and therefore was gaining on Gazzy quickly with his longer strides.
In a desperate effort to keep Iggy away from his spatula, Gasman rounded the corner into the hallway, bumping right into a dark haired bird kid, almost knocking him over.
Fang didn't like it when his personal bubble was invaded, so he glared down at the blonde kid and muttered, "Watch it."
Gaz didn't have time to respond, and was quite honestly scared of an irritated Fang, so he just ran off without saying anything, hoping to keep Iggy at a distance.
Poor Iggy made the very same mistake the younger kid made just moments ago, rounding the corner sharply and barreling into Fang, knocking him to the hard wood floor.
Landing on top of him, Iggy made and "oof' sound as he rubbed his nose which had collided with Fang's hard head.
"Get. Off." Fang growled, glaring with the force of the sun. That was the second time today that his personal bubble was trespassed upon, so like any normal person, he was starting to get angry. Of course, the glare was wasted on him, but it made him feel a little better nonetheless.
Sitting up and rubbing his nose, Iggy's pale eyes filled with mild annoyance as he asked, "What is your head made of? Iron? - Wait, Karen! I'm coming!" He exclaimed with wide eyes as he sprang up off the floor and sprinted down the hallway.
Fang sat there for a moment with a dumbfounded expression on his face as he deadpanned, "Karen?" He then shook his head, deciding it was probably better if he didn't know what he was talking about.
Down the hall, Iggy couldn't hear Gasman's breathing anymore, so he figured he was hiding.
"Where are you, you little thief?" He murmured to no one in particular, running his hands along the walls in search of a doorknob.
In the midst of checking the closest door, which happened to be the hall closet, he heard a scream coming from the kitchen. A scream that could only be one person, and she didn't scream often.
Max.
Iggy sprinted toward the kitchen as fast as his long mutant legs could carry him, and the smell of smoke filled his nostrils the second he made it through the kitchen doorway.
Uh oh... This was not good.
Max was standing in front of the forgotten lunch, where small flames stood flickering in a proud manner. She took one look at Iggy and narrowed her brown eyes at him. "What did you do?" Once again, the look was wasted.
Nudge had also run into the kitchen at this point. "What happened? I heard Max scream so I thought something really bad happened cause Max doesn't- oh my gosh is that a fire? How did it catch on fire?" She was staring wide eyed at the flame that had erupted from the pan.
Nudge shrieked at Iggy, frantically waving her hands around. "Put it out! Now! Before the whole house burns down! 'Cause then we won't have a place to live and-"
Max clamped a hand over Nudge's mouth, silencing her for the time being.
Fang, who practically materialized into the room, stood next to Max, looking at the flare with a blank expression on his face. "No lunch today, then?" His comment earned him a whack in the head from Max with the hand that wasn't over Nudge's mouth.
Without thinking, Iggy reached around the counter and felt around for a container or a glass. He grabbed a bottle filled with what he hoped was water, then proceeded to pour it on the blazing food without a second's hesitation.
"Iggy, no!" He ignored Max and dumped the liquid on the pan. This only succeeded in making the flame bigger, seeing as how it was vinegar, not water. Well, Iggy sure was racking up the points today, wasn't he? Forgive me, Karen. I know you and the Peter the Pan were best friends...
Gasman ran in at this moment, his blue eyes widening when he caught sight of the state the kitchen was in. He looked completely mesmerized by the growing inferno, staring at it as if it was the best thing he had ever seen since sliced bread.
Fang took this moment to sprint from the kitchen, snatch a towel, and drench it with water before running back to the kitchen in less than a thirty seconds.
"Iggy, heads up." He said, already tossing the soaked cloth to the blind bird kid. Iggy caught it before it had time to violently slap him in the face. Hooray for quick reflexes!
He threw the dripping towel down on the fire, thus extinguishing said flame entirely.
Before anymore damage could be done, Max walked over to the stove and switched off the burner. She turned to glare at the children in front of her and crossed her arms with her leader face. "Anyone care to explain why the stove was left running unattended?" With a pointed look directed at Iggy, she tapped her foot in an impatient manner. "Well?"
Iggy scratched the back of his head and smiled a wide, innocent smile as he shrugged his shoulders. "Oops?"
Max's eyes widened in exasperation. "Oops? That's all you have to say? You almost burn the house down and all you say is oops?" She screeched as she started to clench her fists, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to knock Iggy through the roof with a sack of potatoes.
Before anyone else had a chance to contribute to the conversation, Max spoke again with a sigh. "I'm going to check on Angel. She's probably scared out of her feathers. Poor thing was taking a nap." She walked out of the room but paused in the doorway, glancing around the kitchen with irritation laced in her eyes and voice. "And get this cleaned up." She then began to head in the direction of Angel's bedroom with Fang and Nudge at her side.
Once they were out of earshot, Gazzy grinned and started to jump up and down as if he just won the lottery or an all expenses paid trip to Disney World. "That was so cool! Let's do it again!" To add the the effect, he started clapping rapidly.
Deciding it was a good idea to clean up the charred mess of a pan, Iggy sauntered over to the sink and tossed the blackened food down the garbage disposal. After turning on the faucet and filling Peter the Pan with water, he grabbed a sponge and started to clean the mess he had unintentionally made.
Stupid Gasman. He just had to kidnap Karen when he was so kind enough to fix lunch for the flock. Now Peter the Pan was dead, and Karen would never want to make lunch with Iggy again. This was just great. Now he would have to use -gasp- the other pan.
Iggy shuddered just thinking about it. He swore that pan had it out for him. One time, when he was pulling Peter the Pan out of the cabinet, the other pan jumped and took a free fall onto Iggy's head. He had a blue bruise for a month.
And this other time... Well, that pan somehow grew arms and threw an egg at the back of Iggy's head when he was rummaging through the fridge for more ingredients.
...He wasn't crazy. Really. That pan wanted him to die.
"I wish you could've seen it, Iggy," Gasman murmured wistfully with a wide grin. "The fire was huge. It was the coolest thing ever." He bounced while he spoke, his blonde head bobbing up and down. "We should make more fire. The bigger fire the better."
Iggy turned his head in his direction, forgetting he was supposed to be mad at him for the moment. "Yeah, it was pretty cool, wasn't it? I liked the way it made a crackling sound." He admitted with a smile before a thought occurred to him that wiped the smile clean of his face. "Is there any permanent damage that Max will bite my head off about?" He placed his hand on the wall as he bit his lip, feeling around for any obvious blemish.
Gasman looked around and shook his head, "No. Well, not if you don't count the black spot on the wall."
Iggy smiled again and dropped his hand from the wall, wiping his hands off with a paper towel that was sitting on the counter. He abandoned Peter the Pan in the sink, making a mental note to thoroughly scrub the mess out later. Hopefully Karen would forgive the treason he was about to commit. "In that case, let's go find another way to set stuff on fire."
Gaz looked confused for a minute and cocked his head to the side, looking very much like a curious puppy. "But how are we going to do that?"
The blind bird kid grinned and shrugged. "Internet."
And thus marks the beginning of the pyromaniacs we all know and love today.
...
Iggy never did manage to rescue Karen.
Stupid Gasman.
I had actually written this a couple years back and uploaded it on a different account, so I decided to fix it up and repost it. The idea amused me, and it still does, so I hope it was as fun to read as it was to write. :)
Feel free to point out any spelling/grammar mistakes.
Please review! I'm not afraid of flames! (I've got my trusty fire extinguisher right here!) :P