A/N: The lullaby the Thief King misquotes is by the FF Net author Super Special Awesome Attack.

"We have to do something with her," Ryou said to his yami, who was across the table absently letting the baby grasp his finger and wave it around. "Maybe we should call the police."

"To arrest her for trespassing? Good idea, landlord." The Thief King poked the baby's belly.

Ryou looked at him exasperatedly. "To find out who her parents are, I meant. There has to be some sort of authority we're supposed to call."

"The Domino City Police Department: Baby Division."

"Well, what do you think we should do? We obviously can't keep her. We don't even know what to feed her!"

"She seemed to keep the milk down all right," the Thief King said. As if in reply, the girl hiccuped.

"Maybe I should go shopping for some baby formula."

"I have a better idea." The Thief King abruptly picked the baby up under her arms and reached across the table, depositing her in Ryou's arms. "You take care of the little monster, and I'll brave the grocery store."

"But, yami-" Ryou could barely begin to protest before the baby joined in with a loud wail, having suddenly lost her fluffy new mommy. Ryou had to shout to be heard over her as he handed her back across the table. "For one thing, she seems attached to you. For another, how would you know what to buy?"

The Thief King grimaced at the noise and put his hand over the baby's mouth. It helped to muffle her cries but only distressed her more, and she began waving her arms stiffly and trying to chomp at his fingers. "You're the good Bakura! Why don't these senseless kids attach themselves to you?"

"Maybe my hair looks less like a plush toy to them..."

"What was that, hikari?"

"Nothing!" Ryou said louder, suppressing a grin and instead opting for a "sympathetic" sad smile that only revealed his amusement through his eyes.

"...How do I shut her up?"

"What'd you do last time?"

"I don't remember! She just liked seeing me in the room!"

"Try rocking her or something!"

The Thief King wrinkled his brow in disgust but took his hand off of her mouth and started to wave her body back and forth sideways.

"That's not how you rock a baby, yami!" Ryou was now shouting with his hands clapped over his ears. "Go like this!" He let his eardrums be blasted by the baby's crying for a few seconds as he mimed rocking a baby, which the Thief King mimicked.

"What now?" his darker side yelled back when it failed to work.

"I don't know! Sing her a lullaby or something!"

The Thief King paused before shouting out tunelessly, "Hush little baby, don't you cry, Bakura's gonna get you the Millennium Eye-"

"Not a lullaby that'll scar her for life!"

"It's the only one I know!" He stopped rocking her and just put her on his shoulder, wincing, and patted her back as gently as he could. Her cries got louder and louder until he was sure he was going deaf. "Ryou, I really don't think-!"

Her cries cut off and the Thief King froze, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. His eyes slowly narrowed and his mouth pressed into a firm line as he plucked the child off of his shoulder and held her out in front of him in disbelief. Spittle dripped from her mouth as she smiled cutely at him, a picture of... cute... babyness.

Ryou snickered and ran off to grab some paper towels as the Thief King shuddered.

"New rule," his hikari said, coming back to blot the spit-up that currently covered the Thief King's hair and shoulders. "No playing with her after lunchtime."