Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the Character. I am just playing with them : )

Chapter 3

Edward ( POV )

It had been fucking 200 years still I my life was a living hell misery. The sadness , the horror that Bella my love , the reason for my existence was dead. She died the day I left her. I was stupid to leave her. There were not words to describe what I had done. I broke her heart. I was such a bloody coward that I did not even meet her to say goodbye. I knew for sure if I told her face to face that I wanted a breakup she could not believe me and could have fought with me and I could have given up easily. So I had no other option but to leave a letter. I knew everyone was really angry with me especially Alice. She wanted to meet Bella for the last time but I had stopped her. But they could not do anything. They loved me as much as they loved Bella and they knew why I had to leave her. I thought that if I would move on, so would she. A clean break. I wanted her to have a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to her - keeping her constantly on the edge of danger, taking her away from the world she belonged in, risking her life every moment I was with her. And when Jasper attacked her on her 18th birthday I had to leave. I had to do something and leaving was the only way.

But now I wanted to die because I was a fool to leave her. Now she was dead and here I was stuck for eternity without my Bella. I could have gone to Volturi to ask them to kill me but Alice already saw it and warned everyone what I was planning to do and how everyone never left me alone. Even though I could have fought but I did not. Firstly they were my family and I did not wanted to hurt them. Secondly death was so easy punishment for me. I deserve more cruel punishment because I let Bella die. If I had never left she could be still alive and with me. I could have changed her because she wanted to become like me. Even though I was against it but I was too selfish a monster… I could not live without Bella….

And here I was still alive in my room stuck. Living in total pain and misery. My life had changed after I left Bella. Or should I say my whole family lives had changed . Carlisle had stopped talking to everyone. He only talked when we had to move to a new place or when we had to discuss something with us. Esme just stayed in her room sobbing and sad for all of us. Alice had stopped shopping altogether because it remined her of Bella. Emmett had stopped joking and Rosalie just stayed alone in the garage. And Jasper was worst of all. He could not take all the emotion in the house . It was too much for him. And he was angry with himself for attacking Bella that day. He thought if he had never attacked her I could not have left her and she could have never died. Even if he had not attacked I could have left her so that she could have a normal human life.

I still remember the day I found out my Bella was dead. The day my life came to a end. The blackest part of my every existence.

Flashback!

It had been 3 years since I left Bella. My life had been a miserable hell. My personal HELL… I wanted Bella right now this every moment….. It was hard to leave her but I had to leave her for her own good but now I wanted her. It was becoming hard to breathe every second the day was passing….. and lately my mind had been wandering of planning to go to Forks. Just to see if she was fine? Did she missed me as much as I did? If she did I could beg her for forgiveness and let me stay with her. I could do anything to be in her life again…. Bloody anything…I just wanted to see her once again… Bella… my Bella….

Alice had already seen me in Forks but for some reason she could not see me meeting Bella… I did not know what that meant… Did that mean may be she was not in Forks? Or may be she had married some one and was happy with her life. Even though it could be hard to see her with someone if she was happy then I could be happy and that was the reason I left. I wanted her to enjoy human life and if she was enjoying that was excellent. I just hoped she remembered me. That once there was a man called Edward who loved her every much. Or even if she hated me at least she knew that I existed…that was enough of me… I just wanted to see her… smell her, hear her…..or…touch her….I don't know if that was even possible.

" Edward just listen to everyone and go to Forks for Jesus Christ. Just go and see if she is ok? " Alice said sitting next to me in the couch.

" I don't know Alice? What will I say to her? Will she even remember who I am? " I said looking at my hands that just wanted to rip something off. Why could not I just go and see how she was? There was no need of her to know that I was there. I could just hide some were and just watch her. If she was happy and content with her life I could just leave her alone. I could be sad that I will have to leave her again but at least I will know that she is ok. But what if her life was as miserable as my life? Then what will I do? Should I approach her? What will I say? Will she be able to forgive me? These were the question I wanted to know…. But if I don't go how will I know? So…

" Okey I have decided I am going to Forks " I said as cheerfully as I could.

" OMG I knew it? Hey everyone we are going back to Forks. I am so happy. " Alice said jumping around and shrieking loudly enough to make me deaf..yaya as if that was possible since I was a vampire and all.

" No ways I am going all alone. Nobody will come along with me. I just want to see if she is okey. I will not approach her or anything. Understood Alice" I said growling on her face.

" you don't play fair Edward" she said with a puppy dog look. But she knew I was right so she did not push me further.

Finally it was decided that Carlisle will go alone with me because my family did not trusted me enough.

So here I was back at Bella room with Carlisle. But she was not there as if she did not live here anymore. And the strangest part was her smell was not there. It had faded with time. And something in my mind was telling me that was not good.

" May be she does not live with Charlie any more " Carlisle thought looking around the room.

It was then I noticed her room had not changed at all since the last time I had come. The clothes were lying the same way I had left her 3 years ago. And now it where dirty with dust covering them on the chair. Her bed was just the same with bed sheet and pillows undone. And the picture album was lying in the same position on the bed. It was like she never came back after I left her that day…was that even possible? Something was wrong… very, very wrong….. their was something in the pit of my stomach that was telling me that something bad had happened after I left and I did not wanted to know what that was…. As I was about to tell Carlisle a car stopped outside the house.

" I think its Charlie. We should hide Edward" Carlisle said looking at me.

Charlie came into the house looking pissed and shouting and cursing somebody. Carlisle looked at me with a strange look. But I did not say anything. Why was Charlie so angry and he looked different.. he looked thin as if he was sick. Was he sick and where was Bella? He looked as if he had not slept in a while…. That was totally not Charlie… then why? What was wrong? He walked into the living room and stopped infront of a wall that contained pictures of Bella…..and started crying that was when he started thinking out loud….loud enough to make my breathing stop, loud enough to make my whole life come flashing towards me , loud enough to make my existent go to waste. Nothing was left for me that moment... nothing was worth living…Bella my life…. My love….my angel was death…death because I left her that bloody day….. for 3 years I thought I had done the right thing… but I was so every wrong she was death the whole time….. and I was still alive for eternity and still here when she was not here and not coming back…. I had to get out of here I had to do something… I did not deserve to live….she was death and it was all because of me…. Bella was wrong I was a monster who killed her….. I had to leave before I could do rip somebodies head . I started running.. I had to see her.. to see it myself…..

I knew Carlisle was flowing me and was worried about me. But I did not have time to tell him where I was going. I did not had the strength to say anything. I just ran and stopped in front of Forks Cemetery and started looking…looking of the one thing I did not wanted to see at all… may be Charlie was wrong , maybe I did not read his mind properly.

" Edward why are we here? Whats wrong? You are scary… suddenly he stopped thinking. He was watching something with a horror look. With a grief in his eyes. I knew what he was looking at but I did not had the courage to look at what he was watching. But I had to see… I had to see what I had done to my love…. I had to….. I moved forward and came face to face with the most dread scene in my life…

There in front of me was a white marble stone having Bella 's name. And the date she died…

Flashback Ends!

My whole world came to an end that day. My life came to an end. Bella was dead and since I came to know that my life had been a total misery. I was stuck for eternity and without Bella.. without her smile ,laugh, her strawberry smell. I could not touch her ever now. I had only memories of her that nobody could take from me. The memories which had become like solid stone stuck in my head, in my cold heart. It was because of them that I was still alive. My memory had become like a vision showing me how I had met a angel , her every moment , her smell, how we fell in love, your first kiss, her blush , your prom together, your making love together and my leaving….. and her death.. I dam that day. If I was not such a idiot she still could be alive , happy , had a life. But I left her and she died the moment I left…. Bella… I am so Sorry…

I was in my room packing your bags. I did not wanted to but my family wanted to go Denali. It had been 200 years and they wanted to meet them. Carlisle wanted all of us to go along with him. Or should I say he was tried of our behaviour and wanted a distraction. Everyone in the family blamed themselves for Bella death.

" Cmon Edward we are all waiting. Get your ass out of the room" Alice called from the living room

"Grahhhh" ! Why do I have to go? Why cannot they leave me all alone. No they all thought as soon as they leave me I will run to Italy and ask Volturi to kill me. But I was not planning to do that. Death was to simple for what I had done… so I decided to go to Denali to make my family happy… to show them that I was trying to move on with my life as if that was even possible ever. I packed my bags and left the room.

" Okey I am ready" I said as cheerfully as I would.

After 8 hours of travelling nonstop. We were standing infront of the Denali house. Carlisle knocked the door and we all waited for it to open. And finally it opened and the time stopped… everything around me stopped moving…

XOXOXO!

So everyone how was it? I hope u all liked it? Cannot wait when finally Edward meets Bella and Renesmee? Will they forgive Edward for what he did? Hmmm…I hope so..:) Please Review!