Blah, blah, blah, I suck. Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I've been pretty busy with real life stuff but have recently stumbled into some down time. Also let's face it: the second half of season 2 was kind of rough, so trying to find some positives in the Finn/Rachel relationship whiel Finn was being a douche-nozzle and Rachel was being a codependent harpy was kind of difficult. This chapter covers the first 6 episodes (Superbowl through Original Song) and I'll cover the second half shortly.
Between the Lines
She gets to practice early because she knows he'll be the first one there. Finn's not usually a punctual person, but for things he cares about like glee and football he wants to set an example.
He's already on the field stretching and she takes a moment to admire how good his butt looks in football pants before reminding herself that friends don't objectify other friends no matter how head over heels they are for them.
He catches sight of her and grins and her heart beats so fast she thinks she may die. He hasn't looked at her that way since before they broke up and she hadn't realized how much she missed that look.
"Hey," he says.
She nearly trips over her own two feet because of a simple greeting. "Hey," she chirps back before holding up the protein bar she had forgotten she was clutching in her hands. She offers to share because she read online – after several hours of researching all things football—that it's a perfect energy boost during a long practice.
He doesn't take it though.
"You really don't have to do this Rachel," he tells her and she can't decide if it's because he's worried about her safety or because she's not giving him enough space.
"I want to," she says too quickly and silently chastises herself for it. "I mean for the team. We've worked so hard on the halftime show; it'd be a shame if we couldn't perform it."
"Yeah," he nods in the way he does when he's not completely on board with an idea and she wonders if she's being insensitive towards him. She wonders when he became such a mystery to her because she was convinced that she knew him better than anyone.
"And I know how important this game is to you," she adds and he drops his head and she realizes that it's too much. "And the rest of the guys on the team," she adds to be on the safe side. "The glee club is always in danger of being ineligible of competing due to member requirements so it was the least we could do."
"Cool," he says and grins again. "That's really cool of you," he elaborates. "And the rest of the girls," he adds because maybe this is as hard on him as it is on her.
"The only problem is I don't know the first thing about football," she explains, "or soccer for that matter. They seem to be synonymous in other parts of the world but I've yet to see the correlation."
She knows he hasn't a clue of what she's talking about but he gives her an earnest chuckle and rubs his temple and says, "Yeah, they call soccer football over there." He seems to wait for a long moment, it could only be a second but it feels like hours to her, before he offers to go over some basic rules and plays.
He shows her how to hold a football but her hands are so small she can't wrap her fingers around it and she drops it. He ribs her as he picks the ball up and helps place it in her hand again, but this time he wraps his fingers around her wrist when he demonstrates and her skin screams beneath his touch like a drug addict on a bender and he stands so closely to her that she can feel his body heat even though it's freezing outside and his smile is so bright when the ball finally balances in her palm.
"We may need to get you a smaller ball," he teases. "I may still have one from the peewees."
She weakly shoves him and her hand lingers on his chest longer than it should before she catcher herself and quickly pulls it away. She wonders why they didn't do fun things like this when they were dating. If maybe she were more interested in things that he liked, that maybe things would have worked out between them.
No, she reminds herself. If she hadn't kissed Puck things would have worked. Or would it have? Everything is so broken now she doesn't even know.
The rest of the team shows up and she tries to keep close to Mercedes because she wants to respect his space. But she can't help but notice the glances that he occasionally throws her way before quickly darting his eyes away, but more importantly she can't help but notice the glances that he throws in the direction of a certain Cheerio practicing across the field.
He's turning into that guy. The one that thinks with his co—ego instead of his head, or his heart for that matter. But for the first time since joining the glee club he feels comfortable in his own skin again. Being the football stud, dating the hottest girl in school, that's what he's good at. It's dreaming big and taking chances that burns him.
The hallway is empty in one of those eerie sorts of ways and the silence is so loud that he can hear his own guilt. Sam's been pretty cool to him in the past, besides his blatant attempts at overthrowing him as McKinley's Top Dog, and he can't help but think how much it totally sucks to be humiliated by getting cheated on. But in a way he's doing Sam a favor, if he's dating Quinn for power then he'll learn his place and if he's in it for love then he's saving him the heart ache.
Hell, maybe Finn should be thanking Puck for all the unsolicited relationship consultations he'd been receiving.
She comes darting out of the music room and right into his path causing him to stumble a few paces back. Suddenly he feels ashamed of himself. You're better than this, he can hear her say. But he's not and she isn't either.
Rachel makes small talk, all meek and nervous like she's going to do or say something that'll piss him off. It drives him crazy how they act around each other now, like people at dinner parties who only talk about the weather and sports and politics and stuff because anything personal will just get weird real fast.
"What are you still doing here?" She asks. "School let out an hour ago and there's no glee rehearsal today."
He feels completely busted and disgusted with himself. "Chemistry project," he says simply. "What about you?"
"I was working on my glee assignment," she explains and when he catches a glimpse of the song title on her sheet music, which reads I Will Always Love You, they both simultaneously frown.
"Oh," he says like he's skating on dangerous ice. "Who are you going to sing to?"
She gets that cute deer in headlights look, the one where she shakes her head a lot and shrugs her shoulders and keeps on tripping over the same word. "What, actually. It's to my favorite puppy dog handbag. The strap broke this morning and I had to throw it out. It was devastating."
He knows she's lying and he doesn't know how he feels about it. He's done feeling those types of things anyway. "Sounds like it."
She rocks on her heels, tipping her chin, her eyes all bright. "What about you? What song are you singing?"
"Don't know," he shrugs, "haven't really thought about it."
"Oh."
"I don't really believe in all that stuff anyway," he says but then regrets it because of the way she flinches at it.
She nods a few times and he can tell she's about to cry and he really hates that he makes her feel this way, but at the same time he really hates the way he feels because of what she did to him. "Well I've got to go," she says quickly and turns to leave.
"Wait," he calls out. "If you really loved that doggy purse or whatever, you wouldn't just throw it away right?"
She pauses at the edge of the hallway but doesn't turn to face him. "Of course not."
He frowns. That's what he thought.
He's changed.
At first she tries to ignore it. To overlook the bad and only see the good, but everyone can see he's different.
It happens overnight. He stops talking to the other glee kids (the uncool ones at least), doesn't even bat an eyelash when Azimio shoves someone into a locker, and cuts half his classes to pump iron in the gym. He's essentially transformed into Noah Puckerman. The non-charming version. And when she overhears the other glee girls gossiping about Quinn, Finn and a gumball she realizes that the transformation is complete.
She slams his locker door shut nearly catching his fingers in the door. How dare he shame her for weeks with his false sense of superiority? A gumball? After breaking up with her for being honest about kissing someone else, he's playing into Quinn's lying schemes and it's driving her crazy.
Of course it doesn't help that she's insanely jealous. Why is what Quinn did so forgivable? And more importantly why is she so desperate for his approval.
"I heard Quinn's story," she snarls and he physically recoils even though he's got a hundred pounds on her.
"Wait? What?" He plays dumb.
"Why are you doing this? Are you doing it to hurt me?" Her breath catches in her throat and she fears what his response will be. She wants this to be about her. If it is, then at least it means that what they had was real.
He drops his gaze and moves to reopen his locker. "No, of course not."
She doesn't believe him and even if she did she can't believe him. "I kissed Puck in a moment of weakness and now you'll barely even talk to me. Quinn? She slept with Puck and lied to you about it for months!" She takes a moment to lower her voice. "What you're doing now to Sam is no different. You see that don't you?"
He has to see it. He's not the type who lies and manipulates to feel better about his self. That's her amo and she's always admired his ability to always wear his heart on his sleeve and look out for others.
"If you're building your relationship on a foundation of lies, you're only going to get hurt again."
He looks at her for the briefest moment before turning back to his locker. "I know what I'm doing," he says dismissively.
"Who are you?"
He slams his locker shut causing her to jump back. "Who are you?" He counters harshly. Dropping his gaze, he zips up his backpack and swings it over his shoulder. "Look Rachel, this you, it's not you at all. Don't you see that? You used to be so driven and focused and you didn't care about what others thought of you, no matter how annoying it was at times. But most importantly, you used to stand up for what you believed in." He frowns and shrugs a shoulder. "Stop worrying about me so much and start worrying about yourself."
She fumes as she watches him turn and walk away. She doesn't need Finn Hudson, not when he's going to be so ungrateful towards her reaching out for him.
No. Rachel Berry has dreams that are bigger than him, and they are ready to make a comeback.
When he first hears about Rachel Berry's house party, he thinks going might send her the wrong idea.
He still likes her. That's not exactly something a guy can just turn off. And things have been so great between them ever since they started working on her song writing. But at the same time he still feels this pull towards Quinn.
With Quinn all he needs to do to make her happy is win football games and campaign for school dances and always remember that she drinks diet soda. Those are tasks he can handle. It's a world he can handle and a world that makes him feel safe, even with all the cheating and backstabbing because he's got that game down now.
With Rachel it was all about doing the right thing and striving to reach his full potential and taking chances and stuff. It was scary and when he messed up along the way she'd kick him where it hurt the most.
When Kurt prods him for his plans on Friday night and Finn lets slip about Rachel's party, Kurt cringes then shakes his head adamantly. "You're leading her on," he says simply.
Finn feels relieved that for once the voice inside his head has a little support, but then Kurt's face lights up and he says. "I know! Blaine and I will go with you! To help and ease the tension."
Finn doesn't think that's such a good idea, and states such but is quickly swayed when Kurt contemplates asking Carole what exactly an Asstastic Voyage is and why Finn spends so much time researching it at three in the morning.
He's kind of glad that Kurt comes though because he's like the master deflector, especially when it comes to Rachel (even though they're sort of friends now) but ten minutes into the party, Kurt is off auditioning for the role of Blaine's crutch and Finn finds Rachel draped all over him.
He likes it at first because he hasn't seen her this happy in months and because he loves the feel of her soft curls tickling his neck and the way her warm breath dances across his cheek when she laughs and then he sees Quinn dancing against Puck and he wonders how that's okay. Everything's so twisted and screwed up and incestuous between him and Rachel and Puck and Quinn and now Sam and Santana too (who may or may not be having sex in front of everyone on the couch) and he hates it.
His eyes land on Quinn and Puck again and he doesn't feel anything. He likes that. So he plucks Rachel off of him and he pushes her away.
After Blaine and Rachel kiss, Kurt decides he wants to be Finn's supportive wing man again (which, great, how about 30 minutes too late?) and they spend the rest of the night rolling their sober eyes with contempt at all the drunken shenanigans before responsibly carting all the glee kids home.
Blaine bops his head like he's in The Night at the Roxbury's to every song on the radio while Quinn goes off on some angry feminist rants and Mercedes and Tina cackle like hyenas until their shrieks resemble white noise and Mike crawls under the third row bench and falls asleep and they pass his house like three times before they notice he's there. Finn goes to carry Artie up the stairs but Brittany scoops him up like some freakishly strong Amazonian princess before dashing up the stairs in a scantily clad streak and Sam demonstrates to everyone in Kurt's Navigator how he can fit his whole fist in his mouth all while Santana gropes herself with his free hand and hysterically begs for him to touch her.
On their third trip Kurt faces him with wide, disgruntled eyes before handing Finn an Excedrin because he knows that the headache they're sharing now is worse than any hangover imaginable.
It's nearly 2AM when they finally have Rachel's house cleared, which is only two hours past curfew, but his mom and Burt aren't exactly the types to stay up and wait by the door (Burt has a hard enough time staying awake through a Reds game) and Finn's just about got all the lights in the house off when he hears Rachel's voice from upstairs. Kurt leans against the door jam and shakes his head because he knows what Finn's about to do next.
"Go ahead and take Blaine home," he says and nods his head up the stairs. "I'm going to go check on Rachel, I don't think she should be alone tonight."
Kurt places his hands on his hips. "I'm not sure Mom and Dad will approve."
It dawns on Finn that it would probably be more appropriate for Kurt to stay behind, since he and Rachel have slumber parties all the time, but there's this selfish part of him that wants to be the one to take care of her and when he catches that same look in Kurt's eye, he can tell that Kurt wants to be that person for Blaine. So Kurt just gives him a sly nod and says, "I'll cover for you," before slipping out the front door.
He finds Rachel in her bathroom, starring into the vanity mirror completely perplexed as she sings through the track list of Rent. He recognizes that one because the songs aren't as Show Tuney as the other Broadway musicals she had made him watch and he secretly really digs the music.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asks carefully.
She looks at him through the mirror and gasps. "Yeah," she says quickly. "Yes. Yep. Of course." Her eyes narrow and she drops her gaze to the sink.
"Are you sure?" He prods.
She traces her fingers along the edge of the sink. "Yeah, I'm just. Organizing."
"Are you sure you're not going to throw up or something?" He asks bluntly. Because if she's going to throw up, he really hopes she's not going to do it in the sink because he knows he's going to be the one to have to clean it up and he's really not sure if he's ready to be that close to her.
She lifts her chin and smooths her hands over her awful green dress. "I'm fine, I promise," she assures him. "I'll be fine."
She takes a few clean steps, just enough to pass by him before she stumbles the rest of the way to her bed. "It's dizzy in here," she tells him like it's some sort of conspiracy.
It's the first time he's been in her bedroom since they've broken up. In fact he's still pretty sure that Puck has been the last boy in her bed (well besides Kurt) and his hand curls into a fist even though he knows he has no right to.
The thought doesn't seem to cross her mind though, because she just flops around on the bed until she gets comfortable and then pats the bed beside her beckoning him over. He doesn't take the bait though, opting for her desk chair instead and she sort of makes this "humph" sound before falling back against her pillow.
"You hate me, don't you," she pouts.
He sighs because he could never hate her, no matter how hard he tries.
"I made a fool out of myself tonight, didn't I?"
He rolls the chair towards the edge of her bed. "Don't say that," Finn says because he's seen a lot of drunk people tonight and all of them had their own embarrassing quirks.
"I just..." she trails off and the glow of the moon lights her face enough to reveal her frown. "Ever since the fireworks," she explains carefully. "I just need to know that what we had was real. That it mattered."
"It was something special," he confirms because she's drunk and she won't remember this conversation anyway and his heart has been screaming to tell her ever since she confronted him in the nurse's office.
She reaches for his hand and he lets her take it even though he knows that he shouldn't as a slow smile spreads across her lips. She falls asleep then with her hand tucked in his and doesn't let go. Part of him never wants her to.
He calls Quinn the next day because he knows he has to.
She joins celibacy club because she hears Quinn has campaigned the club back into existence. There she said it.
She knows something is going on with Finn. She sees things. The way they exchange little glances across the choir room or the way their hands brush past each other's in the hall in a way that tangles their fingers for the briefest of moments or the way they whisper intimately in history class with their lips so kissably close.
She doesn't want it to be true.
The other glee kids join celibacy club. First one by one then two by two and eventually everyone is there. Everyone but Finn (and Mike and Tina, but for obvious reasons).
She doesn't know how to decipher this information. The first time celibacy club ruled the school, his participation was a big flashing "Property of Quinn Fabray" sign, so his lack of renewed membership card could only mean that he's flying single, she decides.
But what if it's not? What if his relationship with Quinn has become so sordid and wanton that he can't even pretend to be chaste? What if Quinn has given him everything she never had the courage to do?
The curiosity is killing her, and the more she grills Quinn for answers, the more reluctant she is for the truth. She could just ask Finn. She knows he'd tell her the truth or some cryptic version where he dodges the question so many times that the answer becomes obvious. But she doesn't want the confirmation that he's moved on. She certainly hasn't.
"Are you having sex with Quinn?" She asks against her better judgment one afternoon after she corners him in the hall.
He blinks rapidly for a few seconds, which is not a good sign.
"What? No." He says quickly.
She falls into step with him. "I've just noticed that you haven't joined the celibacy club. Everyone else has."
"I just don't feel like lying about that stuff anymore," he shrugs.
"That you're having sex," she fills in.
He rolls his eyes and stops abruptly, turning to face her. "That I don't want to."
"With Quinn," she adds.
"Rachel," he says with a frown. "Please don't do this."
"All of this is just for show. Just like the last time," she says through gritted teeth. "She's using the celibate image to push her reputation and she's using you as a stepping stool to get to the top, but the second some guy with bigger biceps and a better social resume comes along she's going to drop you faster than she dropped Puck and Sam combined."
He just drops his gaze and shakes his head.
"All she's ever going to see with you is a golden ticket."
"As opposed to what?" He counters. "Everyone is just using the other for something, right?" He shrugs and she wants to slap him, "At least she's honest about it."
Rachel doesn't stop him when he turns on his heels and stalks away.
She drops the sheet music into his lap before taking a quick step back.
"What's this?" He asks, only grazing the first few line with little familiarity.
"The song that's going to win us Regionals," she says with that Rachel Berry confidence that he really loves.
He reads the title Get It Right and his first thought is about damn time. "Great!" He says enthusiastically. "Do you want me to get Brad and the band so that you can sing it?" He know they must be around here somewhere. Probably waiting outside the door, that's where they usually are.
"No," she dismisses. "I'm not ready to sing it yet. Right now I just want you to read the words." She takes a careful step forward and brushes her bangs from her eyes. "To really read them."
He gestures towards the open chair beside him and is surprised when she doesn't move to sit. "Alone," she says. "My soul bearing journey hasn't quite reached its pinnacle yet."
Finn offers her a small grin before she backs out of the choir room and begins to read the lyrics. He can hear her voice in his head singing the words even though he doesn't know the tune and by the time he reads the last verse he know what he has to do.
The glee club has been awful to Rachel and he's just sat back and watched. He feels like garbage. Yes she's selfish, and some of her motivations are only for her own benefit, but most of the time she has the club's best interest at heart. Like the way she stood by Quinn during her pregnancy or reached out to Kurt because he was being a jerk to him or wanting the club to write their own music, Rachel doesn't get any credit for the things she does right.
Mr. Schue comes into the choir room with the final draft of their other song and is startled to see Finn there.
"Mr. Schue, we have to do something about this," he says holding up Rachel's composition.
So they go to the Party Shop across town and the moment his eyes fall on the giant gold star trophy he knows how he's going to make things right.
It's not until he hears her sing the song at Regionals that he realizes the song is about him. She basically tells him such and when she actually sings the words he can literally feel it.
It makes him think about the last time they were on stage. When things were so strained because of Santana and Puck but this time he doesn't see the bad.
Rachel loves him. And yeah she gets too passionate about things and it all blows up in her face, but she never honestly goes out to hurt people. She just makes mistakes, and sure, he does too sometimes, and maybe that's okay.
He can feel Quinn watching him though. Like not consciously or anything, it's just she's staring at him so hard he can feel her burning holes through his skull.
Quinn makes mistakes too and for some reason he's already realized this and accepted it. He's not sure why it feels so easy to move forward with Quinn while he feels the need to hold Rachel at arm's length. At first he thought it was because he could never get over what Rachel did to him. Because she's better than that.
But now he's not so sure.