Thank you, thank you for all the feedback! Reviews are awesome, always were always will be. As I said, here is the second part (shortly) as promised. Now I'm moving on to Separate Ways, I swear. Anyway, see y'all for the next hiatus.
Between the Lines
After the benefit concert she finds herself alone to clear off the stage. The rest of the group is busy fawning over Mercedes' performance and planning a celebratory dessert at Breadstix where they'll demand encores from Mercedes and Tina to an audience who will be more appreciative. At least those are the types of cheers she hears as she remains isolated in the wings.
Not that she feels under appreciated or neglected or anything (not at this exact moment anyway). Mercedes even excitedly embraces her and encourages her to come along, but Rachel isn't exactly in the celebrating type of mood. Instead she just feels resigned.
She's stacking the last few chairs when she hears crumpling down from the house. She turns to look out at the audience slowly. "Hello?"
Finn pops his head up from between a few rows and climbs to his feet where he cradles a handful of taffy wrappers. "Oh, hey," he says with a grin. "I didn't realize anyone else was still here."
"Same here," she says, mirroring his smile.
He shrugs. "Those hecklers are mean but they sure can eat a lot of taffy."
"For a fundraiser we lost an awful lot of money. With all the rental fees and free taffy, Patches the homeless guy will be able to afford a plane ticket to New York before we can."
"Yeah," he chuckles in agreement. "Hey, I thought you were supposed to sing the closing number. I was really looking forward to hearing you perform."
She nods slowly and can feel the frown lines crease across her face. "It just didn't seem right. Mercedes obviously brought the house down. In fact I'm surprised the stage is still standing."
"I can see what you're doing," he says tilting his head knowingly. "And it's really cool of you. I mean I know how hard it is for you to share your spotlight."
"I know," she says and she's sort of taken aback by it because she's always taken issue with sharing the lead role in anything and usually is ruthless to maintain it. "I guess this is what it feels like to grow up. I used to think that being a star was the most important thing. But if you don't have anyone to share it with... then what's the point?"
"But you do," he assures her. And she knows he's right. She has Kurt now and her relationship with Mercedes has turned into something less tumultuous and more complimentary and come to think of it even Puckerman has had her back in more cases than not.
But then there's Finn.
They're friends now, she's sure of it, but things are still so strained. He's with Quinn and she's trying to accept that but she knows she never will. At the same time, since before Regionals he's been so supportive and friendly towards her and its not something she can ignore just because he doesn't want to be her boyfriend anymore.
"Where's Quinn," she suddenly spits out and knows the moment it rolls off her tongue that she's just unleashed a tidal wave of awkward.
He presses his lips together. "She had to run to the copy shop before it closed. She printed off like a million campaign posters or something."
"For prom?"
"Yeah," he nods tightly. "She's sort of... intense about it."
She busies herself by collecting sheet music from the stands. "Well you two are a lock to win. I mean who doesn't love a modern day Ken and Barbie!"
He makes a few irritated sounds. The ones that obviously play off as him reciting if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all like a self help mantra in his head. He deposits the taffy wrappers into the garbage can in a blizzard of wax paper before cocking his head thoughtfully and turning his attentions back to her.
"You know, I've been thinking," he begins. "If you had a Twitter account like Sunshine, maybe this whole thing would have been a success."
She narrows her eyes. "How do you figure?"
"Well you're like way more talented than Sunshine," he shrugs and she can feel herself beaming. "So if you had a Twitter then you'd have way more followers, right?"
"In theory," she agrees.
"So the way I figure," he continues as he hops up onto the stage in two strides. Gathering up a few music stands he says, "If we started you on Twitter now, we'd have enough followers to do two benefit concerts next year."
"I suppose," she says and has to jump back when he lunges towards her to sweep up the stands by her feet. "Then again if we all had Twitter accounts, maybe we'd have enough followers for three shows!"
He looks at her for a long moment. The look he used to give her all the time when they were friends, long before romance screwed everything up. The look that makes her feel like she's flying.
"Yeah," he agrees with a grin.
The moment she gets home she rushes to her laptop and signs up on Twitter. Not five minutes go by before she gets her first notification:
Finn Hudson is following you.
Finn digs through his closet, drawing various articles of clothing to his nose to decipher whether they're safe to be worn for the afternoon. He's buried in dirty laundry when he catches sight of Kurt standing outside his closet door.
"Finn Hudson in the closet, my dream come true," he says dryly.
Finn narrows his eyes because hold up there, buddy and Kurt quickly breaks out in laughter. "Kidding," he says. "Too soon I guess," he mumbles under his breath before cocking his head curiously. "So what's with the closet redecoration. I've never seen you put so much thought into an ensemble before."
Finn picks a few tee shirts out of the pile, keeping them at arms length. "I'm looking for clothes that are red, white and blue."
"Flag day's in June," Kurt says perplexed, "and elementary school."
"Not for that," Finn rolls his eyes. "It's for this mall intervention Puck's organizing for Rachel. To get her to stop getting a nose job."
"And this is a patriotic affair why exactly?"
Finn purses his lips, "I'm not sure."
"So let me get this straight. You and Puckerman are leading the charge for Rachel to accept her physical appearance."
"Well yeah," he shrugs. "Well mainly Puck, because I'm with Quinn now and I'm already in hot water for calling Rachel beautiful in front of the whole glee club..."
"Whatever," Kurt silences him because he's totally on Rachel's side with the whole Quinn thing. "Sounds like a great idea! If you want Rachel to end up with a boob job and some butt implants!"
This draws Finn out of the conversation because Rachel's butt is awesome. But an even bigger version of Rachel's butt would be even more awesome. He furrows his brows because that sort of sends the wrong message with the whole self acceptance thing, there were at least natural methods for an ass enhancement. Like potato chips and ice cream and what did Kurt say about slushies that one time?
Kurt seems to recognize Finn's thought process because suddenly a look of horror crosses his face. "Oh God! I'm taking over this thing," he says turning on his heels. "I knew that stars and stripes vest I bought on clearance would be good for something."
"So wait, we're still going with the Fourth of July thing?" Finn asks as he follows after Kurt to his room.
Fireworks. He gets it now, causing him to flinch.
"Yes," Kurt confirms, "and that will be your's and Puck's only contribution."
"But, but, flash mob!" Finn stutters sadly.
Kurt throws a long glance at him over his shoulder. "Okay. That too. But I'm choreographing. You've done enough damage with your extraneous limbs as it is this week."
"And Puck picked out a song already too," Finn adds. "This techno Barbra Streisand thing."
"Duck sauce?" Kurt says with a cocked brow. "Perhaps I underestimated you two."
Finn teasingly folds his arms over his chest. "So what exactly are you contributing then?"
"As her platonic gay best friend," he explains, "I'm going to say to her the words that your raging hormones render impossible without other implications." Kurt gives Finn a duh face and he can't help but shrug in agreement. "Also, name one fact about Barbra Streisand beside thinking she's Ben Stiller's mother."
Finn frowns. That could take a while.
"You did all you could," Kurt says placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But you can't be her hero all the time. Sometimes there are others who are better suited, and you know," he gives him a half grin, "maybe that's a good thing."
Finn mirrors Kurt's smile but can't lift his gaze from the floor. Maybe Kurt's right. Maybe he's so absorbed with remaining the most important person in Rachel's life that he's actually hurting her. Last year he was her only friend and it made him feel so good the way she depended on him and appreciated him. But maybe that's not healthy and maybe that's the reason why she's looking to get Quinn's nose of all people.
So at the Barbra-vention he stays at the edge of the crowd and watches from a far as Puck and Kurt dance around Rachel and make her smile and laugh. It hurts that he can't be the one to help her, but at the same time he knows it's the right thing to do.
Rachel knows it's wrong. Planting the seed of doubt like that. But if Quinn is playing her usual relationship strategy, she's already grown bored of their white picket fence romance and is looking for a way to spice up her love life with a little old fashioned self sabotage.
Finn deserves better than that. Finn deserves her.
She folds her hands in her lap and swings her feet so that her ankles brush against the edge of his bedspread. His new bed is bigger now. More fitting for his 6-3 frame. She misses his twin sized bed though and the way she had to lay fully on top of him whenever they wanted to snuggle because that was the only way they fit.
He's pacing back and forth across his room, letting out a frustrated grunt occasionally or rubbing his finger against his temple. Kurt's not home, which is probably a good thing. He made a point to drop by Finn's room 45 minutes ago to inform them that he was spending the afternoon with Blaine. Or engaging in a torrid love affair with a wounded Artie, he hadn't decided yet. Finn had been sitting beside her on the bed at the time, so closely that the rough denim of his jeans had tickled her thigh and sent sparks up and down her spine. Kurt, of course, had taken the opportunity to acknowledged Rachel's presence and their proximity with a snide, "Funny how events can so easily be misconstrued and blown out of proportion. I wonder what the Muckracker would think of this little pow wow."
Finn had jumped to his feet and hadn't sat down since.
"Do you ever feel like a democrat?" Finn asks suddenly.
Rachel narrows her eyes. "Do you mean hypocrite?" Finn nods and she can only assume that his government teacher is Mr. Fields because he uses the two words rather synonymously.
"Yeah, I mean all this cheating stuff. Aren't we all kind of guilty?"
"Sort of," she agrees reluctantly.
"Me and Quinn, you and Puck, Puck and Quinn..." he trails off with his thoughts before looking back at her with a shrug. "You and me."
"That was different," she tries to dismiss but she knows she's lying, She's never classified their origins in such a distasteful light, she'd always preferred to file it under star crossed.
She scoots off the bed and places her hands on her hips. "Look. I'd hate to tell you I told you so, but I did. Quinn tries to portray this wholesome image with a false sense of superiority all to push her reputation, but deep down she's bored of that lifestyle. That's why she's constantly looking for ways to rebel."
He seems to consider this for a long moment and sinks down on the edge of the bed. "But what if maybe I'm jumping to all these conclusions because I want them to be true. Like I'm looking for excuses."
"You want to break up with Quinn," she fills in with an air of hope that's probably insensitive.
"Yes," he confirms. "No," he quickly amends. "I don't know." He drops his head in his hands in frustration.
She sets a gentle hand on his shoulder and sits down beside him. Maybe what they're doing is worse than whatever Quinn is up to. Because she wants to kiss him right now and she knows that if she did he wouldn't stop her.
"We should do another stakeout," she decides, jumping away and smoothing her hands over her skirt. "Help put your mind at ease."
He grins in agreement. This is not going to end well.
He hits Jesse in the parking lot. Hard.
In the gym it was just childish shoving, but when they break through the school doors and into the cool spring night, the adrenaline really gets to him. Jesse slips into his stupid red Camaro and Finn shoves his hands in his pockets and stalks off down the street because they took a limo and Burt will be mad enough at him for getting into a fight let alone using their rented limo as a taxi service. But then Coach Sylvester loses interest in their quarrel and goes back inside and Jesse pulls up to him and heckles him some more and before he knows it, Jesse is out of his car and they're circling one another barbaric cavemen.
Jesse's sort of cocky now (like that's some sort of change of pace) because the first time Finn tried to punch him, back in the gym, he missed, but the second time out in the parking lot, his fist connects with his jaw so hard that it makes a cracking sound.
Jesse stumbles back a few paces with this look of shock because Finn's almost positive that the pretty boy has never been in a fight before. At least not a fight that didn't include a soundtrack.
"You hit me in the face!" He exclaims in disbelief.
Finn scoffs, like duh! But Jesse just shakes his head a few times before slinking off towards his car because he's a coward like that.
He doesn't feel like leaving now that he's marked his territory. Which he guesses is kind of gross and misogynistic or whatever that word is that isn't the same as masseuse. He loosens his powder blue tie and throws it on the ground as if that were the problem. How can a guy be a man when he's wearing a shade of pastel?
There are students trickling out of the dance. Laughing and stumbling and groping their dates. He should be one of those people right now. Not that Quinn would ever let him grope her, even if he had won Prom King (which how did that even turn out?)
But all the laughing and groping really gets him thinking. Where does Rachel get off? Getting back with Jesse and letting him touch her like that even after everything that's happened. After he'd humiliated her and dumped her and after she would never let him touch her like that in public because it was an embarrassing grope fest.
He's fuming again but then he thinks about the way she was singing to him before and how that felt more gropey than any physical touch exchanged with Jesse. Like if she were completely naked and just letting him watch her and all these images of him touching her and kissing her just flashed through his mind.
All while he was dancing with Quinn. That probably wasn't very cool.
He can't help it though. He's kept Rachel at arm's length because she's kind of sort of been camped out there anyway and the thought of her actually moving on hadn't really crossed his mind because she was so stubbornly waiting for him to come around. And it's screwed up and wrong and he's played along with it because honestly he's not ready to give her up either no matter how long he dates Quinn. But now that he's about to lose her? To Jesse of all people? Again? He's not cool with it.
"Hey."
He jumps and turns around in startle. "Rachel, hey," he says.
"I thought you got kicked out," she says in that rare irritated voice.
"Waiting it out," he sighs. "I'm sorry about what I did in there. For ruining your prom."
She rolls her eyes and leans against the handrails. "If anything you should be apologizing to Jesse."
"I'm not apologizing to that douchebag," he quickly counters.
"But more importantly," she continues without missing a beat. "You should apologize to Quinn."
"I know," he says dropping his gaze. "I'm just going to wait a few hours for her to cool down... or days," he shrugs, "maybe our ten year reunion to stay on the safe side."
"She could really use you right now," Rachel says softly. Her voice barely breaking a whisper.
"Let me guess. Santana won prom queen?"
"No," she says carefully. "Kurt did."
Finn's hand clinches into a fist in an instant and he doesn't care that it's still a little sore from hitting Jesse because he will punch every guy in the school who thought humiliating his brother would be funny even if every bone in his hand breaks.
"It's fine," she jumps towards him and places a soothing hand against his chest until he relaxes. "He's fine."
He thinks back to when Burt and Blaine were lecturing Kurt about his kilt and all he did was sit there in silence because he wanted to believe just as much as Kurt had that the school had changed and that it was okay to make a spectacle so long as he was being true to himself. "I should have looked out for him. I promised Burt I would."
"There's no way you could have known," she offers. "None of us could."
"I'm just such an idiot," he groans and drops to the stairs in defeat.
"Don't say that," she says sweetly and sits beside him even though he doesn't deserve it.
"I let Kurt down. I'm losing Quinn," he turns to face her. "I'm losing you."
Her eyes search his and her lips part like they always did right before he kissed her. He feels himself drawing toward her. Somehow when he's near her there's always this pull. Like he can sense her and he can read her, like she's always at arm's length even when she's not there at all.
"Don't get back together with Jesse," he begs.
She snaps out of it then. Climbs to her feet and heads back up the stairs. "I should head back in," she explains. And even when the rush of music rises and falls with the door and he's left alone in the parking lot he can still feel her sitting next to him and he misses her being there.
She notices Quinn pass the empty chair beside Finn and sink into a seat in the back row. It's as if the gesture is surrounded by bells and whistles and every member of the glee club sort of lean towards each other with a conspiratorial whisper. Rachel only glances over her shoulder and throws Finn a small smile. His eyes light up for a moment but then shoot to Jesse who rises to join Mr. Schue at the front of the choir room.
She keeps her head buried in her rhyming dictionary through the rest of rehearsal scribbling furiously about a boy who wants a girl only when she's gone and the things that she'd say to him even though she know she never would. On her thirteenth page, at which point she realizes is far too long of a composition for an eight minute performance slot, she looks up to see that everyone else in the club has left and that Mr. Schue and Jesse are standing in his office discussing choreography (the only aspect Mr. Schuester is still lenient on) which really translates into Jesse vehemently insisting that Finn perform the entire show in a wheel chair to mirror Artie and limit the focus his height will gain while he butchers the dance moves.
Her attention is drawn to the piano where the subject in reference sits plunking on the keys.
"Composing your masterpiece?" She asks crossing the room and sliding onto the bench beside him.
He throws her a quick glance then tinkers with a few keys. "Something like that."
"What about?" She prods.
"Loneliness. Heart ache. Despair," he shrugs his shoulder. "The usual, I guess."
She nods in understanding and folds her notebook shut before he can catch sight of any of her lyrics. "Sounds like Quinn did quite a number on you."
"You heard about that, huh?" He cringes.
"Well I figured as much," she shrugs. "I mean there was this sort of icy draft that froze the choir room when she walked past you."
He nods a few times but seems lost in thought, hitting the same key over and over again like his mind is stuck in a loop. "A few years ago," he finally begins. "My mom was dating this guy named Darren. He was like the coolest guy I had ever met. At least that's what I thought at the time." He pauses to lick his lips and his eyes narrow as he tries to remember the whole story. "And then one day he was gone and I was mad. Like really mad. And my mom sat me down and explained to me that sometimes when you love somebody you can't make it right, no matter how hard you try."
Rachel frowns and wonders if he's talking about her but then he glaces at her and smiles sadly. "I realized at the funeral that that's the way I feel about Quinn." He tilts his head questioningly. "Or don't." He shakes his head and reevaluates what he's trying to say. "I just realized that even when there's no lying or cheating, even when everything is normal between us... we're just not right for one another. And life's too short to pretend that that's okay."
She can feel her heart swelling in her throat and she searches for the words to match his because for once he's so well spoken and deep but instead all that tumbles out is "I kissed Jesse."
"I know," he replies dropping his gaze to his lap. "Well I saw," he corrects. "I mean I wasn't following you or anything, I just sort of stumbled in on it."
"Oh," she frowns.
"Are you..." the words hang in the air and he doesn't finish the sentence because they both know it ends with together?
Her mouth gapes open because she's at a loss for words. Jesse is everything Finn is not and he just makes so much sense in her life. Jesse is her Quinn, she realizes, and just as Finn needed time to explore those feelings, suddenly she feels the need to explore these.
But more importantly, she decides , she's not going to let relationship drama sabotage her like it did at Regionals last year (or for every competition they've been in, come to think of it). No, she is going to approach Nationals with nothing but a professional attitude. No Finn. No Jesse. Just a blank notebook, her rhyming dictionary, and her Best of Joni Mitchell CD.
"I don't have time for this," she says gathering her things. "We have a competition to win. I suggest you get your had in the game."
She can feel Finn's eyes on her as she walks away but for once she only holds her head up and keeps moving forward.
Sunday morning when they get back to Lima, he rushes straight to his room, lays in bed all day and listens to Journey. Loudly. He has to go back to school tomorrow, which is pretty much the last thing he wants to do because he's fairly certain that Santana will have his locker booby trapped with razor blades or something, and Rachel will probably just sigh a lot and talk about how great things could have been had they won or how great New York will be when she leaves forever for it and those are types of things he really doesn't want to hear right now.
Basically he's ruined everything and doesn't want to face the shit storm he's unloaded.
Kurt busts through his bedroom door, which is weird because it was locked, and snatches his iPod.
"Hey!" Finn grunts in annoyance. "I was swallowing!"
Kurt glares at him. "You mean wallowing."
"Whatever," he rolls his eyes.
"As big of a fan as I am of Steve Perry's crooning," Kurt says, "enough is enough already."
"That's easy for you to say," he whines in return. "You didn't just flush your future down the toilet in front of thousands of people all while throwing away your last chance with the girl of your dreams."
"That would be a difficult feat," he agrees. "Seeing as the likelihood of Mr. Schuester bestowing the big solo on my slender shoulders come competition time is about as likely as Marion Cottilard showing up on the stage of a high school level show choir competition." He sees that Finn is totally not keeping up with him and simplifies himself (he has to do that a lot). "Or in terms that you could understand: not very likely."
Finn's not in the mood for Kurt's sarcasm, "You know what I meant."
"You're being dramatic," Kurt says dryly. "And that's coming from me."
He sits up on his elbows to look at his brother. "For the past few months all she's ever wanted was to get back together. And when I finally got back to that place where I was ready for it, suddenly in the blink of an eye, she's totally over it. How am I supposed to react?"
"All she's ever wanted?" He asks folding his arms over his chest.
Finn drops his gaze because he knows that he's busted.
"You and I both know that this past year Rachel has lost her way. Lost her focus and ambition. New York City was her wake up call, Finn."
Finn sits up and watches Kurt as he leans against his desk. "And I'm the only thing left standing in her way."
"Dramatic," Kurt reminds him.
"I screwed up Nationals by kissing her," he argues. "How can she ever get back together with me when at the end of the day she knows I'm just going to be selfish and try to make her stay?"
Kurt purses his lips and picks up the snow globe sitting on his desk. "There is always another option," he says extending the globe towards Finn's hand. "If she's worth it."
He holds the snow globe in his hand and stares at the New York City skyline trapped in the bubble. He carries it everywhere with him. Sits it next to his water glass at the dinner table. Rests it on the soap dish in the shower. Props it on the corner of his desk in all his classes. Everywhere he goes he just sits and stares at the city in a bubble.
When she finally finds him in the library, hidden between the stacks, she sits next to him and asks, "Was it worth it?"
He looks at the snow globe and grins. "Yeah," he says.
And maybe he'll never make it to that city in a bubble and maybe this year is all they'll have left. But all the hard work and all the pain and all the struggles, he's not just going to run away from them this time. Because he knows now that she's worth it.