Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor do I have any rights to music by The Rolling Stones or Billie Holiday

A/N: Um…my bads, I accidentally turned Finn into a Billie Holiday fan lol

…

Chapter Fourteen

I'm a Fool to Want You

…

He was still in a state of shock by the time he came back home from school, just barely able to greet Carole on his way to his bedroom.

Finn was gay.

Kurt honestly didn't expect that. He suspected the other boy was confused, but he didn't think he'd take it as far as shouting it in a crowded hall with all eyes on him. He had to be unlucky enough to be in that same hall when it happened.

Dumping his bag on his desk, Kurt lay down on his bed with his face smothered in his pillow. He felt like crap. His muscles were a mess of jello and that annoying twinge in his chest hadn't left him yet.

Finn came out to the school.

And right after that, Sam dragged him to an empty room.

There was little left to the imagination over the implications of that scene. Mercedes even made a joke that they must have gone to make out or something. Kurt didn't doubt her, ready to believe anything after what he just witnessed.

After that, the day felt like it would never end. With his and Finn's lips both bruised up after leaving the same room, Sam had unintentionally outed himself as well. Kurt was impressed with how well the blond was handling it, especially with the football team turned against him. Finn, however, seemed to have transformed into a frightened little kid, always looking over his shoulder. He was never good at handling a demotion in his social status, so Kurt wasn't surprised.

He pitied him.

Which was why he blew off Puck for the rest of the day.

Kurt turned to his side with a groan of regret. Trying to hurt Finn by being with Puck was his worst plan ever; it wasn't even working the way he wanted it to. If the tall teen outed himself and was suddenly with Sam it could only mean one thing.

Finn didn't love him.

Which meant that being with Puck was pointless, and making out with him in front of Finn was stupid, and thoughtless, cruel and…unbelievably mortifying.

'I'm such a moron,' Kurt covered his face with his hands. He had to apologize to Finn somehow. Preferably without revealing that he was trying to make him jealous.

He had to get rid of Puck too. That wouldn't be so hard. Wasn't Santana back on the market? Brittany kind of faded to the background, Puck could latch onto either one of them…or both, Kurt wouldn't put it past him if he was into that.

But first, he needed to relax his frazzled mind.

Getting out of bed with some resent, Kurt went to his stereo and selected an old karaoke song from his endless list of music.

As he walked to his microphone, a few notes from a guitar filled the basement, bringing with it an image of long haired fans with dirty jeans and dedication to rock music and drugs. A tiny smile curled over Kurt's lips. He'd been doing a lot of rock songs lately.

As the guitar, drums and steady tambourine set up the build up to the introduction, Kurt held his mike stand close to him, picturing himself standing onstage before a vast ocean of people cheering for him.

"I. Can't. Get. No," he started, emphasizing each word as if he were in a passion filled state of boredom, ".…I. Can't. Get. No. . – 'cuz I try, and I try, and I try, and I try!"

For the next few minutes Kurt lost himself to the music of The Rolling Stones, unaware that he had an audience standing by his door.

…

It was the worst day of his life. He yells to the world that he's gay in a fit of insanity because his crush decides to go out with his ex-best friend, then he goes off and gets into…a really weird relationship with the only guy he had sex with in order to use him as a replacement for said crush. Then for the rest of the few painful hours of school he's had to undergo three slushies, a valiant attempt on the football teams part to try throwing him in the dumpster, and finally, a staring contest in glee club in which everyone had their eyes on him.

Feeling good about himself was not on the top of his list.

"Oh, hi, honey, how was school?" his mother asked from the living room when he finally came home.

His day just got worse.

If he told the school he was gay, his mother certainly had the right to know. But with her cheerful smile directed towards him, all he could do was stand there feeling like the worlds biggest ass. He really had done something stupid this time. What would she say to him when he told her?

Actually. Was he sure himself that he really was gay?

"Hey, Finn, how was school?" Burt waltzed into the room with a cup of orange juice. Finn's stomach dropped.

Burt was whole other level of trouble. If he told his mother he was gay, she would tell Burt, and after seeing him almost kiss his Kurt, he would put the pieces together and then…

Finn gulped, already picturing his grave.

"S-School was….um…great…" he answered lamely. Both parents frowned in concern at him. Not knowing what else to do, Finn rushed to the kitchen for some comfort food, hoping they wouldn't follow.

As he pulled out a tub of mayonnaise and several cold cuts from the fridge, his thoughts swam back to what he did at school. His life would be hell from now on, his reputation thoroughly ruined.

But was he really gay? He asked himself again, taking two slices of bread and spreading mayonnaise on them. He shouted it so surely at school, but he was mad, and making Santana even more furious was the only thing that was cheering him up at that moment.

Then again, when he said it, there was an immense wave of relief that washed over him, despite the looks of shock coming from the people who heard him. He'd never felt so light or truly himself in his life.

Finn frowned. He declared to the world who he was in two words, and it made him happy. Before it used to be the popular guy who was quarterback of the football team. He was satisfied with that label because nobody could touch him when he was at the top of the social ladder.

Strangely, he couldn't figure out if he was happy in that place. Really happy.

Why did Kurt have to come in and confuse him like this?

Wrapping his sandwich in a napkin, Finn turned to leave the kitchen. He didn't want to think about Kurt after what happened yesterday. Or that he was now using Sam to 'be' with him. It sent a wave of nausea in the pit of his stomach.

"I. Can't. Get. No. .."

Finn stopped short. He knew that song. His mother kept old records his father left behind. He was a huge Rolling Stones fan, and his mother would occasionally play them when she was feeling down. Finn ended up enjoying the music as well, sneaking in to the living room to play them whenever he was alone or needed comfort.

He loved this song.

Almost instinctively he grabbed the doorknob to the basement and was halfway into opening the door when he caught himself. Burt and his mother were in the next room and Kurt could catch him watching this time. These weren't exactly the perfect conditions to secretly watch the shorter teen sing.

"When I'm driving in my car! And the man comes on the radio!"

Finn blushed. The way Kurt was singing…he had no idea Satisfaction could be sung in such a way. He was already picturing the other teen curled up against his mike stand, treating it much like he had when he sang Closer. Was that what Kurt was doing now?

Someone was standing by the door of the kitchen. Finn jumped, his face turning sheet white as he looked over to the intruder.

"Uh…er…um…" his mouth was doing a wonderful imitation of a fish. Burt frowned in suspicion at him. "I-I was just…making a sandwich and…"

"Okay…." Burt nodded slowly, "you doing all right?"

Not wanting to embarrass himself further, Finn nodded and quickly left for his room, his poor sandwich getting crushed under his death grip. Burt watched him go with a sigh and a shake of his head. Carole stood beside him with a bemused expression, unsure of what she just witnessed.

Burt entered the rest of the way into the kitchen and sat at the table, his girlfriend joining him. "See what I mean?" he said finally after she had another moment to think.

Carole nodded slowly, still deeply confused. "But…he's had girlfriends, and he's never shown any interest in boys…"

"He could be bi," Burt suggested with a shrug. "I'm not worried about that, though, I'm worried about Kurt."

Carole knew Burt well enough to know that he wasn't accusing anyone. She looked to the door to the basement where she could hear Kurt singing Satisfaction. She noted with sad nostalgia that it was one of her late husband's favorites, as well as Finn's. She could play that song back to back and never get bored.

She frowned. If Finn was interested in Kurt, she had no problems with it. The issue was how Kurt would handle it. Carole wasn't blind to how badly Finn had unintentionally hurt Kurt. It nearly cost them her relationship with Burt.

"Maybe this is a phase," she said hopefully. "Or Finn's confused, he's had moments where he'd think he was a power ranger or a cowboy, this is probably like that." Burt gave her a doubtful look. "He's never really talked to me about his relationships, but when I've seen him with Quinn or Rachel, I knew he honestly loved them."

"Yeah, and they cheated on him," Burt said bluntly. Carole straightened up indignantly, but sighed in defeat second later. He was right.

"Finn's just had bad luck with girls lately," she mumbled sadly, remembering how devastated her son was when he came home after discovering Quinn cheated on him with Puck and the baby he thought was his actually wasn't, "really bad luck…"

"And why would they cheat on him?"

Carole frowned disapprovingly at Burt. "That's not fair, Finn's just –"

"I'm not saying he's a bad boyfriend or anything," he cut in quickly, realizing he chose the wrong words. Carole pursed her lips, but remained quiet. "But think about it, how has he been to those girls – not that I'm justifying what they've done."

Carole thought back to the time Finn was with Quinn. The girl was bossy, but he didn't mind, and they never shied away from showing affection. Carole was starting to believe they'd end up married by the end of the year until that nasty confrontation occurred. Rachel was bossy too, but she had a different confidence compared to Quinn's who gained it simply by her status. Rachel had confidence in herself, she knew who she was and she was proud of it, and maybe it was that kind of confidence that attracted Finn. He seemed much more relaxed when he was with her.

But that was when Carole saw them together; whenever she'd ask Finn how they were doing he'd just shrug and say 'good.'

What she just saw now with him glued to the door to Kurt's room with his face flushed red. She never saw that.

Carole slumped in her seat. "He's so gay."

"Yep," Burt nodded gravely. "And he's in love with my son."

…

Mercedes prided herself in being a caring and observant friend. Well. When she wasn't too concerned over her diva status being threatened. She was among the mass of people who'd seen Finn make a spectacle of himself, and wasn't sure if she should have been surprised when he said the most astounding thing in the world. He had been acting weird lately, she was expecting anything.

She wasn't surprised at all when Sam pulled Finn to an empty classroom, only to come out with their lips all bruised up from obviously making out. She suspected the blond since day one.

That was yesterday though, and while the school was still gossiping over the big reveal, she was more worried of her best friend who was lying on her bed looking like a miserable zombie.

"I'm a bastard," Kurt said mournfully, digging himself into her massive supply of pillows.

"Yes, you are," Mercedes nodded in agreement, not even sugar-coating it to make her friend feel better. He glared at her, throwing a pillow her way which she swiftly caught. "Hey at least you didn't make a big dick of yourself in front of everyone like Finn did."

Kurt shook his head, still upset. "I can't believe I actually thought he was in love with me. Why didn't I think of Sam? Do you remember how happy Finn was when he decided to join New Directions, or how much he kept saying what a great singer Sam was?" Kurt shook his head, "there was also that time he told me to back off when Sam and I were paired to do that duet – I should have realized he was jealous!"

"Actually," Mercedes said thoughtfully, "up until recently I could have sworn Sam was into Mike," Kurt looked at her ludicrously, "they used to be really close, wonder what happened."

Kurt sat up, waving her off, "if he was then he's obviously over him because he's with Finn now."

Mercedes watched as he glared into space. He'd been acting like this since yesterday, and she knew she'd piss him off even more if she told him why. She didn't like to have her friend bottle up his frustrations though, so went on to say, "you still like white boy, don't you?"

Kurt blanched, "no I don't!"

"Oh please."

"No really!" he protested, thumping his pillow angrily, "I don't feel ridiculous around him like I used to. Every time I look at him or talk to him I feel fine." Mercedes was still eyeing him skeptically, "it's true."

"And you weren't plotting revenge by going out with Puck just to hurt him were you?" she said dully, crossing her arms, "Kurt, I know you, you were trying to make Finn jealous – simply put, you were playing hard to get."

"No I wasn't," Kurt said tersely, pointedly staring at his lap where he was fiddling with the end of a pillow,"I just wanted him to…feel how badly he hurt me."

Mercedes's face softened sympathetically. She was well aware how badly Finn's constant rejections had affected Kurt last year, some of her shirts being victims to his sobbing fits. It left her knowing how long it would take for her friend to get over his crush. In her opinion, with having Finn in constant close proximity, now with the possibility of actually being with him, she knew it was too short notice for Kurt to be 'over' Finn.

"Even so, having Puck as your boyfriend is more of a slap in the face for Finn than a stab for revenge. Puck's hurt him pretty bad too," she reasoned, pausing thoughtfully, "and hasn't Finn been hurt enough anyway? He's had two girlfriends who cheated on him; I don't think he needs his 'almost' stepbrother going out with his ex-best friend."

Kurt glared at her, "that's why I said I'm an asshole!"

An unpleasant thought struck her, and she scrunched her face. "What you gonna do about the man-whore anyway?"

Kurt groaned and dramatically flopped back down on her bed, narrowly missing the headboard, Mercedes noted with a wince. "I have no idea."

She blinked blankly and laughed. "Boy, it's simple, tell him you're not interested and that's that, you and I both know he's not gonna be depressed over it."

"I know," he turned to face her with a pout, "but the damage is done, point is I went out with Puck and I betrayed Finn's friendship," he let out a long sigh, "he hasn't spoken to me since he found out…"

Mercedes shook her head sadly. Kurt seemed so tired and lonely in the past two days. He may have denied it all he wanted, but she knew him better than anyone. Even if he claimed to feel nothing when around Finn, there was still that tiny part of him that was desperately in love with him.

The way things were going, she started planning out to get more detergent for the many shirts that were going to fall the victim to Kurt's tears.

...

Practice had been another disaster. No matter how much they practiced in the auditorium, Finn would always stumble over his feet, too distracted by Kurt playing the piano. If the others hadn't been there to shove him around, he would have been glued to the spot just watching the singer. It didn't register until halfway into rehearsal that now that everyone knew he was gay, staring at Kurt would only make him more obvious.

Lucky for him, everyone thought he was distracted by Sam, who was actually standing next to him the whole time.

Either way, Mr. Schue wasn't amused.

"You've got to get it together, this isn't like you, Finn," he said after practice was over and everyone was in the middle of gathering their things, "this has been going on for too long, is there something bothering you? Is the choreography that hard?"

"No," Finn shook his head in shame, the choreography was actually one of the more simpler ones compared to others done in the past, which only made him more embarrassed, "I'm just…distracted, I guess?"

Probably not the best choice of words. Mr. Schue now looked concerned, "everything okay at home?"

Aside from Burt terrorizing him even though the older man hadn't done anything yet but frown in suspicion, not really. There was still the issue of telling his mother he was gay…and the fact that he lived with the source of his distractions, but…yeah everything was fine at home.

Finn really was like an open book, while he was mulling over this, it showed up on his face. Mr. Schue knew him well enough that whatever the problem was, Finn wasn't telling. He also knew that if he let this continue, he wasn't sure if February was a far enough date for the show.

He pat Finn's shoulder paternally, a gesture familiar between them, and welcome. "Finn, if you want to talk, you can always come to me," he paused briefly and took a wild guess, hoping he was way off and could avoid the awkward conversation, "is this about Kurt and Puck?"

Finn flinched. Damn.

"I'll be fine," he said none too convincingly, "Kurt has the right to date whoever he wants right?"

"But it's Puck," Mr. Schue said gently. Finn's shoulders slumped pathetically. "Between you and me, I don't think they'll last long, we both know Puck," he grinned. Finn nodded quietly. That was the second person who told him this, and as much as he knew he should believe it, he couldn't stop the fear that the two really were in love.

"I'm just worried about Kurt," Finn mumbled, hoping his teacher thought he was upset over this in a brotherly way and not with a broken heart. "Puck could take advantage of him, and he's backstabbed me before."

"You should talk to Kurt then," Mr. Schue advised. Finn refrained from saying he already had, "but is this really about them? You've been messing up in practice long before they started going out." Finn thought desperately for an excuse, but the Spanish teacher pat him reassuringly on the shoulder. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but you really need to focus. February's two months away, I don't want to see you struggling over the same mistakes."

Finn nodded, pulling his bag over his shoulder.

Smiling, Mr. Schue went off with the others out of the auditorium, "don't stay out too long, there's supposed to be a snow storm tonight," he warned with a final wave of goodbye.

Finn did a double take. Snow storm? He groaned, now he had to worry about scraping snow off the car or skidding on ice.

As he turned to leave as well he spotted Puck and Kurt among the last few to exit the auditorium. The taller teen's hand wrapped securely behind the other's waist. Suddenly Finn didn't mind scraping snow off the car if it meant he didn't need to see that.

And since when was Puck so comfortable with displaying affection to another guy in public?

The giant room became quiet once the door slammed shut. Finn was alone, and on the stage, still stuck in a mass of overwhelming emotions.

He looked to the lone piano by the corner of the stage and sat down before it. Kurt sat here not a few minutes ago. Finn stared hard at the shut door flap that protected the keys. He could almost feel a ghost of Kurt sitting where he was, fingers flying expertly over the keys and producing a flurry of entrancing music.

Finn slumped in his seat. He was getting really pathetic over Kurt.

He really wished there could be a justifiable to reason to slowly kill Puck.

Looking around the auditorium in case anyone caught him, Finn lifted the little door, revealing glistening black and white piano keys. He brushed over their smooth surfaces, picturing Kurt's finger's pressing each key with careful precision. Finn couldn't make heads or tails when it came to playing instruments other than the drums, so it was with hesitant curiosity that he hit the keys, producing a distorted lonely rhythm of sound.

Kurt could play this with his eyes closed.

So could Rachel, he reminded himself, not as bitter as before.

Rachel barely ever spoke to him since their break up. He supposed it was for the best. She was happier with Quinn anyway, so he figured he should at least be happy for her. And he was.

It didn't stop him from feeling lonely.

Aside from being his girlfriend, Rachel had always been his friend, and whenever he was down, she knew how to cheer him up, or at least tried to.

She used to always tell him that singing out his frustrations in the auditorium always made her feel better, and whenever he'd watch her sing, he could see the sadness or anger lift from her the more passionate she became with her music. It was inspiring in its own way.

If she were in his shoes, she'd probably be singing right now.

Finn bit his lip. Would it work for him? He felt strangely shy about singing in a huge room all by himself where he could hear the echo of his voice hitting back at him. There was that one time in his room with baby Drizzle, but that was in his room at his own privacy. This was an auditorium…

He stared at the piano keys again. It would be embarrassing, but he'd give it a shot…

He tried to picture the right song to sing, an orchestra of sound smoothly swaying in a sad dramatic fashion, a lone woman with a flower in her hair, and a voice laced with life's tribulations. A voice that had its heart broken many times. Finn shut his eyes, unwillingly delving into the sadness that had wrapped itself so tightly around his own heart.

"I'm a fool…to want you…"