Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: so I think we're getting close to the end. Can't make any promises since I'm really winging it now (seeing as Epidemic has invaded my brain, writer's block has swooped in for this fic). The story could end two chapters from now or ten, I dunno, but I do know I'm close. Thanks for reading! And also I have NO idea what Sam's family's life is like, I'm making it up.

kìyevame - goodbye/see you later in Na'vi, took me forever to find this word, so hope I got it right.

…

Chapter Sixteen

Confrontation

…

Winter vacation was almost over, filled with heavy snow storms that left Lima a winter wonderland which really wasn't that wonderful to people who had to go to work. Finn had to face torturous hours home alone with only Kurt as company when their parents had to brave the snow for work. He could only go to Sam's house so many times before he got tired of having to pay for gas. Kurt had the same issue when he took trips to Mercedes's too.

So now they were locked up in their rooms with nothing to do, but stare at the ceilings over their beds. It was a miserable time and only lasted three days before Finn couldn't help it anymore and decided to go to the living room and watch tv. If Kurt ever crawled out of his room he'd just sneak back or something.

It was getting ridiculous though. Sam and Mercedes even told them so.

But it was working. Hopefully by the end of vacation they'd be over each other.

Finn had been watching a re-run of the Polar Express and was in the middle of dozing off when Kurt finally emerged from his room with the intention of getting a snack.

He was in the middle of preparing himself a light fruit salad when he heard the faint duet song coming from the living room.

"I listen all around…"

"A herald angel sings…"

"I never hear a sound…"

Forgetting why he was avoiding his 'stepbrother', Kurt peered from the door to the television surrounded in gaudy mixtures of red and green Christmas decorations. Wanting it to be the best Christmas ever, Carole and Burt had taken it upon themselves to cover everything with green pine and red ribbons. Kurt was sure that if he hadn't been running around trying to make the decorations half decent, he would have been colored in green and red as well. It was going to be hell taking down all the decorations.

"Once lost will all be found…"

Quietly munching on a pear slice, Kurt crept into the living room and made himself comfortable on an empty couch directly in front of the tv. He wondered vaguely if he hadn't missed the part where the hot chocolate came in, that was his favorite part.

Something moved from the corner of his eye, startling him. Biting back what would probably have a girly yelp, Kurt turned to the disturbance and realized with horror that it was Finn, all bundled up in a red fleece blanket and curled up in the couch beside him. He was also knocked out and drooling on one of the Christmas themed pillows that cost Carole a pretty penny.

Much as Kurt wanted to recoil in disgust, he couldn't help wanting to coo at how childishly cute the monstrously tall teen looked with his mussed up hair poking out of the blanket and his cheek squashed against the pillow he was leaning on.

Kurt turned back to the movie, figuring he was okay with his 'somewhat rekindled crush' sleeping not a few feet away from him. Besides, if Mercedes was right, which she had been so far, maybe this second time he really could have him.

Fitting how when he settled on this thought the two children on the screen ended their song with, "that's all I want when Christmas comes to town."

…

Sam wasn't sure how he was doing it, especially since he was on level sixty four on Proud difficulty, but he was seriously kicking Sephiroth's ass. One more life line to go and the fight was over, all he had to do was stay alive while not wasting his magic and then he could claim victory.

The blond was on the edge of his seat already, focused unblinking eyes glaring at the tv screen where Sora swung his keyblade desperately at the silver haired monster of a man. "Die, die, die, mother fff…!" He bit his bottom lip harder, alternating his thumb from the X button to the triangle button in quick successions.

Just as the bright green line of life on the top corner of the screen slowly chopped away to the end, the doorbell rang, knocking Sam off his concentration.

Instantly, his opponent sliced down his frighteningly long sword. Sora groaned in pain and the screen went black. With trembling hands, the controller slipped and fell to the floor with a clatter. The blonde sat there frozen.

So close. He was so close…

And he was going to rub it in Artie's face too...

The doorbell rang again. Growling in irritation, he pushed himself off the couch and stomped to the door.

His anger dissipated when he swung open the door and came face to face with Mike.

Mike who was still as disheveled as the last time minus the painful looking hand print on his face. His hair looked messier than usual, moving against the frigid winds of winter. Swallowing, Sam shook his head and stepped aside to let his friend in.

The taller teen gave him a tiny tired smile and entered the living room, glancing with a faint glimmer of amusement at the screen that now showed a lifeless Sora floating in darkness with his heart hovering above his chest.

"Still can't beat Sephiroth?" his asked quietly, circling back to Sam, who self-consciously hunched his shoulders and smiled sheepishly.

"I haven't played it that much, I'm still on level sixty four."

Nodding, Mike shoved his hands in his pockets. Sam waited. No one spoke.

"Who was at the – oh Mike!" Mrs. Evans entered the living room, the picture of a stay at home mom, even if she really wasn't, donning yellow rubber gloves, a sponge in one hand, a spatula in the other, and her hair all done up in a hasty bun. She smiled brilliantly at the now shy guest, "what a surprise, I haven't seen you in a while – would you like anything to drink?"

Mike shook his head, "no thanks, I won't be here for long."

"Oh," the woman blinked, disappointed, "that's a shame, you should come by more often, we miss you around the house." She threw a none too casual glance at her son who turned red in embarrassment, "well, make yourself at home," she cheerfully returned to the kitchen, Sam glaring at her retreating back. He never mentioned anything about his feelings for Mike to his parents, but his mother was a sharp woman and a hopeless romantic, so as soon as he came out to them, she wouldn't stop asking about Mike or hinting they had more spark than he did with Finn.

Which reminded him. Happy as he was that his crush was standing in his living room just a few feet away from him, Sam had no idea why he was here.

"So…" he started, turning back to the other boy, "is there…I mean, I'm not…um…" his cheeks burnt up again, the simple question in his head unable to formulate properly in words. He was silenced from his bumbling when a small plastic bag of cookies were handed to him.

"They're a little crushed," Mike said apologetically, "Tina wanted me to give them to you."

Caught off guard, Sam accepted the bag, and was halfway into unknotting the ribbon tied around it when he stopped short. "Tina?"

Mike shrugged with a nod. "She gave me one too. They're apology cookies. I think Rachel's getting to her."

Curiosity heightened, Sam opened the bag and pulled out a sugar cookie. In red icing was the word 'Sorry', all of the cookies had this. "I don't get it," he said dumbly, taking a hesitant bite, "did she do something or…" he felt himself start to panic, "are you two back to – "

"No!" Mike cut in quickly, "we're done for good, that's what the cookies are for, actually." Sam still looked confused.

"Then why am I getting cookies?" not that he was complaining, free cookies were always good in his books.

"She…well…" Mike shuffled from one foot to the other, he looked very uncomfortable. "She was jealous of you…because…" his pale cheeks turned pink, "w-we were getting kind of close…"

Sam's heart skipped a beat. He almost choked on his cookie. Tina was jealous? But then… He swallowed down the rest of the snack. "How exactly did you two break up?"

Mike rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at him. "We just got into a fight, we ended up saying too many things and then it was over."

Sam wanted to prod further, but after seeing that nasty hand print last time, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. At least, he noted with relief, Mike didn't seem to regret ending his relationship with Tina. That meant they could hang out again, right? He still couldn't believe he was in his living room right now. Disheveled as he was, it was still him, and it really had been so long since they'd had decent conversation, let alone have eye contact. Sam was struck with how badly he missed his friend, his chest was clenching.

"I'd better go," Mike said suddenly, startling Sam from his thoughts, "my parents are expecting me."

"Oh. Um…" he was scrambling for words again, mentally screaming at himself for being as articulate as an infant. "Okay. Thanks for the…the sorry cookies," he ended lamely.

"Yeah," he moved to the door, and a second later, Sam followed, remembering Mike would have to walk through the door to actually leave. "Rachel called by the way, she wants everyone to meet at her place for some emergency meeting tomorrow."

Rachel? Sam stared at Mike blankly. Who was Rachel? He almost said so when an image of a perky brunette in grandma clothes popped up in his head. Oh, that Rachel. Why would Rachel call Mike? She was dating Quinn!

"Do you want me to pick you up?" They were huddled by the door, which still hadn't been opened, and so close Sam was sure his knees would buckle if the other teen reached out to him. He had just barely understood the question and was only able to respond with a sluggish nod. "Okay, I'll pick you up around three," this time the door opened, winter air waking Sam up from his dreamy state. Mike remained on the spot, there seemed to be more he wanted to say. Sam waited. And he must have really been dreaming this time, because the next second Mike's hand was on his shoulder in a friendly pat, but lingering; the weight of it warming the blond up with a burning desire to get closer to the Asian. He let out a shaky breath, vaporizing visibly in the bitter cold air. "We should hang out soon…kìyevame."

The blond's eyes widened in shock. The bag of cookies slipped quietly from his limp hands and fell to the floor.

Then the next second, Mike's wonderfully warm hand left him, and he was gone.

…

When he woke up he found himself in an awkward position on the couch with a royally painful neck ache and his hand under his chest now suffering the painful prickles of having fallen asleep. Grimacing in pain, his throat feeling scratchy, Finn groggily sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Once he adjusted to the bright living room, he could see from a glance at the window that it was evening, and the television was still on, now showing the news.

That's when he realized he wasn't the only one in the living room.

Biting back a jolt of surprise, he came face to face with his almost stepbrother, sitting with his knees up on the couch next to his, and looking lost in thought. For what felt like hours, Finn was speechless. All throughout vacation they had been avoiding each other and now he was sitting right in front of him, with his combed to the side hair, baggy pajamas, and well cared for porcelain face. Finn felt taken, ugly, and fluttery all at once just by being in Kurt's presence.

If Kurt was surprised to see the other boy awake, he didn't show it. Actually, he looked like he was expecting him.

"Uh...what time is it?" Finn asked, pointedly looking around as if a clock would suddenly pop up.

"Six thirty," he was staring at the coffee table distantly, "just so you know I sent dad and Carole off to a date at Breadstix. They left over an hour ago, so we don't have much time before they come back."

Finn's breath caught in his throat. Burt and Carole weren't home. They were alone. In the same room. With the six o'clock news going in the background, and Kurt, sitting across from him, not hiding the fact that he planned this. His heart starting hammering against his chest.

"O-oh…okay…" was all he could say, unconsciously clenching the blanket that was still wrapped around him. Suddenly shy, Finn wrapped it closer, his ears burning red. "Is there a reason – "

"I wanted to talk to you," Kurt still wasn't looking at him, he wrapped his arms around his legs, appearing small and vulnerable, and even though Finn's heart was going a million miles a minute, he started to worry. "It's…" the soprano's brows knitted lightly, "I shouldn't be bringing it up after everything that's happened…but…" he licked his lips. Finn swallowed nervously. "I've been talking to Mercedes and…" his shoulders hunched, he seemed like a scared little boy. Finn was swept with the urge to go over and hug him. "I don't want to go around scheming again, it's never worked before, and it never ends well," he let out a long tired sigh, "so I'll be straightforward this time," he bit his bottom lip, "do you…are…do you love Sam?"

Finn stiffened at the mention of his 'boyfriend' or rather 'friend with benefits' even if the benefits weren't that much. Was this his chance? He wondered with baited breath. Was Kurt giving him an opening.

Or maybe, Finn thought with rash horror, Kurt liked Sam.

"I…" he couldn't speak. The fear that Kurt was after Sam and not him invading his ability to form words. Kurt looked up expectantly, teal eyes distraught. It was a look Finn had always hated on the other boy, especially if the cause was his own. He had to erase it somehow, even if it meant his answer would potentially leave him with nothing. "No," he replied quietly, the back of his scalp tingling in anticipation, he felt naked somehow, "do you?"

A flicker of confusion brushed those clear crystal eyes. "No," Kurt whispered.

For a second Finn forgot how to breathe. What was Kurt trying to tell him? He wanted to ask, but there was still that irrational fear that he could be wrong and feel broken all over again.

"Why are you with Sam?"

"Huh?"

Kurt looked straight into his eyes, "why are you with Sam?"

Now it was Finn who felt tiny and insecure. There was only one answer to this question, and it could ruin everything. Kurt told him – he showed him – that he was over him. "Because…" he started, scrambling for the right answer that wouldn't set him up for another rejection. But he couldn't. There wasn't any easy way of skirting around the answer. He was a terrible liar anyway. "Where's all this coming from?" he felt like a coward.

"I just…" now Kurt was trying to find the right words, "I just feel like…Rachel cheated on you with Quinn, suddenly you tell the school you're gay and start going out with Sam!" he paused to catch his breath, Finn honestly didn't expect that answer, "I don't get it. It's like…you need to be with someone, even if you don't love them – "

"That's not true!"

"Then why are you with Sam if you don't have feelings for him?" Kurt snapped, cheeks flushed red.

And then that was it, he couldn't hold it back anymore. "Because I can't be with the one that I want!" A dreadful silence followed this, interrupted only by the weatherman predicting another storm, and Finn's heavy breathing. He felt shattered again, just as he had when he discovered baby Drizzle was really Puck's, when his trust and guilt over Rachel was destroyed, and when he first saw Kurt squashed between the lockers and Puck with their lips married in a searing kiss. Just by saying it out loud made him feel the reality of how alone he really felt. He gave his heart to so many people, and they threw it in his face.

But despite all this, he still loved Kurt.

And even though he denied it, Kurt was right; Finn did need to be with someone. He wanted so badly to have someone tell him they loved him, with all their heart. He wanted to be needed, desired – everything. He wanted someone to tell him he wasn't stupid or selfish or a trophy. He wanted to feel like he mattered.

Most of all, out of everything in the world, he wanted Kurt to be that kid again who's eyes were filled with so much love whenever he looked at him, to hear his breathless voice laced with adoration, because Finn wouldn't push him away this time. He would hold him in his arms and never let go, and tell him a million times how sorry he was for driving him away.

Finn sank in the couch in defeat, feeling his self disgust pile up again. He was a horrible person. Using Sam to pretend to be with Kurt. Staying with Rachel even though he no longer loved her. Was there anything in his life that he did do right?

Anything?

The more he thought back, the more Finn felt miserable about himself. He could never do anything right. He was too stupid and selfish to do anything right. He could never deserve Kurt.

He let out a humorless laugh, "I'm a piece of shit."

He couldn't be here anymore. Not with Kurt seeing what a terrible person he was. Getting up on unsteady legs, he left the living room.

"Wait," Kurt stumbled out of the couch, "Finn!"

He walked faster down the hall; his door was just a few feet away.

"Finn!" Kurt grabbed his arm and spun him around, forcing him to look at his panic stricken eyes. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I kept prodding. Just please…" he looked pained, and Finn couldn't understand why, "please, don't cry anymore."

...He was crying?

It wasn't until now that he could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks, he was sniffling, his bottom lip was starting to tremble, and his eyes were burning. He was crying in front of him, in front of Kurt, who seemed two seconds from spilling a few tears as well. Finn tried to stop, he really did, but wave after wave of fresh tears kept spilling. Because he knew that in any other situation, Kurt wouldn't be this close to him, and that made Finn more miserable than anything.

Kurt pulled him in his arms, hands running soothingly up and down his shuddering back. Finn's knees lost their strength and buckled. Stumbling to the floor, leaning against the wall, Finn wrapped his arms around Kurt's tiny frame, his fingers curling into the soft fabric of Kurt's shirt, and effectively pulling him so close they were flush against each other. He felt so warm and delicate in his arms. Burying his face in the crook of the other boy's neck, Finn started to sob.

He could never have what Kurt used to feel for him. Not now or ever. Because he deserved so much better, and Finn could never give him that.