A.N: I should be mobbed, I know. My muse has abandoned me lately, obviously has better things to do than help me out lol. But it's coming, slowly but surely. I'd like to say this will be finished before I start uni in mid-September but I don't think that's going to happen. But anyway, after much delay, here's the next chapter.

My Enemies Aren't the Ones I Fear

Chapter Four

Leonardo's POV

It was just a small scratch, barely even broke the skin in some places. We had nothing to wrap it up with, so I simply held my coat tight against my collar. It stung a little, but it wasn't bleeding all that much. It was my own fault, sidestepped when I should have ducked, just like it always is. In fact, without Raphael there tonight, I probably would have met my death on the cold, stone floor of that rundown gym.

Once we'd received our thanks from the young lady, yes that 'thanks' consisted of a scream and a kick to the shins, and the police had arrived to deal justice to the criminals we'd bought down, my brother decided it was time to unwind a little. I was tired and sore, therefore I welcomed the suggestion, thinking fondly of my bed for the first time since I returned home. I soon learned going home was far from Raphael's mind when I saw he had led me to a dark, dingy bar at the edge of town.

"Are you sure about this, Raph?" I pulled a face, eyeing the crumbling brick and flaking paint with apprehension. The noise emanating from the building didn't appear to be too boisterous, but the night was still young.

"'Course I'm sure, why? Y'not hurt that badly are you?" He questioned, narrowing his eyes and giving me the once-over in case there was some injury I'd 'forgotten' to tell him about. I guess I do that a lot.

Numbly, I shook my head. He'd emerged from the battle unscathed, but I suppose things like that were second nature to him now. I was already sleepy again, longing for the soft caress of my bed sheets or the rigid support of the jungle trees. But Raphael merely pushed the door open and indicated I follow. His expression was unreadable.

The noise instantly doubled without the suppression of the door. It was smoky inside and made me choke a little. Raph waved it out of his face and meandered instantly to the bar on the other side of the room, leaving me no choice but to stumble behind him. Through the reeking grey smoke I realised it wasn't as crowded as it sounded; a television blared in the corner. A few of the punters offered Raphael greetings and he gruffly returned them. I wasn't sure if he did genuinely know these people or of he was just playing along with the drunks.

I cast a nervous glance around the place. It was small for a bar, around the same size as Donatello's lab and just as cluttered. The tables were crammed inside, leaving very little space to walk in between, although only a few were occupied. My eyes were starting to sting a little and I realised I strongly disliked the smell of the place, cigarette smoke and stale beer. I'd never felt more uncomfortable.

My eyes were watering by the time we reached the bar and I blinked, somewhat acknowledging Raph's amused grin. I leant against the old wood and immediately regretted it as my arm sank into an inch of dust and the bar creaked under my weight. I sneezed twice and someone to my left gave an ugly, mocking laugh. Raph glared at whoever it was and they shut up. He heaved himself up onto a mucky stool and I followed his example, afraid the rickety seat would collapse any second.

The bartender was a scruffy man. He was small, only an inch or so taller than us, and looked as if he was in his late fifties. His skin was like a pale walnut, tough and wrinkly. His grey beard matched his unkempt hair and he wore clothes even a hobo would be proud of. He grinned at Raph, showing at least four black gaps in his gums where rotten brown teeth should have been.

"Y'want yer regular, Shadow?" He spoke with a creepy southern drawl. I subdued a shudder and glanced around for this 'Shadow'. To my surprise, it was Raph who replied.

"Yeah, and one for my brother," He gave me a nod.

The dirty barman studied me for a few seconds and it was as if someone was digging through my brain with a stick, and yet I could not tear myself away from those bloodshot yellow eyes. Eventually he grunted and hobbled toward the far wall, rummaging around for dusty bottles in a cabinet. They clinked almost musically and clouds of dirt billowed through the air, almost making me sneeze again.

"Shadow?" I enquired quietly, attempting and failing to read my brother's face once more.

"It's a nickname," He shrugged a tad modestly.

I frowned, unsure whether to ask or not exactly how he got this nickname. Only a blindman could not see the graceful power and speed with which my brother moved so I suppose 'Shadow' was rather fitting, if a little cheesy. He probably liked it, another persona to add to the Raphael/Nightwatcher mix.

"Cheers Claw," Raph nodded to the barman and paid for the bottles that had been placed before us.

The barman shoved the coins into a pouch at his waist and moved off to serve some woman and her partner. I'd never seen a prostitute before. She was beautiful, in an ugly way. She winked at me and I picked up my bottle and pretended to study it to cover up my blush. Raph chuckled against the rim of glass next to his mouth.

"That's Laughing Liz. Y'don't wanna mess with her," He supplied helpfully. I didn't need to ask why they called her that, as she let out a feminine, high pitched giggle behind me.

"Why do they call him 'Claw'?" I asked, unconsciously wiping the dust from my bottle. If Raph noticed I was avoiding taking a drink, he didn't mention it.

"He used to be good, in his day,"

As I watched Claw make his way back towards us now Laughing Liz and her partner had drinks, I didn't need to question exactly what he'd been good at. Despite his unclean appearance, he was still lean and muscled underneath the rags and handled himself as if he was unused to the feebleness that came with old age. No doubt he'd been a member of the Purple Dragons, or any local street gang of his time.

"So where ya been lately Shadow?" Claw asked, planting himself before us, and rather rudely I might add. We could have been having a very private conversation for all he knew.

"We've had some shit to deal with since my brother came home," Raph supplied cryptically, needlessly nodding in my direction.

"Ah, I see. You glad t'be home lad?" The barman asked almost kindly. I blinked in surprise and just gave a shrug.

"He's unused to it. It's like being in prison again," Raph answered for me, smirking behind his bottle. I was shocked at how accurate he was.

"Aye, life gets like that sometimes. Still, you don't let it getcha down, eh boy?"

I pulled a face. Raph noticed the uneasy crease in my brow if his chuckle was anything to go by. What was with these questions? It was as if the old man knew stuff about me and was talking as if we'd met before. Needless to say it had me bristling. Raph must have told him about me, but to treat me like that, calling me 'lad' and 'boy'! How old does he think I am? Twelve?

"Is he always this quiet?" Claw asked my brother, his voice clearly amused.

"The majority of the time, yeah," Raph replied steadily.

"Well, I shall havta keep an eye on you, Whisper,"

"What kind of a name is that?" I spluttered angrily, the minute the creepy old barman was out of earshot.

"I like it," Raph said calmly, making me stop in tracks and completely forgetting my own new and equally cheesy nickname.

"You make it sound like I've just been to jail for eighteen months," I said huffily, recovering from my brief blush.

"You look like it," He smirked.

I glanced at myself and realised he was probably right. I looked like a thug or something. The right side of my coat near my collar was dotted with blood from pressing it against my scratch, and the rest of it was covered in muck and dust. I was less brawny than my brother, but my shell gave me a bouncer-like appearance, hard and full of muscle. I laughed and finally drank from my bottle.

I blinked and withdrew it from my mouth, inspecting the label yet again and ignoring Raph's outburst of laughter. Expecting the harsh, bitter taste of the beer Raph drank at home, I was shocked to find I actually liked this. It was slightly spicy, but pleasant and hard to describe, I could safely say I'd never tasted anything like it.

"Thought you might like it," Raph grinned and I offered a smile in return before drinking more.

"It sort of reminds me of those fruit teas April used to buy," I said thoughtfully, after savouring the taste once more.

"It's Claw's own stuff, that's why I don't drink it at home," He explained needlessly, draining his bottle. It didn't take me long to catch up.

"Y'drunk those fast lads," Claw observed in amusement after Raph had called him over to order more.

"The first drink's always the best," My brother grinned.

"Aye, that it is," The old man agreed, clunking two more bottles before us.

I watched quietly as Raph handed more coins over and Claw slipped them into that grubby pouch, and then he moved off to wash some cracked glasses that had accumulated in the sink. He concentrated whilst he did it, and I had a feeling he was trying to listen in on our conversation. Whether or not that was my paranoia kicking in, I wasn't sure, but I kept my voice low all the same.

"Raph, you know I don't have any money to pay you back for these," I hissed uncomfortably, avoiding his eyes. I could tell without even looking at him that he was entertained.

"Relax big brother, tonight's on me," His cocky voice sneered.

"Why?" I looked up, blinking in surprise.

"Just because," He shrugged carelessly.

I frowned thoughtfully and leaned back, careful not to tip the shaky stool. 'Just because'? Raph never does things for me 'just because'. Well, he never used to. Things have just been so strange since I got back home. At first I wanted nothing more than to go back to normal, but with Raph's new attitude towards me, I'm not so sure. It's different, but I don't think it's bad.

"I don't know Raphael anymore. He's changed so much while I've been away it's as if he's a different person, especially since the whole ordeal with Winters and the Stone Generals. I'm not complaining exactly, I'm just confused because this is not what either of us were used to. Perhaps tonight is Raph's way of getting to know me again too? Maybe I've changed?

"Tell me about Nightwatcher life," I demanded pleasantly, lounging forwards.

I was only half aware of Claw accidentally chinking a glass against the sink at that point, but I no longer cared. If Raph could be flippant about my life, I could be with his.

The request took him by surprise and he almost spluttered. His eyes widened for the tiniest second, then he grinned widely at me. His eyes were the exact same shade as mine, a sort of amber-brown colour, although his held a totally different expression. I couldn't tell you precisely what it is I saw, there were just too many various emotions blaring in one place to identify them.

"You tell me about your vacation, jungle boy," He smirked in retaliation. I gave a quiet laugh and a shrug of the shoulders.

There wasn't much to tell really. It wasn't as if the days were separate and something exciting and dangerous happened on each one. The soldiers could not forget the pain I inflicted, unlike the Foot, so attacks on my village were far and few in between. I never fully understood Master Splinter's reasons for sending me away apart from to be a better leader. A part of me wonders if I ever did what I set out to do.

"Time was meaningless. Every day was just the same. I'd get up, bathed, found breakfast, patrol, train, find dinner, meditate and then sleep. A lot of the time I was bored, and lonely," I explained softly, distantly remembering my time away.

"What about the village?" Raph probed, his voice as low as mine. There was no anger there, no passion or lust, just curiosity.

"It was only small, and extremely isolated. The soldiers didn't attack often. When they did, I made it hurt more than the last time," I answered coolly. I caught a dark grin flash on his features, and I knew he understood.

"Where did you stay? The village?" He asked inquiringly. I shook my head.

"No. There was a little cave of some sort, on the shore, not far from where April found me. It was a little cramped and uncomfortable, but it was out of the way," I replied.

There was silence for a few minutes while we drank and I could see him debating with himself. I watched him, and he seemed awkward, pulling faces at his bottle. I waited patiently for him to find a solution, simply because I'd never seen him pause and think carefully about what he was about to say. It was interesting. When he finally came to an agreement and said it, I could see why he struggled to ask.

"Why didn't you come home?" He looked at me levelly, calmly, even regretfully.

I hesitated, initiating my own interior battle. I've thought about this before. If I told him, what would he do? Would he be angry? It's quite possible. I don't think he'd laugh anymore, not after the way he's treated me. I think he might even be jealous, possibly even indignant. It was hard to tell. But I wanted to tell him why I chose the jungle over my family, and only him. Because isn't that what lovers do? They share secrets, right?

Are we even lovers? I'm not exactly sure. We've kissed, and we've touched. Does that mean we're dating? Is this a date? Ugh, I wish things were simple. Does one of us have to say 'Will you be my mate'? Geez that sounds awful, I'm not saying that. Does he even want to be my mate? Sure he said all that 'love is a bitch' stuff but still. I want to know what he wants. Maybe then I'll know what I want.

"I was...free," I said simply with a sigh. I saw him frown and I continued before he could interrupt. "It was just me out there. I didn't have to pretend anymore. I could be afraid, or happy, or lonely, I could be me. You could never understand how good that felt Raphael,"

He didn't answer for a moment. I drank the remaining liquid in my bottle whilst he contemplated it. I felt a little light-headed and I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol affecting me already, or if it was the aftereffects of sharing that with him. He hadn't exploded with anger, that was always a good sign. He looked thoughtful, even curious.

"I can imagine though," He said eventually, draining his bottle. I blinked in surprise. "No Fearless Leader, just Leo? I would have liked to see that," He gave a small grin. I shook my head.

"You won't get to," I gave him a sad smile and he nodded slowly.

"Probably not," He agreed and indicated to Claw for more drinks.

Somewhere behind me, Laughing Liz let out a drunk giggle and someone else snickered. I was used to this place now, the smoke and the smells no longer bothered me. No one interrupted us, so we didn't interrupt them. The room was starting to fill a little more now. More prostitutes littered the place, but it was mainly gruff, middle-aged men, much like Claw. They all seemed to know each other.

I felt myself relax just a bit more. I briefly wondered how strong this beer actually was. I almost felt how I had done in the jungle, carefree and normal. I supposed this was as close to 'just Leonardo' as I was going to get now I was back at home. The Fearless Leader had returned, for good. I would never be alone for the rest of my life. I felt relieved and devastated at the exact same time.

"So, the Nightwatcher," I prompted with a nod and a small smile.

Raph waited until Claw had deposited more dusty bottles before us. Then he sat and thought for a few minutes, his mouth upturned fondly ever so slightly. It made me wonder just how much he had never told me. That smile, and that far away look in his eyes suggested to me Raph almost felt the same way about the Nightwatcher as I did the jungle.

"For the first time, I understand why Mike loves sneaking off to do his Turtle Titan shit," He began softly, giving me a grin.

I could understand where he was coming from. Granted, I was a 'ghost', but when I was out there, saving those villagers and getting recognition for it, it felt so liberating. I was still hiding in the shadows to some extent but people realised I was working for the greater good and they adored me for it. Words cannot describe how much I loved that feeling.

"I could do our work out in the open, and that's the first time I've ever felt free. It always used to feel like..." He broke off, struggling for the right words. With a start, I realised I could finish his sentence.

"...Like you were chained to home," I whispered in awe. He looked at me oddly, then nodded.

"Yeah. In a good 'nd a bad way," He agreed.

I smiled widely and he gave me one in return, slight and soft. I know it looks sadistic, smiling at our situation, but I finally felt the link between Raphael that we lost so long ago when we were children. It was small, and very vague, but it was there.

It had never once crossed my mind that Raph would ever feel that way. I'd always thought, out of the four of us, he was the most free. I guess I never realised how wrong I was. I suppose we're all prisoners really, locked underground in a sea of mutated fear. But Raph and myself are different prisoners I think. I'm not really sure how to explain it. We're imprisoned in our own home, in two very different ways, and Master Splinter holds the key.

"I never...thought of you that way," I began quietly, but he held up a calloused, tender hand.

"I don't wanna talk about it Leo,"

I shut my mouth and looked at the bottle in my hand. This one didn't seem to be going down as well as the other two, and I already felt rather lightheaded. I was afraid of feeling too relaxed, too careless, but Raph clearly had a better hold on himself than me. He does this often. He wouldn't let anything happen to me.

I should have known he wouldn't want to talk about it, not now at least. Perhaps he would later, once he'd had more to drink, but I'll probably be unconscious then if I keep going at this rate. Even my mouth felt freer, more willing to smile and cast away today's paranoia for tomorrow's exemption.

I sighed and leant on the bar, my chin resting on my palm. My eyelids were a little heavy now, but I didn't want to go home. I was sick of the weight already. My shoulders felt lighter now, and I knew the minute I woke up tomorrow, they would be heavy with responsibility once more. And Raph's, well, I don't know, but they wouldn't be as light as they are right this very moment.

"You're gettin' tipsy," He grinned at me. I pulled a face; since when were those smug smirks so...irresistible?

"Am not," I found myself arguing feebly. He only grinned wider.

I was lying through my teeth of course. I never thought I'd actually know I was getting tipsy. I always thought it'd just happen, like I'd never notice I was intoxicated. Pretty stupid now I think about it. I mean, I have such acute senses sometimes I'd notice anything. Raph always used to find it creepy when I would be up waiting for him at the right time each night. His presence is so vibrant I could perceive it a mile off.

Raph laughed at me and drank from his own bottle. It was almost as if he was unaffected at all, and here I was, totally defenceless and losing every protective barrier I had built up over the years. And the best, or maybe worst I'm not sure, part is, I didn't care. I didn't mind Raph seeing me vulnerable and carefree, because I wanted to be looked after. I spent so many years protecting them, and so many months protecting myself, now I wanted to be protected. I wanted to be the child instead of the adult, the victim instead of the hero. And I know Raph would not only not hold that against me, but also be the adult and the hero, and I liked that.

"I didn't see anythin' special tonight bro, you sure you learnt somethin' in yer jungle," Raph asked suddenly and pretentiously.

"I was hiding it," I told him secretively. I wasn't.

"Hiding it?"

"Yup,"

"What exactly is it?"

I don't bloody know, I just said it without thinking. I hadn't learnt any flashy new moves in the jungle. I'm a lot more stealthy, my muscles toned more now for speed instead of strength. I was never one for weight training anyway, that was Raph's area of expertise. I've always liked running.

"I'm good at keepin' secrets,"

He was. When we were little, he never told anyone I was scared of the dark too. Mike cried a lot, refused to sleep until it drove Donny up the wall. Sensei gave in eventually and went and bought him a real, working nightlife. We were all in awe of it because it wasn't broken or scavenged from a dumpster, it was from a shop and Master Splinter paid a whole ten dollars out of our savings. We used to think he was rich.

Mikey adored it. It was a plastic Superman, and glowed yellow when it was turned on, like some godly aura or something. Donnie didn't mind it. He could sleep with or without light. It was Raph who bunked with me when we were kids, because we were best friends back then. He never complained about me needing the door left open at night and he never told anyone, because I never told anyone about his fear of bugs. But I guess that's common knowledge now. Anyway, we stopped being best friends, not even friends, and I had to get over that fear pretty fast.

"Yeah you can," I agreed amicably.

"So tell me, what new tricks didya learn in the jungle?" He questioned cheerfully, draining his bottle.

It was me who signalled Claw for more drinks this time. I probably shouldn't drink any more but I liked this stuff, and I was having a good time, surprisingly. Raph was good company. Wow, I never thought I'd hear myself say that. But I have a feeling I'd found my best again.

Claw gave me an uncertain glance, then looked at Raph for reassurance, who nodded. With a shrug the old walnut man rescued another two bottles from their dusty homes and brought them to us after unscrewing the caps. I took mine and drank instantly and let Raph pay again. I ought to think of a way to pay him back for this.

"That lad can't handle his drink too well," Claw stated curiously to my brother, who grinned widely.

"He's just not had anythin' t'eat, that's all," Raph answered civilly for me.

It's always worse when Raph hasn't eaten. Or was worse, I don't know. Sometimes he'd skip dinner or something, went out Casey and come completely off his face. And I mean off his face. I never told Master Splinter about those nights, but he probably knew about them anyway. Those were the bad nights, when he'd get violent, when we'd argued so bad we'd draw on each other. But they weren't often, and he always apologised in the morning.

"Eat somethin' next time boy, I ain't havin' you spewin' all over my bar," The barman told me sternly. I glowered at him.

"He hasn't had that much," Raph chuckled in my defence.

"Yeah? I remember the first time that Jones fellow bought your ass in 'ere, Shadow, 'n' it weren't pretty," Claw reprimanded. Raph only laughed. I'd already drank half my bottle.

"Your grammar's terrible," I told the old man bluntly. He stared at me in surprise for a few seconds, then wheezed loudly, in what I think was to be recognised as a laugh.

"Not much of a 'Whisper' now, are ya boy?" He chortled. It was an unpleasant sound, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"This'll be our last Claw," Raph smiled softly.

"Aye, make sure it is an' all, or the lad'll be paralytic," Claw advised, taking away our empty bottles.

"What did happen when you first came in here?" I wondered inquisitively.

"I threw up. A lot," He said simply. I couldn't help but grin wickedly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd had a lot more than you though. Casey either didn't know how much of Claw's shit I could handle, or he didn't care. Probably both," He explained casually.

"Still trying to compete with me even now?" I asked mockingly, and he laughed. I decided I liked his laugh.

"No. It was just one bitch of a hangover. Splinter would murder me if you couldn't make practice tomorrow," He explained, still ever so nonchalant. That was bullshit. Splinter would murder me, but I didn't say it.

"Casey will be married soon," I acknowledged quietly.

"Probably," Raph agreed.

"What will happen then?" I asked no one in particular.

"I dunno, April will probably want him to get a proper job, be a good husband, whatever," He shrugged carelessly, but even in my less-than-perfect state, I could tell he was upset about it, yet happy for Casey and April.

We all were. It wasn't official yet, but we'd seen wedding magazines in the flat, and Casey had been to Sensei for advice. It was exciting, and a little weird, to think they might be married soon. They acted like an old married couple already. Only you know, without the kids. And the yappy little terrier dog old people always seem to keep. And name Mr. Kibbles or something equally stupid.

"People give their pets stupid names," I mused thoughtfully. Raph blinked at the unexpected change of subject but soon began to laugh at me again. Bitch.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" He asked, humouring me.

"Like Mr. Kibbles. It sounds like a brand of dog food or something," I answered coolly, swilling the alcohol around in my bottle so it fizzed.

"So what would you call your pet if you had one?" He wondered. I took a swallow of beer and thought hard. It was difficult actually, to you know, think. My brain seemed to be a little slow.

"If it was a boy, Quentin, if it was a girl, I dunno, Ethel or something," I shrugged.

"You're kiddin', surely," He stared at me. I offered a chaste smile and he started laughing at me again.

"Okay, maybe not those names," I chuckled easily.

"I thought Mike was bad calling a cat 'Klunk'," He confessed. I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe I should name mine 'Kapow', or 'Thwack', to match," I pretended to mull over it seriously and he laughed some more.

We carried on joking a little while longer, and as the time seemed to sneak by, I felt myself laugh more easily, and it was as if I'd never been so relaxed with my surroundings and in my body. It felt good, really good. However, I was grateful when Raph declared we should be getting back. I was starting to drowse a little, and Laughing Liz was becoming a little more careless with her clothes. I'd never seen naked breasts before. Raph acted as if they weren't there. If that was for his sake or mine, I didn't know.

We said goodbye to Claw and began to meander between the tables and chairs and bodies to the exit. I was a little unsteady on my feet and required Raphael's hand on my shoulder to stable me. The weird thing was, I didn't mind. I was too busy grinning so wide my face hurt.

It was colder outside and the fresh air stung but it helped to sober me up. The noise of the bar was instantly muffled when the door shut, and it was nice to hear myself think again. The streets weren't very busy, and there were hardly any people around. I quite liked just standing there in the quiet chill of dark, that is until Raph started heaving the cover off the nearest manhole cover.

I jumped down, only half-remembering to bend my knees to absorb the impact as I hit the floor. Raph lowered himself down behind me and shifted the heavy steel disc back into place. The sewers completely blocked out any outside noises, and the tinkle of the water was soothing.

We walked in silence for a little while, and I watched his face as the flickering lights danced on his features. He didn't say anything when I slipped my hand in his, but I saw the corners of his mouth twitch, just a little. I thought about thanking him for a lovely date, just for kicks, but I knew he'd hit me or something.

It didn't take long to reach home but the walk was pleasant. He let go of my hand and I missed the warmth instantly. I yawned, thinking appreciatively of my bed. I knew I was still smiling, still relaxed, and I liked it. He reached up to pull the pipe that would open the door, but then he paused. He looked at me and smirked, his hand resting on said pipe instead.

"You never did tell me what you learnt in the jungle," He reminded me. I fixed the most serious expression on my face as I could, and said something completely true.

"I learnt how to piss with no hands,"

"No fucking way,"

To Be Continued