Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series.
I'm starting to get the story where I want it. It's taking a little bit to make it what I want, but I hope you enjoy it. Please, review it and let me know what you think. The chapters should start getting a little longer soon. :D
I could hardly sleep that night. I had Hermione on the brain. I had finished my conversation with my mother last night, talked to the house elves about food, and then retired to my room for the night.
My mother was the only person I had ever told about Hermione. I hadn't even told my father, because I knew You-Know-Who would interrogate him about me. My mother was a woman, so didn't count as high as my father, according to You-Know-Who. Bellatrix was really the only woman that You-Know-Who could bear in his presence for long periods of time. Therefore, it was safe telling my mother about my feelings for a muggle born witch.
She couldn't be anything other than happy for me. I knew she was glad that I had finally found someone who I was able to show the real me to. She knew that Hermione knew how I really felt about You-Know-Who. She also knew that Hermione would never tell anyone about it, and would never hurt me.
The entire time I was with Hermione at school, I couldn't help but wonder why she wanted to be with me. She could have her pick of any of the boys there, but she chose me. Obviously it was hard, and it is destined to be hard. I will never be able to have an easy relationship, but she took the challenge whole heartedly. I knew from our first secret meeting, that I would be the luckiest man on earth, if I had this girl as my own.
One time, I mentioned my feelings of inadequacy, and she laughed out loud at me.
"Draco Malfoy! Don't you ever think you aren't worth the world!" she lectured me after her laughing had subsided. "Anyone would be lucky to have you, but then, they would have had to have gotten past me, and that would be next to impossible," she smiled her toothy smile. The smile that I came to love.
"Hermione, you don't seem to get it…" I trailed off. I didn't know how to explain to her my thoughts. Here was this amazing girl sitting next to me. The very sight of her took my breath away. Her touch sent shivers down my spine. Her mind was as deep as one could get, and she was the most observant person I had ever met. She could tell when I needed to talk, and when I was just acting around my schoolmates. She was perfect. I was the opposite of that. I was a damned man. I would never live a free, normal life. I would always have to answer to You-Know-Who. I was bred for him; I had no choice.
"Draco," Hermione said, pushing my chin up with her finger. "Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't the great person that you are. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for, I only wish I could make you see it," she leaned up to my face, and brushed her lips gently against mine.
"You always seem to be able to make me feel a little bit better," I smiled. She rested her forehead against mine, smiling. "I can't seem to find the words to tell you what exactly I'm thinking,"
She rested her hand on mine. I looked down at our hands. Her small tanned hand looked stunning against my large pale white one. I couldn't help thinking about how beautiful our children would be, if we ever got the chance to have any. "Just think about it, and tell me when you're ready,"
We were quiet for a few minutes. I was mulling over how I could tell her my fears. How would I be able to admit my fears to this girl, who seemed braver than anyone I had ever met? I could barely admit to myself that I didn't want my future to turn out the way it was planned for me. The part I was dreading most, was admitting to her that I was truly, madly, and deeply in love with her, and I was thinking about how our future together might end up. My whole life, I had been told that I need to keep my feelings to myself, because they could only get me in trouble. My mother was the only one who encouraged me to keep feeling at all.
"Hermione," I started with a sigh. I had finally formulated a beginning, and I would just have to see where it ended up. "I have to tell you something very important," I looked down at her, expecting to see her looking up at me seriously, but what I saw was her peacefully asleep on my shoulder. At the sight of her, everything flew from my mind. All I could think of was how beautiful she looked, and how happy she seemed. The only word that I could think was love.
It was later that I realized that this was going to be a problem. At that moment, however, it was the solution.
When I thought it was a suitable time for me to be getting up, I did. It was about seven in the morning. I had some more potions I wanted to pack in my bag, and my mother wanted to eat breakfast with me before I set off. After I couldn't find anything else to shove into my bag, I went to the small dining room to find my mother.
She had arrived just before me, and had sent the house elves to get make my favorite breakfast. She also told them to get me some extra food to take with me. She knew that Hermione and the others would need food. The easiest thing to do would be to duplicate all of the food, and there would be plenty for everyone. I had a nanny once that taught the spell to me as a child. She was from Norway, and thought that we were too strict on magic restriction, and taught me things she thought I ought to know. They came in handy every day.
I was surprised at how cheery a meal with my mum made me. It was something that I had missed recently, because my family always used to sit together every night, before the Dark Lord made himself at home here.
"Thank you for waiting to leave for a little while, Draco," my mother said after she took a drink of some pumpkin juice.
I nodded. "Of course, mother. I'm really enjoying this. We haven't been able to spend much time together recently. I'm going to need a good memory of it while I'm away on my mission," I smiled.
"Do you think you'll be back in time to go back to Hogwarts?" she asked.
I thought for a moment. "I think I probably will be. I bet You-Know-Who wants me to go back anyway. He probably thinks he needs all the help inside there as he can get," I sighed. I had always thought of Hogwarts as a second home. The thought of going back there next year, knowing some of the things to expect made me a little bit nauseous. The things that would be going on in Hogwarts was going to be some of the most horrible things the castle will ever see.
I forced my next few bites. I knew I needed to eat, I needed all the energy I could get, and I knew the nausea would pass.
"I can pick up your school things when your letter comes, if you're not back yet," she glanced around, and dropped her voice. "I'll stop by that sweet store you like so much, and pick you up a few goodies as well," she smiled slyly.
I smirked. "Thanks mum. I appreciate it,"
We started talking about all sorts of things after that. We stayed at the table for a full half hour after we were finished eating, just to keep talking. I almost didn't want to leave; I had forgotten how much I loved to be home. It was weird how normal this conversation felt. It was almost as if I was just back from school for my summer break, not that I had to leave to go on a mission for You-Know-Who, who I was planning on double-crossing and saving the girl who had become the love of my life and her friends. What made it even worse was that her one of her friends just happened to be The Chosen One, The Boy Who Lived, and all sorts of other names, really meaning that he was the one that was destined to kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. If my plan didn't work out, I was screwed.
When it was finally time for me to be on my way, I stood up, and gave my mum a hug. I squeezed her tight, and she squeezed me back, giving me the courage and confidence I would need on my journey.
"I love you, sweetheart. Be safe," she whispered in my ear. I could tell she was barely holding in her tears. The tone of her voice made me start to choke up a little as well.
"I love you too, mum. I'll be back soon, no need to worry," I told her, smiling as I pulled away from her. She rubbed her hands up and down my arms, making me feel safer than I had in some time. She kissed me on the forehead, and turned and strode out of the room.
I stood in the dining room alone for a few moments. I looked around at all of the pictures on the wall. It was one of the only rooms that still had any of my family's personal affects left in it, because the Dark Lord was never seen in this room. There were some pictures of me when I was still just a baby, riding a small broom around the living room. My father had brought it home from me for my birthday, but he couldn't wait to give it to me, so he did that night after dinner. I was in my pajamas in the picture, my light hair blowing behind me as I zoomed circles around my father's legs.
I missed the way things used to be. My family had been so happy then. So worry free. I can't wait until Harry gets it together, so things can be that way again; so that when I have kids, I won't need to worry either.