The first time I ever got drunk I was sixteen years old. My friend's parents had gone out of town and in true teenage form she had thrown a kegger. The music was load and the booze were cheap. My drink of choice was the vodka from the plastic gallon. I remember brining the harsh smelling liquid to my nostrils and inhaling before tipping the shot glass; no sooner had the liquid hit my tongue then I felt the fire. It moved swiftly from the tip of my tongue to the base of my stomach and just as quickly it slowed my thoughts. My head seemed to float and the room spun on its axes. I had drank since then but nothing compared to that night. The feeling was unique or so I thought but when Edward Cullen proposed to me out of the blue I felt like a first time drunk shooting cheap vodka. We sat in tense silence, the first in a long friendship. When the words first flew a bright smile lit Edward's face but as the moments ticked on with no response a grimace clouded his handsome features.
"I was lying to you thinking that it was…like another…or kind of a solution."
"…how so? ..." I didn't mean to let the panic ring in my voice but it did and Edward looked pained.
"Well. First well… Your brother!" It sounded like the reason had just popped into his mind but he did have a point. My brother is two years older than me. We are super close and he is my rock but through all this he is a bit over protective. My high school boyfriend had gotten a black eye for a rumor about a light make out session, so getting knocked up would be grounds for murder. He is a strong and good man but I don't know if he could ever forgive me…unless I married a doctor whom he assumed was the father. I wanted to make him proud but I couldn't ask Edward to give up his life to me so I could achieve that goal.
"I can handle Emmett." We sat in silence. He reached for my hand holding it close to his lips and as he spoke I could feel his breath on my fingers.
"Where are you going to live Bella? Are you going to write? What's your next step?" I don't think it was fair that he was throwing these questions. I had only known about my baby for a week and had yet to think about any of that stuff.
"Bella. I want to help you. I want to take care of you. I can be that." Damn. He was starting to convince me. I would not that happen. I started grabbing my clothes and looking for my cell which had somehow fallen from pocket. I was on the ground looking desperately for my phone and I could feel Edward standing behind me. I couldn't look at him because what he was offering would be impossible to refuse if his green eyes met mine.
"Bells? What are you doing?" I answered him without looking and while I knew my words would hurt I knew they had to be said.
"I'm leaving. I'm going to figure out my next step and I'm going to move on. Thank you Edward for everything and don't worry you will always be best friends." I meant the words to be gentle but he looked dejected. By know I had gathered everything and was about to make my hasty exit when Edward pulled me against his chest. This hug could have been awkward and tense but instead it felt like the calm after the storm.
"I love you Bells. After graduation tomorrow we can sit down and make a plan. We will figure everything out." He was so sweet and for some reason that made me want to cry. Damn hormones. I needed to say something and break the apprehensive moment.
"Ok we can have a serious graduation ceremony and afterwards we can sit down and have and equally serious discussion but Jessica's grad party needs to be fun…I think I deserve that much." I meant the last part as a joke but Edward held me all the closer. We hugged for what seemed like both the shortest and longest moment in my life. He released me with an invitation to lunch which I to decline. I was already a tad late picking my parents up from the airport. We hugged again and I left. As I walked towards my apartment I felt like I was walking away from the one glimmer of hope I had since I found out about my upcoming motherhood.
I made record time to the airport arriving before my parents and brother. As I waited I sipped ice tea missing the jolt of caffeine of my usual latte. Speaking of lattes I felt so bad about spitting the coffee all over Edward but when I mindlessly drank I saw no other options I spit. I might not have planned on being a mother now but I was and I would be the best one I could be. Caffeine is a no no!
I sat in the hard plastic chairs watching various passengers disembark. It was nice to cut away from my personal drama and watch other people living theirs. One older couple walked next to each other and while it was clear they were together it was also clear that they were not speaking. A little while later I watched as a extremely irate women screamed at a baggage clerk who had clearly lost her bag. People fought and laughed all around me. It was chaos. As the world spun I spotted something that slowed it. A young mother held the hand of a small child. They didn't speak but you could tell the women was content and you could further tell that the child had her full devotion. I hoped I could do that for my baby. I kind of had a short attention span. I had done ballet, voice lessons, painting and many others and while I found them all fun I lost interest…what if I was a horrible mother. On the verge of a full panic attack I was pulled free by one huge grinning idiot. Thank you Emmett.
It was easy to forget my massive problems when my big brother stood in front of me grinning a grin that had always made everything better. . My brother and I had very few similar attributes. He stands at a burley 6'2, his features are sharp and he seems to glow from sheer energy; I on the other hand stand at a petite 5'5 and am flat and dull. He lifted me off my chair and into his embrace. "Bumble!" He screamed employing his childhood nickname for me. The name had come about when I complained about his calling me "B" and in his foolish ten year old mind he had decided bumble would make me angrier and it did. I pretended that it still did but in truth it made me feel loved and cherished. He sat me down and I was instantly lifted into another hug, this one smelling of mint and tobacco.
"Charlie put my daughter down. I want a hug too." I saw my Mother over my Father's broad shoulders. She was in her standard stay at home mother uniform which consisted of kaki pants and a colored polo with matching shoes and while she looked pretty I secrtetly prayed that not all mothers had to dress like that. My dad sat me down and I was able to hug my mother.
My mom and I had always been close and seeing her made me want to blurt my secret. Not now Bella and not here I chided myself. I ushered my family to the car and took them to dinner at a local diner. We laughed and joked as we ate our food soaking in our happy reunion. I had seen my family since last summer and seeing as it was summer now it had been to long. Emmett gushed about his new girlfriend, Rosalie while my father bragged about his recent fishing trip their voices rose as they attempted to speak over one and another and when I turned to ask my Mother why she didn't participate in the discussion I found her facing me with a cold stare.
"So you and Victor…how are things?" She asked not knowing that she was tearing at a festering wound. I had not told her about Victor fearing both my brothers reaction and her knowing lecture concerning my ticking clock (no need to worry there mom). I quickly explained our breakup omitting the details saying simply it had run its course. I knew my Mother was going to start in but before she could start the cheek arrived and my brother, father and I reached for it at the same time.
"Now children, it's my treat." Charlie protested.
"Dad. You bought breakfast and this is Bella's weekend so it's my treat."
"Dad you paid for college and Emmett you always pay. Let me." I smiled weaving my charm into their mind. I had them both wrapped around my finger and so it came as no surprise that I ended up handing my card to the waitress. She took it to the back and returned a hard smile on her face.
"Your card was declined." She spoke quietly for which I was grateful.
"That's impossible. Please run it again." I was by no means rich but my parents had paid for my school and car and when my grandmother had passed she had left my brother and I money. I lived off that money for four years and still had 6,000 in my account.
"I ran it twice." She seemed apologetic as my brother passed her his card.
"I'll call my bank." I explained exiting the booth.
"First Bank this is Jessica how may I help you." Said the overly hyper teller.
"My card was declined and I know I have money. Is your system perhaps down?"
"We haven't had problems but if you give me your account number I'll be happy to figure out what's going on. I gave her the number and listened as she typed. In minutes she was back online.
"Ok so we show your account balance at thirty-two cents. The last withdraw was yesterday at noon for the amount of 5,896 even." My heart stopped and I have no clue how I found my voice.
"Where was the withdraw from?" I asked knowing before she answered.
"Our Boulder Branch…the joint member on your account authorized it." I had out Victor on the account months ago and forgot to take him off after the spilt. I hung up with the bank and returned to the table lying about the reason my card was declined. I drove my family to their hotel. As I pulled up to my complex I could feel tears pulling in my throat making it hard to breath. I took a deep gulp of air and silently limited the amount of minutes I could cry. I cried for three minutes before willing myself to stop. I could be worse I reminded myself thinking of starving people and homeless children. I wiped my eyes and let myself into my apartment. I went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and just as I tipped the cold liquid down my throat I heard Leah come into the room.
"When the hell were you going to tell me about the baby?" She screamed. Leah was two years younger the me she was Charlie's sisters daughter and had gotten her fierce sprit from her. Growing up we had fought over everything and in the end had decided that she needed to be more compassionate and I needed to be honest or we would end up enemies. The pact was now evidently broken because compassion was nowhere in her tone.
"I hadn't told anyone." I looked away.
"Bella this is so in unreasonable. Your Dad is going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT VICTORS!" I should have told her that it was and further more I should have at least brought up the money but in her eyes I saw shame and I knew everyone's reaction would be that way. I wasn't afraid of much but shame was high on the list. I answered.
"No its Edwards…listen it's a long story one I would love to tell you but for now keep everything quiet and I swear you will know everything soon." I grabbed my keys not waiting for an answer. That night I drove. I drove through dew covered plains and up steep mountains. The sky was a dusty pink before I chose a location and arrived there.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I knocked on the door timidly and then harsher as my nerve grew. Edward opened the door he was in sleep gear and looked half asleep. I began before he could.
"Ok if we get married we have to keep it as genuine as possible. No Separate rooms, pet names and no other women." Edward seemed shocked by my speech but listened as I continued.
"I don't want a fake marriage. I want us to work through issues and I want us to fight like real couples but no divorce if we can help it." This woke him up a tad more.
"Wait so no sex like ever again?" Of course this would be the first question a man would ask.
"We can have sex after awhile but let's not right away."
"Ok any other demands…?" I thought about it and answered.
"Yeah as far as anyone knows the baby is yours." I expected him to disagree and complain his way out if his offer but to my surprise he nodded and smiled so big it almost lit the room.
"We should kiss to make it official." The sly devil winked. I stepped forward hoping the kiss would not be to awkward, He leaned in and captured my lips between his own. The kiss was gentle but possessive and it was nice. More than nice it was warm and made my heart melt. The kiss ended but I stayed wrapped in my Edward's arms…shit my Edward…I was going to be Ms. Isabella Cullen.