Shirelings

Chapter 8

Further Free Fair Unfairnesses

Pippin felt slightly sorry for abandoning Mundee while her back was turned, but he was overall relieved to be gone. Moreover he was with proper company, Frodo having rescued him without knowing it. All he'd had to do was mention the new Brandybuck booth opening and Pippin had hopped over the fence.

"Who was that girl and what happened to that other one you'd been with in May?" said Frodo, his eyebrows arched in a funny crooked way. His memory was astounding.

"Ah, that was no one," said Pippin with a dismissive gesture. "Tell me about the Brandybuck booth: have you seen it yet? Do you know what the big secret is?"

"I know about as much as you do, if not less," said Frodo with a laugh. "I do know for a fact that it has gotten everyone in quite a fit. The female Brandybucks are irritated not to be involved with the project and the older Brandybucks are angry that the lads are diverting attention from their business."

"I'm surprised Merry had anything to do with it all," said Pippin. "He doesn't generally like to do anything that'll get him on anyone's bad side."

"I am sure he was only looking to keep everyone grounded and sensible," said Frodo. "It's a good quality to possess, being the voice of reason. Something you should look into if you ever want to take up your father's position."

"Oh, please Frodo, not you too!" wailed Pippin. "If I'm not being scolded for loafing and being useless, I'm chasing skirts or causing general mayhem, according to all my relations. I don't need you lecturing me as well. Especially not about a job that everyone just assumes I'm leaping to get my hands on, when I'd rather not think about it at all!"

"My sincerest apologies, Peregrin!" said Frodo, taken aback by the soliloquy. "If I had known you felt so strongly about this, I wouldn't have said anything."

"I'm sorry, Frodo," said Pippin as he calmed down, seeing that the Brandybuck area was already in sight. "I shouldn't have shouted at you, as it's not your fault. I just constantly hear about my shortcomings and it makes me wish very much to live a bachelor life like you."

"That's understandable," said Frodo kindly. "It's a quiet, peaceful life, but to be honest, sometimes it gets a little too quiet. It's nice coming out to these sorts of events and jumping into the noisy fray again."

"Well, a noisy fray is definitely approaching," said Pippin as they neared the crowded Brandybuck pavilion, where the curtain was finally opening.

The curious and now somewhat maddened crowd was surging forward, and though Pippin and Frodo tried to get closer, there was no cutting through at this point. Luckily the mob was mostly made up of short locals, allowing the taller Took and Baggins to see clear over the sea of heads.

When the curtain was fully drawn, it became apparent that there was another curtain beyond it. Before anyone could think to ask a question, a figure popped out from stage left. This was none other than Merry Brandybuck, looking somewhat discombobulated as if he'd just been pushed out. He stared at the crowd a moment as he organized his thoughts and then began to speak.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlehobbits and welcome to the Brandy Hall of Innovation," he said with a grand gesture to the punny sign above his head. Apart from a few coughs and awkward chuckles, the crowd remained mostly silent, unimpressed by the exhibit's title. Merry cleared his throat and continued.

"It is my great pleasure today to introduce you to a product, an invention, that will revolutionize the Shire as we know it!" He paused for any sort of audience response, but the silence persisted.

"What you will see today is the result of a collaboration between some of Buckland's brightest, most talented, and most hard working hobbits." Here there was a loud snort from an elderly farmer. Merry remained collected and plowed on with his speech.

"Led by my own cousin Berilac Brandybuck, our team worked in secret for months, hoping to bring you all a new device that will change Shire transportation forever and for the better. An invention that will bring greater ease to your work and allow you to see your friends and relatives more often!"

Now the crowd was starting to get intrigued. There came many mumblings and whispers as folks began to speculate.

"Yes, ladies and gentlehobbits, this invention will be sure to change your lives, bringing forth a new age of comfort and prosperity. Why, you sir," he said pointing at the snorting farmer in the front. "Where do you live, sir?"

"Why, here in Michel Delving, o' course," grunted the farmer as if this should be obvious to anyone.

"Do you have a brother?" A curt nod. "Where does he live?"

"Well, he's all the way in the Eastfarthing, in Stock," said the farmer. Then with a laugh he added, "He's lived in that queer country so long he's practically one of your kind now."

There came a smattering of laughs, but Merry pressed on.

"Imagine if I said you could visit him in a day's worth of travel," said Merry with a wink.

"I'd say you Brandybucks are as cracked as the rumor goes," said the farmer, causing a few of his companions to chortle roughly. Merry decided to give up on the coarse curmudgeon.

"And yet, ladies and gentlehobbits, that will soon be entirely possible thanks to the wonderful invention behind these curtains," he said loudly to the crowd.

"What is it then?" came a shout.

"Ah, just a moment, just a moment," said Merry as he held up his hand. Pippin could tell he was now thoroughly enjoying the attention. "The curtain will be pulled back in a moment and all be revealed, but I ask only that you keep your wits... for what you are about to see may very well shock and amaze you!"

Then turning backstage, he yelled, "Doderic! Ilberic! The curtain! Now!"

The dark green fabric now began to pull apart, causing the crowd to push even closer forward and crane their necks to see better. When the curtain was fully removed, however, they stood stock still and said nothing. For now in front of them stood a wooden tank full of water with what appeared to be a very detailed toy boat moving in a circle on the surface. Few in the audience could hear the whirring and chugging of the boat's miniature engine or could see the smoke issuing from its little chimney.

"How's that supposed to change the Shire?" came a heckle from the crowd.

"Well, if you'd take a look you'd see the boat is moving of its own accord," said Merry gesturing behind him.

"So what? It's just a toy!" came another shout. At this point Berilac charged onstage, his face beet red.

"Don't you people understand? It's a prototype!" he shouted.

"Berilac Brandybuck, everyone!" said Merry, trying to maintain the excitement of the increasingly disinterested crowd. "The mind behind the design!"

"What's a protto-tape?" said the farmer in the front. "How's it gonna get me from here to Stock in a day?"

"It's a smaller version of what we want to build one day," said Berilac slowly, hoping someone would understand the concept. He raised his voice as he saw people begin to leave, shaking their heads. "If we can raise enough money, we could build several large scale steamboats that could travel the Shire's rivers, transporting people and goods! It would change everything!"

Despite his zeal, most of the audience had already stopped listening. The crowd was dispersing, many folks muttering about how loony and strange Bucklanders were. Pippin and Frodo were finally able to get closer, only to see the Michel Delving farmer wave his hand at Berilac and turn to leave as well.

"It's a great idea! It would make travelling so much easier!" Berilac was starting to panic as he watched the crowd grow thinner and thinner. "Don't you people understand what this is? This boat is the way of the future!"

"That boat couldn't carry a field mouse," cackled one of the last audience members as he too left.

"Well, it's not like we could put a life-sized steamboat on display!" screamed Berilac at the heckler. But it was already too late. There was almost no one left apart from Pippin, Frodo and a few Brandybuck relatives who weren't sneaking off in shame.

"Oh, I give up!" said Berilac as he tore off his hat and threw it on the ground in frustration before stomping off. Doderic, Ilberic and Merimas took this chance to come out of hiding.

"I guess we can take it from his exit that it wasn't a smashing success?" said Doderic. Merry shook his head with a sad half-smile.

"It's too bad," said Ilberic. "It really was a good idea."

"Does this mean we can go see the rest of the fair now?" said Merimas timidly.

"Of course," said Merry. "Go on now, go have a proper good time."

The lads gave a whoop and ran off to go exploring (but not before they had a real meal). Merry shut the curtain and joined his friends.

"Hullo there. What did you two think? Was that absolutely abysmal?"

"Well, your presentation was rather impressive up until your cousin started screaming at everyone," said Frodo. "But I can't imagine why you thought the overall idea would work on bunch of farmers. If anything you should have just taken it up with your father."

"I tried, but he wouldn't approve it unless we impressed 'regular folk,'" said Merry. "Judging by the look he is giving me now, I would say the chance of us getting started on the larger project is slender to none."

He could see his father chatting with Odovacar Bolger over by the Mathoms booth. Neither looked particularly impressed. Fatty Bolger was approaching them now, however, and he looked pleased and excited.

"Hello all!" he said as he came up to them. "When does the show start?"

"I'm afraid you just missed it," said Merry as he started to head off. "And there won't be another showing."

"Oh, no, why's that?" said Fatty as he followed the others.

"Hecklers and rustics didn't appreciate the brilliance of the invention on display," said Pippin.

"Oh? What was it?"

"Well, we didn't get a very good look at it," said Frodo. "But it was something like a self-moving boat? A little model based on a bigger design that might one day traverse the Shire's rivers."

"Might, but probably won't," sighed Merry.

"That's too bad," said Fatty. "Why don't you invent a self-moving wagon? That might be more popular than a boat. I can't say I'd be too thrilled myself, to tell you the truth."

"I think you might be onto something, Fatty," said Merry. "Why don't you work on that, though? I'm too hungry and parched to think about any more inventions."

And so they walked off, leaving the Brandybuck pavilion, unaware that three girls were now sneaking into the curtained off display.

By the time they'd wandered over to the South-Western quadrant of the fair, they'd eaten heartily and had a few ales. It was just as well, because the sun was setting and Pippin was ready for some tomfoolery. And though the others wouldn't admit it, they were in the mood to let loose as well.

It had been a surprisingly stressful day for nearly everyone except Frodo, whose only worry had been that Sam was working too hard on his behalf. However in passing the Baggins-Gamgee-Cotton booths, he'd noticed that Sam and Rosie were missing and figured wherever they were, they were probably having a nice time together.

Now, however, they were passing the Took booth and Pippin crouched behind Fatty in an effort to hide himself. Fatty did not appreciate being used thusly, but did nothing to give Pippin away. Instead he, Frodo and Merry waved at Pervinca, Barty and Pimpernel, who watched over the booth.

"Have any of you seen Pippin?" called out Pervinca.

"No, but I'm sure wherever he is, he's being a good, responsible lad," replied Merry. The others could barely keep from laughing.

Once they were finally out of Pervinca's sight, Pippin stood up straight and embraced Fatty.

"Thank you, Fredegar! You are king among camouflage!" he exclaimed.

"Bah, gerroff me," said Fatty as he shook him off. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Shh, it's a surprise," said Pippin putting a finger to his lips. "Just follow me. You'll know soon enough."

Merry and Frodo had some idea what this might be based on rumors they'd been hearing, but didn't want to say anything. Their guesses were proven right once they saw a long line of excited male hobbits that stretched to a small luridly painted pink booth.

"So there is a kissing booth! It wasn't a joke," gasped Fatty. Pippin only grinned in response.

"I don't know about this, Pip," said Merry hesitantly. "I'm not sure it's my sort of thing."

"Well, we're already on the line, so might as well," said Pippin. Indeed, the line had grown to where they stood and now people were waiting behind them. As the line moved, they instinctively moved along with it.

"I don't think this is for me, either," said Frodo in a distant voice. He was fingering something in his pocket. "I'm too old, anyway."

"Nonsense! You look as old as any of us!" said Pippin. "At any rate, just stay until you get to the front and if you get too frightened, just step out. No one will bind you down once it's your turn."

Frodo and Merry decided this was a reasonable plan, even if the overall idea was incredibly silly. It was probably all for the best that they stayed, if only to watch out for Pippin and Fatty. Fatty, surprisingly enough, wasn't being as apprehensive about the affair as he usually was about any of Pippin's half-baked ideas. Before they knew it they were nearly all the way at the front and several lads away from their turns. Now Fatty began to show his true colors.

"Oh, what if I am shunned and told to leave?" he worried out loud. "That would be terribly embarrassing. I think I'd rather just step out with Frodo and Merry."

"What and miss getting your first kiss?" said Pippin with a smirk. Fatty looked scandalized.

"It wouldn't be my first! You don't know!"

"All I know is that you're acting rather oddly for someone that's already been kissed before," said Pippin. "Listen, what's the harm in having a bit of fun? Odds are it'll be fine and you won't come away shunned or spurned or whatever you think will happen."

"But think of the humiliation!" Fatty looked to Merry and Frodo for reassurance. "Tell him this is ridiculous!"

"I'm staying out of this," said Merry as he stepped off the line.

"It is quite ridiculous," began Frodo, "but it's already your turn and I don't see how you'll get out of it without making an even bigger fool of yourself."

Frodo was right. Without Pippin or Fatty even realizing it, they'd absentmindedly moved to the very front of the line. They could now see two pretty Hobbiton girls sitting at the front of a desk, a box of coins sitting in between two glasses of water. Pippin recognized them as Gardenia Bracegirdle, an attractive but gossipy lass, and the very buxom and rosy-cheeked Petunia Chubb. Both now wiped their mouths with matching handkerchiefs they kept on their laps and smiled at the lads.

"Who's up first?" said Gardenia. Fatty shakily raised his hand. "That'll be ten pence. In the coffer, there you go."

Fatty hastily dropped a full shilling and stepped up to the desk. He was blushing and looking anywhere but at Gardenia. Fortunately the girl wasn't shy and gave him a warm peck on the cheek. Fatty covered his mouth giggling and dashed off to join Frodo and Merry.

"Your turn now, dear," said Petunia to Pippin with a saucy wink. Suddenly Pippin felt his stomach drop. All the excitement he'd been feeling had washed away and was now replaced with an all-encompassing sense of dread. He couldn't for his life imagine why he thought this was such a fantastic idea.

"Come, come, pucker up," said Petunia. "I don't bite."

Gardenia sighed with agitation. "Long line behind you, you know."

Pippin leaned in close, but squeezed his eyes shut. He could smell Petunia's perfume and feel her breath as she moved in. The moment seemed to last an eternity. But just as he felt her nose touch his, he heard a shriek on his right and jerked his head away. Petunia fell back into her seat with a huff.

There standing in the middle of the lane was a livid Mundee being very much restrained by Molly and Drufo.

"You abandoned me so you could go kissing hussies?" she screamed at him.

"Hussies?" said Gardenia and Petunia simultaneously, very much offended.

"Some friend you are!" shouted Mundee. Molly and Drufo were all but hauling her away now. Everyone was staring and a few lads on the line were laughing. Pippin was mortified.

"You're nothing but a tramp!" That was the last thing Pippin could hear, even though Mundee continued shouting insults as she was dragged away from the scene.

"Who was that, your wife?" said Gardenia with a snort.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea who that lunatic was," lied Pippin. "Where were we?"

Just then Merry dropped some money in the coffer and forcibly removed Pippin from the booth.

"Hey, what was that for?" said Pippin angrily as he was pulled off to the side where Frodo and Fatty were bent over in laughter.

"You've caused enough of a scene for one day," said Merry. "If you'd have stayed there, who knows what madness might have ensued."

"How was any of that my fault?" said Pippin as he brushed himself off.

"First of all, you became friends with that emotionally unhinged girl," said Merry as he listed off the grievances on his hand. "Second, you apparently abandoned her today, which would make a sane lass turn monstrous, never mind your deranged acquaintance. Third, you decided to do this kissing booth, which is just asking for trouble in every way."

"That poor thing," said Frodo as he wiped his eyes. "You've gone and broke her heart, the poor dear."

"I can't be bothered with it if she constantly wants attention," said Pippin. "All girls want attention."

"Is that so?" said Pervinca, causing Pippin to jump nearly a foot in the air. "Why don't you come with me and explain that fascinating theory? Right after you explain why you left Barty with the booth all day long."

Pippin winced but allowed himself to be led away. He waved weakly at his comrades, who shook their heads but waved as well.

"Well, speaking of empty posts, I'd better go see how my fruit and vegetable stand is doing," said Frodo. "It's been a pleasure, chaps. I hope the rest of your evening goes better than it will for poor Peregrin. Farewell for now!"

Frodo left now as well and Merry and Fatty found themselves at odds for how to spend the rest of the evening. Regardless, they decided it would be better to head toward their families' areas, so they would be ready when it came time to pack up. Moreover Fatty didn't want to linger near the kissing booth any longer; he was still blushing something terrible and clutching his cheek. Merry had a somewhat ulterior motive as well: he was hoping to catch a glimpse of Estella, and maybe catch a word or two, what's more.

As they approached the Bolger booth, Merry tried to strike up conversation.

"So did Estella win anything at the baking competition?"

"No, it's really rather sad, actually. She made these delicious brownies- er, tasty squares- but Lobelia hated them. I guess they were so good they overwhelmed her. Anyway, she banned Estella from the competition for life."

"My, that's going a bit overboard, isn't it?"

"I'd say." They were now at the booth, but it seemed empty. "Well now, I hope she hasn't abandoned her station, as well. Where is that girl?"

"Pooh, and it seems all the pastries are gone, too," said Merry as he looked around. "I was hoping to try something."

Fatty looked at him incredulously. "I wouldn't count on it."

Merry frowned. "Is she still sore at me?"

"Are you still sore at her?" said Fatty with a pointed look. Merry furrowed his brow. "Precisely. This will never blow over until you both decide to become bigger persons."

Merry rolled his eyes and started to say something, when he heard a noise, as if a large object had been dropped. "Might she be packing up the wagon?" he said as he headed for the back of the tent.

"That would make sense," said Fatty as he followed. "The wagon's parked outside the back. She could probably use our help with the heavier crates and things."

Once they reached the wagon, however, they couldn't see anything other than a platter of tasty squares lying on the ground. Fatty scratched his head and looked inside the wagon, which seemed very empty. Merry scanned the area and thought he heard a cry from a nearby wagon. He hurried over and there in the shade, he saw what looked like two figures struggling. He stepped closer and his eyes adjusted, revealing a disturbing sight: Ollie Underhill, his least favorite hobbit, was pressed up against Estella, who he'd pinned up against the side of the adjacent tent.

"What do you think you're doing!" shouted Merry as he lunged at Underhill. Underhill let go of Estella and made a run for it, only to get punched in the face by Fatty, who promptly cradled his aching hand. Merry was about to leap onto the cad and pummel him senseless, but Estella held him back, giving Ollie the chance to get up and make his escape.

"Why? After what he was doing to you?" Merry looked at Estella's wrist which now sported a rather unsightly bruise.

"It doesn't matter," said Estella as she pulled away.

"How can it not?" Merry just couldn't understand her sometimes. Most of the time, now that he thought about it.

"That really hurt," said Fatty suddenly, as he continued to hold his sore hand. "You'd think after you get in a fight once you'd get used to doing that, but no..."

Estella and Merry looked from Fatty to each other and smiled. Realizing they'd locked eyes, they then turned away awkwardly.

"Thank you for... for helping out," said Estella lamely.

"You're welcome," said Merry, equally lamely.

"It doesn't change a thing, though!" Estella blurted out, looking up at him.

"No, of course not! Why would it?" said Merry loudly.

Fatty stared at them, utterly confounded. They were really the most ridiculous couple he'd ever met. Well, no, Filibert and Poppy had been a rather strange pair. But Merry and Estella were definitely up there. Way up there.

"Er, I'd better head back and help them disassemble the stage," said Merry as he started to back away in a general Eastward direction. "Fatty, it's been good seeing you again. Goodbye."

When Merry disappeared, Estella collapsed onto the ground and exhaled loudly. Fatty slumped down next to her, feeling the need to say something to comfort her, but not quite knowing what the right words were.

"What's that Underhill doing here anyway? It's not like his family even makes anything worth selling," said Fatty, screwing up his face in disgust. The Underhills grew vegetables, but somehow theirs was always more bitter than other families' produce.

"Freddy, you know why he was here," said Estella simply.

"Are you going to be all right?" Fatty asked in all seriousness. Estella nodded, but after a moment shrugged.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" he said. She shook her head. After a pause she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Fatty wrapped his arm around his sister. He wanted to tell her everything would be fine or that things would eventually work themselves out. But he didn't know that for a fact and somehow didn't feel words like that would comfort her right now. So he just sat with her.

Saradoc Brandybuck and Odovacar Bolger had strolled through the fair all the way to its center, which was right by the closing petting zoo. They could see Paladin Took chasing his youngest grand-child out of the pig paddock. How the elderly Thain had ended up with that task was beyond anyone's comprehension but he managed to wrangle the tot quite successfully and came up to them, holding her in his arms.

"Evening, fellas," he said with a big smile. "Surviving the fair all right?"

"Well, we are, yes," said Saradoc with a chuckle. "But I can't say the same for our kids. Merry and his cousins failed to raise interest in some newfangled contraption they built."

"And my Estella has been kicked out of the baking competition for making too good a cookie," said Odovacar. "Or something to that degree. She was very sullen about the whole ordeal."

"Well, I have no idea what my brood's been up to today," said Paladin. "I got lost wandering the Northern section, but then I met some distant relations. It was quite fun, actually. Oh, here comes one of them now!"

They all turned to look and saw Bandogrim Took being led to the petting zoo by his son, who seemed very exasperated.

"Look, boy, it's already closed, so there's no point in bothering anyone," said Bandogrim to Drufo. "Besides, your sister made it sound like you were the one causing trouble to start with!"

"I wasn't! She's lying! Dad, you should have seen it! That old codger was being so rude-" Drufo was cut off by a shout from Paladin.

"Ho there, Northern Tooks! How goes it, cousin?"

Bandogrim looked darkly at Paladin, but surprisingly came over, dragging his boy along with him.

"Good evening," he said curtly. Paladin shifted Laila under his right arm and patted Bandogrim with his left.

"Good to see you again," he said as he continued to pat Bandogrim, much to the younger Took's annoyance. "Have you met Saradoc and Odovacar yet?"

"I met Mr. Bolger at Saradoc's party," said Bandogrim plainly. "Though I've known Saradoc for some time before."

"What did you think of the party, eh?" said Odovacar, nudging Bandogrim in the rib. "Be honest, we like to hear an outsider's opinion."

"He's not an outsider, he's family!" said Paladin, as he wrapped a thin arm around Bandogrim's neck. The conversation was getting more and more irritating, but for propriety's sake he had to maintain a good appearance.

"I enjoyed it thoroughly," said Bandogrim.

"Better than a Took party?" said Paladin.

"I've only been to the parties my own family has thrown. They have always been entertaining."

"Bah, you're no fun," said Odovacar. Bandogrim stared at him icily, all the while maintaining a somewhat too firm grip on Drufo, who was growing restless and now made faces at Laila.

"Oh, let's ask Frodo Baggins," said Saradoc as he spied Frodo riding down the road in a wagon with the Gamgees. "Here he comes! Hullo there, Frodo!"

Frodo waved and then asked Sam to stop the wagon so he could hop out and chat with his relatives. He assured Sam he'd make it back to the inn he was staying at in one piece and pressed Sam to go on without him. The wagon rolled on and Frodo came up to the group.

"Hello everyone," he said brightly. Frodo smiled at the children and Laila hid her face in her grandfather's armpit.

"Frodo, we need your expert opinion," said Paladin. "Which of the Old Families throw the best parties?"

"Now now, I won't be getting into an epic feud, if that's what you're trying to do," said Frodo.

"Nonsense, boy, we just want your fair perspective," said Saradoc.

"To be frank here, though, he doesn't really have a fair perspective," said Odovacar. "For one thing, he's a closer relation to you two. For another, he's liable to favor his own parties best."

Everyone thought this over, seeing as Frodo did indeed throw a party in Bilbo's honor every year, and it often proved to be the talk of the Shire for some time.

"What about our parties?" said Drufo, interrupting their silence. "None of you've ever been to our parties before."

"Drufo, hush!" said Bandogrim.

"The lad is right," exclaimed Paladin. "You're Tooks, you deserve to be called an Old Family, and yet you're not even given a part of this competition."

"Whoa there!" said Saradoc. "Is this a competition now?"

"It is!" said Paladin, stomping his foot. "We shall all throw our own respective parties over the next year, and whoever has the best party, wins!"

"Win what? And how will the winner be decided?" said Odovacar. They paused in silent thought once more. Now Frodo spoke up.

"What if we put it to a vote? Let the guests decide," he said.

"Too many people, it would take too long," said Saradoc.

"I have an idea," said Odovacar. "Each family gets one representative who has to judge each party after its over."

"But he doesn't know he's a judge!" said Paladin excitedly. "So he's giving his earnest opinion!"

"That's actually rather clever," said Bandogrim suddenly. "We're in. North Tooks gets Yule."

"But we always throw the best Yule parties!" whined Paladin. Seeing the look on Bandogrim's face, he instantly relented. "That's all right, Pervinca comes of age in February- we can do it then."

"And Frodo gets his birthday party in September, of course," said Saradoc.

"Bilbo's birthday party," corrected Frodo. Saradoc and Odovacar exchanged brief pointed looks.

"Dear Bilbo will be turning 128 this year, won't he?" said Paladin. "He's trying to beat the Old Took, eh?"

"It's not a contest!" laughed Frodo. "Though I daresay he's probably giving it his best shot, wherever he is."

"Bless his heart," said Paladin. Saradoc and Odovacar shook their heads. Paladin was getting loopier every year and Frodo... well, Frodo had been moulded by the best, so it was no surprise he was the way he was.

"Moving along," said Odovacar. "I'll take March for when Estella comes of age."

"Ooh, our parties will be neck and neck, won't they?" said Paladin with a wink.

"I guess that leaves me with my birthday again, doesn't it?" said Saradoc calculating quickly.

"Why do you get another party?" said Odovacar. "This year's birthday was your part in the competition."

"That's not fair! We weren't properly prepared! I didn't even know we were competing at the time," said Saradoc.

"He's right, Odo, it's not fair. Let him have next year, so we can come full circle with this whole thing," said Paladin. Odovacar sighed but nodded in acquiescence.

"Well, then, it's settled. The competition is on," continued Paladin. "Let the best family win!"

"Wait, what about the judges? Who are we all picking?" said Saradoc.

"We can decide that later," said Bandogrim, as he was anxious to leave already. "I have to find my daughter and niece, if you'll excuse me."

"That's quite all right, we can figure it out in our correspondence," said Paladin. "I'd better head back to my Tooks and see what the other rascals have been up to. Goodbye for now!"

They all quickly disbanded, promising to see each other again soon and write even sooner. Each one was excited, whether he chose to show it or not, and each was already scheming to make his party the most successful. And thus after a long day's worth of eating, drinking, haggling and general merriment, the Great Party Competition of 1417-1418 was given life.