A/N: Crazy real life...
3
"So you're Julian's girlfriend?" the girl asks excitedly.
Laura blinks, uncertain of what to say. She decides it would not be too big a stretch. "Yes, kind of," she says, adjusting Kenny a bit.
They are on a walk outside; Laura having decided to find something equivalent to the elephant ride of the park near their old apartment. She wants Kenny to get lots of air, lots of
outside time—something she didn't have as a child. Days and nights, a separation. Laura's childhood was a white, ceramic cell, and fluorescent lights—twenty-four seven. Her time
passed by the definitions of Sleeping and Not Sleeping—and twenty-two minutes.
Laura's wearing a pair of yoga tights that Jean has donated to her. She's been promised they will take her out shopping in a week or so, for new clothes. For both herself and Kenny.
'They' have also decided to get her hair done, and that she will start school in about two weeks.
She hasn't seen much of Julian in the past few days of being at the Institute. He stays out of his room—possibly on purpose—with the excuse of being in class. He comes back late at
night when Laura is already laying in the large bed, the lights off; he'll set his books down on the desk, then there'll be a rustling, some of his clothes hitting the floor. The bed depresses
as he climbs in—smoothly, so has not to wake her, since she disguises her breathing as steady—then he curls away from her, near the other edge, until he falls asleep. Sometimes when
she hears his heart slow, she'll inch over and run her fingers over his arm. Or peer over his shoulder and watch his face as he sleeps. He looks very peaceful—and somewhat like Kenny.
They resemble each other.
"That's so cool! He told me about you a few days back. I didn't know he had a kid."
"Yeah," Laura says. Kenny sucks her thumb.
"She's so pretty. How old is she?" the girl looks at Kenny with a big smile.
"Six months," Laura says. She wonders if Julian has feelings for this girl. She can't help it—she wonders, with every female she meets on campus, if this is someone he likes. She didn't
trust his telling her there was no one else. Besides, even if he doesn't feel romantically towards these girls, some of them are his friends; and Laura just barely has his friendship.
She studies people he socializes with, when she can. She's taken Kenny out before and seen him in the distance, laughing with other people on the lawn. He never sees her, and she
doesn't make an effort to go see him. He'd made it clear she was not to disturb his life like she admittedly had last time.
This girl is one of the ones he hangs out with often. She has pale skin, bright red hair, and a big, kind smile.
"You're Laura, right?"
Laura nods.
"I'm Cessily. You can call me Cess. I'm taking social studies here. I want to be a social worker."
"Oh, so am I. Or, I'm going to be in about two weeks."
"Awesome! We can be study buddies," the girl says enthusiastically. "And you can tell me all the dirt on Julian. There's no way he's as smooth as he says."
"I wouldn't know," Laura says, uncertainly. She doesn't want to talk about this.
Cessily looks confused. "But—"
"We only got together the once," Laura says, indicating Kenny. "He's helping me take care of her." Even though, really, all he'd done was given her his cell number and asked her to text him
when she needed help (clearly hoping she wouldn't).
"Oh," Cessily says. "Do you like him?"
"Yeah," Laura says. "He's figuring some things out. I shouldn't really talk about it."
"Oh," Cessily says again, then changes the subject. Laura senses there's something the girl knows—maybe about who Julian really wants—but she doesn't press. Finally Kenny starts fussing and
Laura takes her back inside to feed her some green beans and rice pudding.
…
"Oh!" Julian exclaims, having opened the door and been surprised by Laura's presence.
"Hi to you too." She continues to read her book without looking up; he puts his books down on the table. "Uh, how're things?" he asks.
"Swell." Laura turns the page. "Yourself?"
"Great."
"You a lawyer yet?" She knows that's what he wants to be. He shifts. "No, but I'm a week closer since you asked me last. Uhh…listen…I'm going to run out with my friends. I'll catch you later."
"Yeah." Laura continues reading.
Julian pauses, feeling awkward, and a little mean. "Do you want to come?" he asks finally, his conscience getting the better of him.
"And bring a fussy, six-month-old baby who requires censored language, diaper changes, and constant attention? That'd go over well."
"Oh, right." Julian grabs his jacket from the back of his chair. "Later."
"Bye." Laura doesn't look up.
He doesn't leave; he sits down on the chair. "I'm sorry."
"For?"
"Having a life," he says, sounding irritated.
Laura lays down the book. "I'm sorry?"
"You make me feel guilty," he says. "It's hard to go out and have fun when I come back and see you just skulking around, like a prisoner in my room…especially when I'm the one that caused it."
"I propositioned you, remember?" Laura says. "Go on, be free. Fly away. I don't mind."
He gets up, heads for the door; she picks up her book again. He turns around and comes back to the bed. "Jeez, I won't go then. Does she need anything?"
Laura puts down her book again. "A stable home with sane parents," she says.
"Ha, ha, you're funny." He throws his jacket on the back of the chair again, sits down. "We could go for a walk."
"I did earlier."
"Well…I've got to do something," he says, exasperated. "So I stop feeling guilty."
"I dunno. Check her diaper," Laura says meanly. Kenny had been fussy earlier, probably meaning at some point she would poop sulfur.
A few minutes later, Julian stares at the baby and the dirty diaper and wishes he was outside with his friends, ignoring this part of his life. Which sucks, royally sucks. Kenny sucks her
thumb, looking away. He sighs—a mistake, with the stench—then finishes disposing of the old diaper and puts a new one on.
When he's done, he lifts Kenny up, and she starts crying her little head off.
"Oh, shit…don't cry…LAURA! Help me."
"Shit!" Kenny repeats with a small smile, a momentary distraction.
"Way to go," Laura says without looking around.
Julian strokes the smaller head and bounces her, tries to bounce her up and down, but Kenny's still upset. He appeals to Laura again; she sighs, turns her book cover-up on the bed,
then turns around and holds out her arms. "She was peaceful before you got here," she says.
He says nothing, just passes the baby to the mother, then grabs his jacket and leaves, embarrassed for ever bringing it up at all.
He doesn't return that night. Laura lies on the bed with open eyes, wondering who he's sleeping with.
…
He doesn't return Saturday either, but Sunday he's back, throwing his jacket on the chair, avoiding Laura's eyes. He's still a little embarrassed.
"Look, I'm sorry," Laura says suddenly, as he's about to grab his books, to go study.
He freezes. "What?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.
"I should have, I dunno, paid more attention. I was in a bad mood."
"When?" he asks, but they both know.
"The other day. You were feeling guilty, you said."
"Oh. Forget about it," he says. He scoops up the required volumes, but he smiles briefly at Laura before heading for the door. Something about her apology has pleased him.
…
That evening, he returns a little earlier than usual, throwing his books on the floor and flopping down on the bed.
"How was your day?" he asks.
"Kenny pooped three times, and I fed her raspberries and peaches. I also taught her how to count to five. She's really smart."
"Cool," he says. "Can I teach her something?"
"If it's not a swear word, yes," Laura says.
"I won't. Won't even call you a whore," he teases quietly.
"Whore!" the tiny voice in the background calls happily.
"Son of a—" Julian starts to say, but Laura stops him with a hand over his mouth. "If you do that, soon she'll know more bad words than you do."
"This is really hard," he sighs. Laura has let her fingers fall away, and they tingle where they have touched his lips. He doesn't seem to have noticed the gesture.
"Mmm. That's why rubber companies make so much money," she says.
"I guess." He dares to look at her and they trade a small smile. He's still so damn nervous about being with her; it makes her feel self-conscious. He didn't used to be like this, so
much. Then she'd gone and thrown the dishes at him, in anger. She's annoyed with herself.
"Does she need anything?" he asks.
"No. She should fall asleep soon," Laura says.
Silence, for a while. Julian gets up and does some work—assignments—then it is bed time, and the usual ritual follows. With a slight change; right after climbing into bed, in the
dark, he pecks her on the forehead. Like he used to. "Night," he says.
"Goodnight," she says.