Hello all! Mira here! I feel like working on this and Skye isn't on. I don't know if she will be joining me at all on this chapter. Probably not. So here I am, working on this chapter alone. Hey! Don't give me that look! I am a perfectly capable writer! Hmph!

Oh, and No Good Deed is an amazing song! Especially in English. Not German.

Disclaimer: Dude, what do you think?

The group was very excited for the next non-magical defense, which was the next day. I mean, they really wanted to know what Ikkaku and Yumichika had in store for Malfoy, so the next time the class rolled around later that week, they were all there as soon as they could be.

"Ah man, this is gonna be good!" Ron exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air.

"Knowing Ikkaku and Yumichika, yes it will be." Renji said with a bark of laughter. Soon the class was filled up and Ikkaku and Yumichika walked in.

"Okay class, today we have something new for you: uniforms that will make it easier for you to move around." Ikkaku informed, showing them two doors. One with a girl sign and the other with a boy. "All you have to do is walk in the room, close the door, open it again, walk right out and you will be in your uniform.

"Wow, that's convenient." Ichigo said, raising an eyebrow. Anyway, everybody changed and as soon as they were done, Ikkaku and Yumichika gave the class a short routine to practice in the partners that they (the teachers) had assigned.

"Rukia Kuchiki and Draco Malfoy." Ikkaku said, informing the two that they would be partnered up for the exercise. Both parties smirked. After everyone was partnered up (as for the rest of the people, use your imagination), Rukia and Malfoy faced each other.

"Are they kidding me? Pairing me up with a midget like you!?" Draco laughed and a vein popped in Rukia's forehead, "I could take you down any time!"

There was no way Rukia was gonna take that.

--5 seconds later--

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Draco cried out while the entire class watched and laughed. Rukia had pinned Draco to the floor, the side of his face squished against the wood, one arm pinned behind his back the other being held at an awkward angle straight out behind his back, and Rukia had one knee digging into his back.

"You could take me on any time? As if!" An annoyed Rukia said, digging her knee into his back even further. Out of everyone, Ikkaku was probably laughing the hardest. He had clearly planned everything to happen this way, but after him, it was Ron who was laughing the hardest. To be quite honest, only some of the Slytherins weren't laughing. The class went on, Draco continuing to get his ass kicked. It was a pretty pathetic sight, actually, some reflected, as that teeny tiny Rukia kept beating him time and time again.

"I gave him the reality beating he deserved." Rukia stated as they walked out of the room after the period ended.

"Oh so true." Ron agreed, still laughing at the sight of Malfoy... well, you get it by now.

"What do we have now?" Harry asked Hermione, cause she is the one most likely to know.

"Our first defense against the dark arts." She replied immediately. Harry groaned.

"What's wrong?" Orihime asked.

"I don't like the look of that Umbridge woman." Harry's eyes narrowed. Ron put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"None of us do mate, none of us do."

"That's for sure." Renji agreed. Nobody said anything as they waled into the classroom where Umbridge sat at her desk at the front. They all took seats at the back. Soon the rest of their classmates filed in and waited for the class to start.

"Well, good afternoon!" The toad woman greeted them as the last person sat down. Only a few people mumbled a reply. "Tut, tut. That won't do, now, will it? I should like you, please, to reply 'Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good afternoon class."

"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge." they all chorused back, but those in the back rolled their eyes at each other.

"There, now," The professor said in a sickeningly sweet voice, "that wasn't too difficult, was it? Wands away and quills out, please."

Many exchanged gloomy looks. The command of wands away never meant that a interesting lesson followed. They all reluctantly put their wands away and pulled out quills and parchment. Umbridge pulled out her own unusually short wand and tapped the black board with it, causing words to appear on it:

Defense Against the Dark Arts

A Return to Basic Principles

"Well now, your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't?" Stated Umbridge as she turned to face the class, her hands clasped neatly in front of her. "The constant changing of teachers, many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum, has unfortunately resulted in your being far below the standard we would expect to see in your O.W.L. year.

"You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be rectified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensice magic this year. Copy down the following, please."

During the entire speal, Ichigo was trying very hard not to flick the woman off, he could already tell that she was... um, well, a dog of the female persuasion (if you catch my drift).

Umbridge tapped the black board again and the message on it was replaced by:

Course aims:

Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.

Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.

Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.

For a couple of minutes, the room was filled with the sound of quills scratching on parchment. Once everyone finished Umbridge asked if they all had a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"

Her question was met with a chorus of yeses. Except for that one piercing no that came from none other than Ichigo.

"No, professor." He replied, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"What do you mean, no?" The toad woman asked, clearly trying very hard to keep her cheerful facade. She wasn't doing so well with that.

"I mean, no, I do not have a copy. Anymore, that is." Ichigo replied.

"What happened to yours then?" A very annoyed Umbridge.

"It was eaten. By Yachiru."

"Yachiru-fukutaicho ate it?" Renji exclaimed, obviously finding the fact very amusing.

"Yup." Ichigo replied, smacking his lips on the 'p'.

"So that was why she was complaining about having a papery taste in her mouth..." Rukia thought aloud.

"How did this happen that this Yachiru thing ate your book?" Umbridge asked, a vein popping in her forehead.

"Well, I was packing up everything in my trunk before we left and then Yachiru came skipping into my room to say bye, saw the book on top of the pile of books I had yet to pack, picked it up and started to read, deemed it boring and stuck it in her mouth. She ran away before I had a chance to get it back and it back and there wasn't enough time to buy a new copy." Ichigo replied as if it was something completely normal.

"Then, Mr.-"

"Kurosaki. Ichigo Kurosaki."

"Right, Mr. Kurosaki, read on with the person sitting next to you until you get a new copy." Umbridge said and that was that. The person next to Ichigo just so happened to be Orihime.

"Is that was actually happened?" She whisper-asked.

"Psh, not at all." Ichigo grinned and Orihime just shook her head, smiling none the less.

-

Hermione was not reading the bogus book. It was useless. Complete and utter rubbish. So she sat. And waited for the professor to notice her lack of reading. Umbridge was clearly ignoring her, but she obviously would not be able to do so for much longer since everyone in the class had also abandoned their reading and were staring at her.

"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" The horrifyingly pink woman asked eventually, acting as if she had just noticed Hermione.

"Not about the chapter, no," Said Hermione.

"Well, we're reading just now," Said Umbridge, showing her small pointed teeth. "If you have other queries we can deal with them at the end of class."

"I've got a question about your course aims." Hermione stated.

Umbridge raised her eybrows.

"And your name is-?"

"Hermione Granger."

"Well, Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if your read them through carefully," Said Umbridge, straining her sweet facade.

"Well, I don't." Hermione stated bluntly. "There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells."

There was a short silence as many turned to read the course aims on the board. Hermione was absolutely correct.

"Using defensive spells?" Umbridge repeated with a little laugh. "Why, I can't imagine any situation arising in my classroom that would require you to use a defensive spell, Miss Granger. You surely aren't expecting to be attacked during class?"

"We're not going to use magic?" Ron asked loudly.

"Students raise their hands when they wish to speak in my class, Mr.-"

"Weasly," Ron said, thrusting his hand into the air.

Umbridge turned her back on Ron, all the while smiling widely. Harry and Hermione immediately raised their hands too. Umbridge's eyes lingered on Harry for a moment before she addressed Hermione.

"Yes, Miss Granger? You wanted to ask something else?"

"Yes. Surely the whole point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to practice defensive spells?"

"Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?" Asked Umbridge in her falsely sweet voice.

"No, but-"

"Well then, I'm afraid you are not qualified to decide what the 'whole point' of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised our new program of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way-"

"What use is that?" said Harry loudly, "If we're going to be attacked it won't be in a-"

"Hand, Mr. Potter!" Sang Professor Umbridge.

Harry promptly thrust his fist into the air, but the toadish professor ignored it only to see many more hands decorating the air.

"Yes, Mr. Kurosaki?"

"Well, I agree with Harry."

"Oh, you think that you are likely to be attacked?" Umbridge asked and Ichigo barked out a bit of laughter.

"Think? I do not think I'm going to be attacked, I know."

"And you know this with such certainty since you've been attacked before?"

"Of course! Hah, I've been attacked more times than I can count on my hands." Ichigo informed, "And many of those times did I not escape unharmed."

"One such as yourself can hardly have sustained any serious injuries."

"Serious injuries? Please, one time I was cut right in the middle. Clean through. The only thing keeping my top half connected to my bottom half was my spine!" Ichigo was practically yelling and Orihime winced at the memory of what Ichigo looked like at the time.

"I highly doubt that." Umbridge scoffed.

"Oh yeah, want proof. I can show you the scar." Ichgio yanked up his shirt a bit, revealing the long, vertical scar that ran across his entire belly and then some.

"How many scars do you have, mate?" Ron asked in awe, spotting other scars on him.

"A lot." Ichigo replied simply, replacing his shirt to it's normal spot. Umbridge would have said more, but the bell rang signaling the end of class. They all hurried out of the room.

"Did Yachiru really eat your book?" Rukia asked as the walked down the hall before any of the brits could ask about Ichigo's scar.

"No. I actually started reading it to see what it was all about, deemed it rubbish, so I cut it up with Zangetsu." Ichigo replied.

"Nice." Renji replied. They all laughed about that as they walked to whatever it is they had next.

Voila! There, done! This took a little while because I was stuck for a bit. But then I clearly got over it.

Anyway, how did you all like it? A nice, long chapter. Anyway, please review!