Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto we only own our Oc's and ourselves. Imagine if we owned Naruto it would be filled with yaoi *drool*. Sadly we don't so just read!
A/N: Okay duckies this is Lia's point of view from the Akatsuki. Even though she is 18 she acts like a little kid on crack. But I have to make her this age because she's going to hook up with a certain weasel in the organization of evil S-ranked criminals. HA! Are you jealous yet? Let's continue our journey and see how Lia affects the Akastuki. There will be a slight YAOI WARNING! ( Nothing happens) The story begins NOW! X3
Chapter 3: Giant Lollipops and Weasels
Lia's P.o.V
"Damn it!" I muttered for the millionth time as yet another door failed to open. Waking up in a dark cave alone does not put you in the best of moods. After I had stumbled around for about an hour the domed walls narrowed and transformed into a dimly lit corridor that had a door every couple of yards. Unfortunately they were all locked. I've been at it for about an hour trying to open any door I could see hoping it would lead to sunlight. Just as I was going to kick a random door in frustration it popped open with a soft click. Holding my breath I risked a peek. Sliding my head silently through, I dry heaved nearly vomiting at the smell that met my nose. Slamming the door I ran down the hall begging my mind to forget what I saw back there. In my panic I didn't notice the strange figure standing in my way causing me to collide with it painfully.
"Owie! Rhymes with Yaoi! " I giggled looking to see who had caused my pain. My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. There right on the ground in front of me was a huge orange lollipop!
"Mr. Lollipop I thought I lost you for good," I purred licking it "Mmmm you taste like blood and honey I like it!"
"Why are you licking Tobi's mask, pretty lady?" came a surprised voice from beneath me.
"Oh my freaking God my lollipop talked It's alive! I'm sorry I licked you but God you taste so good please don't eat me! I promise I'll never eat another lollipop again!" I begged scrambling off the orange treat.
"Tobi won't eat you because Tobi's a good boy!"
"Lia's a good girl too!" I cheered glomping what I thought was a sugary treat, but was really a man to the floor.
"Tobi likes the pretty lady she should meet the other members!" He stated grabbing my hand and dragging me down the hall. This Tobi guy looked a lot like the Tobi from Naruto weird I must be dreaming of the anime con from last month. Brushing the thought aside I focused on the bright light that was quickly approaching. Blinking my eyes at the brightness I was slightly disappointed to find the cheap looking kitchen empty.
"Maybe their in the living room? Tobi and the pretty lady can surprise them. Okay?" Tobi whispered creeping to the door at the other side of the dinning table. Nodding my head vigorously in agreement I followed. I didn't see why I had to be quiet in my dream but it was the awsomest dream I've ever had so I didn't want to ruin it. Snickering I peered into a room that had a tattered dark green couch as the only furnishing and sitting on it having a very loud conversation was Hidan and Kakuzu.
"Hidan!"
"What the FUCKING HELL you BITCH get off me or I'll sacrifice you to Jashin-sama!" Hidan yelled as I glomped him. (I like glomping people!)
"If I have to die it'd be to Jashin-sama!"
"Umm, Okay if you want to die." Hidan said awkwardly raising his scythe.
"No Hidan-sempai don't kill the pretty lady!" Tobi cried pulling me out of the way just as the scythe swung down missing me by a hair.
"Who in the right mind would want to be sacrificed to that stupid excuse of a God?" Kakuzu sneered from his spot on the couch.
"You *censored* *censored* I'm going to *censored* *censored* *censored* until your screaming my name (I had dirty thoughts typing that! XD) *censored* why don't you *censored* *censored* in a *censored* *censored* becauseyou're a *censored* *censored* *censored* that *censored* *censored* who doesn't have the slightest *censored* *censored*!" Hidan took a deep breath about to continue until I put my hand over his mouth.
"Ewww BITCH that's nasty I don't know where your hands been!"
"At least it's not Deidara's." I smirked enjoying the furious blush that matched his blazing pink eyes perfectly.
"Kakuzu how about you start a swear jar and charge Hidan five dollars every time he says a bad word." I said ignoring Hidan's protests.
"Hmmm not bad kid I'm starting to like you." Kakuzu grinned well I think he did I couldn't tell with that cloth covering half his face. Standing up he probably went in search for a jar leaving me alone with Hidan and Tobi.
"What the hell is wrong with Kakuzu? He's never in a good mood!" A familiar blue skinned man asked as he entered the room a huge sword on his back. Looking at everybody his black eyes landed on me a questioning look in them.
"Who's this?"
"This is …...Um pretty lady what's your name?"
"Lia."
"This is Lia!"
"And isn't it suspicious that none of the alarms and traps surrounding the base were set off?"
"I don't know?"
"What about her clothes I've never seen anything like them!"
I looked down at my jean shorts and black converse boots that I usually wore. I was going to snap at them that nothing was wrong with my sense of style until I caught them staring.
"You perverts!" I yelled covering my chest. I wanted to storm out but I couldn't because someone was holding me back. Bringing my hand up to pimp slap whoever had grabbed me I gasped when it was easily caught in a bone crushing grip. Before I knew it I was being lifted off the ground by both my wrists. A dream wouldn't hurt this much! This was real and actually happening! The stupid spell worked! I don't know if I want to hug the hobo, that I bought the book from, or kill him. I was snapped back to reality when his grip tightened making me scream.
"RAPE!"
"Shut up."
"RAPE!"
"Shut the hell up and tell us why you have a shirt with the whole Akatsuki organization on it!"
"Damn it I forgot I was wearing it for the anime marathon." I muttered under my breath to low for them to hear me.
"What was that?" Kisame asked shaking me back and forth my legs swinging in front of me. It was probably the stupidest idea I've ever had well maybe the second wanting to do that spell was number one. But it was worth a shot. Using gravity I swung my legs back trying to time it perfectly. Putting all my force into my feet I kicked forward catching Kisame square in the chin. The impact threw me back, twisting in the air I used the momentum to do a back flip that I could never replicate again. After I caught my bearings I looked up expecting a slap or another form of severe punishment from a pissed off shark.
"Wow that was cool!" Tobi cheered as I stared dumbly at the huge hole in the wall. Spitting ruble and dusting off his cloak Kisame pulled himself from the destruction I had caused. I don't know how but I somehow managed to throw a shark demon that weighed a lot of pounds, that I won't even try counting, through a solid stone wall. Me an 18 year-old girl that the only physical activity she does is running when there's a sale at the mall. That's not humanly possible.
"Someone grab her already before she escapes!" Kisame shouted.
"Hell no I'm not going near the bitch if she can do that to you!"
"Lia-chan why are you here?" Tobi asked tilting his head to the side his voice changed, not belonging to the Tobi I knew, but to Madara's.
I didn't answer I was still staring dumbly at the huge hole I had made. Something felt strange before I had kicked Kisame. It was like all this energy had traveled down to my feet making that kick crazy strong. If I concentrated hard enough I could still feel a little bit of that weird power in the soles of my feet.
"Hey bitch what the hell are you even doing here?"
"I don't even know myself." I sighed starting to get a headache from all this yelling.
"Okay then can you at least tell us how you got in here without us finding out." Kisame asked still keeping a good distance away from me.
"I'm not sure. But I woke up in a scary cave after me and my friends did this transportation spell."
"A transportation spell got you here?" Tobi asked.
"Yeah! From a different dimension called San Antonio!"
"That is one of the most fucked up lies I've ever heard."
"Can Lia-chan prove it?" Tobi said his voice hardening.
What could I show them to prove that I'm not making things up? I almost held in my fangirl squeal as the perfect idea came to mind. I ran back through the kitchen and past Kakuzu who was looking for a jar in the creaky cabinets. Kisame's and Hidan's yelling sounded serious, but I had to get it. That same strange feeling when I had kicked Kisame was back. I could sense all this power and strength propel me past the doors and back to the cave. Everything had passed in a blur. The once hour long journey shortened to an impossible minute. Twisting my head from side to side I stood there gasping trying to catch my breath. I was back in the cave were I had woken up.
"Where did I hide it?" I muttered looking behind the boulder that should have been hiding my laptop. Damn it! Every stinking rock looks the same. I stumbled around in the dark until I bumped into something rubbery.
"Ow, you hit us. I say we eat her for it."
"OMG! It's Zetsu you can eat me! But I have to find my laptop first!"
"Do you mean this? We tried to eat it." Zetsu said picking up my drool covered black laptop with the Akastuki's red cloud on it. I was going to thank him, but someone pulled my hair making me fall painfully back.
"What the Bloody Hell?" I yelled rubbing my sore backside. (I love English accents)
"You tried to escape!" Hidan shouted still holding my hair.
"It's called getting my laptop dumbass!"
"Oh, then you should've told us before you ran out screaming."
"Well I didn't escape and I found what I was looking for so you can let go of my hair." I growled, growing defensive about my black hair that I've been growing for all these years.
"Gomen."
"Did you just apologize?"
"No!" he protested quickly letting go of my hair and turning around so I couldn't see his blush. But I still saw it.
"That's so moe!" I cooed throwing my hands around his waist and nuzzling his back.
"G- get off me!" he stammered probably shocked by my show of affection. Hidan pushed me backing away slowly his hand reaching for his triple bladed scythe.
"What did you run out of the room for anyway?" Kisame asked trying to stifle a snicker at Hidan's spaz attack, but failing miserably.
"My laptop will prove that I'm from a different dimension!"
"How?"
"Oh, you'll see." I smirked evilly opening my small computer and pushing the power button. After it loaded I went to my favorite website and clicked the Anime/Manga section.
"Okay which lemon should I pick first?" I giggled. Oh God this is going to be priceless.
"Pick that one it says my name!" Hidan said pointing to a fanfic titled 'Stiches' it was a KakuHida.
"Are you sure?"
"Just click the Damn thing!"
"Fine you don't have to snap."
I moved the mouse holding my finger over the pad before I clicked it. No turning back now. Running behind the computer I took the perfect spot to be able to see the five naïve faces. Well six if you count Zetsu's white side and dark side. Reminds me of an Oreo.
"How do you make it go down?"
"Just click the arrow pointing down on the keyboard."
"Thanks."
"You won't be thanking me for long." I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing! Read!"
I watched them closely trying not to giggle at their confused faces. Finally I heard screaming.
"What the Fuck is that? My eyes Oh God it burns! Take them out Damn it! Take them out!" Kisame screeched running away blindly because he was covering his eyes. Poor Hidan was in a corner rocking back and forth while holding his head. Kakuzu was strangely calm as his eyes quickly finished scanning the rest of the story probably trying to figure out how to make a profit off it.
"Kakuzu-sempai what-"
Tobi was abruptly shut up when Kakuzu's hand clamped over his mouth.
"Don't ask."
"But why was Hidan-sempai moaning in the story? Was he in pain?" Tobi mumbled his words hard to comprehend, but still easily translatable.
"No Tobi he was-"
"Shut up you mother fucker you raped me and you're acting as if nothing happened!" Hidan bellowed coming out of his coma like state.
"Oh, silly Hidan he's a zealot fucker!" I giggled earning two death glares.
"Hidan it's just a story it never really happened. Besides you're over reacting you should follow Zetsu's calm example. Turning our heads to the silent plant man he was currently moving the mouse with slight difficulty.
"Zetsu you're a fellow Yaoi obsessed fangirl I mean boy!" I corrected running next to him to see what he was looking at.
"No, But we found some other stuff on the Akastuki."
Upon further examination I saw that they were scrolling down (well trying) a long list of SasoDei fics'.
"Oh! Pick that one its extra citrusy!"
"No! Not another!"
"Fine, But do you believe me now."
"Yes we believe it (sounds like Naruto). But can you show us something that won't mentally scar us for the rest of our lives." Hidan begged.
"YouTube!"
"Is it like that FanFiction?"
"No. Not really."
"Okay then go put it on that…."
"Laptop." I finished for Kakuzu.
An hour later I was having trouble breathing from all the laughing we had done. We had watched episodes 1-4 on the Hidan Show (really funny check it out XD) and we just finished watching Itachi's a Superstar (also funny) for the eighth time when tragedy struck. The damn computer died!
"No! My baby! Speak to me! Don't head towards the light!"
"Can you turn it back on?"
"No, I'll miss poor little Zero." I sniffled hugging my little laptop to my chest.
"Why did you name it that?"
"Zero's from Code Geass." (and Vampire Knight)
"Code what?"
"Never mind it's another anime."
"Anyway, If you are from another dimension we should tell leader-sama." Zetsu said.
"I don't want to. He's always acting like he has a stick up his ass."
"Don't speak about leader that way in front of me." Someone said from the shadows. Walking out of the darkness with his cloak billowing out behind him, even though there wasn't any wind, was none other than Itachi Uchiha (had a Dark Vader moment). My breathing stopped as my heart skipped a beat. My body was shaking uncontrollably as I stared into his blood red eyes.
"Itachi are you using the Mangekyo Sharigan on her?" Kisame asked.
"No."
"Then what's wrong?"
"Weasel."
"What did you say?"
"Weasel." I breathed taking a step towards Itachi. He took an unconscious step back. I took one forward. He took one back. I took one to the left. He took one to the right. We continued this dance until he stopped. Seeing my chance I lunged.
"Weasel-kun!" I screamed latching firmly onto his leg. I nuzzled it literally purring like a kitten.
"I love you! You're my favorite member and the hottest! Please let me help you rebuild your clan!"
"No."
"Please!" I begged pulling out the big guns. Turning my glittering green eyes on him I stuck my lower lip out slightly in a cute pout.
"Hn."
I could feel where my world titled suddenly to the right. My stomach felt like it was tap dancing as my vision tunneled.
"Did she faint?" I heard Kisame ask his voice sounding miles away.
"Tobi thinks so. Can Lia-chan hear Tobi?"
"He said 'Hn'." I sighed dreamily my world being consumed by darkness once again.
Lia: He said 'Hn'! XD
Sarah: And?
Lia: He's so smexy when he does it!
Sarah: *Sigh* Lia you fainted because he said 'Hn'?
Lia: It's like Romeo and Juliet a love forbidden, but so strong it sent them to their deaths! Our love will be as strong!
Erin: But didn't Romeo and Juliet love each other? Itachi kind of ignored your whole speech on your undying love to him.
Lia: Shut up Erin! Our love will blossom into a beautiful rose that will be envied by all who see it!
Sarah: Did you watch Black Butler?
Lia: Yes! I finished season 1 and 2 in 2 days! :3
Sarah: Wow! Your eyes must hurt.
Lia: They do.
Erin: PLEASE REVIEW! We've gone through a lot lately to write this story and we would appreciate your comments to see if we suck.
Lia: Please review!*Wearing fancy eye patch over right eye* I'm Ciel !